Unfortunately, I haven't seen Civil War yet, so I'm sorry for any incorrect statements/descriptions, I tried to read about it to keep everything correct :)
This was inspired by the song 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons – I absolutely love the version from Kurt Hugo Schneider!
I hope you like it! Leave your opinions :)
(2180 Words)
Fixing Us
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Imagine Dragons – Demons
It was already past midnight as Pepper unlocked the door to her apartment, longing to fall into her soft bed and sleep for the next few days. She was tired and exhausted, emotionally and physically, and a weight was pushing her shoulders down. Her eyes were burning, a clear sign that she needed to relax, and her legs seemed to weigh tons as she kicked her shoes into a corner of her hallway.
Barefooted, she walked through her living room, not bothering to switch on the light; it was easy for her to orientate herself in the darkness and even though there was no moonlight shining into the room, she immediately knew that something was wrong.
Thanks to the many years that Pepper had been working for Tony Stark as his personal assistant and later CEO, she thought that she couldn't be surprised so easily by people. With Tony – or through Tony – she'd experienced a lot of things that weren't in the job description. She'd been in mortal danger a few times, once nearly dying for real, and sometimes, it had nearly been too much for her.
Or maybe not nearly... everything had built up, and she'd adjusted to the situation as it changed, until it had been too much and Tony and her had reached their breaking point. It had been too much when Tony had concentrated so much on the Avengers that he seemed to forget about her. He hadn't answered her calls or any other attempt to contact him, and it had hurt her so much that he was pushing her away. She knew that he was feeling guilty for all the death and destruction Ultron had caused – Tony had always tried to undo the mistakes of his past, and now once again a creation of his had killed innocent people.
She'd felt so helpless and angry when he'd blocked her out, and she hadn't seen any other option. Being his girlfriend while he completely ignored her had been pulling her down, and it had caused her a lot of pain. His role as Iron Man had been more important than their relationship, it seemed.
A few months had passed since their breakup, and she'd slowly realised that being away from Tony, knowing that he wasn't hers anymore was just as horrible. It was as if something had sucked all the light and happiness out of her life as she'd walked out of his – before she'd done that, at least there'd been the tiny bit of hope that he would allow her inside his wards one day.
But now... now, she was just tired and dragged herself from one day to the other, trying not to think of how much she missed him. There was barely any strength left inside of her, and that was also the reason why she didn't do anything other than stare at the faint outlines of the shadow that was sitting on her couch.
She was glued to the spot, her mouth slightly open in surprise and her mind blank, except for a tiny voice somewhere in the back of her head that called her foolish for standing around motionless – what if the person was some mass murder that would kill her? Or if she'd just disturbed him while breaking into her home? Or if this was another one of Tony Stark's enemies who wanted to hit him at his weakest spot?
In any case, she would be doomed, thanks to her behaviour. However, to her utter surprise, the shadow didn't move, though she could feel the person staring back at her. It was silent in her living room, except for the sounds of her own breathing and that of the mysterious person. Pepper was convinced that she was supposed to feel something like fear, but even now she only experienced emptiness. She didn't care, something that should have frightened her as well.
From time to time, she could hear a car driving past on the street below, and it seemed like an eternity had passed when the shadow finally moved to switch on the small lamp standing next to the couch.
Pepper's eyes widened and she gasped in shock, unable to tear her gaze away from the man. For a second, she was at a loss for words, and even as she found her voice, all she managed to do was whisper shakily: "Tony."
He did look as much of a mess as she thought she was, and she missed his trademark mischievous smirk as he examined her.
"Hey Pepper," he answered just as quietly, his tone so soft that Pepper could feel how her body started to shake. From all people who could have been waiting here in her apartment, Tony had been the last one she'd expected. It caught her off guard how much of a mirror his eyes seemed to be for her; she wasn't prepared for all the sorrow and regret that was shining in them, and she couldn't bring herself to sound distanced as she asked: "What are you doing here?"
Though she felt like her legs couldn't hold her own weight anymore, she managed to walk over to the couch, slowly, tentatively, and sat down with as much distance between them as possible. Tony looked down at his hands for a long moment, and she could see that they were trembling; hers probably were, too.
"I don't really know," he mumbled after some time had passed and shrugged; it scared Pepper that he didn't sound like his usual self but more like the shadow he'd been earlier. "I... I guess I just wanted to see you."
"You could have called."
Their gazes locked, and Pepper didn't even try to mask the hurt that was holding her heart in its cold hands. Here she didn't have to hide it, he knew how she felt and obviously, he was sharing these feelings. They'd both played their part in the events that had led to this, and so she had no reason to conceal what all of this had done to her. It was bittersweet to have these brown eyes in front of her again, completely real, not from her dreams – she'd missed them, him, but it also hurt more to know that he was sitting right in front of her and wasn't hers.
Tony nodded faintly, running a hand through his already disheveled hair and replied: "Yeah... I could have. Maybe I was just too afraid of you hanging up on me to call. No opportunity for you to decline this way."
A weak smile played around Pepper's lips, the first one in a long time that hadn't been forced.
"It's good to see that you're okay," she said, even though she knew that he wasn't okay, just as she wasn't. They were both proficient at hiding their problems on the outside, but on the inside, everything only seemed to be doubling. But still she was glad that he seemed to be unharmed; she'd briefly heard of the fight that had broken out between the Avengers, and had been worried.
"You look as beautiful as always, Pepp."
Concern was showing in his expression, and she was sure that he'd seen the dark rings under her eyes, the lines on her face and her ruffled clothes, but he didn't seem to care. He sounded sentimental, like someone who was grieving about something dear, and it made her heart skip a beat.
She honestly didn't know what she was supposed to say; she could feel tears forcing their way into her eyes, the salty liquid blurring her field of vision, and she looked down at her fingers.
"I miss you, Pepper."
They were simple words, but they carried so much unsaid things that Pepper couldn't hold a tear back from falling from her eye. It landed on her cheek and left a damp trail behind; Tony's gaze was following it, and his adam's apple was bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard. He seemed to be discussing with himself what he was supposed to do now, obviously afraid of rejection should he try to comfort her.
A sob shook Pepper's body and she looked at him, despair contorting her face as the tears continued to fall. "I miss you too, Tony. But I couldn't continue like this."
"I know."
He hesitated for a moment before he took her hand between his; warmth seemed to seep up her arm and through her whole body, and only now did she realise how much footing his touch was able to give her. Her fingers curled around his, and she felt soothed; she'd missed the feeling of him holding her hand. It was only a simple gesture, but in this moment, it meant a lot to her.
"So much happened. I made horrible mistakes. I was scared of what you would see when you looked into my eyes. That my demons would consume me, that I'm not the man you deserve. Maybe I'm just too selfish to be the right one for you. I did chose to be Iron Man because it's exciting and important, forgetting about how important you are to me.
"But the last weeks showed me that if there's something I can't live without, it's you. I guess if I tried, I could stop being Iron Man, but I couldn't spend the rest of my life without you. I know that you're tired of getting into dangerous situations because of me and what I do, but Pepp... I love you, and I need you."
His words stirred something up inside of her, and she choked, feeling how more tears forced their way to the surface.
"Tony…" she whispered, but he interrupted her by gently placing one finger on her lips. Still holding one of her hands, he slid off the couch onto one knee, looking up at her with an unguarded expression in his brown eyes. He seemed to be showing all his vulnerable sides to her, and she knew that it was hard for him, who always tried to be tough and untouchable.
"Virginia Potts, I'm an idiot and I don't deserve you at all, but… will you marry me?"
Pepper blinked in surprise, and for a moment she was convinced that she'd imagined this. Tony Stark wasn't the type of person for small gestures; he liked big scenes where it was guaranteed that the attention would be directed at him. But right now, all he seemed to care about and all he seemed to see was her.
It was a simple question, but one she'd been waiting to hear for quite some time before their parting, and she'd been sure what her answer would be. However, as he looked at her now, a tiny bit of hope gleaming in his eyes, she wasn't sure about what to say to him anymore. Of all things she'd expected him to say in this situation, she definitely hadn't thought of a proposal, and he'd taken her by surprise.
Gulping hard, she bit her lower lip before tentatively starting to speak.
"I… that comes a bit suddenly. I don't know if…"
It seemed like all coherent sentences slipped from her mind before she could grasp them, and she was glad when a small smile made its way onto Tony's face as he asked: "What do I have to do so you'll forgive me, Pepp? I'd do anything for you, even sing a song for you."
"You wouldn't dare." Pepper chuckled, feeling how the atmosphere lightened slowly, and she found that she could think a little bit clearer now.
"Oh, you know me, I would."
"Yes, it's true," she whispered, cupping his face and pulling him in for a soft kiss. The moment their lips touched, it was as if an old spark came alive, one that had been fading away. But now, it regained its heat, and for Pepper, it was the sign that she'd needed.
"I accept your apology, and I hope you'll accept mine," Pepper said as their lips parted, and Tony's smile turned into his trademark grin. "I love you."
"I love you, too. And I'm going to prove it, every single day, I promise," Tony exclaimed, pulling Pepper into his arms and holding on a little bit too tight for a moment before he kissed her again.
"I'll keep that in mind."
She winked at him before laying her head onto his shoulder, knowing that it would be a long and hard journey to get back to where they were, but she was looking forward to it. Taking a deep breath, she inhaled his scent, and it felt like coming home.
