Summary: Captain Kirk and Mr Spock are on shore leave. He decides to take Spock to a porn store. Not slash, friendship fic, rating for the location.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, wish they were 'cause I would totally spend most of my time doing evil, evil, wonderful things to Spock. ^_^ Just saying. I wrote this because I got bored at work and started thinking about what would happen if Kirk and Spock came into my store, other than I'd totally hit on Spock.

Warnings: It's a story about a porn store. Duh. Expect everything; including inflatable love animals, dildos, and sexual connotations. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

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"Captain, what is the purpose of this venture?" Lt. Commander Spock looked highly uncomfortable in the so-called 'red light district' of Andevian II's moon, Stratos Gamma. They were docked for repairs and R the quickly disappearing handful of hours they had away from their responsibilities were a welcome distraction.

"We're on a 48-hour mandatory dock, Mister Spock, we might as well stretch our legs," Captain James T. Kirk meandered down the sidewalk, observing the various establishments. "And don't call me Captain while we're here. Turns some girls off. I'm just Jim at the moment."

"Muscles are no more exercised on the planet's surface than on the equipment in the recreational room, sir. I assume that you have a logical reason for insisting I accompany you to this place." The tone was very Vulcan, flat and unemotional. Jim, however, knew better. Spock was more than slightly uncomfortable, feeling decidedly out of place in this display of indulgence, lust, and intentional indecency.

"And I again feel the need to remind you that the typical Vulcan does not engage in the services of a prostitute, Captain." Even walking, Spock's hands were clasped tightly behind his back.

"It's Jim. And I'm not asking you to find a prostitute and get laid; you wouldn't even if I did. You know how I can get into trouble at the drop of a hat, Spock," Jim grinned over at his friend. "You wouldn't want that, would you? I thought it would be a good idea to have back up before trouble went down."

.

It had been sixteen months since the Nero incident and while they weren't exactly painting each others toenails and having pillow fights, the nearly-nightly chess matches and the need to work well together had begun to foster a friendship between the rash human and half-blooded Vulcan. And since they seemed to be in the habit of getting into trouble frequently, much to Bones' displeasure, they had become joined at the hip as of late while ashore.

.

"Indeed. Your penchant for mischief-making is quite bemoaned by Admiral Pike. And your ability to find trouble in the most innocuous of situations has become somewhat legendary amongst the crew. It has been said that our most recent missions have put you in Sickbay more frequently than Doctor McCoy. It seems quite logical, if not frankly probable, that you would find trouble in a venue such as this, and desire company to serve, as you said, 'as backup'," Spock agreed.

"I think I have just been insulted, wounded even," Jim said, clutching his heart dramatically and leaning against a lamp post.

"You are not injured, Jim. Not yet, at least," Spock said, the desire to roll his eyes nearly palpable. "Though, I must inquire as to where we are going, as there seems no particular destination to which you are heading."

.

Women of many different races and states of undress smiled out at the passers by from behind slightly tinted glass or leaned out windows to call out or motion for customers, encouraging them to enter their red door domains. A particularly exotic beauty, pale lavender skin and bright gold eyes winked at Spock, motioning for him to come closer to her window. The First Officer studiously ignored her summons, the tips of his ears tinging in green, increasing his pace by fifteen percent.

.

"You'll see, Spock," Jim assured him, winking at the lavender lady.

"Why here Cap- why here, Jim?" Spock stepped around a woman who had outstretched one of several arms, seeking to avoid contact with the tart.

"Well, I thought it would be fun, honestly," Jim said, seeing the specific store he was looking for about a block away.

"Fun?" Spock still followed the Captain, a half-step behind at all times.

"Yeah, fun. You know, the thing defined as a source of enjoyment, amusement, or pleasure? The thing you do when you're on mandatory down time after losing another three crew members to a psychotic madman bent on intergalactic domination because his wife left him for a grocer," Jim jabbed the crosswalk button, not willing to risk stepping out into traffic. "We're going to that store there." He pointed to their destination, a two-storied building with no windows.

.

"Passion Planet Pornography," Spock read the store's name from the bright pink lighted sign. The description could be read below in smaller letters. "Adult toys, video, and accessories." Spock turned and looked at Jim, one eyebrow nearly meeting his hairline. "You are taking me to a porn store?"

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Author's Note:

Hey there! So, I wrote this completely for a bet with a friend who wanted me to shut up about the funny idea of Spock and Kirk coming into my store and write it. So... I did. ^_^/