Long, long ago, in a faraway land, when sharks had knees and people had carrots for eyeballs, there was a young lad by the name of weem. but not just any weem, this weem was the screamiest of all weems. But how did he become the sceamiest weem? Let me tell you a story child. come curl up in my lap and lick my inner thighs for me while i tell you the story.
in this land there were many weems that walked the earth. loud weems , quiet weems, soft weems, horny weems. weem and weem alike. the weem bretheren. weems all had different powers. one weem could turn invisible but only when his eyes were caressed by slumber. one weem could make elbows vanish. one could make his leg hair grow with unprecedented speed and enthusiasm, one could spell "unprecedented" off the top of her head, and another could make barbed penises burst forth from their ears with the magestey of one thousand splendid suns. one weem could cough up bugs but only when his vocal cords were stirred by agony as he shreiked like a russian banshee. this was the weem fated to become the most screamiest weem of all.
but screamy weemy did not know what powers leaked under his sallow lumpy chicken skin.
"i am not like the other weems," he lamented with downcast eyes of the greasiest yellow, "for i have no magical uncanny abilities"
just then a wizard with a dashing river of a pubic beard showed and stroked screamy's knees until he burped and fell asleep. When he came to, the wizard was fully erect, standing above him in all his naked splendor for his powers only came to him as the western wind fondled his glistening scrotum.
"that cardigan suits you very well" rasped the wizard, with bedroom eyes full of tiny beds and dressers. his dick was thicker then his arm and his neck was as thick a twelve ordinary not special necks, dashed with tiny, curly neck beard hairs.
"Wait," said weem, "i'm saving myself for the right wizard that makes my stomach fluids pump and my bowels stir inside me like a rodent being beaten mercilessly with a whisk. the wizard who take my hands and hide them in the basement in marriage"
the wizard handed him a cocktail he invented called the mango unchained. The was a plastic ring floating in the murky sesspool of mango juice and various alcoholic beverages.
"i, Beefcake Shallownipples, the wizard and one true savior of the land of weem. will take you in marriage as my blushing bride"
on their wedding night, weem screamed louder then he had ever screamed ever in his miserable life ever. As hurricanes of pleasure swept him up and his vocal cords trembled with ecstasy, a smorgasbord of lustrous cockroaches, brilliantly-coloured butterflies, delicate earwigs, intricate centipedes, and noble praying mantises leapt from his mouth. They were so beautiful that no one would ever want to squish them with a bat. Realizing what he had done, Screamy Weemy stood still in shock and awe with his hands over his mouth, continuing to scream all the while, bugs ricocheting off his hands and the menacing walls of Beefcake's cozy cave. At that very moment, the apocalypse considered happening but it was feeling slightly off on that particular day and thus went back to bed pulling the quilt over it's cauliflower ears.
Choirs of orcas began to sing. Weem had found his calling.
He quickly divorced his beloved Nipsy in a screaming match in which many an insect burst joyously forth in into Nipsy's welcoming nostrils and waltzed back in town, ballsack in hand. He now knew who he was inside, he was the Screamiest Weem.
THE END