Buns in the Boys' Room

"No, Sasuke is definitely the best."

". . . Did you hear what Iruka said about . . ."

"Oh, see? That looks like fun! Let's go, please!"

The little clique of girls paraded through the park, enjoying a politely screwed up conversation about who-knows-what (which was often the topic they favored these days). Feeling a bit weary from their walk through this amusement spot, the girls sat on a bench near the restrooms, and began chattering more and more.

". . . yeah, it's a new haircut! Doesn't it just shine?"

"Really? I didn't think he'd go so far as to wear that!"

Tenten and Hinata, sitting quietly, listened to Ino and Sakura's pointless jabbering. Were the two even on the same subject? Or were they just answering questions that didn't even relate to the subject in order to change the subject? Or . . . oh, whatever. No one was even paying attention. They were just a couple of dumb, 12-year-old girls, and we all know how that goes. Whoever listened in anyway obviously had no life.

Pretty soon, they got on the subject of Niagara Falls (and whoever knew how that came up had no life, either). Such speech actually found meaning in Tenten's ears. Soon, she became anxious, realizing how much of her strawberry super slurp she'd had only an hour ago, and it was all coming back to her now.

"Girls, I needa go." Squirming, she bounced around on the bench. Ino and Sakura just blabbed on. Perhaps in the midst of their conversation and flailing hands (as a result of body language, I guess), Sakura waved her off to okay the action, but Tenten didn't even care whether or not they cared! She had to use the ladies' room, and she had to use it NOW! So up she hopped, dancing away in an odd fashion that sparked new conversation between the two chattering dumb girls.

"I hear that Tenten's got a secret crush . . ."

"Really? That dance WAS a bit odd . . ."

Did this new conversation even make any more sense that the last and all those preceding it? Probably not. Who knows . . . but it meant something for our little, sweet Hinata. Inside her grew the same urge that inspired Tenten to create this little "dance". Hinata, however, didn't want to make too big of a show of it, but then again, that cherry super slurp was all coming back to her, too. She sort of jumped up, crossing her legs and squirming every bit as much as dear little Tenten did earlier.

"Hey, uh . . . girls . . . I, uh . . . I'm going with Tenten—" seeing that worming her way into their "girl talk" wasn't possible, she took off—well, not really running, but . . . you could tell she was struggling, okay?

"What—where are Hinata and Tenten going?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it was those super slurps they had . . ."

A historical moment. Too bad there were no witnesses.

Anyway.

Hinata looked for a sign of Tenten among the throng of people seeking cheap entertainment in this expensive park. She was nowhere to be seen, but with a little help of her Byaakugan (is that how it's spelled?), she spotted two brown hairbuns floating through the crowd. Hinata was saved! Her beacon was spotted! She weakly smiled as she squirmed her way through the crowd. Everywhere she seemed to go, someone was taunting her need to rid herself of the cherry mistake she'd had earlier.

"How'd you like the rapids! Such a RUSH of exhilaration!"

"Mmmm . . . DRINKING FOUNTAIN by the BATHROOM!!"

And in there somewhere, she could have sworn there was a random, "Hey! How about a nice, big, 72 ounce CHERRY SUPER MISTAKE!" with an ensuing evil laugh.

I'm gonna lose it! she thought. And within seconds, she saw the two hairbuns walk into a restroom. A gleeful moment! What joy! Hinata was saved! She smiled sweetly and desperately made a mad dash to follow Tenten into the bathroom.

Which helped NO ONE at all, except for the reading audience.

"Tenten, wait up!" Though there's an exclamation point there, we all know she's not very loud at all. Anyway, in a last leap of faith, she sailed through the door, almost feeling relieved of this pressure. "Tenten, I . . ."

The horror! The pain! The complete . . . OPPOSITE of what she was expecting! She looked around and panicked as she noticed that people stood all along the wall taking care of their business!

Oh, no! Where did something go wrong? Where's Tenten?! IN another rush of utter fright, she saw two brown hairbuns, and he was talking casually with the guy standing next to him! How utterly vomiticious—which even isn't a word, but it was that bad.

Uh . . . oh . . . But the worst wasn't over. No, more torment awaited her at the sight of . . .

Oh, disgusting. It was ASUMA!!

But, wait . . . he stood in front of a mirror playing happily with his beard! Toying with the coarse hair on his face! He smiled cheesily as he separated it into halves and secured them with his fingers.

"What if I did this? Wouldn't that be so cute! Maybe I'll even use cute little red ribbons to tie them . . ." EWW!! HOW GROSS!!

"No, Asuma, you've totally gotta let that go. I liked the other idea better." Gai also smiled cheesily as he fixed his hair in the mirror.

Deep inside, Hinata always knew something was seriously wrong with these two. Something fairly . . . disturbing.

"Oh, like this?" Asuma styled his beard again. "You're right. This is better, I agr—" He paused, eyes growing to the size of baseballs as he observed the innocent little Hinata gaping in horror at the most disturbing sight ever beheld by . . . well, Hinata for sure, but probably by all Konoha! Maybe even by all the Fire Nation! Maybe—

And she fainted. I mean . . . wouldn't you?

Anyways.

It was a little weird to see all those guys rushing out of the bathroom all of a sudden, especially since they were all screaming as if they should have been charging out of the ladies' room. Sakura and Ino stopped their gibberish for a moment to at least think about what happened. What a miracle. It was around that time that Tenten came skipping merrily toward the girls, her arms swinging to and fro (the way happy little girls do), and on her face she wore a bright and beaming smile that said, "I FEEL BETTER!!!" She was obviously relieved. "Hey girls!" Her exhilarated tune died away as she realized their asset named Hinata was missing. "Uh, where'd Hinata go guys?"

"I dunno. I thought she went with you."

Silence (except for the screaming men and boys). It finally hit the girls that maybe . . . oh no! They all suddenly slapped on the grossed-out baseball-eyed face as slowly they turned to the mob of screeching girly men (apparently this bathroom was really huge due to the number of guys running out. I mean, sometimes bathrooms in amusement parks can be huge! Or maybe they were just all crowded in there. I dunno).

Of course, none of them wanted to go help Hinata out, but when duty calls . . . and in this case, in more than one way. Tenten flipped her head heroically, shouting," I must go help her!" and ran like the wind into the storming men to save her poor, unfortunate friend.

And it wasn't too gorgeous, we'll put it that way! The whole way, she was fighting this siege like an onset illness of girly men! I'll never make it, she screamed inside. Just as all hope was dissipating into the inane nothingness, she saw . . . Asuma! He carried a limp Hinata in his trembling arms. On his face he held a quivering mouth and moistened eyes . . . what was going on?! Was she alright? "Hinata-chan!" she cried in desperation.

Tenten made a mad dash to Asuma and Hinata as he gently placed her on the ground. He was still on the verge of bursting into big, feminine tears, but he handled it fairly bravely. "She . . . she . . ."

Before he could continue, Gai ran out of the bathroom screaming. Which was really random, because everyone else was far away from the bathroom by now. What was he doing in there all alone? Well, whatever it was didn't matter, because his shrill scream had given Hinata a shake and she opened her eyes.

"Tenten . . ." she started. "I . . ." Instantaneously, as if triggered by the horrendous memory of men and their beards and how they talk to each other while taking care of business, she gasped, jumped up and scurried off to the ladies' room panicking. How random.

"Asuma-san, what happened?" Tenten asked, thinking he'd never get an answer out through his ridiculous sobs, but he was at least trying to talk.

"She . . . she saw . . . everything . . ." and, like a puppy, he tucked tail and ran from the crime scene.

Ew. What was "everything"? Tenten fought to remove the disturbing suggestions from her mind, yet still pitied the poor little girl for what had just happened.

Poor Hinata. Would they ever realize the true terror she'd so unfortunately encountered? Tenten had an idea that didn't even compare in gore to what had really happened.

Moral of the Story: guys can wear hairbuns and have their beard in bows, too! But that doesn't mean it's right . . .