Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Marvel Universe.
1.
A shaky sigh escapes my lips as I grasp the simple ball-point pen in my hand, struggling to find the right words to put on the little scrap of paper in my lap – after all, a person doesn't write a goodbye letter every day, so understandably – this is hard…and knowing the person this is for as well as I do…well, it only serves to make this particular task that much harder.
'Dear Clint…', I start, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth.
'No. Too formal…' ,a voice in my mind supplies and I hastily cross the words out, my tired eyes closing on their own accord as soon as that's done and I sigh again, exasperation setting in.
''Why does this have to be so hard?'', I murmur to no one in particular as really, I'm alone in the room…if it could be called that.
'Come on, Anna. You know him, you two were partners for years before he was assigned a new one…you know him so well he's practically your brother – family, this should be easy.'
But easy it is not.
It's probably the hardest thing I had ever had to do. I mean, how does one go about telling someone they care for deeply that in a few short hours they'll be no more? That even as I write this I am slowly dying..?
And Clint…an image of him forms behind my still-closed lids and I feel the now familiar burn of tears building at the corners of my eyes. God! I don't want to die. I don't want to leave him all alone because each other is all we have and I most certainly don't want to write this God-damned letter – I don't want to have to say goodbye…
But like I've said already; I'll be gone soon. There's no stopping this, it – faith, destiny…whatever you wanna call it…and Clint needs to know that he's in danger, they all are.
Sighing heavily I force my eyes open and start again: 'Clint…'
This time the words I've been looking for come to me effortlessly and I write down everything I wanted to tell him on the small piece of paper, adding a joke or a ridiculous absurd quip here and there so as not to make it sound so final, so as not to make it sound like such a totally clichéd goodbye because I can't…I just can't.
None-the-less it is a goodbye – no matter how well I try to mask it – and my hand shakes as I quickly scribble my name at the bottom, fold the note then stuff it somewhat forcefully into a cream-colored envelope, a beautiful golden hawk insignia staring up at me from the top left corner. I want to smile at it; seeing it always brings a smile to my face…not this time. This time – today – I can't. It hurts too much, somewhere deep inside…and my chest is heaving almost painfully I realize as I yet again try my hardest to keep the damned tears at bay.
No dice. If anything, my eyes burn even more fiercely at the thought of having to rein myself in and– here come the water works!
I scoff under my breath as the first traitor tear rolls down my cheek; mad at the world, mad at myself and my totally lame self-control. Granted, I'm in a shitload of pain and it's getting harder and harder to breathe with every passing minute it seems, but that's no excuse to be…to be such a – such a…Oh God! ...I'm such a stereotypical girl!
With a teary groan, I slowly lower myself back down, trying to get comfortable on the hard gurney that's covered with a scratchy, off-white sheet – supposedly hypo-allergenic too – yet that shit makes my ass itch like nothing else…cue a miserable sigh.
Closing my eyes, I turn over onto my left side – away from the observation windows and S.H.I.E.L.D's medical personnel standing on the other side of it…waiting, watching, taking notes – and let the tears come out full force, praying that it would all be over soon.
Just let it end. So tired, just let it end…
A/N: So here's the first chapter which you could call a prologue-yet-not-a-prologue. It's complicated. Anyway, let me know if you guys liked it and if I should continue.