Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note- MUST READ:

No one will be in character. This is non-fiction, except that I turned my friends that I sit with at lunch into the most fitting Naruto character for them. The other Naruto fans will likely not enjoy who was chosen for them, but I'm doing it anyways. But keep in mind this is why things don't quite fit right, like how Sakura wouldn't care if Sasuke fell off of a cliff or how Hinata probably doesn't even know Naruto's name because she doesn't care or how Sakura and Shino really did date for about a month.

So enjoy the drama of my life, but be warned that the endings might suck just because that's how it came out. If anyone cares, I could later do brief descriptions of everyone rather than introduce them as I go. Oh, and yes, I am Ino ;)

Warnings: Will contain bisexuality, possible mature content, etc.

XXX

The Table

By MT Pocketts

Ino walked up to the table and dropped her bag off next to the chair Temari had saved for her. As always, Ino found herself across from her oldest friend, Tenten, and saw that Sakura was once more seated next to Temari and had Shino on the other side of her. More unusual was the appearance of Naruto doing his math homework on Ino's right and Hinata on the other side of him. The table was full these days.

Ino tried not to smirk as the plan came to mind, and Sakura seemed to catch the vibe. Shino would be pinker than Sakura's hair by the end of the day.

Sakura's face was set into it's usually annoyed frown since Shino was sitting next to her once again. Even though they had dated, she constantly claimed that he was annoying now, and those at the table frequently heard their arguments on how the other "never ate". It usually ended with Sakura forcing him to the lunch line, and him buying her something to eat. The others would simply watch the two interact, like it was their daily dose of entertainment at school, and try not to laugh at the pair of them.

Tenten was hard pressed to stay silent on the matter. More than once she'd come close to encouraging Sakura's wrath by asking Ino if she was alone in finding the routine ironic. All Ino could do was try not to laugh and remind Tenten of Sakura's temper. It usually worked, but everyday was the same anyhow.

Everyday except for today, that is.

Ino and Sakura had very devious minds. They frequently concocted plans for revenge, fun, and other reasons. But Sakura, like most others besides Tenten, always forgot that Ino would always go through with a plan considering she had the proper resources. This time was no different, especially since she'd done it before to someone else.

The moment came; Shino had finally gotten up to go and get his lunch. Ino sprang into action, instructing Tenten to keep watch as she did her part. The whole table watched silently as their fresh dose of entertainment began. Five pads, five tampons, and three packages of moist towelettes were withdrawn from Ino's bag. The blonde's gaze fell onto Sakura and she glared at her friend.

It had been half her idea as well, Sakura had said she would bring the tampons. Now she was just turning red and trying not to laugh as Ino did the job. The items were securely in Shino's bag, awaiting the next time the bag would be opened. It would be when he was preparing for math class.

Now, as Ino reasoned, this was only a light induction to being welcome at the table. It was just her way of saying to Shino "hey, you're one of us now" in a slightly torturous way. It wasn't like she'd never done it before.

But she really didn't expect that Sakura would warn him. The bell had rang for the end of lunch, and she warned him with a guilty smile as she glanced between him and Ino. Ino couldn't believe it; Sakura had just warned her ex-boyfriend, whom she constantly complained about. Sakura later confessed that she felt the prank was "too mean", which Ino frowned at. It had been Sakura's idea too.

Still, what neither of them saw coming was Shino's retaliation. He blamed the whole table for the incident, until the truth was told by the only person he considered trustworthy- Tenten.

"He's going to get you back," Sakura had mentioned at the beginning of first period. Ino raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"What's he going to do?" Ino shrugged. "Poison my lunch when I'm not looking?"

"Well… No…" Sakura said and Ino looked at her friend seriously.

"You're not going to tell me?" Ino said and Sakura's odd smile answered for her. "You gave him a warning!"

"I'll give you the same amount of warning; scent," She said.

"What? I'm your best friend, he's your ex, and we're equal? When did this happen?" Ino was appalled, Sakura had broken up with him because he seemed to be too uncomfortable. Now he was an equal to Ino, who had been in her life for possibly twice as long? This just seemed wrong to her.

"But you're both my friends-" It was about here that Ino tuned out and Sakura found some homework that she had neglected in favor of playing an online game- or talking to Itachi, Ino supposed- for the night. Ino found herself wishing that Sasuke would be on time for once so that she would have someone to talk to. Her other friends were busy talking to other people, sometimes it sucked being seated in the corner of the room.

She was roused by something touching her arm, and she looked over to see Neji putting a sticker on her. He sat on the other side of Sasuke, but he was next to a pair of girls whom he usually talked to and rarely said anything to her even when Sasuke was gone. So why did he put a sticker on her?

Ino peeled it off of her arm and studied it. It had a black background, a picture of a turkey, a website address and something like "Go Vegan. For your health…" on it. She hid a laugh, thinking that she'd probably starve to death first. Besides, she believed that humans had well developed canine teeth for a reason. She glanced over at Neji, whose face held a smirk, and silently placed the sticker inside of her binder. Sasuke had a rather negative view on P.E.T.A., and she knew he'd eventually see it and remark on it.

"I must say, it was a creative idea," Sakura commented to Ino, whose eyebrow raised again.

"You should just tell me," Ino said, turning to the day's assignment. Sakura wouldn't crack, so Ino gave up. Instead, she reviewed her options for evading potential danger during lunch.

XXX

Arriving at the table, Ino walked slow. She felt like an animal walking to the slaughter. She guessed that for once karma was catching up with her, but she hated it. When she first saw the table, she saw a bright orange liquid in a bottle in Shino's bag. He seemed to have it at the ready, but concealed. It said "shrimp" in bold, black letters.

Perhaps karma wasn't entirely against her.

Ino sat down across from him at the table, where Temari had saved her a seat. Temari had barely looked up from her fanfic as Ino sat down. Shino and Ino glared at each other, the war had begun. Ino felt paranoia set in, and actually pulled out two pencils. If all else failed, she could do some damage.

She couldn't help but smile, even now the look on his face behind his thick glasses told her that the plan had worked beautifully. Even thought she hadn't seen it, even though her spy hadn't recalled seeing the products in his bag, and even though he would do what he could to get her back; it was all worth it to see the look on his face. Little did he know that any kind of retaliation would be invitation to a full out war, one where back up was involved just to make the enemy turn red. Ino, despite the dread she felt now, was looking forward to it.

"So are you going to get her?" Tenten asked timidly. The stare between Ino and Shino never broke, even when he replied.

"No, today would be too soon," Shino said, in the closest he could come to an arrogant tone.

'Bull,' Ino thought. 'I saw the stuff in his bag…'

"By the way Ino, do you have any food or plant allergies?" He asked.

"Yes-"

"-What are they?" He said it so quickly that it felt like he had cut her off. Ino's smirk grew, if he had any humanity in him he wouldn't do anything that could potentially kill her.

So what if it was a white lie? They hadn't been totally sure the reaction wasn't from the shrimp until they'd taken her off of the medication she had been using, and it had stopped. But, her family had a tendency to react to other sea food Ino hadn't tried yet. So there was some truth in a potential food allergy.

Throughout lunch, Ino found herself jumping up and moving away from the table whenever Shino reached for his bag- she was that paranoid- and slowly coming back when nothing orange in a spray bottle showed up. It was probably this paranoia that provoked some remarks that had been whispered to Temari, which resulted in a lunch bag being thrown at Ino by Sakura, for no apparent reason.

When the bell rang for the end of lunch, Temari and Ino waved to the others as they headed off in another direction. Oddly enough, Shino always went the same way but rarely walked with them. This was one of the rare times when he did.

"What was wrong with Sakura today?" He asked and Ino blinked at him.

"What are you talking about?" Ino retorted.

"She'd been saying something about her Aunt-" Temari added.

"-Kabuto and Anko?" Ino added and Shino nodded. "What happened now?"

"She wouldn't tell me much," He confessed.

"Yeah well, she was on edge," Ino grumbled. "She didn't need to throw that at me."

"What did you say anyway?" Shino asked.

"I told Temari that you two argued like siblings or old couples sometimes," Ino shrugged. "I don't think it deserved having something thrown at me."

"You always deserve to be hit" Was the last thing Shino said before Ino charged. He let out a single profanity and was chased to his next class by Ino, whose class happened to be right next door.

In the end, Sakura had gone home with a bag that smelled strongly of shrimp and Ino has yet to receive any type of retaliation from Shino about the tampon incident. Perhaps karma wasn't such a bad thing after all.

A/N: Feel free to ask for any clarifications on what has been done to people here…