Building Up (Chapter One)
"Hey! That is not cool dude, you cannot call me out like that!" Kendall yelled laughing wildly.
"It's true, admit it Kendall. You know being in denial for so long can lead to self-esteem problems." You winked at , him trying to hold back your own giggles.
"Just because I burnt the toast doesn't mean you are a better cook than I." He crossed his arms over his chest
"Actually Kendall, sorry but I am going with Doll on this." James said from the blue couch as he listened to me and Kendall argue about whom was the better cook. Kendall just sighed and shrugged walking off defeated. James and I let out a storm of laughter when he slammed his bedroom door shut.
"DID YOU SEE HIS FACE?" James exclaimed laughing even louder than before.
"Oh sheesh, he takes his cooking seriously. I should probably make sure he is not mad." I said sobering from the fits of laughter, James nodded.
A little bit about me; I'm Dahlia, pronounced doll-ya. And that is where I got my nickname Doll. Ever since the guys; James, Logan, Carlos, and Kendall started calling me that years ago it just stuck with me. Minnesota has been my home all my life, I never really knew anything else.
"Kendall don't be mad, we were just jok- oh my go- i'm so sorry." My stomach turned upside down as my face flushed a bright red color. I didn't know what to do so I just turned around. I finally realized I should probably shut the door and walk off like I never saw anything but Kendall's voice stopped me.
"It's cool Doll, I'm not mad... and stop being so uptight, don't act like you've never seen me naked before, you can come in." Kendall chuckled at me as if I were the one being bizarre. He was laying on his bed naked, and well... you can picture the rest.
"Uh Kendall you're ... and I... I'm going to go." I started to walk off but he grabbed my arm stopping me short. He now had boxers on which made me feel a little more comfortable.
"Can I talk to you?" He asked in a pleading way, I nodded knowing no wasn't even an option with Kendall. He's so stubborn a bull couldn't throw him off it's back if it wanted to. pulling my hand softly he lead me to his bed. I sat waiting for him on the soft silky covers that were the most familiar thing about this room to me. When he locked his door he walked back over to me carefully placing his hand on my lower back so I would stand up.
His soft fingers traced through my hair that laid straight on my shoulders.
"You're all I think about... When I touch myself, when I shower, when I watch TV... You're always there..." He whispered leaning closer to me. I looked into his green eyes that got me every time. He bucked his hips into mine making me shiver. You know that feeling you get when the world stops? Like literally nothing around you even matters anymore, just the sensation of the wild tingling in your belly. That's probably the only way to describe how I was feeling.
"Ke-Kendall... uh-" I started but was interrupted by him. I was pretty thankful though, I could see me saying something stupid and making everything awkward.
"I know you think about me too." He whispered so simply as if it were the easiest thing he's ever said. I didn't say anything, I didn't have to. His hands traveled slowly to my hips. He rested there for a second before looking at me asking for permission. I nodded, he lifted my shirt over my head tossing it on the floor. My stomach was churning, I was nervous. I broke into a cold sweat, something I've heard about but never really experienced till now. He went lower and lower to my jeans and-
BUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZ
Shooting out of my bed I slammed the alarm clock. I was standing there breathing hard in complete shock. Did I just have a dream about Kendall Schmidt? I ran my fingers through my hair that was now sweaty. This was also nothing new to me either... I had an odd dream about Kendall yesterday. It's not like I like him, I mean yeah he's attractive but... he's my best friend. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, but I just ignored it. Nothing unusual...
"Hello?" I answered my phone after it wouldn't stop ringing.
"Yo! Need a ride to school? James in ditching so you don't have to fight him for shotgun." Kendall laughed through the phone
"Yeah, um Adam actually offered to take me today. But thanks Ken I'll see you there." I said happily. It was true, Adam freaking Kosh offered to drive me to school today. He's been flirting with me a bit at school but never really hung around me much. I'm guessing it has something to do with Kendall and the guys. Kendall hates Adam, literally. I knew telling him Adam was taking me to school would set him off but... whatever I'm too happy for him to kill my buzz.
"My God, why would you ride with him? You know he just wants to get laid. Dude I say this because i love you, he's a douche bag that uses girls for sex, and its no different with you!" He said as his voice rose higher till it cracked.
"Thanks for the advice, dad, but I'll make my own decisions thank you." I held my smile confidently on my face.
"Doll... I just... I just don't want you to get hurt, and I know this dude..." He trailed off
"Stop worrying about me Kendall!" I snapped at him. I understand that he's just being a good friend but it annoys the shit out of me. "You are not my dad so it's not your job to worry about who I fucking choose to date. I'm not fucking the dude, and I'm not planning on it either. Just stop fucking worrying.." What I said was harsh, but only truthful. That's what he wanted to know, is if I gave him my virginity yet. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't beat around the bush for the sake of my feelings... I'm not 6 whither he like it or not.
"I know you're not Doll. I know you're better than that. And I really want it to stay that way.." He said softly making me feel bad for snapping at him.
"Listen Kendall, I need to get ready... I'll see you at school." I didn't give him the chance to say goodbye I just hung up.
After two cups of coffee and two hours of getting ready for school Adam was here. I pretty much prayed this wouldn't be awkward. Conversation always came easy with people for me... it's just the guys that I decided to have a crush on is when I freeze up and act shy. After a while I convinced myself to act confident. As he pulled up I casually walked to his car climbing in the passenger seat, in my head I was silently thanking God I didn't trip on a rock or something.
"Hey beautiful." He gleamed. God, he's perfect. Muscular, but not too much. Long brown hair and dark blue eyes. His tan was complimented by the bright orange shirt he was wearing, and of course white shorts with "mandals".
"Hi Adam" I replied with a confident smile
"You know I wish you'd have lunch with me." He laughed pulling out of my driveway and continued, "I mean I'd sit with you but Kendall freaks me out. Is that dude like your long lost brother or some shit?" He laughed
"Sometimes I honestly have to remind myself he's not. He just really cares, you know? We've know each other for so long it's just an instinct kind of thing i guess you could say."
"How adorbz!" Adam mocked me. We both laughed uncontrollably.
"Shut up" I playfully shoved him, "Seriously though, he's a good guy. Just not if you're on his bad side."
"Mmm well, I'm certainly glad I'm at least not on your bad side." He winked squeezing my thigh
"Hang out with me at school today." I more of stated it then asked him.
"I want to! But Kendall would probably kill me if he even saw me look at you." He laughed
"We don't have to hang out with Kendall too silly. I'll just sit with you at lunch instead." I smiled knowing Kendall would have a fit about this and Logan would probably be pretty pissed too. Carlos is too much of a happy and energetic person he wouldn't be too worried about it and James isn't here.
"Hmm deal." He beamed a smile pulling into a parking spot at the school, he turned off his car making it silent, "You know though I don't think I can go inside just yet."
"Uh... why?" I asked confused
"Well see, my lips are kind of dry and I don't have any chap stick on me right now." He winked, "But that cherry chap stick on yours would do just fine..."
"Smooth.." I whispered leaning closer to him meeting him halfway. After a moment of taking this moment in he finally grasped my lips with his. I could tell he knew what he was doing by the way his lips moved so perfectly with mine. His hand casually made it's way into my lap sliding his hand up my thigh. I would've normally been uncomfortable, but Adam just had that way of making me feel special. He somehow worked his tongue into my mouth without letting me notice at first. I got so lost into the moment I about lumped 10 feet in the air when my phone rang.
"Sorry" I whispered alluring from his grasp.
"Hey, see I'd love to watch you and your boyfriend make out all day but class is about to start." Kendall's voice boomed through the phone. I looked up and sure enough, Kendall and Logan are standing there.
"Oh my god you guys are-"
"Listen we need to talk to you so hurry." He hung up the phone adn just stood there. I wasn't looking in a mirror but I could already tell my face was flushed.
"This is so embarrassing. I'm really sorry Adam, they're assholes." I said apologetically, but he just put his hand up and smiled cheesily at me.
"No worries dude, you're a really good kisser by the way." He winked stepping out of the car. I waved him goodbye knowing Kendall wasn't gonna let me walk in the school with him.
"What is wrong with you?" Logan defied as soon as Adam was out of earshot
"What is wrong with me? What about you creepers who were watching me kiss someone!" I threw my hands in the hair.
"Sorry for saving your ass from that douche." Logan stuck out his tongue
"Where's Carlos? I like him better than both of you right now." I smirked
"He had to come early, absent assignments." Kendall replied being short
"Oh okay.." I said quietly, being cautious of Kendall's attitude. He clearly wasn't in a good mood today so I was just gonna back off.
"Hey Doll I need your opinion, would you rather go to a moth camp for three weeks or go to a hockey camp to four days?" Logan asked walking backwards infront of me
"Uh I don't know, why?"
"So there's this math camp that's supposed to look really good on my college application if I go, right? But there's also the four day hockey camp that me and the guys go to every year and this year it so happens to fall on the same week. Of course the guys say hockey but I want your opinion." Logan said breathlessly
"Well honestly Logan, you're a really smart kid already. You don't need some camp to get accepted into a college. Plus it's three weeks? What are you trying to kill yourself with Borden? Do something you actually want to do, hockey would be my choice." I smiled back at his expression which was pretty much blank. I could tell he was thinking about it all.
"You're right, I mean I shouldn't waste three weeks of my summer." Logan nodded falling beside me.
"Why are you being so quiet Kendall?" I asked almost annoyed by him being absent minded.
"I'm not, I just have nothing to say..." He said to me, he didn't even look me in the eye. "I gotta go to class." He turned, walking down the hall leaving Logan and I.
"What's up with him? Did I do something?" I asked Logan
"How am I supposed to know?" He looked at me distressed
"You're the smart one!"
"Well I think it has to do with Adam honestly..." He said slowly knowing he was kind of blaming it on me. Scoffing I parted away from him walking at a quicker pace to class.
Today was not my day. First of all Kendall got all pissy because I sat with Adam at lunch. I mean sometimes I could honestly slap him for being so controlling. He ignored me the rest of the day. Oh and my favorite part, in Foods we were able to choose partners and he ignored me picking someone he doesn't even like! At the end of the day when I tried to talk to him he just kept walking like I wasn't even there.
*Dude i'm really sorry I didn't get the chance to talk to you today. I mean Kendall kept snapping at me when I mentioned you and we don't have any classes so I didn't see you in the hall either! Don't be mad at me! -L
I smiled at the simple text Logan sent me. At least I still had him, well and of course Carlos and James.
*Don't even stress about it, I get it, Kendall and I will be cool by tomorrow. -D
I mean honestly though, will me and Kendall "be cool" tomorrow? I felt so confused yet worried too. Kendall is the most stubborn person I know, what if... what if he just forgets about me? What if our friendship is ended by something so stupid. Our parent's always joked about us growing up and getting married when we were kids, it made things awkward and we'd make "icky" faces at each other... But deep down, I felt myself wishing for it. I'm not sitting here trying to hint that I all the sudden wanna have his children and be in love forever and ever with him... hah, No, I just can't begin to imagine life with him.
*Meet me in our spot, 5 minutes! -D
As soon as I sent the text I bursted through my front door and head to out spot. When I was a little kid I let curiosity get the best of me and I walked thought he creepy woods behind my house. Yeah they looked dark, but it wasn't until you followed the path it was actually quite relaxing. Silent, and alone. Nobody knew about our spot and we made sure of it. It was something special to me and Kendall, actually so special that the guys don't know about it.
I sat down on a branch that was lying on the ground and absorbed my surroundings. It was getting dark but not quite yet. Trees were everywhere I looked, most girls would probably be creeped out by it but I found it to be meditating. From stress building up in me all the time I just don't know any other way to be relaxed. I gripped my stomach, I hated hunger pains but then again they were sometimes the only thing that felt real.
"You okay?" Kendall's voice cut through the moment
"Yeah, my stomach hurts a little, I'm fine though." I replied trying to sound casual, in all reality though... I was nerveous out of my mind.
"Listen, I know I was being an ass today and I'm sorry. Ashley called me..." He paused waiting for my reaction
My reaction? How could I even begin to explain this... That name, Ashley, it just made me shudder at the thought. Kendall's ex girlfriend was never my favorite but I kept my distance from her. They broke up about a month ago and Kendall and I haven't been this close since, well they didn't even know each other. When she came along and just ruined everything. Kendall claimed to love her and he followed her around like a sick puppy dog. He ignored the guys and me, and even worse he didn't even realize he was doing it. He was too caught up in their relationship. I didn't know why, but all I felt towards her was jealousy. It wasn't even like I didn't like her personality... It was just the fact that she had Kendall so easily?.
"Why?" I tried not to sound uneven but in the moment I couldn't even bring myself to look him in the eye.
"She wants to get back together. And I don't know I was just so stressed about what to do so it put me in a bad mood I guess. And then talking to you made me feel better until you mentioned Adam and I don't know. I shouldn't have tooken it out on you and I am honestly sorry from the bottom of my heart Doll." The look in his eyes was no question. I knew he was sorry.
I stood up walking over to him.
"It's okay Kendall... I have to go." I lied. I just didn't want him to see me cry. I hugged his giant frame compared to mine and started making my way through the thick rough trees that were once calming. I let the warm salty tears silently fall down my face when I knew he couldn't see me anymore.
Why am I always the one that gets fucked over? Why is it that I am nice to EVERYONE and I get nothing in return but shit. I am so fucking tired of being an insecure little bitch that can't even tell herself how she feels.
"Doll!" Kendall yelled running up behind me gripping my arm gently turning me towards him
"Are you crying? What's wrong?" Kendall sounded scared and out of breathe. He didn't wait for me to respond to him. He just clutched me close to his warm and inviting chest. I inhaled sharply taking in his familiar scent. It made me want to cry even more but I bottled it up and kept my sanity for the sake of humiliation.
"Doll, did I do something? What happened? Why are you crying?" Kendall asked at once almost overwhelming me
"No, you didn't do anything. Everything is okay, I'm fine, really." I said wiping my face putting on the old fake smile.
"Stop lying to me Doll! Why do you do this? You just bottle everything up inside and act like everything is roses and daisy's for you! Tell me what's wrong Doll, I care." He yelled but it slowly died down to more of a whine.
"I can't.." I simply whispered. I was no longer lying to him, I just wasn't going to let him in.
"Please, I-i-i can't sit here and watch you destroy yourself like this. You can tell me anything... I love you Doll, I care about you... and so do other people. I wanna help this time, just please let me in!" He begged me. I wanted to let him know how I felt... not only about him.
"It's not that easy Kendall! You don't know what it's like to have something eat away at you little by little everyday. To-to-to not even care if you even woke up the next morning! To have to force the same smile just so everyone isn't riding your ass asking "are you okay?" Because I'm not! Okay! I am NOT okay." I broke down there. Huffing and gasping for air while just crying as hard as possible might have been embarrassing normally but with Kendall embracing me it was honestly hard to care about anything.
"Look at me Doll, do not think I haven't gone a day without noticing you. I knew something was wrong, I just cant place my finger on it. Please, I want to help you." He whined, he looked like he was also on the verge of tears
I didn't say anything. He took this as an opportunity to drag me to his place. The walk was about 3 minutes but we didn't say anything to each other. He knew I didn't want to talk and that was my favorite thing about him. He just walked hugging me close to him comforting me.
"Mom, I'm in my room with Doll!" Kendall called from over the stairway still walking up with me. Of course his mom didn't care because for one; she loves me. And for two; she know me and Kendall are just friends.
"Okay sweetie!" She called back in the same sweet tone she always held onto.
As soon as he shut the door to his room, I felt anxiety build up inside me. Like a feeling consuming over me. Sitting on Kendall's bed helped me calm down.
"You can start explaining now." He said as if it were simple
"You wont understand." I mumbled loud enough for him to hear me. He didn't say anything, just more of got a sad look in his usually bright and happy green eyes. He got on his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands.
"I want to know. I really want to protect you. But-but you wont let me. How am I supposed to help if you wont let me in?" He rested his head on my lap. I didn't feel uncomfortable though, this was nothing compared to the way we always cuddled. We always did the most intamite things with each other but they meant nothing to us. Like we'd cuddle in bed and watch a movie but that was normal to us. So wasn't what was making me breathe so hard. It was the fact that I was going to have to explain to him what has been going on with me.
"Let me protect you." He whispered
I took a deep breathe, all of this was too much too fast. I didn't know how to tell him this. I was scared to death too...
"I have... I have an ED Kendall."
*OKAY, so I was planning on letting "the secret" out in the next chapter but I didn't want you you to think it was her confessing her love for Kendall. Stay tuned for the next chapter, maybe some intamite Kendoll moments? ;) Hmm we'll find out... Anyways please review!