A long December

Jane was walking from class to the front yard. In the hallway she saw Billy and Zoe and turned around to take the long way out. It's gonna be a long winter. She could not believe how jealous she was. They've only been dating for a few weeks and yet this thing felt like it's consuming her life. She wished she could go back and not have heard that "it's you" that ruined everything. Up until then she had never seen Billy in any sort of romantic way but now that it was out there, there was no ignoring it. She loves him, and she knows it know. And even worst, ever since he came back things have been so weird and tense, it's like they're not even friends anymore. She felt very confused but she knew the thing that would be most helpful- talking to Billy- wasn't an option. So she decided to go for the next best thing (or at least the next acceptable thing), and that's how she found herself knocking on miss Shaw's door.

"Miss Shaw? Can we talk?" Jane said quietly while entering her office and closing the door.

"Hi Jane, sure. What's up?" Rita smiled at her warmly trying to hide her concern regarding Jane's unusual request.

"So...um...I was just..." Jane stuttered.

"Do you need a second to organize your thoughts?" miss Shaw asked.

"That's sort of the problem. I usually process and sort things out when I'm talking to Billy, but right now that's not really an option."

"Okay. And why isn't that an option?"

"Well because now that he and Zoe are together he doesn't really have as much time for me, and me and Zoe don't really get along so the three of us hanging out isn't an option... and also because It's about him and it's things I can't tell him right now. Possibly never."

"All right, well do you want to tell me? I can say from experience just saying things out load and maybe getting a second opinion can help you get some perspective."

"Yeah I guess I need to talk that's why I'm here. You know how Billy went to jail? So the night before I had this fashion show thing from the internship in the city and he showed up there and said "It's you Janey", but then someone came in and he ran out and we never got to finish that conversation. After he came back he was all weird and distant and when I tried to bring it up he said it was because he was nervous and in a bad place. But I feel like ever since I heard it it's flipped some switch in my mind and…I can't look at him the way I did before anymore. I think... I might be in love with him. Or at least attracted to him, while also loving him like a friend. Does that make sense? Either way he doesn't seem to feel the same way anymore or he won't admit it and now he's met Zoe and they're together and I don't want to ruin that for him, but I feel like he's getting away from me and we're not even best friends anymore and I just feel… lost and alone without him.

"Okay well that's a lot to process in 30 seconds. Let's see if I followed- Billy likes you, he leaves for a while and comes back supposedly not liking you anymore, but now you like him and he's in another relationship and you feel neglected."

"That pretty much sums it up."

"If you want my opinion Jane I gotta tell you that being honest is always the best choice. You should tell him how you feel about what's happening. I understand you are afraid to ruin your relationship with Billy, but it doesn't sound like it's going well right now. If he has all the information he can make a choice for himself, but right now you're deciding for him and against yourself out of fear. You should take some time to think this over of course but I learned that being true to yourself is always in your best interest. And another thing I've learned is that sometimes in life relationships change. Sometimes something can work for 10 years in a row and then stop. Don't just stay somewhere that's no longer comfortable out of habit. You miss out on too much playing it so safe."

"I can't tell him I love him! He has a girlfriend, and I'm not even sure I really do."

"That's your choice, but you can tell him you miss him and you feel like something's changed. When you're that close to someone you should be able to talk openly with them regardless of their love life. The only way to maintain a good relationship is to talk about the problems and work out the kinks. So I'm sorry Jane, I can't really solve this problem for you, you have to do it on your own. But I do hope you feel a little better about that."

"I do. Thanks miss Shaw. I should go if I want to make my train. Have a good day."

"Thank you. Be brave, and remember if you need to talk my door is always open."

Jane ran out of the office, she needed to hurry if she wanted to make the train, and she definitely didn't have the mental powers to deal with an angry Gray. She barely made the train and when she sat down she was glad to have some time with herself to consider miss Shaw's advice. She still didn't know what to do, when her cell buzzed and it was a text from Billy. "Hey. Miss you. Let's hang out tonight." Her heart leaped in her chest and then sank. She can't tell him, he's happy and she won't ruin it. She wasn't sure she could face another conversation about Zoe, so she texted back "Me too! I'd love too but I'm super busy at work. Let's talk later…" knowing they wouldn't. Yep, gonna be a long winter.