Harry Potter and the Internet

Harry Potter was 19 years old when he discovered the Internet. Harry was glad that it was him, and not his girlfriend Kath, that had made The Discovery ®, as she'd never shut up about it if she had. It had been a balmy summer's day in London when he'd made The Discovery®, all of 26 degrees Celsius, and as such Harry and Kath were taking refuge inside her inner-city apartment. Her apartment, if one could call such a shoebox an apartment, was even more sweltering than the outside, due to its small size and heightened elevation. Despite the copious amounts of fans going, air conditioning running, and ice blocks melting on foreheads, Harry and Kath were both hot and bored.

Kath turned to Harry. "Harry, I have an idea about how we can stop being bored…" she said, with a gleam in her eye.

"I couldn't agree more," said Harry, who stood and made for his bedroom.

"Where are you going?" asked Kath, "I meant we're going shopping. Put your pants back on!"

Harry looked down. Somehow, his belt had become unbuckled on his walk to the bedroom. He grinned sheepishly and pulled his pants back up. "Sorry," he said.

Harry and Kath made for Oxford Street, with no store in particular in mind. Oxford Street is world renowned for its high fashion, high culture, and high priced stores, which is exactly what Kath was looking for. Kath knew that Harry was inexplicably rich, and she loved every second of her relationship with him – but especially the gifts.

The first thing Harry noticed in Oxford street was a dingy little store that seemed most out of place amid the glitz and glamour that was such a fine shopping district. He made to point the store out to Kath, but remembered that she was a muggle, and probably couldn't see it. He turned to her. "I'm going to go get something to eat, take a bit of money," he handed her two thousand pounds, "and I'll meet you back here with some food in an hour, okay?"

The pupils of Kath's vibrant green eyes literally turned to dollar signs. She grinned broadly, then turned and ran off, yelling "I love you, Harry!" at the top of her lungs. This drew several odd looks from the blue-blooded shoppers present, but neither Harry nor Kath minded very much. He was glad that she was happy, and she was glad that he was rich. Harry did love those vibrant green eyes, so similar to his mothers, and the fact that his girlfriend had bright red hair did nothing to dispel the angry voice in the back of his head that made him feel like he was dating his mother.

Harry walked quickly closer to the dingy store, noting its name: Wesley's Elektronikx. Harry laughed at the obviously misspelled words, and knew that it had to be a wizard's store. He stepped inside.

In the two years since his defeat of Voldemort, Harry had both grown up and filled out considerably. He was around 187 centimeters, easily as tall as his best friend, Ron Weasley ('Once best friend,' Harry was quick to note, 'I haven't heard from anyone since I left the Wizarding World a year ago'), and respectably ripped. That was Kath's second most favourite attribute of her boyfriend – his muscles were strong enough to crush cans against, and she loved it immensely. His muscled frame was a far change from the thin, lightly toned body he had at Hogwarts.

Harry's face and head, however, had not changed one bit since his legendary encounter with Lord Voldemort two years ago. The lightning bolt scar that marred his visage was still highly prominent, and his messy hair still was untamable. His eyes, women would note, were also quite thankfully the same as they were the day he was born – a vibrant, emerald green. His eyes, naturally, were Kath's third most favourite attribute. Many's the time that she had gotten lost in them, and she was constantly making excuses to look into them.

It was the lack of facial change that Harry regretted the most after he stepped into Wesley's Elektronikx, and was shocked to hear a loud female voice roar from the darkness, "HARRY!!"

Harry was immediately set upon by a blur of red hair. He crashed to the ground, as the spear tackle he received was quite unexpected. He surveyed the bundle of red hair and woman he currently held cradled in his lap. 'Red hair,' Harry noted, 'who do I know with red hair? '

He lifted the woman's head so he could look at her face. He expected to see Kath, for no other reason than because she was the only red-headed woman he had regular contact with – the only woman he had contact with at all. Immediately after lifting the woman's head, he regretted it. Her chocolate brown eyes that looked back at him with such a powerful longing were two twin spears that dove straight for his heart.

"Ginny."

Kath walked down Oxford Street feeling giddy with anticipation. She walked quickly past all of her favourite stores, only pausing momentarily when she saw an exquisite fur coat in one of the windows. She had two thousand pounds, but in such a fine shopping area as this, it wouldn't be nearly enough. She sighed, and kept walking on towards her destination.

She arrived outside a dingy café. Checking around to make sure that nobody she knew was watching, she walked into the café. There, she sat down at a table, and waited for her real boyfriend to show up.

For you see, Kath was merely using Harry for his money. He hadn't realised, because Kath was a masterful actor, which was how she made her money before she met Harry a year prior. It had been after a performance she had given, and Harry, being the naïve person that he was, was drawn into the mystique and wonder that was the acting profession. When he saw Kath, he saw an enchanting and mystifying woman that would be perfect for him – In the muggle world, he was nobody, and he'd be even less if he was with a famous actress.

Kath knew everything she needed to know about Harry the minute she met him – he came up to her after the show and started raving about how fantastic she was. Kath recalled, while waiting for her boyfriend, that a sycophantic, rich, attractive toy-boy would be exactly what she needed to get ahead in life. Especially the rich part.

She stopped thinking about Harry, as that invariably made her feel guilty, and guilt was like rat-bait to a finely honed performance like her own. She focused on her real boyfriend, who was more than supportive of the fact that she had to live with Harry to maintain their expensive lifestyle.

Ginny Weasley had not had a pleasant few years. Ever since the love of her life, the raffish Harry Potter had left her for so-called noble reasons, her life had been sliding downwards into a pit of despair. Her sixth year at Hogwarts, which was already horrible due to the torture, the guerilla terrorism and the traumatizing battle where she lost a brother, was made even worse by the fact that Harry was not there to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright – then save her from whatever she needed saving from.

She had assumed – wrongfully, she was oft to note - that as soon as Harry had put down the monster that was Lord Voldemort, they would get back together and get married and have lots of babies with messy red hair and green eyes and be happily ever after. Sadly, this was not to be.

As soon as Harry had slain Lord Voldemort, he set his affairs in order, and then disappeared from the Wizarding World. To say that Ginny was furious would be the understatement of the century, and would have made a lesser person cringe in terror as she glared at you for even contemplating mentioning the erstwhile love of her life. Despite all outwards appearances of having "got over" her dear Harry Potter, Ginny was grieving inside.

She was grieving, because although Harry had fulfilled his prophesy, although he was able to live, he was living away from her, and hence was dead. She had locked up all of her memories of him inside a box in her heart, and only in private, in the dead of the night, would she open the box and cry for hours over her knight in shining armor, and what might have been.

Needless to say, when said knight in shining armor waltzed into her father's Wizarding electronics store, she was full of a large number of conflicting emotions. First there was shock at how attractive Harry looked, and this was a very strong feeling, as he looked so damned attractive. Following closely behind, however, was anger, which was threatening to take over and cause her to beat the living snot out of him for leaving her. There was guilt, for not looking after him better after such a traumatic experience, there was desire, because, again, he looked so damned good(!), and finally, there was an overpowering urge to mother him, because he was wearing that look that he seemed to have perfected at the age of 11 – the "I'm a lost little boy and I need someone to hold my hand" look that made women all over Britain, and indeed the world, go weak at the knees.

Ginny felt all of these powerful emotions within a span of approximately three seconds, and with no outlet besides her mouth, they combined into a tortured cry of his name as she dove at him with all the strength of a rampaging erumpent – and no less dangerous, either.

Kath's boyfriend, whose name was Owen Brown, had arrived. The specific peccadillos of their rendezvous were mere trifles when compared to the following:

"He gave me two thousand pounds, Owen! Two thousand! You'd think he knows nothing of money from the way he throws it around like it's scrap paper!" crowed Kath, in triumph.

Owen grinned appreciatively. "Just another three thousand, and you can dump him and we'll set up our film studio." He was so happy with his relationship with Kath, despite the fact that he was "sharing" her with another man. A rich, attractive, ripped man, which didn't do much for Owen's self esteem, until he remembered that Kath had chosen him over this human Adonis, and stopped complaining.

Kath never felt guilty when she was with Owen. He had this way with words that made her feel so mushy and happy inside. She grinned. He grinned back.

"Harry! Where on earth have you been for the past year? Why haven't you tried to contact any of us! Mum was going spare when you just up and left, she wouldn't shut up about how you would be permanently damaged if you didn't have a woman taking care of you during your recovery! Where have you been? I've missed you so much! How hard would it have been to owl me or floo me or something so I could tell mum that you were okay and then we could both stop worrying! Ron and Hermione were so ANGRY and scared for you, you missed their wedding! Their WEDDING, Harry!" said Ginny, somehow all in one breath.

Harry was momentarily stunned. He had come into the store to buy some electronics, maybe even a computer, not to have an old girlfriend, much less a witch, jump him and accost him as to his whereabouts for the last year. He swore inwardly.

"Hi, Ginny. Just let me think about all your questions for a minute." Said Harry with a boyish grin. Ginny melted, temporarily, but then glared at him again.

"Okay. I've been living as a muggle for the past year. I haven't tried to contact any of you because I didn't want the media attention that I knew I would get if I stayed in the Wizarding world. That's horribly sad about Molly, but you can let her know that I'm alright now, and that I was suitably taken care of." Harry grinned as he said this, eliciting a tortured moan from Ginny. He continued, before she attacked him again "As I said, I've been living as a muggle, I've missed you too," this made Ginny glare even harder, even though she was melting inside at the thought that he'd missed her, "It would have been extraordinarily hard to owl or floo you, as Hedwig died…" he faltered here, remembering his feathered companion that had taken a blow meant for him. A solitary tear slid down his face, and Ginny wanted to hug him and make him as happy as he had made her. He continued, "and as I was living as a muggle, I couldn't really floo anyone. I feel horrible about missing their wedding. When was it?"

"Last week." Replied Ginny. "Ron wanted you to be the best man, but of course, we couldn't find you to tell you."

Harry looked even more forlorn at this. "I've been away too long, Ginny. I'll try and stop by soonish, how does that sound? We'll have a party at Grimmauld Place." He said.

Ginny smiled broadly at this. Her fears that he'd run off as soon as she'd found him were slowly ebbing away.

"So what brings you to Wesley's Elektronikx?" she asked with a laugh.

"The name looked so wrong, I knew that it had to be wizard-related. Also, I was bored and wanted something to do while my girlfriend spent my money." He admitted.

Ginny was shocked at the proclamation of a girlfriend, but she ignored it. "Well, the best thing I think we can offloa—offer you is a computer. Do you have one of those?" she asked

Harry smiled. He'd spent many a year looking at Dudley's computer with a look of longing on his face. He shook his head. "Not yet, but we've been meaning to get one. Do you have anything good?"

Ginny grinned. "Naturally, Mr. Potter." She motioned to a shiny model in a place of prominence. "This is a standard IBM computer, running a modified version of Windows that we like to call 'Burroware'. Muggles won't get anything this good for at least ten years. It features a high-speed – and I mean high speed – connection to the Internet, and –" Harry cut her off.

"The Internet?" he asked. "What's that?"

"It's a big set of connected computers, and you can look at stuff on each others' computers. Only stuff they want you to see, though. There's stories, and games, movies, music, all sorts of exciting stuff." Said Ginny.

Harry was impressed. "I think I'll take one. Will it run in muggle neighborhoods?" he asked

"Most definitely! Just plug it into the wall, and it'll connect to both the regular internet and the Weasleynet." Ginny laughed.

"The Weasleynet?" said Harry, "you have to protect The Internet from weasels?"

Ginny glared at him. "No, it's our family's private network. This way, you'll be able to talk to all of us at any time!" she said proudly.

"Excellent! I'll take it. Box it up, and I'll come back in about an hour to collect it." Said Harry.

"Alright, Harry, I'll see you then. Have fun with your… girlfriend." Ginny said, barely veiling her scathing sarcasm.

Harry didn't notice. He walked out of the store feeling more cheerful than he had in months. He set off to find Kath, and then some food.

Kath and Owen left the café feeling happier than either had felt for weeks. They didn't get to see each other very much, as Harry was rather possessive, but the time they spent together was spent well. Kath paused for a moment to straighten her clothes.

"Owen, I don't know how long it will be until our next meeting, but know that I love you no matter what happens, okay?" she said, more for her benefit than his. She really liked Harry, but more in a "I like my father for his credit card" way than a "I like you because I want a relationship with you" way. She detested having to be so kind to Harry, when the money that he had should be hers by right.

"Actually, Kath, I've been thinking: What would happen if you married him, then divorced him? You'd get half of his money, and probably a lot faster than we're going right now." Said Owen.

Kath was stumped. Owen wasn't the brightest star in the sky, pearls of wisdom such as that were few and far between. She turned to him. "That, sir, is a brilliant idea! I'll try and pull that on him in the next few days. Wish me luck!"

"Good luck!" chirped Owen, as if on queue.

"Oh hey, there he is now. Get out of here, quickly!" she hissed.

Owen ran off, while Kath ran towards Harry, all her previous angst towards him seemingly vanishing in an instant.

"Harry! So good to see you, where's the food?" she said.

Harry laughed. "I got sidetracked in an electronics store. I got us a computer! We have to go back in about an hour to get it, so let's go and get some lunch now."

"That's a brilliant idea, Harry! Let's go, I know just the place." Said Kath. She was internally laughing at Harry, as she was about to lead him to the café that she had met Owen in.

They started walking. Harry felt a bit uneasy, as the alley they were walking down was a bit too dark, and a bit too dirty for his liking. He put that out of his mind, however, and focused on the person that had been with Kath when he saw her. "Kath, who was that person you were talking to before I caught up with you?" he asked.

"Oh, he was just another one of my adoring fans," she said, airily, "I sent him packing quite quickly, don't you worry."

Harry wore a pensive expression.

"Now, Harry, I've got something serious I need to talk to you about – I think it's time we thought about settling down and starting a family." Said Kath, barely able to keep from laughing.

Harry blanched. As much as he loved Kath, and love her he did, he didn't want to marry her right this moment. He maintained his pensive expression for a moment or two, then said "Okay – I've thought about it. I don't want to get married right now; I'm nineteen years old for Mer—crying out loud. That's the last thing on my mind!"

Ginny felt a flash of something. This Something ® is commonly known as Women's Intuition, and is generally regarded as being never wrong. Despite the fact that she wasn't supposed to stop working for another three hours, the ran out of the store, only pausing to lock the door on the way out. She knew that Something ® was wrong, and that said Something ® had something to do with Harry.

Kath, being the great actress that she was, was able to cry on command with the ease of a petulant two-year-old throwing a tantrum. The tears began welling up in her eyes, her face scrunched up, and a thousand tiny daggers started stabbing into Harry's heart. He most definitely did not want to get married, but at the same time he didn't want Kath to cry, especially not in public. For one thing, he'd get lots of angry looks from the other patrons of the café, and for another, he'd always associated crying with being beaten, as a result of his overly abusive childhood. Kath knew nothing of this, of course, and despite the fact that her tears were fake; she was genuinely upset over his rejection. She simply couldn't rationalise why a man would not want to marry her!

The tears continued to fall, her sobs rose in intensity, the patrons were starting to feel overly uncomfortable, and Ginny was halfway to the café, running on instinct. Harry was beginning to lose his resolve as he comforted Kath, holding her in his arms. Something needed to happen, quickly. It did.

"Harry, why don't you want to marry me?!" Kath wailed, "I thought you love me!"

This was a classic line from a thousand bad romantic comedies, and Kath knew it. She was banking on Harry not recognising it from anywhere, and she was pleased to be correct in this aspect: he genuinely thought that she doubted his love. Everything was falling into place.

"I do love you, it's just that I don't want to tie myself down so early in my life. Wiz—We, my family, have always lived long lives, and I'd prefer to live a little before I got married. It's nothing to do with yo—"

"IS IT BECAUSE I'M FAT?!" she screeched, much to the chagrin of the other patrons. "OR AM I TOO UGLY FOR YOU?!"

Kath laughed to herself over the look on Harry's face. She was playing him like a violin, and loving every minute of it. The "I'm inadequate, reassure me" train of thought had been the bane of men everywhere for millennia, and Kath knew it, and was using it to her severe advantage.

Harry was seriously getting scared. He didn't think she was ugly, or fat, and made sure he reassured her of both of these facts at regular intervals. 'This conversation is rapidly getting ugly,' he thought, 'I have to do something.'

"Look, Kath, I don't know what's got into you today, but I don't want to marry you right now. I'm not saying that I don't love you, or that you're fat…" said Harry, before he was cut off.

"I'M FAT?! YOU THINK I'M FAT!!" screeched Kath. By this stage, the other patrons of the café had given up all pretence of ignoring the feud and were watching with baited breath.

"Of course I don't think you're fat! I love you!" said Harry, vehemently.

Kath grinned inwardly. She had him by the balls, so to speak, and was about to deliver the coup de grâce.

"If you really loved me, you'd marry me!" she wailed triumphantly as the collective patronage in the café drew in breath.

Harry was at a loss. He really, really loved Kath, but didn't want to marry her. 'If I want to keep her, it looks like I'll have to propose to her!' he thought madly.

"Fine." He said. "Fine. Kath, would you…" he began, but was cut off by the door to the café slamming open.

His knight in shining armor had arrived; in the form of a petit electronics store salesperson.

"Ginny!" said Harry, before standing up and hugging her. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear, giving her a look that said 'I'll explain later.'

Kath was mortified by the proceedings. Her 'boyfriend' had just been about to propose, before this midget in overalls had come in and ruined everything! She had made sure that Harry had no contact with any other women, how had this happened?

"Harry," Said Kath, "who is this and why are you hugging her instead of proposing to me?"

Harry realised at that moment that Kath was absolutely not right for him. Despite the fact that one moment ago he'd been about to propose to her, when he held Ginny, all thoughts of Kath went out of his head. He leant down to Ginny's ear and whispered to her "Play along with this," then stood up, looked Kath right in the eye, and said:

"This, Kath, is my fiancé, Ginny Weasley." Kath gaped at the two of them. While she was gaping, Harry did a little bit of wandless magic and conjured an engagement ring on each of their fingers. Ginny felt the weight and stepped forward.

"Kath, is it? My name is Ginny. I've been one of Harry's friends since he was 12, and ever since then, we've always known that we were going to get married. We love each other, and while I'm sure you've been an entertaining sideshow for him, it's time to grow up. Come along, Harry."

Harry and Ginny left a bewildered Kath sitting in the café. When she saw the size of the engagement ring on Ginny's finger, however, she promptly fainted. Harry and Ginny found a dark alley, and apparrated back to Ginny's store.

"So, Harry, what was that about?" asked Ginny, shyly.

"She wanted me to marry her, and I didn't want to. So, I think I, or we, just broke up with her." Replied Harry, embarrassedly.

"Uh huh. She lives with you, right?" she asked.

Harry blanched. "Crap!" he yelled, before apparrating away with a loud pop. Ginny laughed.

Three seconds later, Harry was back. "Wow, that was quick" said Ginny.

"I changed the lock with a spell. Pretty tricky to do, I'll send her stuff to her later tonight." Replied Harry, "Now how about we set this computer up and check out the Internet?"

Ginny nodded, then grabbed onto the computer's box with one hand and Harry with the other, and was whisked away.

They touched down in the middle of Harry's apartment. Harry wandlessly, non-verbally summoned his wand, and with one smooth wave, everything that was Kath's in the apartment came flying towards them and landing in a hastily conjured bag. When the maelstrom of flying socks and underwear subsided, Ginny levitated the box to a nearby desk and started setting it up. Harry, meanwhile, sealed the bag and placed it near the door. He then set about securing the apartment from detection, muggle or magical, and conjured a wooden owl, then animated it and gave it the bag to take to Kath. By the time the apartment was completely impregnable to all but the most determined ballistic missile, the computer was set up and Ginny was emailing Molly to let her know that she'd found Harry and that he was alive and well. She looked up from the screen to see Harry beaming at her.

"Thank you," he said. "You've been so great today, after the way I treated you."

Ginny beamed back. "That's what… friends do, Harry." She said, with a distinct taste of scorn in her mouth.

Harry paused, then said "About that… I shouldn't have left you, and I'd like to get back together with you, and I'd like to start seeing you again.

Ginny leapt upon him and started kissing him. "Yes!" she yelled, in-between smooches, "I've been waiting for you to say that for three years!"

They lay there kissing for a while, with the computer humming contentedly at them the whole time.

Disclaimer: I don't think I stole anything while writing this, but if I did, and somebody notices, call me on it.

This started as a niggling little idea that I couldn't get out of my head - what if Harry somehow connected to The Internet? I didn't plan any of the romance in this, it just started sprawling. I had to get this out of my head before I could keep writing Voldemort's Second Chance, so here it is. There's only one more chapter, where Harry actually explores The Internet. It'll be very different in comparison to this chapter, so don't expect moar romance. It's quite open, at this point, as to what happens next, but I kinda know how it'll go. Stay tuned!