It had been 3 weeks since that weekend. The weekend of betrayal, as Kurt had dramatically dubbed it in his head. Blaine had been calling and texting him, sending him flowers. Kurt couldn't speak to him He didn't know what to say. A year. That's all they had to get through. A year before Blaine could join him in New York. They couldn't even manage a month.
The thing that really angered Kurt, that really tore him up, was that he still loved Blaine. Just as much as he always had. He just couldn't understand it. Surely he should hate him and never want to see him again. He wanted to hate him. He tried to hate him every time he thought about him, which was pretty much constantly. He was walking around like a zombie, unable to concentrate at work. He was snappy and moody. In short, he was a mess. In the middle of all this, he'd actually been on a date. A guy from accounts at Vogue had started emailing him after a brief meeting in the elevator one morning. They'd had lunch a few times. He didn't tell Simon about Blaine. It was nice to talk to someone who knew nothing about it and wasn't constantly asking him if he was ok. When Simon asked him out to dinner, Kurt couldn't think of a reason to decline. He knew it wasn't going anywhere, but he enjoyed Simons company. He was taller than Kurt, with blue eyes and dirty blond hair which he wore slightly longer than Kurts. He was the total opposite of Blaine.
After dinner Kurt had asked Simon if he wanted to go out again. Simon had sighed and looked into Kurts eyes. "You still love him. Or at least you're not over him. It's one of the two" he said. Kurt looked away.
"Am I that obvious?" he asked. Simon smiled. "Yeh, kinda. Listen Kurt, I really like you. And I've really enjoyed spending time with you these past few weeks. So how about we just agree to be friends. I think that's what you need right now".
Kurt smiled shyly then hugged Simon, who wrapped him up in his big arms. Kurt couldn't stop the tears from coming. They were unexpected; he honestly thought he was holding it together. He buried his face in Simons neck and let himself cry, big gasping sobs. Simon rubbed his back with his big hands, murmuring comforting words in his ear.
"His names Blaine", Kurt rasped between tears. "His name is Blaine and I can't live without him" he gasped, immediately feeling a sense of relief at finally admitting it to himself. They ended up going back to Kurts place. Rachel was out with her NYADA friends. They drank a few beers on the sofa and Kurt told Simon the story of him and Blaine. When he finished they sat in silence for a while. Then Simon spoke. "You can't let it end Kurt. What you have with him, you might never get that again. You'll never forgive yourself if you give up on him. I can see how much you're torturing yourself right now" he finished softly. "You're right", Kurt sighed, "I have to talk to him".
The next day was Friday. Kurt had made a decision. Last night he had booked a flight to Ohio. The earliest flight he could get was Sunday night so he arranged to take Monday and Tuesday off work.
Rachel was out again on Friday night, so Kurt was curled up on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket that belonged to Blaine, watching The Notebook. He was fully aware of how pathetic he was but he couldn't bring himself to care. At around 8.30 there was a knock on at door. Kurt, wary of the neighbourhood, called out "Who is it?" "Delivery" a gruff voice answered. Kurt cautiously slid the door open enough to see who was there. He found a delivery man in a cap with a large box in his arms. "You Mr K Hummel?" he asked. Kurt nodded and took the box as the man passed it to him. "Sign here please" he said in a disinterested tone, thrusting a clipboard in Kurts direction. Kurt hastily signed. "Have a good night" the man said, and walked away as Kurt closed and locked the door. He stared at the box in his arms. There were no external clues as to who the box was from or what was in it. Kurt sat in the couch and put the box down next to him. He might as well open it right? He pulled open the cardboard flaps and peered into the box. His breath caught. The first thing he saw was a Dalton tie. In an instant he knew who the box was from. He took the tie out and ran it through his fingers. A wave of nostalgia washed over him. Blaine in his uniform. It was like a dream. He put the tie down and looked in the box again. This time he found a pair of yellow raybans. The ones Blaine wore when he sang "It's Not Unusual" after surprising Kurt by transferring to McKinley. Kurt felt his chest tighten and tears pricked his eyes.
The next thing he found was a Lima Bean cup, empty of course, with his name written on the side in the usual baristas handwriting. Had Blaine kept it from one of their coffee dates? Next was a packet of birthday candles. Candles. Their first duet together. Kurt really was sobbing by now. Big salty tears dropping onto the sofa. Blaine had put the box together for him. It was the story of their relationship. There were more things in the box. Kurt pulled out a stuffed toy, a bird. A Warbler. He hugged the toy to his chest, still sobbing. A Dalton yearbook. The Prom Queen crown. Kurt realised Blaine must have been in his room to get these. A playbill for Westside Story. Kurts memory went back to the night of the play. That was the night he realised how much Blaine truly meant to him. A bowtie Kurt had helped him pick out. He remembered their day at the mall. Blaine had bought him ice cream and let Kurt pick out things for him to wear, dressing him up in the changing rooms. He remembers a particular pair of jeans that made Blaines ass look delicious. So much so that Kurt couldn't keep his hands off it. They ended up making out in the changing room for ten minutes.
There were some pictures. Photographs of them at Dalton, looking so happy. It made Kurts heart ache. At the bottom of the box was an envelope with Kurts name written on the front in Blaines hand. Kurts heart sped up as he opened the envelope. He pulled the letter out and a smell hit him. His favourite aftershave, the one Blaine wears. He sobbed again. God, Blaine always knew how to make him cry. He held the letter in his shaky hands and stared to read.
Kurt,
I am desperately hoping you're reading this and haven't thrown it away when you realised who it was from. I really hope you're enjoying New York. I know it's where you're destined to be. I have to tell you, I'm not really functioning at the moment. I haven't really been to school much, I can't face Glee club without you. Everything reminds me of you. As if I need reminding. As if you're not all I think about anyway. The thing is, I care about you more than I care about myself at the moment. So I've tried to stay away. I've tried so fucking hard. I want you to get on with your life and be happy. But my own selfishness won't let me do that. I can't let you go. I just physically can't. It just can't be over.
In the box I've sent you is my life. Because my life didn't really start until I met you Kurt. And now I feel like it's ended. So now I'm here, one last time, trying to save my life. I realise how that might be interpreted, and believe me, I'm not going to hurt myself or anything like that. I wouldn't do that to you. I couldn't bear to hurt you more than I already have. I'm here until Sunday. At the Four Seasons. Room 294. If you can bear to see me, please come.
All my Love,
Blaine x
Any good? Should I write another chapter?