Chapter1 hard to be a gentleman EPOV
I stood by my car, waiting. Bella should arrive any moment now. I was desperate to see her, even more so than usual. But It was not just her blood I was craving. As I lay there beside her on her small, single bed watching her sleep, thoughts that weren't so innocent flashed through my mind. I was always a gentleman but watching her sleep, night after night, having to restrain myself, pull away. I prayed for the night where I didn't have to pull away, because I wouldn't hurt her. Her rusty Chevy truck pulled up next to my squeaky-clean, shiny Volvo. I smiled. She didn't like to draw attention to herself but the loud bang that echoed from the exhaust said different. She stepped out of her car, her eyes lighting up as they saw me. She came over to me and I immediately wrapped her in my arms. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I was wanting her more with every breathe she took.
"Hey" she whispered, lightly gripping my shirt as she did. I wish I could hear what she was thinking right now, I had no idea why she did this.
"Good morning" I said, gently kissing her forehead. She smelled delicious but not just her blood. She had showered this morning and the smell of her strawberry shampoo mixed with her natural aromas was enough to die for. She tilted her head up and I instantly knew what she was looking for. I pressed my lips, gently but firmly, to hers followed by a low moan. I hadn't realised how much I missed her, what was wrong with me today? She shivered but it didn't last long. The bell rang and the students began to file into class.
"Lets go" I whispered wrapping my arm around her waist and pressing her to my side as I led her towards the building. I sighed, kissed her forehead and then headed to my Spanish class, just as Jessica replaced my hand with hers, leading Bella in the opposite direction. It was going to be a long day. Emmett was waiting for me by the door, grinning from ear to ear.
"Dude are you deliberately tormenting Jasper?" He asked, thumping me on the back as he did. I skimmed through his thoughts. He was remembering what Jasper had said.
'God, what is he doing? We're at school!'
'What am I doing?" I asked, confused by Emmett's thoughts.
"Dude, you're umm.." he smirked while trying to think of the best suited word "Male instinct" he repeatedly raised his eyebrows as he said it "around Bella is through the roof and you're driving Jasper crazy, Alice is the only one that thanks you"
I sighed. I wasn't doing this on purpose, I wouldn't do that to him. I didn't know what was wrong with me today, It was as if I couldn't get close enough to her. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind, Jasper had gone through enough already. Emmett eyed me suspiciously then walked swiftly into class, I closely followed. I already knew perfect Spanish and so did Emmett so, just like every other lesson at this school, it was incredibly easy. I doodled in my notebook, just random swirls and hearts with 'Edward and Bella' written in them. Emmett was doodling as well, except he seemed to be drawing the scene from Godzilla in childish cartoons which I pretty sure is how he always drew. I had double Spanish so I was going to be here for a while. Emmett and I didn't answer any questions unless we were asked, to give the other children a fighting chance. Halfway through drawing yet another random swirl, the bell for break rang followed by my sigh in relief. Emmett mock punched my arm and headed to the parking lot. He wanted to stay at home today, I could tell why. Just the other day, a crowd of boys had surrounded Rosalie. She, of course, flirted back, making the hearts beat faster and there heads hurt. Emmett was not pleased. So to prevent it, he decided him and Rose should take the day off, how that would help, I don't know. I walked quickly towards the cafeteria, eager to see Bella. I got everything possible at the cafeteria, piled it in a tray and headed over to our table, the furthest one away from all the other tables. I drummed my fingers on the table impatiently. I saw Bella walk through the doors and made break into a huge smile of love, lust and pride. When I saw who was standing next to her, my smile vanished instantly. Mike Newton, with his hand around her waist, wearing a huge cocky grin on his face. I growled and my hands clenched into fists. Couldn't he see the engagement ring that looked so beautiful on the fourth finger of her left hand, her soft and fragile left hand. Bella seemed quite uncomfortable with his arm around her and although it was meant to look like a friendly gesture, Mike's hand was wrapped just a little too tight around her, his hand too relaxed. And anyway Jessica Stanley's thoughts were burning with jealousy. Bella's eyes wandered over to me and as soon as she saw me, her eyes lit up and a shy smile played on her lips. I was still frowning at Mike, thinking of ways I could innocently ask him to look at the hood of my car and then could silently snap his neck, nobody any the wiser. Before I knew it, Bella had sat down next to me, spinning her lemonade cap on the table, waiting for me to snap out of it and actually engage in conversation.
"Oh hey" I said, shaking my head as if it helped to shake away the thought "um, just daydreaming"
She smiled wearily "It's Mike isn't it?" she asked, almost a sigh of pity for him, turning her head to see her friends laughing and joking.
"He shouldn't push his luck" I grumbled like a child being scolded by their mother. Bella giggled joined by Alice's tinkling laugh as she sat with us.
"Well can't say I blame him" Alice smiled warmly at Bella. She was so much better at acting human than I was, at fitting in so smoothly.
"Neither can I" I sighed, resting my elbow on the table, my palm in my hand, gazing at Bella like how you see in the movies. Bella blushed a deep crimson and looked down. I'd miss that blush, that was one of my favourite things about her. I pushed my tray of food towards her, realising she hadn't eaten yet, just taken tiny sips of her soda.
"Thanks" she said, picking up a slice of pizza and nibbling the end. As Alice persuaded Bella to take her on a shopping trip this weekend I scanned the room, flicking through thoughts like they were television channels. One caught my attention, one I was not surprised by but angered, Mike Newton's.
'Wow, Bella's looking really hot today. Wonder what underwear she's wearing?' His thoughts trailed off into inappropriate pictures.
I growled but the anger in me was fading. I now felt the same lust I had this morning, but worse. I glanced over at Bella, my face hidden in my hands. She was playfully arguing with Alice whether to get shoes with heels or flat ones. I stared at Bella and the same images Mike had been thinking appeared, but now in my head. It sent a warm shiver down my back. Alice stared at me and winked.
'Biology's going to be tough' she thought, raising her eyebrow 'But don't hesitate. I'm 99% sure your not going to do anything, trust me'
I sighed but smiled at her all the same. It was handy, knowing I had Alice's trust in everything I did, even if sometimes I didn't deserve it.
I stared at the cracks in the ceiling, innocently peeking in peoples heads briefly. One made me laugh, Jessica Stanley's. I could feel her staring at me, her mouth gawking open.
'Wow, Edward just gets hotter everyday. It's unfair that Bella gets him, like, as soon as she walks in here, she's not even that pretty'
I growled. She was pretty, in fact she was beautiful. More than beautiful. But the thing I liked and hated the most, the thing that made me seem like a real count Dracula, was that she was mine and nobody could do anything about that. In one way it was good, I was proud to call her mine and extremely lucky. But I was keeping her from living a normal life, where she could do everything. Grow up, get married, have children. Of course, she was marrying me but she'd never properly live life, not as an immortal. She'd promise to marry me on one condition, a condition that I liked more than I was willing to let her see. But a condition I was most frightened about, most tormenting. Most mouth watering. The loud ringing of the school bell interrupted my arousing thoughts, leaving me staring at Bella, bag already on her shoulder, like an absolute moron.
"Um, Edward?" she asked, waving the back of her hand in my face "Double biology, let's go"
"Oh, um, yes" I said, standing up too quickly and feeling disorientated "biology"
"What's wrong with you today?" she asked, as I twined my hand with hers and wandered down the corridor "Your miles away"
"Distractions" I murmured, smiling warmly at her, trying not to go back into my own little world. Bella froze, her eyes wide with shock.
"Bella?" I asked, lightly gripping her shoulders and shaking them gently "Sweetheart what's wrong?"
"Distractions" she gulped "you mean like, Victoria?" she said the name with an edge, just like prey speaking of predator. Crap. She'd thought I'd meant I was thinking about Victoria when I'd said distractions.
"No, no of course" I stammered so quickly I was tripping over the words "Not not her, no"
Bella didn't look convinced. I sighed in defeat. Although that isn't what I was thinking about, I should have been. She was hunting Bella but I tried to not let her see how much I was worried, she'd panic more. But I knew that was something to consider.
"Trust me" I whispered in a soft, reassuring voice " She is nothing to worry about, she will never even look at you" I waited for Bella to react. Finally she sighed and gave me a weary smile.
"Double biology" I smiled, taking her around the waist and leading her down the hall. She leaned her head into my shoulder and smiled again. Despite our delaying in the hallway we were not late to class, we were quite early in fact. We took our seats in the same place we had almost a year and a half ago, were I'd actually had the thoughts of killing her there and then. Thank god I didn't. The teacher began to place transparent beakers on all of the desks while more children filed in. Bella observed hers, picking it up and spinning it slowly in her hands. I wish I could read her mind there, she was thinking deep and I knew that much. If only I knew what exactly what though. She sighed heavily while staring into the glass and tiny dent formed in between her eyes. It was so frustrating. I already knew what we were doing for this lesson, I could read it in the teachers mind. We were watching yet another video about fossil fuels. He had placed the beakers on the desk for an experiment after but by the length of two videos in our two hour lesson, I could see it wasn't going to get done. Once most of the children were settled in he began to explain what we were doing. I glared glumly out the window, my lust fading. It was disappointing, considering the feeling was unbelievable but It was safer, safer for Bella. Once he was finished he started the movie, closed the blinds and then switched off the lights. I was surprised how dark it was, I could see the children at the back of the class looking around blankly. I silently lifted my chair and moved it right next to Bella's. Too late, the feeling came back. I stifled a moan and I pressed my lips to her warm neck. I felt a shiver run right through her and almost straight into me. I ran my hands down her ribs and stopped at her waist, curling my hands around her tiny stomach. She began humming the lullaby I had composed for her when we first met and playing absently with my fingers. I barely noticed this. The only thing my mind was concentrating on right now was four words. Four words that barely made a sentence but changed so much. Alone dark with Bella. I leaned down to capture her lips, realising the energy I had been building up. Her hands knotted in my hair and our breathing became ragged. I broke away, pain stabbing me inside for doing so. Bella frowned and then sighed heavily. Did she not know I was thinking the same thing? She began running her fingers smoothly over the glass beaker and trying to pay attention to the movie. I didn't realise what she was doing at first, I just began playing with her hair and planting kisses on her neck. Her heart would accelerate when I did that, making it even more unbearable. Only when my eyes wandered over to the beaker did I realise what she was actually doing. While she was staring blankly at the screen her tiny index finger was circling the rim of the beaker in a purely innocent way. Unfortunately my mind did not see it that way as I quickly found out. My breathing became heavier and trousers suddenly became very tight. She began skimming along the edge with two fingers now, making it even worse.
Keep calm. I can do this, I'm in control. I will keep Bella safe I thought to myself over and over again. I was doing very well, quite pleased with myself actually, for keeping my head. That didn't last long. Bella's fingers slipped on the rim and slid into the beaker. I lost it. I began kissing her desperately, cradling her face as I did. She seemed surprised but willing, kissing me back with all her tiny force. I felt like I couldn't get closer to her fast enough. Her lips were soft and warm and delicious. She stopped to breath but I continued to kiss her jaw line and the very edge of her lips. My jeans became extremely uncomfortable as they strained against me. Bella seemed to notice this and moaned softly in my ear. The sound was drowning me in lust and I tried to stop what I was doing. To remember where we were. To remember who it was. I pulled back but kept my hands around her waist.
"I'm so sorry, Bella" I whispered in her ear "That was wrong of me"
"Don't apologise" she smiled, looking up at me. I smiled back. That was my Bella. Although I could see beyond the burning lust in her eyes. Disappointment, maybe? I leaned my head back on her shoulder.
"You know I want it just as much as you do" I whispered, almost sighing "It's unbearable sometimes" Bella thought this through.
"So when you said 'distractions'" she smiled wryly "You meant, me?"
"Of course I meant you Bella. You are so irresistible" I laughed quietly. She smiled at this, it obviously made her happy to know she wasn't forcing me into it. I groaned again. Why did she have to wear the thinnest top, that showed off her figure perfectly and clung tightly to her small but firm breasts. There was something about her, something that awakened the human in me, something I had not experienced for 110 years. I wasn't normally like this, what was it that made today so special. She wasn't menstruating, If she were her aroma would be heavier, more enticing. And that would release less human needs in me, not the ones I was feeling now. Ones that if got too dominant, would kill the very thing that kept me alive. I couldn't understand it. I had seen her last night, just like every other night. Maybe I couldn't take it anymore. Maybe it was because I knew Chief Swan was working late on a case and wouldn't be back till the early morning hours. Maybe she was just too tempting for me to handle. Maybe I couldn't just pull away anymore. I sighed. I didn't trust myself enough. The wedding was only a month or two away and I couldn't handle school without needing her that bad. But I was so strong and she was so fragile. What if I mistook her cries of pain for cries of pleasure. An image flashed through my mind. Bella was pure white and still laying beneath me, a broken porcelain doll. I shook the thought away. If I didn't have trust in myself I wouldn't be able to do it at all. A small part of my brain noted that Bella was leaning into my chest, closing her eyes. I looked down at her and smiled, kissing her hair. She was the closest to heaven that I'd ever get. I remember when I had made the biggest mistake of my life, bigger than when I had run away from Carlisle, when I had left her. I remember how she had followed my all the was to Italy, even when she thought I did not want her anymore. When she had run into my arms after all that time and I truly believed the Volturi had got to me quick enough and killed me there and then. When I truly believed I was in heaven. I wasn't going to make that mistake again, I was never going to leave her.
"Edward?" she asked suddenly scattering my thoughts.
"Yes love?" I whispered taking her tiny hand in mine.
"Are you still coming over tonight?" she asked.
"Silly Bella" I chuckled "Of course I am" She smiled and pressed herself closer to me. My eyes glanced at the clock. 50 minutes had already passed although It didn't seem like it. Any time I spent with Bella always seemed too short.
"By the way" I whispered seductively "I love you"
"I love you" she laughed quietly. She rubbed her nose gently against mine and smiled. If I was able to cry, right then, I would have. She was so beautiful, so precious, so full of life. And she was all mine. My eyes began to sting and cloud over. Mine. She sighed and although it was of pure boredom it still sent a shiver through me. I would have to ask Alice about this evening if I was going to continue like this. She closed her eyes and yawned.
"Why so tired?" I asked, stroking her hair.
"Long night" She whispered. It was true, the night before she had been very restless in her sleep. She had said things like 'No, don't…' and had said my name an awful lot than usual. I had been sick with worry that night but she had said it was nothing the next morning. I didn't believe her.
"What were you dreaming of last night?" I asked, trying a new approach of seductive then persuasive in order to get it out of her. I stroked her jaw line and stopped at her chin, stroking it gently.
"It was nothing, I promise" she whispered, opening her wide chocolate eyes before kissing the tip of my nose "Nothing to be worried about"
I could tell she was lying but decided to go along with it. She was right. If it was something to be worried about, she'd tell me right?
"Ok" I whispered "Worrying has official stopped" although it was actually dramatically increasing. She smiled warmly.
Chapter2
I raced through the dark forest, a dark blur behind me. I stopped at the very edge of the line that separated road from path. I could see Bella's house, clear in my eyes though dimly light by a fading street lamp. There was quite a breeze tonight, that whistled through my hair and gently rocked the trees around me. Despite the chill Bella had left her window, as always, wide open for me. That made me smile. I checked for witness and when found none raced across to her house. I crouched and then sprang silently through the window. She wasn't in the room, I could still hear the shower running. She's cleaned her tiny room, she had more spare time than usual. Charlie was working late so she hadn't had to cook for two. Although Charlie was away I still obeyed his rules, not staying until 10pm. However I did this with a huge grin on my face and had strutted out of the door. Bella had been crying with laughter. The old computer that sat collecting dust on her desk was still showing a dimly light screen, humming with what seemed to be it's last source of power. I glided over and glanced at the screen. She had emailed her mother, something she often did when she could find the time. I didn't normally go through Bella's things however I was willing this time, she was very deep in thought lately.
Mom
Sorry I haven't emailed you lately I've had a lot of things going on.
"Like maybe a vampire and werewolf fight against 20 newborn vampires over my life, nothing much" I chuckled.
Schools ok, Don't worry about not being there for graduation, I'm sure Charlie will take lots of photos. Edwards been helping me with my studying. He's ok and were getting along fine, no need to worry. Here's a picture I think you might enjoy, we took it when I slept over at Alice's. Edward, especially , loved this one.
It was true, I loved this picture. Alice had snuck up on Emmett who was standing below Alice, at the bottom of the stairs. She had dropped a water balloon silently and it had soaked Emmett. Jasper had managed to take the picture, with his vampire sight of course, to take to picture just as it hit Emmett's head. You could see the water projecting everywhere, with Emmett's hands raised and shoulders hunched. I grinned at just the thought of the picture. But why had Bella told her mother not to worry. Did she know something about Bella I didn't?
Hope Phil gets better soon
I love you
Bella x
That seemed like a normal email but at the same time it was completely abnormal. She had said not to worry because everything was fine. At least I knew that much. I left the computer, shrugged out of my shirt and laid across her bed with my hands behind my head.
I sighed and closed my eyes, inhaling the heavy scent within her room. I heard the shower shut off and the door slide open. My mind wandered then, thinking about a few nights ago. The night she had agreed to marry me. That was undoubtedly the best night of my entire existence. I smiled warmly to myself as I heard her feet pad lightly down the hall, humming as she did. It made my dead heart sore, hearing that she was humming the lullaby I'd composed for her when we'd first met. She opened her bedroom door slowly and as she caught the sight of me she burst into a breathtaking smile. However that is not the first thing I noticed. The thing I noticed was she was wearing something completely different. Instead of her normal baggy shirt and sweats she was wearing a very thin blue silk nightgown that was only just below her waist. Let's just say, It didn't leave much to the imagination. Of course, that didn't help at all. It showed off every feature of her perfectly, fitting tightly to her curves. I gulped loudly, trying to hold back the sudden flow of venom in my mouth. I held back a groan and opened my arms out for her. She practically leaped into them and snuggled quickly against my bare chest. I carefully draped a blanket over her and then leaned down to capture her lips. He lips were sweet tonight, her face still slightly wet from her shower. I wrapped my hands around her waist and It took me all my willpower not to rip the thin fabric off her. But I kept my head and pulled away abruptly.
"Bella" I chuckled, waiting for her accelerating heart to slow. Suddenly she sat up and began pulling the thick blanket off her.
"Bella?" I asked, worried "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" She ignored me and continued to get up. I dropped my arms from around her waist as she clambered over my leg. She began hanging off the side of the bed, searching underneath. But instead of helping her as I would do, I was frozen. Just wearing the tiny dress was bad enough, but bending over in it. I felt like I had disconnected from my body. My head was being filled slowly, like a pool, but with lust not water. The temptation was so overwhelming. In the short space of two seconds I could lean over to her and slowly take her hips in my hands… My mind wandered into a very imaginative, arousing thoughts. I managed to control myself though and with great struggle I managed to keep my head. Bella was still searching and I actually thought she was doing this on purpose. If she was then it was working. She came next to me and ushered me off the bed. I stood up as she checked under the pillow I was leaning on. She smiled and produced a small box from the casing. I raised an eyebrow, curious. She pulled me back on the bed and held the box in her palm. I pulled the blanket back over her and then carefully pinched the lid with my thumb and forefinger and opened it. Inside was the silver bracelet Jacob had gotten her for a graduation present. Attached to it was the wooden carving of the wolf he had made. And then on the other side was the diamond heart I had inherited from my mother, then given to her. It was resting on a strip of red felt that she had folded over and over to make a type of cushion.
"I keep it in here' She whispered, stroking the silver band. I smiled warmly, picked up it with my very fingertips and slid it on to her right wrist.
"It's beautiful on you" I whispered, telling the honest truth. She blushed, one of my many favourite things about her. It made me want to cry, seeing her so full of life then knowing I'd be taking it away from her. But I tried not to think about that, knowing her seeing me sad would make her just as upset. She yawned, her lips stretching into a wide O. I smiled and leaned over to switch off her bedside lamp. I could extremely well in the pitch black but she couldn't, as at the moment she was searching for my lips on my neck. I chuckled and leaned down to capture her lips. This didn't seem like a 'one more kiss before bedtime' it seemed more like a 'one kiss to start no bedtime'. Her kiss was urgent, pressing her lips firmly against mine while gripping my hair tightly. When I felt it was getting too much I decided to break away, as much as it killed me. However as I was just about to she stopped. At first I thought she'd fallen asleep in the middle of kissing me, the thought was quite humorous. But then I felt her soft tongue run across my bottom lip seductively. I shivered and moaned. At this rate it wouldn't take long for me to brake my promise. She sighed-her breath washing over my lips-making an impressive bulge in my trousers. She may have picked up on this.-maybe not- but never the less her heart rate increased, her hands tighter around my neck. This didn't help with the situation at all. My brain was being spilt into two. One half- love, lust, desire, passion. The other- protection, saviour, responsible, mature. I should no better than to be running my hand along her thigh. However the war in my head, lust seemed to be taking over. Her tired breathing became gasps and lustful sighs. I pulled away, using all my strength, mature finally overpowering lust.
"I'm sorry Bella, soon, soon we can" I said, pain in each word. She sighed, dropping her eyes to her folded legs, and pouted. I chuckled, lifting her face up by cupping her chin.
"Silly Bella" I murmured "I know I want it just as much as you do"
"Doesn't seem it" she grumbled.
"Believe me" I smiled, lifting her onto my lap "I need it, I need you, but I love you more, in one piece"
"I guess so" she yawned, leaning in closer to my chest "but if you…you should um…urm" she yawned again "With the urm..need…" her eyes began to droop, her face more relaxed.
"Yes Bella?" I chuckled
"Edward" she sighed, before her eyes fluttered shut and she leaned fully into me. My eyes began to sting, as if I wanted to cry. Her sighing my name, last thing before she fell asleep. I laid her legs out over mine and cradled her to me, humming in her ear. I gathered up her tiny, warm hands and laid them on her flat stomach, saving her from arm ache in the morning. Her hands were so soft, so fragile, compared to my solid, strong marble ones. Reminded me just how fragile she really was. I was glad she hadn't been able to seduce me enough, for I would surely break her. In my arms, she seemed even smaller, even weaker than she already was. And she was all mine. Nearly every piece of her. I say nearly, however she was more than willing to give me everything.
She gasped and then moaned, throwing her arms back over her head again. Her tight silk blue nightdress pulled up even higher at her thighs. I groaned and pulled it down as much as I could, but it just slid up again, even higher.
She moaned as my skin touched hers, tossing her head back and forth restlessly. I moaned along with her, desire becoming too much. I felt just like I had this morning, full of lust. Lust for one thing only. Bella. I lifted her up gently and laid her on her bed, pulling the duvet over her. I rolled over and lay next to her, spooning her and continued to hum in her ear. I could restrain myself. I could keep her Alive. I would. I wondered why she was wearing that nightgown, instead of her old sweats. Had she sensed my uncontrollable desire earlier today? She gasped loudly, suddenly. I leaned back. Was I holding her harder than I thought? I checked for any visible damage on her. Any bruises, cuts, broken arms. She seemed fine on the outside. She gasped again, but I listened more closely. It didn't sound like a pained gasp, it sounded more like. An erotic sigh. Did I hear that right? I must have done because it was closely followed by a moan. She threw her hands back over her head, her hands curled into fists. She became restless, tossing and turning continuously. It didn't sound like she was having a bad dream…
"Edward" she groaned, gasping wildly while slamming her fists against her pillow. A slow haze of lust began to take over my brain, like a heavy fog that drowns your senses. My heart felt as if it were in my head, pounding, thrashing to get out. I couldn't think straight. There was one thing and one thing only set on my mind. I must have Bella.
"Edward" she moaned my name again, her hands now stretching out and gripping the pillow. Before I knew what I was doing, I had lifted Bella into my arms, shaking her, trying to wake her up.
"Huh, Edward wha?" she stirred in my arms. What was I doing?
I had to get a grip of myself. This was Bella. My precious Bella who I had promised not to hurt so many times. And now I was willing to go against my promise, due to my own selfishness.
"Edward?" She was still drousy, struggling to lift her head. Her nightdress stuck tightly to her, her dream didn't help this. I laid her back down and jumped lightly out of her tiny bedroom window. I needed some air if I was to go back in there. I landed softly on the grass, inhaling deeply. The air was sweet, the dew had just begun to set on the grass. The pine trees added a tangy mix to the smell. My head cleared, my instincts muted, my groin relaxed. I took deep breath to steady myself. I could go back in-I would- for Bella. It was only a month away till the wedding, a month was all I had to wait. I heard the sheets ruffle in Bella's bedroom, she was sitting up.
"Edward?" she asked, alarmed now, patting the space next to her. I took another deep breath and climbed back into her tiny room before she got too worried. I raced over to the bed and sat in the same position I was in, my arms pulling her into a tight embrace.
"I'm here" I whispered, comforting her. She sighed in relief, her hands finding mine.
"Where, why did you leave?" she asked, still slightly disorientated. However before I had the time to come up with a believable excuse, she had began muttering nonsense. I chuckled as her head fell back into my arms, her pale lavender eyelids covering her once worried eyes. Her face began to smooth out, leaving behind the traces of stress they had once shown and her glass pink lips parted slightly. Every memory of fear and doubt in my mind could be taken away for the short while that Bella slept. My mind was cleared, I repeatedly remembered the time were I had though I had lost her, keeping my thoughts mature. I sighed heavily. Somehow she was even more beautiful when she slept, it was truly amazing. She looked just like an ever-so-fragile porcelain doll, so peaceful yet so radiant. I reached out to stroke her warm cheek with the tip of my finger. She was so soft and warm and delicious. She sighed in her sleep and rolled over, her face pressed softly against my thigh. I looked down at her and-not for the first time this evening- an urge arose in me. I thought I had gotten over this. What was it about this very day that made me so aroused? I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes tight shut. Bella's window was still open and a light breeze was enhancing Bella's scent. Venom pooled in my mouth and dribbled down to my chin. I wiped it away quickly and shook my head fiercely. This was Bella, this was Bella. But lust was overcoming me as she slept, unknowing of the dilemma I was faced with. But my mind blanked-for just a second-and the control was gone. After vigorous shaking Bella's body became conscious in my arms but she had no time to ask what was happening as my lips silenced hers. I wish I could tell you that I resisted and Bella fell back to sleep. That I knew what I did was wrong and planned never to do it again, no matter how difficult. That Bella would wake up, unharmed to find me smiling at her, and find her smiling back.
I wish I could tell you that.