In the aftermath of Karofsky's attempted suicide, Sebastian Smythe realized something: he really was a fucking asshole.
Honestly, who the fuck would say such shitty things to people all the time. Even that bitch, Santana, was decent sometimes. Fuck, even Sue Sylvester could be a passable human being at times.
The list of Sebastian's "Acts of Douchebaggery" grew every damn time he left his fucking house, and made contact with people: The boys whose virginities he'd take, promising forever, and gone by morning. The Dalton students he looked down on and verbally abused for no reason but for his own amusement. Everything he'd manipulated the Warblers into doing. And everything he'd done to nearly every single member of the New Directions that posed even the slightest threat; either to his pride, or the championship.
Karofsky was just the first time he realized just how drastically words could affect someone's life. Even if his words were just a small part of the actual reason Karofsky attempted suicide, they were still a part of it. Still worse, though they weren't the words that set him off, they could have been. Had he said those things a few weeks later, they could have been the words that sent David Karofsky over the edge.
Sebastian was thankful they weren't, but the guilt still lingered. Gut wrenching guilt that grew worse and worse as he realized just how horrible the things he was saying and doing recently had been. Just how many people he could have pushed over a metaphorical, perhaps even literal, cliff, because of how shitty a person he was.
Having been that way for so long, he never really gave much thought to it, and it's not like he could go back and reconcile with people he'd hurt several years ago. Especially since there's no way of knowing where they are, and for quite a few, even what they're names are. Some of these situations really shouldn't be apologized for though, at least in his opinion. Ike picking someone up at a club or party to have some 'fun' really shouldn't get upset when he's gone the next morning. Unless specified, situations like that should be considered one-night stands.
There were other times, however, where he had intentionally acted even more like a dickhead, than usual, with the intent of causing people problems, or getting his way (mainly into someone's pants, often ruining relationships along the way). Most members of the New Directions had been victims of this behavior out him. The group as a whole received an apology for his asshole behavior and the Michael incident, but specifically, he dished out apologies to Berry and Hudson (for blackmailing Hudson, insulting Berry, and criticizing their impending marriage), and to Blaine (for nearly blinding him with the rock salt slushy).
One very important apology still needed to be made, which he had been reluctant to do in front of the small group that had been present for his other apologies. Sebastian dreaded this one the most, as this person had been the most affected by his asshole behavior over the last few months and could easily be seen in Karofsky's position. In fact, nightmares plagued Sebastian most nights, witnessing various ways that Kurt Hummel could have offed himself, all because of the way Sebastian viciously targeted him in both for fun, and to try and get into Blaine's pants.
That guilt and knowledge eventually led him to the Lima Bean, in an attempt to track Kurt down and apologize to him one-on-one. He damned that place for being basically the only place he could find any damn member of that disgraceful, public, shithole of a school.
He just hoped Gayface didn't have any of his pathetic harem, freakish personal bodyguards, or the delicious arm candy with him.
The last thing Kurt wanted to see while finishing his mocha, was Sebastian Smythe walking through the door. Honestly, though, with the way his senior year had been so far, he wasn't completely surprised, that the one time he comes to the Lima Bean by himself since before regionals, he ends up without any backup (read: witnesses) against the horse-toothed, meerkat-faced, criminal chipmunk.
Not wanting to deal with it, especially alone, he hurriedly gathers his belongings and tries to head out, but as luck would have it, Sebastian blocks his escape.
"We need to talk."
"If we were dating, I'd be terrified, but as it is, fuck off," Kurt snaps back, uselessly trying to maneuver around Sebastian and to the door.
"Ha ha," Sebastian spits out, "Sit!" He grabs Kurt's wrist and drags him back to the vacated table.
Kurt follows, if only to prevent even more of a scene. He yanks his wrist out of Sebastian's grasp, bitching at him all the while. "Let go before you bruise my wrist, Neanderthal. The last thing I need is Finn and Sam freaking out on me for getting hurt without them here and being even more overprotective. They already refuse to let me go anywhere by myself. I'm now sincerely regretting sneaking out to come here."
"I'm sure the only female dwarf in existence is heartbroken over the fact that her freakishly tall, troll boyfriend is more willing to spend time chasing after the gayest fairy in all the land, than listen to her shriek like a banshee."
"And I'm done. Nice talk. Have a great life filled with STDs. See you, never." Kurt turns to finally make his dramatic walk out ala Rachel Berry style but pauses and decides to take the chance to find out exactly why Sebastian had cornered him. "No. You have made my senior year a living Hell," Kurt says, spinning back around to face Sebastian. "I'm not leaving it at that.
From the moment you came into my life, I have been paranoid that Blaine would leave me for your slutty ass. I have fought you, him, and myself to make my relationship with him work, and you enjoyed every minute of tearing me and my work down to the fucking ground. And while the others may have forgotten or overlooked it, don't think I don't remember that that slushy was actually aimed at me. So not only have you verbally victimized and emotionally tormented me but have also attempted to physically assault me. Proceeding to also target my friends and family.
All of this, and still you're here, clearly intent on finding me, since you completely bypassed the counter and headed straight for me, even refusing to let me leave. So, what? What do you want? To attack me some more? To humiliate me with some stupid fucking joke at my expense? Throw some more emotional distress my way?"
Red-faced and out of breath, Kurt glares Sebastian down, waiting for answers, fist shaking in rage and shame for letting the younger boy get to him so quickly.
"I was like you once," Sebastian starts, looking away, like it was some kind of movie scene flashback, "I was 13, gullible and waiting for love. I thought it could come from anywhere, still do, really, though I won't sit and wait for it. I had a relationship or two, in the beginning. People were a lot more open about their emotions in Paris, and far more accepting than here. I didn't feel the need to wait to have sex. You wouldn't be with someone if you didn't feel something for them, after all, and really, the longer you wait, the more pressure there is.
More fear and nervousness. More chances for it to fuck up a relationship.
I learned that, a lot of times, relationships involving younger people fizzle out after that beginning 'puppy love' stage, whether or not sex is introduced. Too many young people won't change or adapt the way most relationships really need to work. Maybe the rare couple can make it work for the long-haul, but most are too selfish.
So, I didn't wait to have sex, and when the relationships fizzled out, I moved on. No regrets. Then I learned the pattern. The puppy love thing, and looking for long, meaningful relationships, turned into short stints of dating people that I found attractive, just so I could have sex with them and not be called a whole. This leads back to the whole finding love anywhere thing. I found them attractive, and wanted to have sex with them but, in all honestly, still believed that once I got to know them, they could be 'the one'. When they weren't, and the sex got boring or we couldn't stand each other anymore, there would be an epic fight, and we'd break up." Sebastian smirked, looking at Kurt, humor ginting in his eyes at his dramatic younger self.
Kurt huffs out a laugh and finally collapses into the chair opposite Sebastian, hardly believing that he's getting Sebastian's backstory.
"Ok, and that turned you into the dick you are now, how, exactly?"
"Well, you can hardly expect me to keep that up for long. 'Relationship' after 'relationship' of hoping this one is the right guy. I got tired of it rather quickly. I stopped getting my hopes up for that 'one relationship' and instead focused on the sex and being with a guy that had at least a semi decent personality. Somebody I wouldn't mind spending the majority of my time with since we'd be seeing a lot of each other. Unfortunately, we either didn't have a lot in common and I couldn't stand hanging out with them, or we were too unsatisfied sexually because of various reasons. They sucked in bed, there were no kinks we had in common, we just didn't find the other attractive enough. Whatever the reason was, it was enough to break it off. Some of them I was even able to remain friends with, if we parted on more peaceful terms.
Anyway, tired of the drama of these kind of relationships, I moved on from them too. Ending the relationships quicker and messier without care of their feelings, until it wasn't even worth the relationships title anymore, since they were basically just one-night stands. We'd be together until we had sex and then, depending on how good they were, we'd do it a couple more times and then I'd end it. Eventually, even that wore on my patience. Turns out, more people are willing to sleep with you when you aren't expecting a relationship anyway. And it didn't mean you couldn't still be friends with those people. Thus I discovered fuck buddies.
Of course, I was still only 15, about to 16, at that point, so a lot of people were wary simply because of my age. And then people that were still my friends were trying relationships because they were growing up and maturing. More willing to compromise. I turned to clubs and bars for one-night stands, just to get my kicks while waiting for a decent relationship to come my way. Except, even when going to clubs for some 'fun', there were people who thought that 'fun' meant relationship. It got to the point where I was tired of being hounded by people I had slept with that tracked me down in some club or another, that I just started trying to get the point across right of the bat. I didn't care about their feelings. If they didn't like that I just wanted them for sex, or got offended, then they could fuck off. But if they were ok with it, then we'd fuck and be done. Simple as that."
"Wait, so what happened to finding love?"
"Well, I still believe that someone out there will love me that way. I haven't given up on it. I just decided to have some fun along the way. As long as that person accepts my past, and my decision to not wait for them, then it'll be fine. I'm always safe and careful, and I get tested every few weeks. Like I said before, anyway, I don't believe a relationship can work if the sexual needs aren't met. How could I show them what I need sexually, if I haven't already experienced it? That person could be my true soulmate, and a situation like that could either destroy or completely make the relationship based on how we handled it."
"So that's it?" Kurt stares in disbelief. "That's why you're a dick to people? Because you don't have patience anymore?"
"No."
"But you just said-"
"I said that I didn't care about people's feeling in clubs that want more than I'm willing to give. That does make me a dick, yes. But that's not why I was a dick to you."
"Then, why?"
"Because I wanted Blaine, and until you showed up, I thought I could actually get him."
"Until I showed up?"
"He didn't actually tell me he was in a relationship, and while the Warblers talked about, I didn't actually know for sure. So I went for it. Of course, outside of clubs I don't normally go up to people and tell them I want to fuck them. I use a subtler approach. I talked to him for a bit, trying to probe and see if he would be into it, and the more we met up, the more I could try. Then you came in, when we were here, for one of our meet ups, and he introduced you as his boyfriend. I figured that was the end of it. I hadn't been able to see if he would be into it, because he had you, so of course he wouldn't be. If what the Warbler's said was true, then you guys had been dating far past the puppy love stage and were still going strong. He clearly just saw me as a friend.
You knew exactly what kind of person I was right from the start, or you at least knew that I was trying to get into Blaine's pants. I never expected to hear from Blaine again outside of visits to Dalton and maybe competitions, but then you gave me the attitude. Told me you didn't like me, that I smelled like craigslist, and all that crap, and I was hooked. I've never had anybody match my wit like that, over and over again. The insults, the sarcasm, it was hilarious and kept me on toes. I constantly had to be thinking of new insults and names. It was like a game to me. A cruel game that involved tearing you down with nothing but my words, while you fought to keep everything together. Fucked up, I know.
I knew that, had I met you at another time, or other circumstances, we could have been great friends. I've seen you're Latina friend. Her and I are a lot alike. But we were at each other's throats, with one goal in mind: Blaine. Yours wouldn't have been the first relationship I'd wrecked, though the others were unknowingly.
The moment you saw me with Blaine painted a big target on my back. I was someone you had to look out for, because I was a threat to everything you had worked so hard to build. You were defensive, which painted a target on your back in return. It escalated too quickly, and I got caught up in it. Hurt people I didn't need to, because they were your friends and team and stood in my way. They were associated with you and were my competition. But I took it too far. I took it to this point. It was my fault. I could have stopped right at the beginning. Could have said 'hey, no, I didn't know he was in a relationship, I'll back off.' But I didn't. I egged you on.
And Karofsky was partially my fault, too. Which is why I'm here. It's why I needed to come and talk to you.
'It's all fun and games, until it's not.'
I didn't want it to reach that point for you, too. Not when I didn't even mean for it to get this far. Not when I could see us having been friends in different circumstances. And now that that's off my chest, I'll just be heading out of your life for good."
Sebastian stood and made his way out, leaving Kurt to his thoughts.
Two days later, Kurt did something that would change the rest of his life. He made the conscious decision to forgive Sebastian Smythe, because he had absolutely no doubt in his mind that the backstory he had been told had actually been Sebastian's fucked up way of apologizing.
Going onto Facebook and searching for the other teen's profile, Kurt friended him and sent along an added message.
'You know, that's not what an apology sounds like.'
'Bite me.' Is the response he receives moments later, along with the expected 'You and Sebastian Smythe are now friends.'
Kurt laughs.