The Silmarillion and the characters here are the property of the Tolkien estate, not moi.
Notes: I don't know where this came from. I try to write respectable fanfiction, I try to avoid script format, but this popped into my head and it's just not fit for prose. Accept my sincerest apologies.
(Title: VISIT LOVELY ANGBAND)
(ANGBAND: Large, black mountains, stretching malevolently into the sky; camera pans along them until the view is broken by the dark fortress Utumno - that'd be Udûn fer all you Elves. Camera zooms in on a frightening yet majestic figure in black armour standing before Utumno, smiling.)
Morgoth: Hello! Allow me to introduce myself - I am Morgoth, the Dark Lord formerly known as Melkor, and I'm here to give YOU a once-in-a-lifetime vacation opportunity!
(Cut to bird's eye view of Utumno, Orcs scuttling about, and Balrogs lumbering about like big, living bonfires.)
Morgoth: (V.O.) Yes! Visit lovely Angband, for only a small fee, and have the time of your life! Visit the dungeons of Angband, and see how Elves are turned into Orcs--
(Cut to the dungeons, where an Orc is torturing an Elf; they both smile brightly at the camera.)
Morgoth: (V.O.) Or take a cruise out to Tol-in-Gaurhoth, the scenic Isle of Werewolves, where you'll be greeted by the friendliest hounds in all of Middle-earth!
(Cut to Tol-in-Gaurhoth, where Sauron is desperately trying to pry a human hand lose from one wolf's maw.)
Sauron: (Straining) Let go and act respectable, you stupid mutt!
(Quick cut back to Morgoth, still with the slimy sales smile.)
Morgoth: Or, for yet another modest sum, you can take a three day trip down south to Mordor, where you can bask in the heat of the lava, or visit the Jewelry Gift Shop of Orodruin, bying a ring of power for that special someone!
(Cut to impressive view of Utumno.)
Morgoth: (V.O.) Yes! Come to lovely Angband, where the hills are alive with snakes and the sounds of prisoners screaming!
(Back to Morgoth.)
Morgoth: Once you're here, you'll never want to leave! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
(Sauron scuttles into frame, covered in scrapes and werewolf drool.)
Sauron: (Miserably holds up a sign) Call this number now, or contact your travel agent for information. We can't wait to see you. (Completely unenthusiastic)
(Fade out.)
Notes: I don't know where this came from. I try to write respectable fanfiction, I try to avoid script format, but this popped into my head and it's just not fit for prose. Accept my sincerest apologies.
(Title: VISIT LOVELY ANGBAND)
(ANGBAND: Large, black mountains, stretching malevolently into the sky; camera pans along them until the view is broken by the dark fortress Utumno - that'd be Udûn fer all you Elves. Camera zooms in on a frightening yet majestic figure in black armour standing before Utumno, smiling.)
Morgoth: Hello! Allow me to introduce myself - I am Morgoth, the Dark Lord formerly known as Melkor, and I'm here to give YOU a once-in-a-lifetime vacation opportunity!
(Cut to bird's eye view of Utumno, Orcs scuttling about, and Balrogs lumbering about like big, living bonfires.)
Morgoth: (V.O.) Yes! Visit lovely Angband, for only a small fee, and have the time of your life! Visit the dungeons of Angband, and see how Elves are turned into Orcs--
(Cut to the dungeons, where an Orc is torturing an Elf; they both smile brightly at the camera.)
Morgoth: (V.O.) Or take a cruise out to Tol-in-Gaurhoth, the scenic Isle of Werewolves, where you'll be greeted by the friendliest hounds in all of Middle-earth!
(Cut to Tol-in-Gaurhoth, where Sauron is desperately trying to pry a human hand lose from one wolf's maw.)
Sauron: (Straining) Let go and act respectable, you stupid mutt!
(Quick cut back to Morgoth, still with the slimy sales smile.)
Morgoth: Or, for yet another modest sum, you can take a three day trip down south to Mordor, where you can bask in the heat of the lava, or visit the Jewelry Gift Shop of Orodruin, bying a ring of power for that special someone!
(Cut to impressive view of Utumno.)
Morgoth: (V.O.) Yes! Come to lovely Angband, where the hills are alive with snakes and the sounds of prisoners screaming!
(Back to Morgoth.)
Morgoth: Once you're here, you'll never want to leave! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
(Sauron scuttles into frame, covered in scrapes and werewolf drool.)
Sauron: (Miserably holds up a sign) Call this number now, or contact your travel agent for information. We can't wait to see you. (Completely unenthusiastic)
(Fade out.)