A Series Of Ron-Fortunate Events
By S-Chrome

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Ron and the other bit players that stand around and watch him work are the sole property of Disney. I for one, refuse to stand for it. Thus, I use them without permission, but with extreme prejudice and reckless abandon.

A/N: Please be advised that the situations do not occur in any order.

1: Get On The Bus

'This seriously tanks.' Was the thought of the young man as he grabbed his backpack and headed for the door of his home. Somehow his best friend in the whole wide world was on a sabbatical from school. Somehow, the product of Straight A's had something to do with it.

Seventeen year old Ron Stoppable boarded the Middleton Bus. It was unusual for Ron to take public transportation to school. But whenever that scooter had it's phenomenal blowouts, and Kim wasn't around for the long walk, the only variable available was the bus to school. Once again, not eager to go but it had to be done. Taking a seat in the back portion of the bus, Ron tried to be inconspicuous to no avail. As he sat down, a boy about his age took a seat right next to him.

"So, What are you gonna do today, Ron Stoppable?" The boy asked. Ron shook his head vigorously, and turned to the boy in question.

"Whatever I feel like I wanna do." Ron said, looking exasperated. "Gosh!" He exclaimed.

The boy looked away from Ron, shook his head a moment, then looked at him once again.

"Wait a minute. What movie did you get that from?"

2: Distraction?

The best part about being a sidekick was the fact that you was the distraction. I mean, Drakken and Shego would always go after Kim Possible, never the distraction, or the buffoon. Why, in a way, the buffoon always kept said Doomsday Device from going off. So, in a way, Ron Stoppable was the champion, the hero, the maaaaaan.

OK, Scratch that. He was just the distraction.

So when Kim & Ron slipped into Lair #42, Ron got ready to become the quintessential "distraction."

"Yes, Shego. This new plan will help us rid the world of Kim Possible! And her sidekick who's name escapes me at the moment." Drakken said before letting loose a loud bit of laughter. One bad thing about the doc was that he counted his chickens before they hatched. Shego just scoffed. 'Same old plan, 45 different 'episodes' of the same result.'

Just as the devilishly devious duo went back to their... Whatever the bad guys did before the good guys got the drop on them did, the good guys, or Kim & Buffoon showed up.

"Come on, Drakken." Kim said to her nemesis. "This was too easy, it's like you wanted us to find you." She said tauntingly.

"Shego! Get Her!" Drakken commanded. The blue-skinned scientist watched as his finest employee leaped into the frey against Kim. He looked on with great interest. Maybe this time, the green-clad warrior would stop her continuous losing streak against the teen heroine.

Also, it was quite fun to see a cat fight between the two every once in a while.

As Shego did battle with Kim, Ron snooped about the lair, looking for whatever device to shut down. As he scooted about, his cover was blown by an alarm.

'What the heck?' Ron questioned. 'This never happened before... What did I touch?'

As the alarm sounded off, Drakken began to laugh. A cruel laugh, but a laugh nevertheless. It was sort of like a triumphant laugh. Like after a winning battle with an itchy rash. Either way, the alarm caught the attention of Kim, Ron, and Shego. Ron being the most confused of the three, spoke up.

"What's going on, Drakken?" Ron said in a small voice.

The mad doctor just continued to laugh. Whatever he was thinking was definitely priceless. After finishing a good laugh that erased at least 30 calories, Drakken replied.

"You buffoon! You triggered my anti-Distraction Security System!" He said triumphantly. As the alarm stopped, A secret compartment unseen to the eye then opened, and out came five very large henchmen, all armed with very large shillelaghs.

"These are my anti-Distraction soldiers." The doc explained with the gleam of victory in his eyes. "They are trained to target and wipe out all distractions that come with teen heroes!" He explained again. "And that target... Is you, Ron Stoppable!"

The large henchmen surrounded Ron quickly. At the same time, Kim was tripped up by the sly Shego and she hit the floor with a resounding thud.

Ron's teeth began to chatter as the large men advanced on him.

'I'm dead... I am soooo... Hey... He does know my name! Booyah!'

3: Oblivious Oblivion

Ron followed Kim through the halls of Middleton High School. Kim was just about skipping through the halls which indicated she was in a very good mood today. Whenever Kim was in a good mood it had to be one of two things; She was either generally in a good mood. Or a new boy had stolen her heart, for the semester anyway.

Ron was determined to know what had Kim on Cloud Nine. So when they stopped in front of their respective lockers, Ron began the grilling.

"Hey, KP." Ron began with a bit of concern in his voice. "What's got you so happy, today? Is Barkin on vacation or something?"

Kim turned to look at her partner, the expression of bliss still on her face.

"There's this guy..." She started, but was immediately cut off by her best friend. "I knew it! Kimmie's in looooove." Ron said teasingly. Usually, egging KP on earned Ron a light smack in the back of his head, and he was indeed bracing for it, but it never came. She was still smiling dreamily while turning her combination lock.

Ron looked at her once again. Out from his pocket, jumped out his mole rat, Rufus. He looked at Kim, then at Ron.

"I know, Rufus." He said quietly. "She just totally ignored my attempts to make fun. Whoever this guy is, she must have it really bad for him." Rufus took a look at Kim once again, and nodded in agreement.

"Must be that Mood thingy again." Ron said accusingly. Narrowing his eyes, he put Rufus back into his pocket. He watched as Kim carefully took her stuff out of the small locker. Steeling his nerves, he snuck up behind her very stealthily, quite prepared to take that weapon of mass confusion off of her neck. He tiptoed, five feet... four feet... three feet...

And was promptly met with a back fist to his nose.

"There was something stuck in my locker, but I got it out." Kim said to her friend, with her back still turned. "Ron?"

The young man in question was slumped on the cold hallway floor, his index finger and thumb holding his nose, trying to check if it was broken.

"What happened?" She said with genuine interest. 'How in the heck did he get down there.' She wondered to herself.

Ron didn't want to say that his best friend in the whole wide world just gave him a new reason to get a nose job. After checking his nose once again, he spoke up.

"Slibbed." He replied.

"But, you're holding your nose." She said with concern.

"Would you belieb I landed on my node?" Ron said comically. He couldn't lie to Kim, or at least, lie correctly. He was hoping that Kim was just buy into this absurd lie and move on. Getting a lift from Kim, he got back to his feet. Hopefully, Ron thought, he could change the subject.

"Uh... So..." Ron didn't really know how to go about this. He was never really interested in the guys Kim took a liking to. But this one, however. He had to meet this guy and shake his hand.

"About this guy..." Ron began again. "What's he like?"

Kim took a look at him, and smiled that dreamy smile once again.

"He's so fantastic." She said wistfully. "He's amusing, funny, heroic. He doesn't care about that material stuff. He's just a great guy."

Ron looked at her again. 'Wow.' he thought. He had to get to know this guy. If this guy was able to get a girl like Kim wrapped around his finger, he must've been the Mack Daddy and the Daddy Mack! Ron continued with the questioning.

"Uh... What's he like... um... What's the word." Ron began to mutter. "Ah! Physically!" Once again, Kim smiled at him.

"Well... He's got messy blond hair... Brown eyes..."

As Kim continued, Ron was thinking to himself again. 'This was beginning to sound very familiar' to him. In his mind, he definitely knew who this was. Unfortunately his thinking and listening ability coincided with each other. Thus, whilst he was thinking to himself who this mystery guy was, he didn't listen to a word Kim said.

"Ok... Ok..." Ron spoke up. "So you really like this guy?" He asked again.

Kim nodded with enthusiasm.

"So..." Ron said with a grin appearing on his face. "What would you say if he was here right now?" He asked with that mischievous grin on his face.

Kim returned the grin with one of her own. "It's not what I would say." She replied. "It's what I would do." She said, grinning even more.

Ron stopped dead in his tracks. When Kim noticed, she stopped and walked back toward him. Ron was perplexed. 'What she would do... This mystery dude is totally badical!'

As daring as Ron could get, the blond took one step toward Kim, almost in her face. With that grin still on his face, he asked the ultimate question.

"And what would that be?" Ron asked. Kim took a half-step toward him to answer.

"Let me show you." Kim answered.

In less than a split-second, Kim pulled Ron into a passionate kiss. Ron was absolutely too shocked to think, too shocked to breathe, and too shocked to move.

But he certainly wasn't too shocked to kiss back.

The kiss lingered for about thirty seconds before Kim pulled away. Ron had an expression mixed between perplexed and dazed. But since those two words mean the same thing, we'll call it 'Perdazed.' It was several moments before either one spoke up. Kim still had a grin on her face, and Ron... Well, he was beginning to formulate a smile when he spoke up.

"K-K-K-Kim." He stammered. "I... I think I know who this guy is." He said, stumbling over his words.

Kim's grin grew into a brilliant smile.

"And who is it?" She asked playfully.

Ron was never sure about a lot of things. But what he was going to say may have been the most sure thing he had ever came up with.

"It's Brick Flagg, isn't it?"

4: An Ode To Jealin'

One of Kim's many talents above athleticism and the ability to come through in the clutch was the ability to make wizardry with words. The constant A's she got in English class definitely verified that. So when Mrs. Orange gave an assignment to write a poem about how they feel at the moment, Kim grabbed her pen and began to write.

Things have changed between him and me
A secret my best friend ain't tellin'
Now I see this girl with him all the time
Doesn't matter to me, I'm not jealin'

This is so not right, him and her
For all I know, she could be a convicted felon
She says she loves his American Style jokes
I narrow my eyes, but I'm still not jealin'

If I ever catch her alone, it's gonna be on
NO! I am so not jealin'
But if she tries to put the moves on Ron
For her there will be plenty of redness and swellin'

Monique says that I'm green with envy
At her, I'm screaming and yellin'
Look at this! She kissed him on the cheek
NO! I am so NOT jealin'!

At last, she's gone, back to Japan
Half a world away like Magellan
Then I look in his big brown eyes
Ok... Maybe I was sorta jealin'

She would've handed this work of poetry in... But the class ended three hours ago.

5: Jumping To Conclusions

Ron ran... . He didn't know when he was going to stop running, or how far he was going to run.

He didn't know where he was running to or even what he was running for

But it definitely had something to do with 200 fangirls chasing after him.

End of Chapter 1

A/N: To me, there is absolutely nothing better than multiple scenarios.

Other Stuff:

1. The dialogue is indeed from the movie Napoleon Dynamite, which yet again, I do not own.

2. Ron is the key, dangit! The more attention that is focused on Ron, the more successful the villains will be. I think.

3. There comes the time in a man's life where even he must... Write a K/R piece. No matter how cliche this particular one is.

4. Much thanks to Kim Possible and Dr. Scholls for the inspiration.

5. Where did that come from?

Reviews are like my drug. I always need more. oo

S-Chrome