Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh, Cookie Monster, Geo Metro, Cadillac, Lucky Charms, Pop Tarts or any of the characters, so don't sue me:D
Cherry Royale
"Guardian Eatos..." muttered Raphael in his sleep as he clutched the pillow in his arms and gave it a big wet kiss "I love you so much..."
Even though it was only about 6:30am at Doom Headquarters, it seemed just like an other day. The place was still pretty quiet, except for the sound of a faucet running somewhere in the distance. After all Dartz had a habit of starting his day off with a nice relaxing bubble bath, complete with scented candles. The only other real sound was Raphael's mumbling as he began to make out with his pillow. Yes it was a morning just like any other...
CRASH
"NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!" screamed Varon at the top of his lungs somewhere in the distance "IT'S MINE!"
"THE HELL IT IS!" screeched Amelda who sounded as if though he were about to have a heart attack "I DIDN'T GET UP EXTRA EARLY FOR NOTHING!"
"Huh!?" mumbled Raphael as his blue eyes suddenly shot open upon hearing the massive crash in the distance "W-What the Hell's going on?"
Although Raphael was still very sleepy, he knew that something serious was going on, so he got up and decided to check. After all it was weird that both Varon and Amelda were up at such an early time. For one thing Varon was such a heavy sleeper, that only a stick of dynamite could wake him up. The only other thing that could get him out of bed was the smell of breakfast. So when 7am rolled around each morning, Varon was always at the breakfast table stuffing his face. Amelda on the other hand wasn't a heavy sleeper, but he believed in getting his beauty sleep. So the redhead would sleep til about 8am each morning, and wake up in a good mood. His mood always turned nasty though when he realized that there was no breakfast left, except for a few bran muffins. So after following the shouting and cursing, Raphael found Varon and Amelda in the kitchen, and realized what the problem was...
"I found this Pop Tart first!" cried Varon who was wearing flannel blue Cookie Monster print pajamas, as he clutched the sugary breakfast pastry in his hands "So it's mine!"
"That's a lie and you know it!" shouted Amelda who was wearing red pajama pants and a black tanktop that read "Too Sexy For This Shirt" "I found it first!"
"NO I DID!"
"I DID!"
"It's 6:30 am and I can't believe that you two are fighting already" said Raphael as he yawned and rubbed his eye with the sleeve of his Guardian Eatos print pajamas "And over what? A stupid Pop Tart..."
"A STUPID POP TART!?" cried Varon as his sky blue eyes widened in horror at what Raphael had just said "This isn't any Pop Tart! It's a cherry one!"
"It's also the last one!" shouted Amelda as he quickly reached out and snatched it out of Varon's hand "And now it's now mine!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Varon as a look of insanity came across his face and he growled like a wild beast "YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN SHEILA!"
At that moment Varon charged right at Amelda and tackled him to the ground. The look of momentary pain and shock in the redhead's grey eyes, quickly turned to one of anger. So before long they were both rolling around on the ground, fighting like a couple of wild animals. In fact they were so busy fighting that they failed to notice that the Pop Tart had flown right into Raphael's hands.
"Well I know exactly what I have to do" said Raphael as he looked down at the pastry in his hands, before suddenly taking a bite out of it "Hmm...this Pop Tart is actually pretty good"
"HUH!?" exclaimed both Varon and Amelda as they momentarily stopped beating each other and looked over at Raphael
"YOU TOOK A BITE OUT OF IT!" cried Varon as he let go of the front of Amelda's tanktop, and pulled himself off the floor "HOW COULD YOU!?"
"That was my breakfast!" cried Amelda as he also pulled himself up and had a look of pain and misery in his grey eyes "I just lost a few hours of beauty sleep for nothing!"
"Well it's my breakfast now" said Raphael as he casually took another bite of the Pop Tart before heading back to his room "Besides I think there's some bran muffins in the cupboard"
"BRAN MUFFINS!?"
"I don't wanna eat muffins!" sobbed Varon as he suddenly threw himself onto the ground and curled up on the floor "Make Amelda eat 'em! He likes 'em!"
"SHUT UP!" snapped Amelda who looked as if though he were about to pop a blood vessel "I'm sick and tired of eating muffins because of you!"
"Can this day get any worse mate?"
"What's this? You two are actually up at this hour?" said Dartz as he strolled into the kitchen wearing a bathrobe, slippers, and with a towel wrapped around his head "Well then it looks like you're both going to be my special helpers today..."
"Special helpers?"
(Awhile Later)
"Well I'm set" thought Raphael as he walked out of his bedroom and began to head towards the living room "I just hope that there's not a long line at the gas station"
After finishing up the cherry Pop Tart of discord, Raphael went back to his bedroom and got dressed. He had already planned out his day and didn't want to lose a single minute. First he would stop off at the gas station to fuel up his motorcycle, then he'd head to the mall downtown. After all as president of the "I Love Guardian Eatos" fanclub, it was his duty to see if there was any new merchandise with her face on it. Then if he still had any time left, he'd try to look for Yugi and steal the pharoah's soul. The moment that Raphael finally reached the living room though, he was met with a very disturbing scene. Dartz was comfortably seated in a lounge chair, as Varon and Amelda sat on each side of him, each armed with a comb and a bottle of hair detangler...
"If I find even a single split end" said Dartz who was busy enjoying a bran muffin as his minions detangled his long luxurious light blue hair "Things will get ugly..."
"I'm so hungry..." thought Varon as he weakly struggled to pull his comb through Dartz's long silky light blue locks "It's gonna take us all day to finish this!"
"Well I'm done" announced Amelda as he put down his bottle of detangler and the comb before standing up
"WHAT!?"
"Ahh very nicely done Amelda..." said Dartz as he admired the long silky, shiny, and now tangle-free locks "I'm glad to see you weren't stingy with the detangler..."
"Uh thank you Master Dartz..." said Amelda whose arms ached at that moment from untangling so much hair "May I leave now?"
"No, since you did such a good job" said Dartz as he motioned for the redhead to move over to the side where Varon was "You can help this slow worthless glutton before I end up sitting here all day..."
"Hey the only reason I'm slow is cause I don't do this on a daily basis!" shouted Varon who tempted to just pull out some scissors and chop off his boss' hair "Unlike Ame-"
"Silence glutton!" shouted Dartz as he reached over and threw the remainder of his muffin at Varon, before looking at Amelda "Now you get over there and help him!"
"Yes Master Dartz..."muttered the redhead as he slowly walked to the other side and took a seat next to the redhead "This wouldn't be happening if I had stayed in bed..."
At that moment Raphael simply shook his head, and felt completely sorry for Amelda and Varon. After all since they were both younger and lower ranking than he was, Dartz would always give them degrading tasks. So it was no surprise to find them hand washing the Atlantean king's dirty socks, picking the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms cereal and mixing them in with fiber cereal, giving him a facial, or alphabetizing his shampoo bottles. Luckily Raphael was completely immune to such nonsense, and only got the most important tasks of all.
"Ahh Raphael I'm glad to see that you're here" said Dartz as he noticed the blonde, and motioned for him to walk over "I have a very important job for you today"
"Today?" asked Raphael with a worried look in his blue eyes, as he knelt down before his master "Actually I already planned to-"
"I don't care what you had planned!" shouted Dartz as he reached into his bathrobe and pulled out a folded piece of paper "Now take this with you and don't come back until the job is complete!"
Judging by Dartz's tone of voice, this job was obviously something very serious. So Raphael quickly unfolded the paper and began to read what was written on it. It was only then that he realized that the paper was actually a list of several items. Among them was fiber cereal, prune juice, spinach quiche, tater tots, and mint-n-chip ice cream. He also noticed that there was a coupon for 25 cents off of tater tots, taped to the bottom of the paper. While Raphael didn't understand at first, the crazy look in Dartz's mismatched blue and gold eyes, told him that this was no joke.
"In case you haven't figured it out you overgrown baboon" said Dartz as he casually waved his hand in the air "I want you to go to the supermarket and do my grocery shopping"
"You want me to do your grocery shopping?" asked Raphael who was in complete disbelief on his face "But isn't that someone else's job?"
"The last time I sent the glutton" said Dartz as he looked over at Varon and Amelda who were still busy untangling his hair "He spent all of my money on candy, soda, and things for himself"
"Well I was hungry!" whined Varon who momentarily stopped what he was doing and looked up "You try going to the supermarket on an empty stomach!"
"What about Amelda?"
"He forgot to use the coupon I gave him!" growled Dartz as he looked over menacingly at the the redhead "I could have saved 25 cents on a 12-pack of double quilted aloe vera toilet paper!"
"The coupon was expired!" said Amelda who continued working since he was anxious to leave already "There was nothing I could do"
"Nothing but pathetic excuses!" shouted Dartz as he grabbed a nearby magazine and slapped both of his minions with it "Now shut up and keep working!"
"Yes Master Dartz..."
"Now you get over to the supermarket right away" snapped Dartz as he pointed straight towards the door as he looked up at Raphael "And don't forget to use that coupon!"
"But Master Dartz..." said Raphael as he looked down and noticed that the coupon for tater tots was expired "This coupon is-"
SNAP!
At that moment Dartz snapped his fingers, causing a purple vortex to appear over Raphael. He was immediately sucked up into the vortex, before it vanished into thin air. As Raphael traveled through the vortex, he was tossed around like a rag doll, and spun in circles. It felt exactly as if though he were trapped inside of a giant washing machine. Luckily it only lasted a few seconds, since the vortex quickly opened up, and spat him out like a piece of chewed up gum.
"Uh..." groaned a dizzy Raphael as he slowly pulled himself off of the ground and struggled to regain his footing "This must be how laundry feels..."
When Raphael managed to overcome his dizziness, he realized that he was down in the garage. Even though there were usually several vehicles in there, on this day it was nearly empty. So far there were only four motorcycles, a blue Geo Metro, a light blue scooter, and a huge mint green Cadillac convertible. One of the motorcycles was obviously his, and the other three belonged to Amelda,Varon, and Mai Valentine. The owner of the scooter was a mystery though, since nobody was ever seen driving it.
"I'm going to the market though" groaned Raphael as he longingly gazed at his beloved dark green motorcycle "Which means I'm going to be bringing groceries back...so that means only one thing"
Even though there were two cars, Raphael knew that the Cadillac was off limits. After all despite it's garish appearance thanks to it's leopard print interior, fuzzy dice, huge tail fins, chrome rims, and ridiculous paint job, it was Dartz's favorite car. Apparently he had bought it during the fifties, and had driven it every day since then. So if Dartz ever found someone even trying to touch his car, he'd do horrible unspeakable things to them. The only choice that he obviously had was the Geo Metro that Dartz had purchased at "Bandit Keith's Used Car Lot". So with a resigned look on his face, Raphael walked over to the car, opened the door, and got inside...or at least tried to.
"Why is this stupid car so small?" muttered Raphael who was so tall and muscular that he couldn't really fit in the driver's seat "I guess now I understand why Amelda hates doing this"
Even though Raphael was the tallest of all of Dartz's minions, Amelda came fairly close. So everytime he was sent to the supermarket, the redhead complained about the drive. Then again he seemed to complain about almost everything, so nobody paid any attention to him anymore. Now as Raphael was seeing firsthand, he really did have a reason to be upset about the car. Varon had never complained about the car, but then again he was the shortest person around.
"The size of this car is enough reason to make Varon do the shopping" muttered Raphael as he struggled to get the driver's side door closed "Why would anyone buy such a hunk of junk in the first place?"
Aside from being ridiculously small, the Geo Metro was pretty ugly and had an antenna ball that looked like a corndog. As Raphael continued muttering under his breath, he put the keys into the ignition and started up the car...or at least tried to.
Vroom vroom...pffft
Although the car started out normally, it suddenly backfired and turned off. Raphael groaned in disgust at this point, got out of the car, and decided to see what was wrong with it. It was only once he was out of the car though, that he noticed that the corndog antenna ball, was actually a real corndog. Not really caring though, he opened the hood and decided to check the engine. Everything was running perfectly well in the ugly little car, so maybe it just needed a little push to get going. So Raphael opened the garage door, walked behind the car, and gave it a very light push.
VROOM! VROOM! VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The moment that he pushed the car, the engine started up, and it sped out of the garage at full speed...it was a shame that he wasn't in it though.
"HEY!" shouted Raphael as he immediately ran out of the garage and after the runaway car "COME BACK HERE!"
(Meanwhile back in the living room)
"Hey do ya hear that mate?" asked Varon as he suddenly turned his head up and looked towards the window "It sounded like Raph"
"You're just hearing things..." muttered Amelda whose wrists were severely cramped at that point from untangling so much hair "Now get back to work"
"Actually I heard it too" said Dartz as he suddenly stood up and quickly rushed over and looked out the window "And I have the strangest feeling that we'll see something amusing in 3, 2, 1..."
"HELP ME!" shouted Raphael from somewhere outside of the building "SOMEBODY HELP ME STOP THAT CAR!"
No sooner had all three crowded around the window, did the unmanned Geo Metro sped by on the street below. The ugly little hatchback was going full speed on the sidewalk, causing pedestrians to scream and jump out of the way. Meanwhile Raphael was running behind the car as quickly as he could, also causing pedestrians to jump out of the way. At this point there was only one thing that Amelda, Varon, and Dartz could do...
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"If my schedule weren't so busy..." laughed Dartz who was completely enjoying the chaos down in the streets "Then I'd have no choice but to follow Raphael as a source of cheap entertainment..."
"Do ya think he'll be able to catch up to it?" laughed Varon who had tears streaming down his cheeks as he looked out the window "Do ya?"
"Not if he doesn't run faster!" laughed Amelda who also had tears streaming down his cheeks as he clutched his aching ribs
"LOOK MATE!" shouted Varon as he suddenly pressed his face against the window "The car just ran over a corndog cart!"
"And now it turned onto another street!" laughed Amelda who wiped the tears away from his eyes "And it's going into oncoming traffic!"
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!
"Screw today's schedule!" said Dartz as he immediately pulled off his bathrobe and revealed a purple business suit underneath "This is way more important...as well as entertaining"
To Be Continued...
Author's Notes: Hello out there! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this new story! The main reason I decided to do this story was thanks to a request from Corpselady, so I hope you enjoy it CL. Oh and I know there's a few things from my other stories mixed in here (muffins, Cadillac, Guardian Eatos obsession, etc) but hopefully it'll give you guys a good laugh :). Thanks again for reading :D.