Author's Note: This story is an adaption of a roleplaying game played with my friend Courtney. I give her the credit for half of the narrative. She is a wonderful Tori; one of the most real and well-written I have had the pleasure to come across. I thought it would make a decent fan-fic, so I decided to convert it.
I find this story so interesting, because it has the feel of a real situation. The problem is that it may be a little bit repetitive in certain areas, kind of like real-life can be. It is not cut and pasted scenes slapped together, but long dialogues trying to reflect the way people live their actual lives. I hope you enjoy it.
Jade rounds the bend and walks into her favorite coffee house, the Jet Brew. It has been a long week, and now that Saturday is here all she wants to do is unwind. Life has not been very easy since she broke up with Beck again. The magic just never returned. Even after she did the most romantic thing for him — singing at the Full Moon Jam — there was no spark left.
Jade steps up to the counter and orders a plain black coffee. She feels like something bland today to complement her sullen mood. She's not sad losing him exactly. It is more so that she is bothered by the fact that she does not feel sad at the thought of losing him. It is as if a pit opened up within her soul that replaced something (however faulty and difficult) with nothing; an absence of desire. The man behind the counter hands her the cup of pipping hot liquid, her true black gold.
She sniffs the aroma rising with the steam and makes her way over to her regular booth to relax and sip it slowly, alone with her thoughts. She raises her eyes from the floor and spots Tori Vega sitting in her booth. Her legs are tucked against her body, and she sniffles with tears running down both cheeks.
Tori is bawling her eyes out, in fact, wondering how things could have gotten this badly. She feels eyes on her. Tori bites her lip hard, trying to keep the whimpers at bay. This sucks, everything is all messed up and just sucks. She bites her lip harder in frustration and quickly swipes at the tears remembering that she is still in a public space. She looks up and sees Jade standing there. Tori freezes in place. She realizes she's in Jade's seat, remembering the big deal Jade made about it with Beck when their group came her for coffee at the beginning of springtime. She immediately stops crying. "Sorry, I'm in your seat," she mutters. She starts to get up, disoriented and not knowing where to go next.
Jade grabs Tori by the elbow and forces her back down. "Jade!, What are you..." Tori cuts herself off when she realizes she's back in her original spot. Jade pushes her all the way to the end of the booth and slides in beside her. Jade avoids eye contact and takes a sip of her coffee.
Tori pulls her legs back up on the seat; it's so cold in here. She stays quiet and watches Jade drink her coffee, not wanting to disturb her or anything. Besides, she is stuck, so she just keeps her face forward. "What're you doing?" Tori finally asks, as she moves over and tries not to let her arm brush over the other girls'.
"I'm drinking my coffee," the pale one replies sarcastically, "What does it look like I am doing?" She finishes the comment with a classic eye roll. Jade doesn't know why she answered her so harshly. She is not angry at her; not in the least. Perhaps she doesn't know how to do nice.
Tori tries to wipe her eyes without Jade noticing. She cannot believe she is trapped here in this booth next to the worst person she could possibly be on this day, at this time. She should have known. She knew this was her spot, she shouldn't have been so stupid and sentimental about things, yet here she is. And here Jade is.
Jade takes a glance at the sullen Vega and feels bad for her, honest to God. The last couple of months they have been closer than they've ever been before, and Jade kinda liked it. Not that they are really close of anything, but Jade doesn't bite Tori's head off anymore; so that's progress. Jade pushes her coffee over to her sullen 'friend' and motions for her to take a sip.
Tori toys with the cup in her hands, turning and giving Jade a confused look. She is instantly warmed by the hot cup against her skin. Tori swirls the contents inside for a moment before lifting it to her face and taking a whiff of the pleasant aroma. She brings it to her lips and takes a small, shy sip. Everything between the two of them was lost after Jade got back together with Beck, Tori thinks to herself. There will be no time for her, she worries, just like before when Jade would spend every weekend with Oliver. Yet, the ganky girl never shares with anyone, not even him, and especially not something so dear to her. So, she lets out a meek, "Thanks".
"So what's wrong with little miss perfect," Jade asks without making eye contact, as she reaches over and grabs the cup of coffee and takes another swig. After she's done, she places it back down in front of Vega, to make she understands it is meant to be shared. Tori is the only friend she appears to have no problems sharing drink with — first a soda at the Hollywood Arts Prome and now a much needed cup of coffee.
While the gesture is reassuring, her words are as sharp as ever, causing Tori to pause. Those words never cease to cut her up even more inside. "Nothing," Tori ekes out. She looks at the cup again but refuses to take it. "Look Jade, I'm really not in the mood, can I just go?" she continues in a tone that is almost pleading. She finally turns towards Jade, trying to keep a semblance of strong determination in her eyes.
Jade could just let her go, but that is not what a real 'friend' would do, is it? "Nothing?," Jade questions chuckling a bit to maintain her bad-girl demeanor. "I'm not a stupid boy Vega," she reminds her, "I don't believe a girl when she tells me everything is fine, when it obviously isn't." She tilts her gaze so that she is now looking into those determined eyes and says, "People who are fine don't just curl up in coffee houses bawling their eyes out."
Tori keeps her eyes trained on the raven-haired girl. "I wasn't 'bawling my eyes out'," she defends giving an even sterner glare, "Look, why do you even care? 'We're not friends,' remember?" Tori cannot believe she actually thought they could ever be close, or even more than that. When she sang that song — at the Full Moon Jam — for a moment Tori believed she was looking at her. Her heart flipped and somersaulted, but she should have known. It was Beck all along she had her eye on, and she knows it will be him from now on.
"Why don't you just humor me as if we were friends," Jade replies to her softly. God! Sometimes she wonders why she can't just admit to the latina that they're friends. She is actually Jade's closest friend, sad as it is. Who else would have put up with her for this long? Sure Cat loves her, but that is only because she is too dumb to know the difference. "It's a free pass this time," she adds, sweetening the deal.
Tori gives her a raw and harsh look. "Im done humoring you, Jade," she bellows raising her tone above a proper inside voice. When the goth doesn't let her out of the booth, she slips under the table to the other side and slides out there. Sure it was harsh, but Tori feels it justified considering that Jade was toying with her — and she didn't even know it. But Tori can't take it anymore.
Jade grabs the poor girl's wrist before she can escape completely. She gazes up into her big brown eyes, causing her heart to skip a beat. "Look," she begins, "I'm sorry for being, well, me." She lets go of Tori's arm as a show of faith. "Can you please just sit down and tell me what's wrong?," she continues, "I'd really like to know what's bothering you."
Tori's heart aches when Jade apologizes for being herself. "You should never apologize for being yourself," she says along with giving a sympathetic smile. "It's really nothing, Jade," Tori tries to convince her frenemy for the last time as she rubs the spot where Jade's hand was clasped around, "Just leave me alone all right? I've have a long week. So have you, so just drop it."
Jade stands up from the booth and glares at her. "I'm just gonna follow you," she lets her know, as she takes another nonchalant sip of the coffee. "Come on," she tells her, "It'll get my mind off my own troubles with Beck."
The latina starts to walk away, not minding that Jade just claimed she was going to follow her wherever she went. She knew it was an empty threat, she'd get bored if she didn't say anything. Yet, Tori pauses slightly when she notices the mention of Beck. She tries her best not to let it show, but spins around on her heel. "What happened?," she asks concerned but, more than that, curious.
Jade shrugs her shoulders and comments, "I broke up with him again." She looks down at her combat boots and moves over an inch to keep a few feet between them.
"What for this time?," Tori inquires in a droll voice, closing her eyes. She tries not to think anything of it, since she knows they'll be back together in no time.
Shuffling her feet against the title floor and without raising her head, Jade mumbles, "It's not a silly thing like that stupid little fight last time about lemonade. There's just no romance left between us anymore." She takes notice of the really pretty ugg boots Vega has on. They really compliment her toned legs, she thinks to herself. She refocuses and continues, "It's over this time and now I don't know what to do with myself. So I'm here, alone, on a Saturday afternoon... well, not alone now, but I had planned to be."
Tori's heart skips again for a moment. Those two are no longer attached! But Jade has said this before and she can't, and she won't, get her hopes up. Even if Jade were as single as can be, there was a slim chance she'd notice her, even as a friend. "Jade... I'm sorry to hear that...," she tells the truth and lies at the same time, taking a step closer, "Are you okay...?" Tori is surprised she doesn't seem more upset about this as she normally tends to be when her and Oliver break up.
Jade shrugs again and replies with a short, "Yeah, I'm okay." She sits on the edge of the booth, returning to a position where she can see Vega's face. "It's not the same as last time," she admits, "There's nothing left to get upset about anymore really. It feels like this existential emptiness, or loss, rather than sadness in the usual sense, you know?"
This is a monumental paradigm shift in what she has been used to between Beck and Jade. Tori slowly makes her way back to sit across from the light-skinned girl. She stares into her eyes, trying to see the sadness or frustration that doesn't seem present. Tori almost motions to touch her hand but, thankfully, realizes what she was about to do, and destroys that idea swiftly. "Then... that's good..." she piques, "I'm glad you guys won't have to fight like that anymore..."
Jade merely chuckles a bit at the thought that that is what Tori remembers most about their relationship. "No dearie," she responds, "fighting like cats and dogs is something I reserve special for you and I; our own exclusive property." She finishes with a wink, just messing around.
Tori smirks, laughing to herself at Jadelyn's nonchalant attitude: how carelessly she calls her 'dearie,' or how she winks so flirtatiously, or how she can say they share something special as a complete tease, but it is something the bloodshot girl wants to mean so much more than it does. She smiles and says, "Yeah, I know. We're experts at it — Beck is no competition." She shakes her head ever so slightly and blows it off. Spending time with Jade so casually is nice and relieving. She almost can forget about everything else around them, including her dire predicament at hand.
Returning a wry smile her way, Jade says with an endearing timbre, "So now that I did a very-very difficult thing, bearing my soul and all, It's your turn to tell me what's wrong with Tori Vega." She reaches a hand forward and comfortingly places it on top of Tori's. The one thing they always had together was physical contact. No matter how much she hated physical contact, she never minded the feel of Vega's skin. And a simple touch seems like something a normal person would do to comfort a friend.
But, Tori is shocked when Jade touches her, the warmth lingers and almost burns. She glances up into those bright blue eyes and then back to their hands, "Jade, it's really nothing... it's just stupid and petty. I'll get over it and things will be fine. Just teenage stuff, you know?" She tries to hide as much information as he can. Jade has always been in a serious steady relationship, and Tori is not really sure if Jade can easily relate.
Jade leans a little bit forward and tells her earnestly, "Well, I am a teenager, so what is it that I won't understand?" She is starting to think that Vega is crying because her, with the way she won't tell her anything, and that way she looks at her, as if she is in pain with every glance. Jade merely wishes she knew what she did, so that she could fix it.
"I-I just... I had my eye on someone," Tori says looking down at their hands that are fiddling with each other, "But it's not gonna work out. I should've realized it earlier, I mean it was obvious... I just didn't know I was in so deep." Once she opened her mouth, everything started to to flow out. Oh darn, stop talking!... she mentally berates herself.
Jade tilts her head to study the other girl's features. She wonders if she was right or wrong in her estimate that this was about herself. How could it possibly be about herself after she did such horrible things to the latina. Tori can't possible like her. Then again, how else can she explain the awkward glances and nervousness as she talks. And she is always staring at Jade's chest. So Jade decides to push the envelope and inquires as she twists those slender fingers in her own, "Why do you say it wouldn't work out? You're very pretty and sweet. That's very marketable these days."
Tori's eyes dart to Jade's when she laces their fingers together. "Jade... what are you doing?," she coos. Her breathing picks up and her heart begins to race like it does after an intense morning jog. "Don't do this to me," she whispers to herself, but it is audible enough for the other girl to catch.
"Why are you so nervous?," Jade continues with widened eyes.
"Stop," Tori exclaims softly. She feels her heart wrench as she tries to pull her tan hand loose from those pale, small fingers.
Jade would never admit it to anybody, but she developed a little girl-crush on Vega after Sikowitz set them up on that play-date. Tori is insanely beautiful, and Jade has known she was bisexual since she was twelve years old. She keeps a grip on the retreating hand and says to her in a really serious tone trying to force out a confession, "Why Tori? Tell me what's bothering you."
Vega takes a deep breath and succeeds in pulling her hand away; though, she knows Jade merely let her free. "You know why," Tori replies softly, closing her eyes, "You must know how I feel about you." There! It is thrown all out in the open. Being embarrassed and rejected is better than being led on and heartbroken later. "You know what you do to me and you love it, but I can't take it anymore," she finds the strength to add, "Please, just find someone else to humor you."
Jade merely smirks and lets out a dry laugh. "You know, you're pretty adorable when you're all scared and vulnerable like this," she admits. She reclaims Vega's hand and rubs circles on the back of her hand. "What makes you think I never thought about you that way Tori?," she challenges.
Shifting in her seat, Tori feels a wave of uneasiness sweep over her from being called 'adorable.' That was... new. She might be setting her up for a trick, so Tori keeps a cautious eye on her frenemy. "B-because you hate me?," she answers Jade's question with a question.
"When did I ever say I hated you," Jade ejects in defense. She may have yelled at her and told her she wasn't a friend more than once, but she never once said that she hated Vega. That would be cruel even for her. She withdraws her hands from Tori's and sits up straight.
Tori pulls her hand back to her lap when it is freed, sliding it off the table. "It's pretty obvious," she accuses, "You did try to kill me with bush daisies once, you made sure that doctor took too much blood, you pushed me off a two story building, you almost got me suspended... the list goes on." Recounting those stories, Tori's lip quivers trying to hold back fresh tears, as she is sure Jade is just amusing herself on fresh pain and misery.
"I didn't try to kill you with the bush daisies," Jade groans and bickers, "Just make you were too congested to go on staged, and I pushed you off the two stories for your own good, because you were too much of a sissy to do the stunt yourself." She angrily takes a drink of her coffee with a scowl appearing on her visage.
Vega shrinks down, dropping her shoulders. "Well," she pauses and glances up at Jade shyly, "Have you then? You know, thought about me... in that way."
Jade bites her lip and avoids those watery eyes that have become filled with a glimmer of hope. "Well," she drops the anger that were in her words, "It was a little hard not to think about it after that stupid Sikowitz set us up on that play-date and forced us to play husband and wife." Jade props herself up on her elbows, gaining an inch or two. "Even Beck joked about it in a half-playful, half-serious way after he found out," she finishes explaining.
Tori lets a half-smile creep onto her face. "So... you've thought about it?," she mutters out of a closed mouth. She sits up and back against the booth still slouching her shoulders a bit. She folds her hands on the table, "And...?"
"Well," Jade begins, "When I was in the sixth grade I kissed my best friend Miranda behind the bleachers, and then in the seventh and eight grades." She spaces out for a moment, reminiscing, then continues, "So if you're wondering, I am definitely bi... if that's what you're asking?" She motions to her manner of dress with a wave of her hands, "I mean, do I look like I'm little miss hetero to you?" She reaches down and takes another sip of coffee, trying to appear nonchalant, but bringing up the past has obviously left a trace on her demeanor. "But," she confesses, "Beck is the only person I really told; besides Miranda, of course." She lets out a tiny laugh at the end.
Opening up has definitely calmed Tori's nerves a smidgen — and it certainty didn't hurt that Jade confessed to liking girls. She looks at her with a small smile, "I wasn't going to assume anything about you. Nothing good ever comes when I do." She blinks a few times as she peers up into her ice-cold eyes, "So... I have a chance," she states trying to make things as clear as possible, "I'm not just reaching for the impossible...?" Simply because Jade is bisexual doesn't mean she has a chance; they're still fire and ice.
"We haven't exactly had the smoothest relationship have we?," the goth answers trying her best to avoid the question hanging over their heads, "How did we get like this, where you think I hate you?" She plays with the hem of her shirt, pretending that a loose is so interesting, never severing it so that she can keep on twirling it.
Tori rolls her eyes, noting that she's definitely avoiding the topic. "Where? Hmm... I think it started when you poured coffee on my head," she says as she recalls all the times Jade has picked on her. But, she just can't help but crack another smile. Despite all of that, the bitter and broken girl has still managed to get the latina to fall in love with her. She has taken everything she's thrown at her just to prove a point. "And it escalated from there," she concludes in a light voice to show that there are no hard feelings left. Tori knows exactly how Jade is. She tortures everyone. It was just easier for her, because she always kept coming back for more, and loved it in a sick kind of way.
Jade takes her leather jacket off to get a little more comfortable and to indicate that she doesn't intend to leave anytime soon. "So why'd you put up with me for these last few years?," she earnestly inquires, "I mean, it's not like I hated you or anything, but let's be honest, I was your high school bully, except my abuses cut deeper because they were words from a friend instead of fists from a stranger." She pushes the cup of coffee over to Vega who hasn't had hardly any. "Why me?," she asks with genuine eyes and a shrug.
"Have you met you?," Tori ejects with a cough of dry air. She opens her mouth again to tell her all the things she loves about her down to the last detail, but yet, she is still apprehensive. She drops her gaze: this could all be a trick. "You're just, amazing..." she ends it there, the mood slightly killed. She starts to fiddle with her hands and thinks about getting up and going home, and curling up under her warm blanket.
Taking Vega's hand in hers again, Jade shakes it up and down. She hopes this will reassure the frazzled girl that it is all right to continue. "Look, I know I'm super hot and sexy," she says with a perfected arrogant attitude, "But nobody really likes me. I'm the lone wolf nobody wants to talk to, because they're afraid she's gonna bite them."
"For good reason," Tori laughs as she claps her hands together, "You do bite." She shuffles Jade's hand in hers, enjoying the touch. She might not get this chance again, so she takes the moment to memorize her distinct warmth, her slender fingers, and the lines in her palm. "People can be shallow," she declares, "I know there is more to you than that. You don't hide it as well as you think. Cat, Andre, Robbie, they all know... even Sinjin sees it." She laces her tan fingers through those lovely white fingers and gives them a squeeze, "I was just attracted to it more than them." Except Beck... but Tori would like to refrain from talking about him.
"How do you know there is a wolf pup hidden under the big bad wolf though?," Jade continues to press her point, "Blind faith? Maybe there's just an even gankier interior hidden under my ganky exterior." She draws small patterns on the back of Vega's hand and plays her fingers as if they were the ivory keys on a piano. The clammy heat from her hand is surprisingly soothing. She could possibly get used to this.
"Your eyes," Tori remarks, looking at their hands together and noticing that the ice queen is not pulling away, "Your eyes give you away. Sometimes there is hurt there when you say something mean. You don't mean to hurt people, but you're afraid that you will. There's also the way you stick up for your friends. You're very protective of what' yours. The way you protect Cat... I know... she knows too. You're very passionate about a lot of the things you do. There can be no passion without love and delicacy." She unwinds their fingers, and traces lines on her hand. "The way you sang to Beck," she adds with wavering eyes, "I could tell there is a lot of love within you."
A small smile forces it way onto Jade's face, throwing out a short, "Damn it." She shifts one leg on top of the other, getting a little more comfortable in this space. "Why do you have to be so convincing Vega?," she asks rhetorically. That is her favorite quality in Tori, even though she would deny it if anybody asked. She is this crazy Christ-like figure who always finds the good in everybody, especially a certain dark-haired playwright — who also happens to be the princess of darkness. She jumps in the lions' den daring them to eat her and then ends up petting them; or, holding their hands in this really cute sort of way.
Tori finds herself startled by her exclamation, but a face of shock quickly becomes a face of joy. She didn't want to get her hopes up too high. She's known Jade for three years and has waited patiently. She refuses to lose everything because she was careless and rushed things. She keeps running her fingers along the other girl's palm and takes a glance at the clock. She thinks pensively for a moment, getting an idea. "J-ja-ade?," she cannot fathom the courage to look her in the eyes, "D-do you want to get dinner, or something? I mean, I don't know. If you want..."
Jade turns her shoulder towards Vega and flips her hair flirtatiously. "Are you asking me out on a date?," she questions with an amused voice and what is either a smirk or a smile depending on how you read it. This is the final victory for her in their game of playing frenemy. She is going to revel in this. Yet, it appears that a new game is about to begin. "I'd always figured you as the submissive-passive type," she jests. She cannot remember Tori ever asking out a boy on a date, but they were sure lining up to ask her out. Even the girls wanted to be her 'partner' for the Full Moon Jam.
"U-uhhh, y-you, know w-what?," Tori stumbles over her words as she looks at those playful blue eyes. If it's just a joke, maybe she shouldn't dig herself into this hole. "I mean, it's just as friends then, okay?," she wimps out, letting out a hopeful sigh. "We are friends right?," she asks optimistically, the least she can do is spare her that much.
With her face falling to a false frown, Jade does a happy dance on the inside, loving how Vega fell right into her trap! This will make what's about to go down all the more special. "Okay," she replies, "Like you said, we're just friends, and friends can go out to dinner without it being weird or awkward, right?"
"Yeah, right," Tori responds matching the small, somewhat sad smile of the girl sitting across from her. "Just friends," she mumbles under her breath. At least it's better than where they were a week ago. She forces a laugh out of her throat trying desperately to lighten the mood and mocks, "But Jade, everything with you is awkward."
"What's that supposed to mean?," Jade snaps at her in the most Cat-like manner she can muster at the moment.
The latina pulls her hand out and away from Jade's, not even realizing it was still there. "You're not exactly personable," she trumpets, "And you snap at everything." She cannot help but give a loving gander her way. Things like that are of of the little things Tori loves... likes about her.
Jade crosses her arms like a little child and lets out a huff, blowing a loose strand of hair away from her face. "Well, that is...," she pauses realizing Tori has bested her, "Very true, I have to admit, since I just said the exact same thing about myself a minute ago." She grins with a hand pressed against her lips that tries but fails to hide it.
Tori's eyes bulge when she hears those words. "What did you say?," she coaxes Jade into saying it again, "I was... what?"
"Ugh," Jade groans and pushes the words through her gritted teeth, "You were right." She points an accusatory finger in the latina's direction and finishes with, "But don't get used to it."
Tori lets out an overly loud guffaw and retorts, "And why not?," proud that she got that admission out of her rival. "I'm right a lot of the time." She delivers an adorable, warm and friendly smile, the tense atmosphere from before completely disappearing.
"I don't like this new smug side to you Vega," Jade proclaims with a tone that is not quite believable. Deep down inside, Tori knows she loves it. Jade grabs her jacket from beside her on the cushion and gets to her feet, towering over the table. She taps her friend on the shoulder and announces, "Let's go. I need to stop by your house before we grab dinner, because I'm afraid to wazz in public restrooms." Subtly was never her strong suit.
"Right, sure," Tori tells her with a sardonic roll of the eyes as she pushes herself up, but she is glad that Jade hasn't given up on their dinner plans. Being the conscientious, goodie-two shoes, she grabs Jade's empty coffee cup and tosses it in the trash bin as they exit to the parking lot.