Notes: I was supposed to post this on Halloween. The day after seems just as good xD
"Bas! Come on! We're going to be late!" Kurt emphasizes this point (to himself, at least) by checking his phone, rolling his eyes when he realizes it's only been a minute since the last time he scolded his husband. Still, his criticism stands. Kurt has been looking forward to this party for the past few months. He'd like to get there some time before it's over.
"I thought you aimed to be late," Sebastian calls from behind their bedroom door. "I thought … grrr … that was the goal … mmph - fashionable lateness."
"Fifteen minutes is fashionably late," Kurt says, checking his face in the mirror to make sure he hasn't started sweating from all the pacing he's been doing. He doesn't want his makeup to smear before the world gets the chance to see his masterpiece. Good thing he added a healthy spritz of Urban Decay All Nighter, then Instagrammed it the second he finished. "Twenty-five minutes is excusable. But close to an hour? That's just plain rude."
"I'm sorry … urgh! … but this … (incoherent muttering) isn't an easy … shit shit shit! … costume to get into."
Kurt stops fussing with his makeup and grins. He's annoyed that they're late, but he can't deny the fact that Sebastian squeezing himself into a difficult costume has the potential to make up for it. Since the day they began dating, Kurt and Sebastian opted for the 'couples costume' thing, alternating each year as to who picks the theme. Sebastian goes for the same general idea every turn – a dynamic duo with the word 'sexy' in front of it: sexy cop and robber, sexy superhero and villain, sexy teacher and student, sexy hot dog and bun. Kurt aims for more originality with his costume ideas – Elphaba and Fiyero, Loras and Renly, Agron and Nasir. But this time, he decided to cut the difference. He picked out his costume, then made Sebastian come up with a match, just to see how things would go if they played off one another. When Kurt chose to go with his own twist on a witch costume, Sebastian was then tasked to find something to match. Surprisingly, he did so almost immediately … then refused to tell Kurt what it was.
And the suspense has been killing Kurt ever since.
Sebastian may be going as a warlock. Since Kurt's rendition is a Tonks inspired costume (complete with an ombre pink/blue/purple wig), Sebastian may also follow the Harry Potter route and go as a werewolf. Or he might be dressed as a witch's familiar.
A cat springs to mind.
A long, black, sinewy cat – a skin tight leotard exposing bulging biceps (along with a bulging something else), and a tail sliding between the crack of his muscular buttocks. Kurt lets that thought linger in the forefront of his mind for a moment, lets it settle into his body and do things to him.
And while he does, he whimpers.
If Sebastian comes out of their bedroom dressed like that, they may end up leaving later than they already are.
The door to their room opens while Kurt is daydreaming, so he doesn't notice his husband until he clears his throat and says, "So … what do you think?"
Kurt snaps out of his stupor at lightning speed, eager to see his husband's sexy version of whatever character he came up with (please be a cat, please be a cat, please be a cat!), but he finds himself stumped by the creature in front of him, swathed in brown latex and bearing his husband's face.
"That depends …" Kurt tilts his head from side to side, trying to find an angle that will ultimately reveal whatever this character is, but he can't seem to find it. Sebastian definitely got the 'skin tight' right, but whether or not that's a good thing, Kurt has yet to decide. (They are going to a work function, after all.) Kurt circles his husband, looking him over from top to bottom, but neither from front nor back can he figure out if Sebastian is supposed to be some sort of animal … or a shiny turd with furry feet. The brown seems to have some kind of graining painted on. What could that mean? "… what are you supposed to be?"
Sebastian raises his arms as best he can and announces, "I'm a broom!"
"A … a broom?"
"Yup."
"And why, of all the things you could have chosen, did you pick a broom?" Kurt asks, slightly amazed that somewhere in the recesses of the web, some company (more than likely out of Hong Kong) came up with a broom costume … and his husband ordered one.
"You wanted me to pick out a costume that would match yours," Sebastian reminds him. He waddles over to his husband, trying his best to look sexy even though a good foot of his costume sticks up over his head like a brown dildo. "Plus, you know what they say …"
Kurt exhales dramatically. That response is getting soooo old! Kurt doesn't want to dick around with cliché riddles when he has no idea how they're going to get Sebastian into a cab. He doesn't look like he can sit in this outfit he's wearing, and Kurt sure as hell isn't taking him anywhere on the subway! "No, I don't! I don't have a clue who they are, nor what they say! This is obviously your joke, so just … tell me the punchline!"
"It's not my joke," Sebastian says, mildly offended. "I got it off a plaque at Michaels."
"I obviously didn't see it, so what is it?"
"If the broom fits …" Sebastian pauses to bounce his eyebrows suggestively "… ride it."
Kurt snickers. "Does that fall along the lines of 'I licked it, so now it's mine'?"
"That makes every inch of my body yours then, doesn't it?" Sebastian manages to wield his seductive voice even though he looks absolutely sexless. "Except maybe my feet below the ankles."
"Yeah, well, sorry, but I'm not into that." Kurt leans back to get another full look at his husband, and shakes his head. "How long exactly did it take you to get into this?"
"Longer than I care to admit." Sebastian attempts to tug at the rear of his outfit, leading Kurt to assume there may be some kind of attached brief underneath. Kurt snickers, remembering the costumes he'd had to wear as a member of New Directions. For all of his big talk, Sebastian wouldn't have lasted a day in their Glee club if he's bothered by a latex uni-wedgie. "Does that deserve some kind of reward?"
"Possibly." Kurt crosses his arms. "Can I dress you up in something more appropriate if you get one?"
Sebastian grins triumphantly, but then he scowls, wiggling his body with a tortured expression on his face. "You know, originally I did all of this to vie for a blowjob, but this costume is crushing me."
"That bad, huh?"
"A-ha." Sebastian grunts. "My butt itches like crazy, and I'm having trouble breathing. So, if you help me out of this getup, you can put me in anything you'd like."
"Good." Kurt walks over to his drafting table and grabs a heavy duty seam ripper. "Because I've always thought you'd make a stunning Morgan le Fay."
Sebastian fixes his husband with a piercing look as Kurt searches for an air pocket big enough for him to poke without impaling his husband. "Only if I get to wear that McQueen thing with the red brocade coat and those black thigh high boots of yours."
Kurt finds a safe spot and pricks it with the sharp tip of his tool. The material pops, giving way to a long rip down Sebastian's left side, freeing him from his latex prison. "Deal."