Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel.
Steve knew loneliness.
But this was a whole new definition of being alone. Every night he couldn't sleep, every morning he didn't eat, how he barely talked to anybody and how he would stare blankly at the ceiling while laying down on his couch at 4am.
The clock was ticking, the distant sound of the street: cars passing by, people talking, the faint sound of an ambulance siren. And a knock on the door.
Steve got up from the sofa and rubbed his eyes before opening the door. "Phil?"
"Hello, Captain."
"What happened?" the soldier got a bit worried, SHIELD agents knocking on your door at some hour in the night was no good news.
"Nothing, you forgot to give me your paperwork." Phil examined Steve first: tired eyes, messy hair, neck and shoulders tensed. Then his apartment: lights off, poor air circulation.
"Uh… sure, why don't you come on in?" Steve suggested tiredly.
"Alright. Thank you," the agent entered the apartment behind Steve and the lights were turned on. Phil took a glance around, in another circumstances he would be thrilled but sadly seeing his Captain in such state was just concerning. Steve returned to him with the papers in hand.
"Are you okay, Steven?" he asked looking straight into the other's eyes in a way it forbid anybody to lie.
"I- uh, why do ask this?"
"You haven't eaten in two days." Coulson stated without even blinking.
"How do you kn-"
"I am serious, what is the problem? I am here to help you, Captain."
Steve sighed and looked down, tensing his jaw. He knew there was something wrong, oh hell he did; but it was complicated to know how to buck up and return to his "normal" life because pretending everything was okay was not an easy task.
"Hey, look at me," Phil gently lifted Steve's chin to meet up with blue, sad eyes. "I won't lie to you, it isn't okay but it will be. I know this is hard but it doesn't make you weak. So slowly, we will get through this."
Steve frowned; maybe he wasn't taking this too serious as it was. He filled his lungs with air and nodded, at the end of the day, it was Phil who cared about him and he wouldn't let him down.
And so the days starting counting again in Steve's calendar. Phil made something that seemed impossible at first, space in his schedule. He felt the largest weight on his shoulders, dealing with his important and eventful job and spending time with Steve every single day; but this was Phil Coulson, he sure could bear the weight of the world.
At 7 in the morning, Phil would be knocking on Steve's door: two Starbucks and the newspaper in hand. The first days Coulson found Steve sleepless again, all dressed up since his shower at 3:30 am.
They would sit silently, divide the newspaper and drink their coffee until it was time to head to the SHIELD headquarters.
Phil made sure to keep Steve busy in the afternoon with all the unfinished paperwork and other relevant matters of SHIELD. It was like giving a three year old boy a box of crayons and a bunch of paper sheets. It worked wonderfully making Steve's mind function at a faster speed or simply maintaining it occupied.
In the evenings they would walk to Steve's apartment and buy some food on the way: pizza, Chinese, noodles, sandwiches or Thai. They would eat while talking about things that did not make much sense, while in the nights they just enjoyed each other's silence.
Before leaving every night after 10pm, Phil commanded Steve to sleep or to at least try to. A week after, Coulson felt astonishingly happy when he saw the blond drifting off to sleep on the sofa still holding the book he was reading.
It was a Monday's night; Phil was heating some water to make some tea before leaving while Steve solved a crossword, sitting in the kitchen-dining room. The agent put the hot beverage in front of the soldier.
"Thanks." Steve looked up and smiled softly.
"Sure." Phil sat next to him and observed him for a moment.
"Hey, I just wanted to say thank you. I mean, for everything you've done for me, it really means a lot to me." Steve looked back at Phil "I am so much better now."
Phil melted in Steve's eyes, he felt and unusual warmth on his chest and he just could not resist, some inevitable gut feeling told him to lean in. Steve wouldn't imagine so, but he corresponded the tender kiss upon his lips. Both closed their eyes and treasured the moment, Phil's hand cupped Steve's cheek and they hoped the kiss to never be broken.
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