Best Friends

We lay outside of Gracy's not wedding after party tent. The grass is cold but we don't care. Or well, Liv seems not to care. I think the grass is fucking cold and clammy. But she's way over the tipsy to notice. The tent behind us buzzes and the multicolored light of the lanterns barely reaches us, so that for now we're in our own separate world, imbedded by darkness.

I sigh, knowing that behind me, in that other world, a little unfathomable minx is hopping around in that tent. Grinning her little adorable grin while she dances, succeeds to let loose and throws her head back and forth with her hands in the air. I glance over to Liv who has her eyes closed, her arms laying unmoving by her side. Between her fingers she clasps a spliff. I sigh again and turn my head back to the tent.

But leaving Liv alone wouldn't be right. I know she's not doing good and the aspect of her getting into even more trouble with whatever her widely ramified mind can come up with when she's high (or not) will just make it worse. I don't want that for her. So I stay, giving her company.

"Mini?" I hear Liv ask and turn to her again.

She looks at me, her brown eyes scanning my face through the darkness. A smile tugs on her mouth and she shakes her head in that 'I can't fucking believe it' way of hers. She lifts her spliff up to her mouth and takes a leisure drag.

"What?" I ask irritated.

"You know," she breathes the smoke out, her lips forming a beautiful o around it, controlling its flow. "You're quite over the moon. I don't think you'll get over it this time."

"What do y-"

A harsh 'Don't bullshit me' look of her lets me shut up. I sigh again, turning my eyes up to heaven, meeting twinkling stars that glint through thin clouds. My eyes flicker back and forth between some of them, wondering if she is right.

"You always manipulate the girls. Making them think something is wrong with them. Putting them down when it's really you you're not pleased with."

My mouth screws up. My jaw tenses and I fist my hands. I take a second to bundle my anger. When I'm taking a breath to gather air before launching into attack she manages to shut me up once again.

"Anita." It stands for itself.

She waits a moment, letting me accept and then turns to me. "But with Franky. You stopped."

I look back at her, feel my eyes sting by oncoming tears.

"I don't know why. But you did."

We look at each other for moment after moment, reading each other, knowing fucking too much about each other, having been through bad and worse with and beside each other since we were seven. Liv is my anchor. She always was. I don't know if she knows, but she is. I never can seem to keep anything from her. She always somehow knows. Like the day she kissed me, asking, no, stating a bit cheeky, "You fancy me." It was one kiss. Nothing else and it was okay. It was in the world, but it was not. We were friends.

Liv's brow furrows slightly and I see confusion coming up, "Why did you? I don't know."

My eyes widen slightly, realizing she really doesn't and it makes me sad. I think it makes her sad. We're like best friends. Forever. And she doesn't...The air puffs out of me when I let myself fall back on my back onto the clammy grass, looking up to the sky again. Estranged. That's what I made us. What we made us. There are just so much lies and hurt you can look through and still see the truth. I made me clouded. Fuck, I wanted to make me clouded. To everyone. To me.

"Min?" she asks feebly.

I close my eyes and say, "Nick."

I feel her tense beside me. It makes me swallow, but I push through. "He...We...It wasn't good."

"So," her caution lingers, "...you did?"

"Yeah," I admit quietly.

She nods, pulling her lips into her mouth. When she looks at me again she says, "I wasn't sure if you just told things again. Mask and glorify and all."

"I did." I take a breath and push down my tears, croaking, "It was horrible."

I feel her gaze upon me and then a warmth overcomes my hand as hers slips into mine.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"No," I wave my free hand quickly up and down in front of my eyes, fanning myself, trying to keep my tears at bay. "It's not...I just didn't feel..." I gasp for air, searching for words before exhaling heavily. "I just didn't feel."

"It's okay." Liv squeezes my hand. A pause before she says, "It's girls then."

"It feels...different. Like right. With Franky," I try to explain. "All..." I sigh, feeling it bubble and brew in my chest just by thinking about her. "Shit," I hiss overwhelmed and close my eyes, concentrating on the sweet uncontrollable torture for a moment. "Squirming and stuff. You can't get out but you don't want to. It's mad. It makes me mad."

Liv chuckles. She chuckles and then it turns into laughter, real loud laughter. She can't quite catch enough air and starts coughing. I can't help myself and start to laugh, too, having no idea why, but her laughter is infectious. I guess it did sound somehow ridiculous.

"Fuck," Liv says when she catches herself, wheezing for air, paradoxically taking a deep drag from her spliff which somehow has survived her laugh attack. She looks at me and shakes her head again, a big smirk drawn across her face. "You were mad as you were Min, please don't tell me it will get worse now that you've seen the light."

I narrow my eyes at her, which makes her smirk get that much bigger. Her brown eyes twinkle at me teasingly. I don't think, I just jump at her, knocking her to the ground. My hands reach for her sides, giving her my best tickle tactics. She screams and laughs and doesn't even try to ward me off, apparently enjoying the remake scene of our younger selves.

Her laughs are endless and I stop tickling her, my power giving out quickly by the laughter that breaks out of me, too. We wrestle a little bit in good nature, but its mostly just us being close to each other, wrapped up in our own kind of hug.

I lay on top of her, my arms slung around her, my head resting on her shoulder. We lay quiet once again, listening to our breathing slowly taming down.

"Min?"

I smile, pulling us closer, if possible and bite my lip. "Liv?"

"Can I call you a dyke now?"

I push myself up, glaring down and hitting her shoulder. "Fuck you," I say, but don't mean it.

She smirks again. "What? With you straddling me and all..."

She winks at me and I shake my head.

Best friends.