Marry me
She wants to get married,
she wants it perfect
She wants her grandaddy,
preaching the service
Yeah, she wants magnolias,
out in the country
Not too many people,
save her daddy some money Ooh, she got it all planned out
Yeah, I can see it all right now
Caleb.
The day had arrived. The day. The wedding day.
With trembling hands Caleb fought with his tie for a moment, but gave up on it a minute later. He would get to that later. He checked himself in the full length mirror of his hotel room. He wasn't used to seeing himself in a suit, but today he didn't care.
Looking in from the outside, he might have looked calm, cool, collected. Handsome some might even say. Caleb ran his hand through his hair and licked his lips nervously.
He wondered if Hanna was as nervous as him? Was she ready? Who was there by her side as she put her wedding dress on? Did she think about him or was she too occupied to think about him?
He couldn't wait to see her. Part of him didn't want to leave the safe haven his room provided. The room, the only thing protecting him from the major changes happening in today.
He took one last look in the mirror. His eyes lingering on the scar on his forehead. A small smile appeared on his face as his fingers ran over the raised skin.
XxxX
He walked the short distance to her house and walked to the backyard where he knew he could find her now the sun was hot in the sky. He didn't bother knocking on the door leading to the garden.
He stopped as soon as he entered through the back door and stopped in his tracks to look at her.
She had her back towards him, her long blonde hair softly moving in the warm breeze, a pink bow in her hair that matched the pale pink of her summer dress. She had her doll house in front of her, one of her favorite dollies dressed up in a wedding dress.
He called out to her so he wouldn't scare her. A bright smile on her face as soon as she turned around, having recognised his familiar voice.
He quickly closed the distance between them and sat himself down in the grass. He looked at her questionably when she clasped her hand over mouth and stared at him horrified, her gaze fixated on his forehead. Her horrified look reminded him why he came to her house in the first place.
She traced the stitches on his forehead he'd gotten that morning, with her soft hand. Her small fingers tracing the lines of his stitched up wound. He closed his eyes for a moment, a small smile playing on his lips. Hanna could always make him feel better with a simple look or touch. She made him forget all about his unfortunate jump off the deck that morning which left him with the gash on his forehead in the first place.
He opened his eyes after a long moment, only to find her face close to his, her lips puckered. He closed his eyes quickly again. His entire body filled with an unexpected warmth when her lips gingerly landed on his forehead where his stitches were still slightly sore.
"Better?" She asked him when he finally opened his eyes to stare at her, a frown on his forehead at the unfamiliar feeling in his stomach.
"Yeah." He smiled shyly as soon as he found his voice.
"We can ask mommy to take us to Lucky Leon's for a milkshake? It will make you feel even better." She offered innocently, but her eyes sparkled at her brilliant idea.
"Make me feel better?" He joked and prodded a finger in her arm.
She shrugged, a trace of a wicked smile on her face. She spread her arms wide before she let them fall to her side, the loud noise of her hands hitting her legs filled the air around them.
XxxxX
He had been unaware of his daydream. When the room came into focus again he looked back at the noticeable scar on his forehead.
He hated it when people asked him about it, expecting some crazy story or acts of heroism.
Sometimes he wished he'd had an amazing story to tell of how he'd gotten it. Not the boring tale of him as a 6 year old who believed he could fly if he wrapped a towel around his neck and jumped off the deck into the garden. The fact he had landed on some garden tools had been even more unfortunate.
The only person who hadn't made him feel like a complete idiot for thinking he could fly was Hanna. Who came with him to the hospital when they removed the stitches. Holding his small hand in her smaller one as he pretended it didn't hurt.
Hanna…. He thought of her, wondering what she would look like in her white dress.
Breathtakingly beautiful, magical. She would be the most beautiful bride he would ever lay his eyes on.
Thinking about her made him more nervous if possible and he looked at his duffel bag he had carelessly tossed into a chair that stood in the corner of his room. It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for. He knew he was going to need a little but of Dutch courage today. He grabbed the flask from his bag and took a small sip. The strong liquid burning his insides. He hoped it would ease the memories flooding his brain as time kept ticking on.
He could really use something cold to soothe the heat of the liquor still burning him. He laughed bitterly when he thought about the one thing he craved.
XxxxX
A mane of blonde hair blinded him, the smell of roses and vanilla around him as she shrieked loudly in his ears.
"You did it! You did it Caleb, I'm so proud of you! Quarterback Rivers saves the game again." She smiled, jumping up and down in excitement. Her eyes ablaze with adoration.
They shared a long look, broken when he hit him playfully on his chest.
"What?" She asked, suddenly shy. Scooping a strand of hair behind her ear to hide her nerves.
He didn't know what. He didn't understand how his childhood friend, Hanna Marin, rendered him speechless for the first time in his life. The banter that usually dominated their conversations died in his throat before he could utter them.
Caleb swallowed, trying to stop himself staring at her long legs protruding from the short Rosewood high cheerleader skirt, or anywhere near her ribcage.
"Nothing, just beat from the game." He choked out. Shooting her a smile.
Had her eyes always been this blue?
She observed him for a few seconds longer. "You sure you okay? You seem a bit off, do you need to sit down?"
She stepped into his personal space. Her hands landed on his upper hands rubbing them slightly, still looking worried.
"I'm good Hanna!" He answered, his tone more aggressive than he had intended. He hated the way her face contorted at his words. He couldn't grasp what was happening to him either.
He reached out to her, anticipating her movements and grabbed her hand before she could turn away from him.
"I didn't mean it like that." He apologised, her hand still in his, he didn't feel ready to let go yet. "I'm sorry okay?" He pleaded.
"I need a minute to recover from that last tackle." He tried.
She seemed to try and make up her mind. Her features softened when he kept looking at her like a lost puppy. "Wanna grab a milkshake?" She asked tentatively. "To celebrate?"
"Lucky Leon's?" They both answered at the same time and chuckled away the tension that had grown between them.
"I'll go grab a shower and meet you at the front in about 15?" He suggested.
She shrugged, her arms wide before she let them fall to her side, a loud noise filled the air around them as her hands hit the bare flesh of her legs.
He smirked at her. "You're going to hurt yourself one day, shrugging like that."
"You're the who will be in pain if we don't get that milkshake now."
"But Hanna, I'm all sweaty."
"Dont care." She moved her face closer to his and sniffed audibly. "You smell good to me." She whispered, her breath against his skin due to their proximity.
Her giggle excused him to try and come up with a response and he used the time to swallow the lump in his throat.
"Last to the car is paying." She shouted, taking him aback. He watched her racing across the field, her long blonde hair billowing in the wind that swept over the field.
Like he would try to win that race…
"Thank you for this." She smiled warmly at him holding up her victory drink, sipping the milkshake without breaking their gaze.
"You're fast." He shrugged now, however not nearly as theatrical as she usually did. "You won fare and square."
She snorted in her drink at put the milkshake on the table near the window of Lucky Leon's, facing him again.
"Liar liar, tight football pants on fire." She retorted. "As if I can outrun the schools star player." She added in a soft voice.
"I'm… I'm not… the star player."
"You are Caleb!" She quipped and she scooted closer to him on the seat, their shoulders touching now. "If you could see yourself through my eyes…" She trailed off.
"Sounds like someone needs to take her own advice for a change." He cocked an eyebrow and smirked at her. "Because Hanna, you are… amazing." He finished.
He couldn't quite decipher the look she was giving him.
Was it surprise, was it… the wheels kept turning in his head as he subconsciously observed her face inching closer to his. The loud noises around them subdued as he stared in her blue eyes, his eyes darting down her parted lips. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest as her vanilla scent pulled him in. They were so close…
BOOM
The broke apart and he moved a considerable amount away from Hanna, searching for the source of the noise.
"Thunk thunk thunk."
He finally laid eyes on his buddy Toby. Standing outside Lucky Leon's doubled over in laughter. By the time he managed to catch Caleb's eyes again, he puckered his lips at him, making kissy faces at them and holding his hand together to make a heart.
Caleb felt his face heat up and was about to make a crude gesture to his buddy still mocking them, but Hanna beat him to it. She got up from their table and ran outside. Caleb watched from his seat how Hanna reached Toby still laughing on the curb, and play-fought him for his antics, her little fists landing on his strong upper arms.
Both of them smiling as he let her tackle him to the ground. Toby finally gave up and with one last push in the back from Hanna, he walked off to join the rest of the teammates Caleb hadn't noticed in the distance.
Hanna finally turned around to face Caleb from the other side of the window. Her face all smiles, her dimples visible and her eyes radiantly blue.
She shrugged with her smile firm in place. Her arms spread out wide, before she let them fall to her side. He couldn't hear the noise of her hands landing on her bare legs but he still shook his head at her, as if to say.
"You're going to hurt yourself."
I remember the night when,
I almost kissed her
Yeah, I kinda freaked out,
we'd been friends for forever
And I always wondered,
if she felt the same way
When I got the invite,
I knew it was too late
XxxxxX
Caleb closed his eyes, if he had one regret in his life, it had been never chasing that almost kiss again.
After that night at Lucky Leon's, where their boundaries of their friendship became muddled with teen angst and new feelings.
After their near kiss, he had laid awake that night thinking about what could be. Did he have feelings for her that way? Yes of course he had. He knew he did. The way she had looked at him, the way she smelled and the way she threw her head back when she laughed had been affecting him differently for the past year. His stomach constricting every time she held his gaze a little longer for comfort.
But she was also his friend, his best friend. They had been joined at the hip since the first day they met at 5 years old. What if things wouldn't work if they tried to discover the avenue of the unknown?
Regretfully, he had made the life altering decision all too soon.
Caleb looked down at his phone, trying not to stare at the picture on the background of his phone of him and Hanna at one of his first football games. Hanna looked so proud, her arm linked in his, donned in a cheerleader uniform. She had made it to the team that day and they had celebrated at Lucky Leon's for a change.
He glanced at the time, which had been the reason why he picked up the phone in the first place; 12.36 PM.
He picked up the invite lying on his bed.
"13.00 PM: Holy ceremony."
"Fuck." He growled and took another swig from his flask, if he kept going like this he'd be drunk before he had to watch her walk down the aisle in her white dress towards the man who couldn't possibly know Hanna as well as he did.
The way he used to know her.
He took another swig, hoping the alcohol would kick in soon.
XxxxX
Caleb stalked to the front door of his apartment and wondered who on earth could be at his door. He hadn't heard the sound of his intercom go off, which could only mean it was either his weary neighbour Mrs Andrews who had misplaced her keys yet again, or one of the few people who knew the entry code to get into his building.
So it couldn't be "her." He thought fleetingly, the little ball of hope deflating in his chest. Hanna had made it very clear she had moved on.
He opened the door and let out a sigh. He let his hand drop from the doorknob and stalked back to his chair where he had been nursing his third beer.
Toby walked in with another six pack of beer and closed the door behind him, walking in the apartment and silently sizing up his best friend. He took in his disheveled appearance and the empty beer bottles on the floor next to the chair Caleb sat in, staring blankly into space.
At least he didn't have to be the bearer of bad news now. It was evident Hanna had sent their friend an invite as well. Who could blame her, honestly.
Toby sat down and sighed. He opened two bottles and handed one to Caleb, even though he hadn't finished his current one. He sat back in the old couch that had stood in their living room during their college years, it was as comfortable as he remembered.
Both men nursed their beers in silence for a while. Words weren't needed between the two to understand why Toby was there.
When Toby was halfway through his bottle, he finally spoke into the comfortable silence.
"Sometimes I blame myself for everything that happened you know."
"What?" Caleb looked at him, his brows knitted together, his eyes slightly unfocused.
"That night…. at Lucky Leon's."
When Caleb didn't seem to understand, he ploughed on.
He took a deep breath. "Remember, when you and…. Well when you guys went for a milkshake after the game and…" He stopped to see if Caleb was catching on.
Caleb sank back in his seat and downed the rest of his beer. He caught on alright.
"Yes." He said after a while and waved at Toby to throw him another beer.
"Yes, I was the one who fucked it all up?" Toby asked with trepidation and threw another bottle in Caleb's direction.
"Course not." Caleb snorted. "You don't make me out for a pussy do you?"
"What.. what do you mean?"
Caleb took another long gulp from his beer and seemed to mull things over before speaking.
"I never made an attempt again." Caleb opened the bottle of beer and stared at it. "I didn't want to ruin our friendship back then."
"Back then." Toby echoed. "Thats 12 years ago man, what do you want now, besides drinking yourself into a coma."
I want to be the one waiting for her at the end of the aisle. Caleb thought, but he never voiced it.
XxxxX
Bet she got on her dress now,
welcoming the guests now.
I could try to find her,
get it off of my chest now.
But I ain't gonna mess it up,
so I'll wish her the best now
He had known of course she had been dating Brian, they had been together for 5 years, but that had been dating. In his mind he kept telling himself it couldn't be that serious.
He realised how serious it had been between them when it was already too late.
Caleb was counting down the minutes. He had considered it, really he had.
He had thought about to try and visit her and tell her everything. Lay it all out on the table and tell her how he wished they had kissed that day at Lucky Leon's or any time after.
That he could, no did love her as more than a friend. That he could and would love her forever and they could be happy.
He wanted to beg her to give him a chance, give both of them a chance at true love.
He looked up when Toby walked in, his tux immaculate and a radiant smile. He was too late to wipe the smile off his face when Caleb looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Just checking in." He explained subdued and stood next to Caleb peering in the mirror. He frowned and Caleb fought to stop his eyes rolling. Toby was never as good at hiding his inner thoughts.
"Out with it." He grumbled.
"You're not wearing a tie?" It was more of an observation, than a question.
Caleb cleared his throat. "Of course I am."
"Well hurry up man, you don't wanna be late… right?" He added and Caleb knew that wasn't all he wanted to ask him.
Caleb shot him a dark look, he reached inside the pocket of his suit and took another large swig from his flask.
"Caleb, if you're not up for this… No one is making you come to see the ceremony."
"Of course I'm not up for this!" He shouted at Toby and he felt some relief at letting some of his anger out.
Toby was silent, he seemed to be waiting for more. Hell, he'd was surprised Caleb managed to keep his cool all this time.
"Of course I don't want to watch her walk down the aisle to him!" He all but threw the flask at the window of his room and he fumed when it didn't even leave a mark.
"Look Caleb, if that's how you're going to be, maybe you shouldn't come."
"She's just as much my friend as she is yours isn't she."
Toby scrutinised him for a while.
"Yeah she is, but I'm not the kind of friend who wants to marry her."
XxxxX
I'll wear my black suit, black tie,
hide out in the back
I'll do a strong shot of whiskey,
straight out the flask.
I'll try to make it through without crying, so nobody sees.
Yeah, she wanna get married,
but she don't wanna marry me.
He didn't see her as they made their way to the ceremony.
Caleb knew her well enough to know she wanted to make a big entrance. They had arrived just on time in the courtyard where the wedding was supposed to happen.
It all looked perfect and very Hanna. From the flower arrangements, to the bows on the back of the chairs and the soft violin music playing in the background.
Caleb was relieved to see a few free chairs near the back of the seating area and made a beeline for them, pulling Toby by the arm of his suit. There was no way he wanted to be able to make eye contact with Hanna during his personal hell.
He sat down in the middle of the row next to two women their age. He didn't recognise them. He nodded at them kindly as he sat down and they smiled widely at him and Toby, glancing at their hands surreptitiously.
He ignored their whispers and the way they nudged each other.
He reached inside his suit jacket to pull out his flask, but Toby slapped his chest. He shot daggers at his friend who looked at him as if to say, "come on man."
He scowled and sank back in his seat, ignoring the groom walking the aisle and standing at the wedding arch, no doubt designed by Hanna herself by the way every flower seemed to glow beautifully in the sun that bathed them in light.
And I know her daddy's been dreading this day.
But he don't know he ain't the only one giving her away.
Time seemed to have slowed down as they all waited with anticipation. Caleb stopped himself from looking back to where the hotel was. Where he knew Hanna would come from with her father, to give her away to spend a lifetime with the love of her life, apparently.
He chewed the insides of his cheek in order to keep his emotions in check. He really tried not to let his mind wander and to think back at the time they had spend together, but trying not to think about Hanna, made him think about her even more.
He let himself go there.
He remembered the first day he met her, even at the young age of 5 he remembered clearly the time he first laid eyes on Hanna Marin. He had been riding his bike outside with Toby and some other kids from his neighbourhood whose names he'd long forgotten.
Toby had challenged Caleb to a race and Caleb was in the lead when she caught his eye. She was wearing a purple dress with a bow to match, her long blonde wavy hair around her face. He squeezed the brakes on his bike so hard his knuckles turned white. Intrigued he had walked the rest towards the girl with the blonde hair.
He heard Toby yell at him in the distance, it sounded close to "loser" but Caleb didn't care. Something about the girl pulled him in. When he was close enough she looked up at him and he couldn't help but smile. He didn't think he'd ever seen anyone so mesmerizingly beautiful.
He snapped out of it when he felt a painful jab in his ribs, yet he was still staring into the blue eyes that were so familiar to him.
He gulped, there she was.
He was staring at her, Hanna.
Hanna in her white dress, yet he wasn't registering anything about her but her face.
She was staring right back at him as she waited at the end of the aisle at her father's arm. He vaguely registered Toby looking between him and Hanna, but he couldn't look away. Not now she seemed to be drowning in his eyes as much as he was in hers.
For a second he thought he saw a flicker of… of, something off in her eyes. But before he could try to decipher her gaze, he registered change of music in the distance and she blinked. She turned her head away from him to look at her father, who laid his hand atop hers, his eyes full of tears when he kissed her cheek. She looked down at her feet before staring straight ahead, Caleb's eyes boring into the side of her face as she smiled at her husband to be, waiting for her at the end of the aisle. Her dimples where the last thing Caleb saw.
XxxxX
Doing a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask.
I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees.
Yeah, she wanna get married
Yeah, she gonna get married
But she ain't gonna marry me
Her dimples were the last thing he saw. He ignored Toby's questioning stare that nearly burnt a hole in his face.
He ignored him, the wedding party and general wedding guest decorum as he stood up, crouching over so not to disturb the rest of the gests and quickly made his way out of the row of seats. Toby's hushed warnings ringing in his ears as he tried not to attract too much attention.
To his relief the wedding party was asked to stand up, which covered up the noises he was making. He sighed as he made it to the aisle and without looking back, he strode towards the hotel.
Away from reality, away from pain, away from her.
The valet brought him his car within minutes and he raced away. He didn't have a destination, but he had freedom.
She had freedom.
He laughed darkly when he stopped at the one place that was the glue between him and Hanna.
He glanced apprehensively at the luminous lighting in the window.
"Lucky Leon's."
It would be a first for him, spending time at Lucky Leon's without his trusty sidekick. Even during their college years when visits between them became sparse, they always managed to squeeze enough time in between for a sneaky Lucky milkshake.
Chocolate for her, vanilla for him.
He sat in his car for a while, reminiscing.
After a few minutes of silence he wiped at his face and looked at himself in the mirror to check all the traces of his tears were gone.
He bowed his head and took a shuddering breath. "Bye Hanna." He whispered in the enclosed space and left his car.
He knew he made a mistake as soon as he walked in.
"Caleb!" Georgia called out from behind the counter, her grey hair even grayer as he remembered it. He approached her with heavy feet.
"Well have I never!" She started. I don't think I have ever seen you here by yourself. Has hell frozen over?" She chuckled.
"Shit…" She added when she saw his face. "Sorry for the language." She added as an afterthought.
"What's uhm, what's going on?" She asked carefully. "Where uhm… where is she?" She tried carefully.
Caleb was spared an explanation when her husband walked up behind her.
"Caleb?! Aren't you late for Hanna's wedding?! The entire town emptied out to get ready for the biggest celebration of the… ouch!" He yelled, looking at his wife. "What's wrong with you woman?"
"Oh." He shared a meaningful look with his wife after glancing at Caleb's dishevelled appearance.
"Look kid, why don't you sit down, we'll bring you your order in a moment."
"I haven't ordered anything yet."
He managed to meet the eyes of the owners and despite himself, chuckled. "Oh."
Caleb looked around the place and noticed that indeed the place was almost dead. He spotted the table next to the window, which was almost always occupied. He sat down for old times sake and pulled out his flask and laid in on the table.
He pulled out his phone to occupy himself and saw one missed call from Toby and notifications on his whatsapp. He sighed as he opened them.
13:22 "What the hell man!"
13:26 "You'll be happy to hear Hanna didn't see the fucking stunt you pulled."
13:28 "I swear to God I hope you're in the hotel room and not driving with whatever you've been drinking from your personal storage."
"I'm at Lucky Leon's, meet me after." He typed quickly and pocketed his phone as Leon himself approached the table with a milkshake.
"On the house." The old man smiled, placing the large drink on the table. "If you want company kid, I've been told to be a great listener."
"I'm fine." Caleb mumbled.
"Right." Leon sighed. "If you need anything…"
"I'm fine!" Caleb repeated and shot Leon an angry glare, which made the owner retreat.
He sipped his drink mindlessly, he remembered it tasting much better in the past and wondered if the recipe changed. He was about to ask either Leon or Georgia when he thought better off it.
He was in no mood to talk. Or company for that matter.
Caleb lost track of the time he had been inside, mindlessly watching a couple of teens hanging out in the corner. Laughing without a care in the world.
Regret burned through him like fire when he remembered those days.
He glanced at his milkshake again which he hardly touched, he wondered what it was about the milkshake that he had loved so much all this time. His stomach growled hungrily. Maybe he should have stayed at the wedding until after the buffet.
But then he would have witnessed Hanna get married…
He shut his eyes, willing himself to think about anything but Hanna.
When he opened his eyes again she was still there. Like a tattoo branded into his every being.
He picked up the flask in front of him and emptied the remaining contents in one gulp. The liquid burning his throat but he didn't care.
Bored and at a loss what to do next, he reached for his phone and he glanced at it. Another message from Toby. The message was sent 20 minutes ago.
He groaned, wondering what on earth he wanted now.
15:28 "You still at Leon's?"
He squinted at the time, had he really been here this long? He sighed and drank a bit more of his milkshake, trying not to think about Hanna being a married woman by now.
A loud thunk on the window brought him out of his misery. But he wasn't in the mood to face a jovial Toby, high on wedding bliss.
He scowled and looked up, ready to glare his friend to death.
He did a double take, pulling a vein in his neck by the force of his snap movement.
Hanna
"Hanna?" He whispered, more to himself.
He blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing things, to make sure he wasn't conjuring his heart's desire in front of him.
Her eyes were sad as she stood there on the other side of the window, breathtakingly stunning and still in her wedding dress.
He hadn't appreciated just how beautiful she looked.
He was rooted to his seat and couldn't do more than stare at her. What was she doing here? Was it even real?
He stared at her as she shook her head ever so slightly.
She shrugged, her arms spread out wide, before she let them fall to her side, the usual loud noise of her hands hitting her legs, no doubt muffled by her wedding dress. Her hands disappeared in the white fluff of the tule. Their eyes connected in an intense stare, from each side of the glass of Lucky Leon's.
His heart constricted heavily when as her face contorted and her eyes filled with a sadness reflected ever so clearly in his. Hanna clasped one hand in front of her mouth as if to contain the huge sob he had tried to drink away all day.
XxxxX
To Marion, who loves open endings.
The song is one of my favorites, it's Marry me by Thomas Rhett and the video is was the inspo for this fanfiction.