It's alright

I threw my pencil across my messy table and groaned loudly.

'He isn't real. He isn't real and he will never become real.'

I know well. I accept the fact. But why do I feel the need to stop myself from reading and writing reader insert fan fictions?

Because I'm afraid that I will become a psycho? That I will become a stupid, unrealistic girl who has an imaginary (boy)friend? That I will sink too deep into made-up stories and can no longer return to reality?

I don't know. Probably.

I feel the need to stop myself from doing something I love just for the sake of being balanced. Like a normal person. Being in unique is one thing, being weird is another. The line between them is very thin. I may have fell into the latter.

And that's the cause of my frustrations.

I groaned again, louder. The pencil, which was already on the edge of the table, fell down. Sighing, I bent down to took it, then went up...

...only to find Canada's face popping out from the computer screen.

"Aaahhhhh!" was my first reaction. Canada smiled awkwardly.

"A little help please, Author?"

Difficultly, he pull his right hand out and hold it in front of me. I have no choice but to take it and use all my strength to try pulling him out of the computer. It takes a whole hour to get him out of the screen's border.

By the time he stands next to me, both of us are covered in sweats, panting.

"Why all of a sudden, Mattie... I mean, Matthew." I remember that I shouldn't be so informal, because this is not a reader insert fan fiction where Canada and I both have a crush on each other and...

I stop thinking because I'm worried that my deep blush will give away my thought.

Canada panted for a while before he starts to speak.

"Well, Author, it's very nice to meet you. I mean, all of you."

"What do you mean... "all of you"? And why do you call me Author? It's too formal."

"Because there are not only one fan fiction author, but many," Canada smiled. "And I can't leave anyone out, can I? It's very ungrateful to do so. You are Author as well as Reader, right?"

"Oh..." my brain starts to work. And then I experience one of the rare "light bulb" moments of my life. "I see. I understand now."

"I'm glad you do," he smile. "Now, Author. I'm here to say thanks."

"Just a thank? And you make me went through all of the trouble... pulling you out of there." I said and smile so that he understands it's just a joke. I don't have a very good sense of humor.

"Not just a thank. I want to tell Author that I love you, too. I mean, "you" as in "all of you". I enjoy every single fan fictions you write, Author, even when I die or the Reader - my lover - die. There are times when I am just a mere schoolboy, not a country. In this fan fiction I could be an emo boy killing himself, in another I may have turned into a total psycho. Or a... a... pl-playboy," Canada blushes and I can't help myself from thinking about how cute he is. "The thing is, Author, you are always very kind. You notice me when I'm unnoticed, you can tell America and me apart when nobody does, you love me when I don't even love myself. You give me..."

He stops and fidgets a bit. I look at him, waiting.

"You give me everything I could ever dream of. I love you, Author, and Reader too. I love you. It's up to you to interpret what I mean. I always, always love you."

Canada blushes and smiles. I can't tell him how much I, Author, _, am touched. He cleared my frustrations. I simply can't thank him enough.

"Canada, I..."

"Author, it's time for me to go. I can't stay here for so long. But as long as Author keeps writing about me, as long as Reader keeps reading about me, as long as you keep being so kind to me, you will know that I'm always next to you. Don't worry about me being merely fictional. I will always stay with you. And love you."

He climbs back into the computer and disappears. Funny how he gets away so easily, compared to how difficult it was for him to climb out of the computer to the real world. But it doesn't matter anymore.

I am no longer frustrated. I don't have to worry about balancing between 'fiction' and 'reality'. I don't have to worry about loving a character that 'isn't real'.

I now know that, as Author _, as long as I keep myself happy with what I love - just like how the little imaginary friends could be seen by children as long as they believe in them, well...

Everything is gonna be alright.

Author's note: I wrote this while the inside of my head was playing tug-o-war, so it rushed and not good. I was seriously frustrated when I thought that I could never find anyone like Canada, and then have to fight back the urge to slap myself for thinking about him as if he is a real person. It went on and on like that. Feeling so much better after writing this, I hope those who feel the same can relate.