There are times when the ones you love the most will make you feel like you are all alone.
"Blake?" She said when she answered her phone.
"Alex?" Reid asked, sounding like a child.
"Yes. Is everything okay?" She asked concerned.
"I don't know. Can you come and pick me up?" He asked quietly.
"Of course. Where are you right now?"
"At Rossi's." Reid answered and Blake's concern immediately grew.
"Did you have a fight with Hotch and Rossi?"
"No. I left the room before the fight was able to start. I'm just so tired of it and need to be somewhere else."
"I'll be there in 10." Alex said and hung up.
True to her word, 10 Minutes later Blake was in front of Rossi's mansion, picking Reid up and driving towards her home again.
"What happened?" She asked gently.
"Did James ever call you by another name?" Reid asked quietly. Alex looked baffled at him for a moment before she started speaking again.
"What do you mean?"
"Did he ever call you by another name?"
"No."
"Oh."
"Spencer, what happened?"
"It's nothing." He murmured.
"It's bothering you, so it has to be something, Spencer. You can tell me."
"It's just that they don't always call me Spencer, you know?" Reid said quietly while nervously fidgeting with his hands in his lap.
"What do they call you?" She asked quietly and sympathetically.
"Aaron called me Haley and David called me Carolyn." He murmured, avoiding eye contact with Alex and kept staring into his lap.
"Was it the first time?"
"No."
"How often?" She asked quietly, keeping her gaze steadily on the road. It took every fiber in her body for her to not look at the hurt young man right next to her.
"A few times. Every time they got hurt they called me it. I understood it then. It hurt but I understood it. But now it's happening without them even noticing and if they ask me something but they're calling me Haley or Carolyn, I'm not going to react and then they're getting angry at me for ignoring them when it's only their fault. They keep calling me that and every time they call me it, it shows me that I'm only a replacement for them."
"You're not, Spencer. Even though they don't really show it, they love you."
"I highly doubt that. I understand that both of them are still grieving in a way, I'm not blaming them for it. They were their first true love and that's something no one will ever forget. But hearing them call me Haley and Carolyn hurts."
"I'll set them straight tomorrow." Blake answered and got out of the car, Reid following behind. After they took their shoes and jackets of, they both settled down on the couch. Blake sat on the couch while Reid laid down with his head in her lap. Alex made sure that he was comfortable and then started stroking his hair in an effort to calm and comfort him.
"You don't need to talk to them tomorrow. I just needed a place to spend the night today. I'll be okay again tomorrow." He said quietly, leaning more into the hand stroking his hair.
"I'll set them straight tomorrow. I know that you don't want me to, but I have to. You called because you didn't want them to call you Haley or Carolyn anymore. If I don't talk to them, they'll continue to do it unwittingly."
"But they don't even know that they've been doing it. They won't believe you."
"Oh darling, they will believe me. Otherwise you'll spend a lot of nights here."
"What do you mean?" He asked confused in a childlike voice which tore at Blake's heart.
"If they don't understand, what they've been doing wrong, I'll 'take you' away from them. You'll spend your nights here, we'll drive to work together and back home. Maybe all they need is a wake up call. They need to understand that you're not going to stand by and let them treat you how they want. They need to know that you're a human being who is able to make his own decisions and won't stay there if they're not able to remember his name."
"But I don't want to go."
"I know, sweetie, but they need to understand it. You'll spend tonight here and we'll look where you're going to sleep tomorrow, okay? When they understand that they can't treat you like that, you can go home with them. But if they don't understand it, you'll go home with me. Or if you're more comfortable with Morgan, JJ or Garcia, you can go home with them."
"Morgan would probably tease me, Garcia would mother hen me and not leave me alone for a minute and JJ would also mother hen me and she has Henry. I didn't call you without a reason. I knew that you would understand it and not tease."
"I'm glad you called me."
"Me too." Reid said and yawned.
"Come on, you can sleep in the guest room." Blake said and both went upstairs, into the guest room.
"I don't have anything with me." Reid said quietly, fidgeting with the front of his shirt.
"It's no problem, sweetie. I have enough clothes you can use." Blake said softly.
"I only need sweatpants for now."
"I have more than enough." Alex said and went into her bedroom to get the sweatpants for him. When she found them, she want back into the guest room and saw Reid sitting on the bed, still fidgeting with his shirt.
"That's the only pair that will somehow fit you." Blake said quietly, gave him the sweatpants and went out of the room. Before she closed the door, she turned around one more time.
"If you want to talk tonight, I'll be in the last room on the left side." Alex said, closing the door behind her and leaving Reid with his thoughts.
After Spencer changed into the sweatpants and laid in the bed, he couldn't help but feel abandoned, again. There was something about him that drove people away from him. Whether it is his high IQ or the way he is, it drove people he cared about away. Everyone he cared about left at one point or another and if they haven't done it, they will do it sometime.
Normally the 'Reid-effect' only affected children and animals but this was proven wrong after Henry was born. Even Jack took to him afterwards. Clooney and Mudgie took to him as soon as he met them. But maybe the 'Reid-effect' never affected children and animals and instead it affected adults, the adults he cared about.
The first person who abandoned him was his father, in a way his mother abandoned him, even though he sent her to Bennington. Those eight years felt sometimes like he abandoned him. Especially when she didn't know who he was.
After that came Elle. She abandoned the team, but especially him. They had something special that couldn't be described with words. No one would be able to describe what the two of them had. It wasn't a friendship and it wasn't 'sibling' relationship, it was something in between that just couldn't be described.
After that came Gideon. Gideon, his mentor and father figure who abandoned him two times. The first time was right after Tobias Hankel and the second time was when he left the team. He left a letter for him but the letter is useless. It gives him some answers, but it doesn't explain why he was abandoned again.
Then JJ went on maternity leave. She didn't abandon him by doing so, she came back and he understood why she had to stay at home with Henry. But the time where she wasn't there, Jordan was there and he couldn't welcome her on the team. He knew that she would leave in a few weeks, so he pushed her away and didn't allow himself to get attached to her in any way. After JJ came back, everything was normal for a few years until she had to leave the team. He knew that she didn't want to and was forced to but he couldn't stop the feeling of being abandoned.
Then his headaches started, Ashley joined the team and Prentiss took off on her own a few months later. When Emily 'died' his whole world stopped spinning. He couldn't imagine a world without her in it. Even though they didn't have the best start, he took to her and saw her as the older sister he never had.
Then Seaver left the team and joined Swan's unit. Ashley wasn't on the team for a long time and there were times when he was jealous because she clung to David, but in a way he took to her and felt abandoned, again.
With her gone, JJ joined again as a Profiler this time and a few weeks later Prentiss came back from the dead. That was the time where he didn't feel abandoned, he felt betrayed. Betrayed by the people he trusted on a daily basis. Betrayed by his best friend, unbiological sister and his two boyfriend's. Rossi didn't have proof that Emily was alive, but he had a feeling and he should have told him. Hotch betrayed him in the worst way possible. Everytime he sat there, crying his heart out, he knew that she was alive, hiding in Europe, but never had the decency to tell him. Prentiss then joined the team again and after he forgave them, everything was normal.
About a year later Emily left to run Interpol and he understood that this was something she had to accept. She couldn't refuse the offer, but she abandoned him again.
Then Blake joined the team and he took to her faster than to the others which probably was because she had this maternity aura around her and he already knew her. Since she joined the team, she didn't abandon him but deep down he knew, that she would do it sooner or later.
Morgan and Garcia were something else. The only time they abandoned him was after he was shot in the knee.
He was worried sick about Hotch too and wanted to help catch Foyet as soon as possible but during that time, the two of them and also the rest of the team forgot about him. He laid in the hospital for four days before anyone called him. He was alone and in pain for four days without anyone being there for him. At that point he already was in a relationship with David and Aaron. He couldn't blame Hotch for not calling him but he could blame Rossi for it. Both his boyfriend's were in the hospital and Reid's injury was worse. Aaron was stabbed repeatedly in the abdomen and his son and ex wife went into witsec but he recovered from the stab wounds twenty times faster than Spencer did. Reid had to walk on crutches and a cane but they didn't really care about it. With the thoughts still running through his mind, he slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep.
"Good Morning, Spencer." Alex said when he walked into the kitchen.
"Do you have clothes I can wear for today? My go bag is still at Rossi's and I don't know if one of them will bring it to the office. I don't even know if they noticed that I wasn't there over the night." Reid said quietly.
"You didn't tell them that you're going to spend the night somewhere else?" Blake asked worried.
"No. If they notice that I'm gone, they can call me but since no one called, I guess they didn't notice or they simply don't care."
"Okay, we'll talk about this later. You need pants and a shirt, right?"
"Yeah."
"Alright." Blake sat and went into her room to look for clothes from her husband that could fit Reid.
"That's the smallest I found." Alex said when she got into kitchen again, in one hand a black pair of pants and in the other hand a black hoodie.
"It's okay. Better than nothing." Reid said quietly, taking the clothes into the bathroom with him.
Five minutes later he was ready and got into the car with Blake.
"Do you want to be there when I talk with them?" She asked.
"No."
"That's alright, you can stay in the bullpen. Do you want me to talk with them about anything else?" Blake asked him softly, giving him a concerned look before taking her eyes back to the street.
"There is something else." He said quietly, fidgeting with the end of the hoodie.
"What is it, sweetie?"
"They're kinda ignoring me. I mean, almost every time we want to do something together, they forget that I'm a part of the relationship and then do everything together, without me. I just, I don't really know, but I guess that I feel left out in a way but at the same time it's ridiculous that I feel like this. They're closer to an age than they're to mine age and they know each other longer so of course they're going to spend more time together. I feel like I don't know anything right now. I just feel so abandoned, betrayed and left out." He said quietly.
"Spencer, it's alright to not know everything all the time. I'll talk with them, okay? I'll get them to see you as a human being and not a replacement for Haley or Carolyn. And if they don't change, they don't deserve you." Blake said and got out of the car with Reid following behind her. In the elevator, Spencer tried to be as tiny as possible and hid himself in James' hoodie.
"Hey kid, new clothes?" Morgan asked grinning when they both went into the office, why he got the attention from JJ and Garcia who were at his desk.
"Not mine." He replied and sat down at his desk.
"What do you mean not yours? I have a hard time picturing Hotch or Rossi wearing the clothes." Garcia said.
"Not their clothes." Reid said and got confused looks from the three in return while Blake stood behind his chair with a hand on his shoulder.
"Who do the clothes belong to?" JJ asked confused.
"James."
"Who's James?" Derek asked.
"My husband." Blake answered and the confused looks turned to her.
"Why is he wearing clothes from your husband?" Garcia asked.
"He didn't take his go bag with him."
"He slept at your house?" Jennifer asked.
"Yes. He called me at 10 yesterday and wanted to be picked up from Rossi's and spent the night at mine house. Are they in yet?"
"Yeah, they got in about 20 minutes ago." Garcia answered.
"Did they ask about Spencer?"
"No." JJ answered.
"Alright." She said and looked at Spencer.
"I'll talk with them now, okay?" She asked softly and he nodded.
"What's going on?" Morgan asked, slightly angry.
"Nothing important." Reid answered quickly, before Blake even had the chance to answer.
"You called Blake to pick you up. This isn't nothing." Morgan said, looking at Blake for an answer.
"From what I heard, they leave him out sometimes and call him other names." Alex said.
"Other names?" JJ asked warily.
"Haley and Carolyn." Blake said while Reid continued to do his paper work and she went into Rossi's office, ignoring the shocked looks from the rest of the team.
"Hotch's Office." She told him and went into Hotch's office without even knocking.
"Blake? Morgan?" He asked confused when he saw both of them walk into his office. Alex turned around and saw Morgan standing behind her, looking furiously and a moment later Rossi walked into the office, looking confused and closing the door behind him.
"What's going on here?" Rossi asked confused.
"We need to talk." Blake said while sitting down like she owned the place.
"About what?" Hotch asked confused.
"Aren't you missing something?" Alex asked while Morgan sat down next to her, looking ready to beat the living hell out of the unit chief and senior agent.
"No." Rossi replied confused after a moment.
"Are you sure?" Morgan asked him furiously.
"Yes." Hotch answered, as confused as Rossi.
"Are you kidding me?" Morgan growled at both of them, jumping out of his chair and trying to hit Rossi but Alex held him back.
"I promised him to talk, not beat them up." Blake told him calmly.
"How can you be so calm? I want to beat the living hell out of them right now. If my gun wouldn't be at my desk right now, I would have shot them already." Morgan said furiously.
"I'm not calm. I'm as furious as you are but I learned how to control my anger and shooting or beating them won't change anything or make him feel better."
"It will make me feel better." Derek growled.
"Make who feel better?" Rossi asked confused.
"Spencer. You do remember him, right? He's your boyfriend. Thirty one years old, had brown hair and eyes, an IQ of 187, eidetic memory and can read 20.000 words per minute. He's on our team." Blake said.
"We know who he is." Rossi said, still sounding confused.
"I highly doubt that." Morgan said dryly.
"What is this even about?" Aaron asked confused.
"Simple question, where is he right now? Or even better, where did he spend the night?" Blake asked calmly.
"He came into the office with us and spent the night in my bed." Rossi answered and the two looked incredulously at him.
"Is he serious right now?" Derek asked Blake, irritated.
"Yes." Hotch answered.
"Alright, that's enough. He's going to live with me until you two understand what you have with him." Blake said.
"The hell he will. He will stay with us." Rossi growled.
"Why should he? You two didn't notice that he spent the night at mine house and came into the office with me. You thought he was with you two the whole time." Alex said.
"What?" Hotch asked baffled.
"He called me yesterday at 10 and asked me to pick him up. He sounded like a child. He can't pretend anymore. You two should be ashamed of yourselves. And one advice, learn his name." Blake said.
"We know his name." Hotch said confused.
"How about you stop calling him Haley and Carolyn then? I wouldn't be surprised if you called him that while having sex with him." Morgan growled at them and got baffled looks in return.
"We never called him that." Rossi said.
"You call him it on a daily basis. He's at his end right now. He doesn't know what to do anymore. As much as it hurts to say this, you two aren't right for him." Alex said and both looked angrily at her.
"She's right. You call him by the name of your deceased wives? I understand that you'll grieve their death but Spencer is a human being who deserves something better. I had my doubts about the relationship since he told me about it right after the Cyrus case and with your behavior, you showed me that my doubts were right." Morgan told both of them.
"Is he in the bullpen?" Hotch asked concerned.
"Yes but don't think I'll let you talk to him now. You hurt him for years. Intentionally or unintentionally, you hurt him. Do you have any idea how he feels right now. You call him by the names of your first wives. He probably feels like he's a replacement for them, which he probably is. I know that your relationship started after the teenager was shot in front of Reid but since Carolyn died, it has to be a living hell for him." Morgan said.
"And even though he didn't say it, I know that he is afraid that you're going to leave him. You're already leaving him out so much that he wouldn't be surprised. And you know what he would think the reason for the break up will be?," Blake asked and both shook their heads, "He'll think that he wasn't as good as Haley and Carolyn were."
"We're not going to break up with him." Hotch said.
"That's good but show it to him and not only tell us now. Tell him that you love him, that he's perfect the way he is and that he doesn't need to change. Wake up and realize that he's Spencer and not Haley or Carolyn. Stop calling him that. Even when one of you lays in the hospital and is confused, call him Spencer and not the name of a wife you once had. It's hurting him. You're hurting him."
"Change yourselves or I'll find a way to make him break up with you two. We all would be happy to have him living with us. He won't be outcasted and he won't be blamed. We all are already blaming you two for everything." Morgan said.
"Tell him to come here, please. We'll try and save our relationship." Hotch said and the two went to the door.
"Do you love him?" Blake asked, hand on the door handle and Morgan behind her.
"Yes." Both answered.
"Then show and tell him now. He needs to know that he's loved." She said and went out of the office with Morgan behind her.
"How did it go?" Garcia asked while she kept comforting Spencer together with JJ.
"They want to talk with you, Spencer. But you can leave anytime. You don't even need to go there. They drove you away so you don't have to go and talk to them. It's their loss." Blake said softly and Reid stood up.
"I'll talk to them. I don't want our relationship to end." He said quietly and went into Hotch's office, closing the door behind him.
"Spencer." Rossi sighed and tried to hug him but he pulled back.
"Don't." He said quietly, hiding himself in the hoodie and hugging himself.
"Okay, I'm sorry." David said sadly, going back to stand next to Hotch.
"Why?" He asked quietly, sitting down in front of them and looking like a little boy with the hoodie which tore at their hearts.
Seeing their boyfriend like this is exactly the wake up call they needed and suddenly they realized just how much they loved him.
"I don't know. I'll speak for David too when I say that we never realized it and we're so sorry." Aaron said quietly.
"You didn't do it without any reason. It happens on a daily basis. You can't say that it's an accident."
"I know but I don't why we did it. We probably did it unconsciously because we miss them but it doesn't excuse that we did it." Hotch said.
"You know what hurts the most?" Reid asked quietly.
"What?" David asked, as quietly as Reid.
"When you're coming inside of me and calling me Haley it Carolyn." Spencer said and the two felt like someone ripped out their heart.
"Sadly we can't undo it but it will never happen again. That's a promise." Aaron said.
"You can't promise it. It will happen again. It always happened again."
"Not this time. We did it unconsciously all the time but now we're knowing it and will stop doing it. We don't want to drive you away with our behavior. We love you more than you'll ever know." David said softly.
"Even though we never showed it, we love you. We've never been good at showing you how much we appreciate and love you but this will change now. I know that this is the last chance we're getting and we won't waste it." Aaron said softly and Spencer looked warily at them for a moment before he nodded and got up.
He hugged Aaron first, who immediately hugged him back, kissed his hair and softly whispered in his ear, "I love you".
When Hotch released him, Rossi pulled him into his arms and also pressed a kiss into his hair while whispering, "I'm so sorry, I love you".
After he pulled back, he took one of their hands into his own and squeezed them softly. They squeezed back and Spencer smiled at both of them.
It's going to take a while before he can truly trust them, but this right now, is the start of it all.