Title: Shock
Summary: He took a tentative step towards her but stopped, hand resting mid-air as it reached for her.
Characters: Teyla, John
Pairing: John/Teyla
Rating: K
azure-horizon./30476.html#cutid1
"What?"
She gaped for a moment, and she was almost sure that her eyes were wide as the moons currently gracing the late evening sky. Her heartbeat thrummed in her ears, the long moment of tenuous silence stretching on forever and she wished for it to end.
She met his eyes, his stare piercing her to her very core and she felt it so painfully that she had to take a step back. It felt like someone had landed a blow in her stomach, wiggled its way in and curled her gut into a tight knot, ready to burst. She tried to breathe but her throat had sealed over, locking air out and she felt like she was going to burst. She felt faint, her head feeling dizzy at the sudden onslaught of emotion and she could feel her jaw working, her mind trying to force out words that were echoing in her head.
She couldn't have heard properly because there was no way that-
"I love you." She slumped against the railing, only her firm grip keeping her from sliding down to the ground and she looked away from him, unable to meet his eyes. "I do – I really do and..." He trailed off and she looked up at him, to the uncertainty in his eyes, to the wrinkles around them, the tight set of his jaw and she knew she had to say something.
But she couldn't.
He took a tentative step towards her but stopped, hand resting mid-air as it reached for her.
"This past year..." She met his eyes and she saw it all. Saw it in all its brutality. Saw what it had done to him; what it had done to her and she was astounded, weakened, almost shattered at the thought that she had done that to him. "Teyla... This... I can't not be with you. I can't not touch you and seeing you... seeing what this year has done to you and not be able to help you like I want to..." He looked away, his words breaking off as they clogged up. She saw him close his eyes, fought her own desire to lock herself away. She drew her lip between her teeth as she watched him, both needing and dreading his next words. He opened his eyes and stared at her openly. "It has taken me almost losing you – almost losing myself – to realise this; to realise how much... how much. And..." He looked down again. "And you're not saying anything and it's killing me." When he looked back into her eyes she knew she had to say something. She didn't know what. She could see it; the moment that his resolve broke; when he closed his eyes as though in pain, when he dropped his hands to the railing beside him and turned from her, shaking his head slightly. "Shit."
She studied him for a moment. She'd lost so much. She stood up.
"John." He didn't turn to her. She touched his arm, urging him around, meeting his tortured eyes. "John..." And she did the only thing she knew to do; the only thing she could do.
She kissed him.
She took his face in her hands and drew him to her, kissing him – for the first time as John and Teyla and she knew when he knew what she was trying to say. The tension in his body melted and he drew her to him tightly, his fingers clawing at her back, trying to pull her closer, murmuring words of ardour against her mouth.
And despite the shock, they knew that it was true.
They always had.
They always would.