A/N: This is really just a way for me to exercise daily commitment, so no guarantees on quality, you can probably expect daily updates assuming I haven't lost steam, and the chapters are usually going to be short and probably yonkoma (four panel) style.
Sanji was going to die, and it wasn't even going to be a hot lady who did him in.
He knew what he had been getting into when he made the deal with Ivankov. Find the Okama kenpou masters, steal their secret ingredients, avoid detection, hone his skills, flee from the masses of batshit insane transvestites trying put him into a dress...assault him with makeup...smother him – ugh...smother him with...kisses... In other words, avoid emasculation. Yes, he signed up for all that, and he regretted it every day since.
It hadn't been hopeless, however. He had been confident he could keep running, whether it be through rain, snow, hail, sand, or the revolting masses of homosexuals who had been lucky (or unlucky, in Sanji's case) enough to dogpile him. Heck, he even managed to pick up CP9's Airwalk technique. He honestly hadn't been expecting that.
Then it turned out one of the kenpou masters knew a similar technique and taught it to practically everyone else.
So the good news was, only the strongest of them had actually managed to learn the technique, which actually made it easier for Sanji to know who to hunt down, which in turn meant Sanji completed Ivankov's deal in less than three months. The drag queen even offered to personally tutor him for the time remaining 'til Sanji was to meet up with the rest of his crew. The bad news was, Sanji no longer had any place to run, and he was seriously considering bolting no matter what Ivankov promised him, whether it be mastery of Haki or, hell, the shortcut to All Blue! The only thing keeping him there was the fact that even setting sail wouldn't give him safety against the Okama pirouetting through the air.
Which brought him to this day. Sanji was slowly but surely being driven into the mentality of a cornered animal. He couldn't trust the earth. The sea wasn't safe. He couldn't stay in the sky forever. The day in which Sanji was going to lose his manliness was coming horrifyingly close.
"You'll never take me alive!" Sanji cried, his feet beating on the air desperately as he dashed away from the onslaught of manically giggling man-girls. He risked a glance back and almost screamed. The lead Okama was puckering his lips out like some sort of demented anteater, and the distance between them was closing centimetre by centimetre. Sanji threw his concentration back to running and shot forward in a powerful burst.
This was precisely why he didn't notice the green portal or the fact he just ran right into it.
A confusing sensation of free-fall later, most of which he didn't notice in his sheer panic, Sanji landed on grass amidst smoke and a sudden chattering of voices.
Sanji almost fled right then and there, convinced that those transvestites had managed to trap him somehow, if it wasn't for two things. One, the grass felt...different. He had run through every square millimetre of the Okama's home island, and was convinced that he didn't know the sensation beneath his feet right now. And two, a few of the complaining voices he could hear right now sounded like girls. Legitimate girls. All of this could just add up to a very convincing staging, of course, but until the smoke cleared at least, he wouldn't know which way was clear and which way was filled with hairy, muscle-clad and flat-as-a-washboard chests.
Then the smoke cleared, and Sanji found himself bewilderedly staring at the blessedly plump bosom sported by a dark-skinned girl – an honest to God girl! – in his line of sight.
Dazed, the cook took one glance back in the direction he came from, only to find nothing but the stares of curious teenagers and a stone building in the distance. No man-girl in sight. He had done it. He had escaped their dastardly clutches.
There was only one thing to do in a situation like this.
Sanji raised both arms above his head and screamed, "FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOM!"