Chapter 1

Stan was nailing up signs in the spooky part of the forest when it happened. As he heard Bill ramble about on how he had conquered Gravity Falls, Stan continued to do his work. After all, why should he worry about the apocalypse if Dipper, Mabel, and Ford were safe in the Mystery Shack?

Just then, he felt Gompers chewing on his tassel. Stan was furious and yelled at the goat, "That's it, goat! It's time I threw you off this property for good!"

Suddenly, a weirdness wave hit Gompers, who grew to be at least as tall as a giant redwood! This startled Stan, who said, "On second thought, I'm gonna run like a coward now." And off he ran, away from the forest and into the Mystery Shack. As he gasped for air, he thought, "Well, at least I'm safe at home with my family."

But as if a 200-foot-tall goat wasn't weird enough, Stan jumped at the sight of a manotaur, a unicorn, and three gnomes in the living room.

"Oh, hello," said the manotaur. "I'm Chutzpar!"

"I am Celestabellebethabelle," said the unicorn.

"I am Steve," said one of the gnomes. "And these are my friends, Brian and Mike."

"Great! More Gravity Falls weirdness!" growled Stan, who was clearly exasperated. Then he yelled at the manotaur, unicorn, and gnomes, "Look, I'm not in here to play Spin the Bottle with any of you! I'm only in here to look after my family!" And with that, he stormed up the stairs to Dipper and Mabel's bedroom to tell them the situation.

"Dipper, Mabel, we've got a serious situation with supernatural cre-" Stan started to say, before he was met with a sight he hoped he would never see: it was the apocalypse, and neither Dipper nor Mabel was in their bedroom.

Down in the living room, Chutzpar was watching wrestling on TV with the gnomes, when he started smelling something from upstairs. So he left the gnomes to watch TV as he went upstairs and, seeing Stan moping, sniffed at the old man. "I smell," he thought, "emotional issues!"

"I have problems, Chutzpar," Stan moaned. "Family-related problems." After Chutzpar sat down, Stan continued, "I was nailing up signs in the spooky part of the forest when it happened. Only when Gompers became a giant did I run back to the Shack, thinking that Ford, Dipper, and Mabel were here. Spoiler alert: they're not." After a brief pause, Stan looked at Chutzpar and asked, "Hey, you've seen Dipper and Mabel, haven't you?"

Chutzpar shook his head. "Nope," he stated. "I've never seen Ford or Mabel. Sure, I've eaten a Ford truck before, but the last time I saw Dipper, he wouldn't fight the Multi-Bear."

Stan knew that Dipper's recount of the manotaurs was over a couple months ago. He then bowed his head and sighed, "Now I have every good reason to worry about the apocalypse. I don't know where my twins might be."

"And what makes Dipper and Mabel so special?" asked Chutzpar. "Is Dipper sure that you're his uncle and not his father? You look very similar to Dipper from the future."

Chutzpar looked very suspicious, when Stan replied, "Actually, I'm not really Dipper and Mabel's uncle. My real name is Stanley Pines. Their real uncle is my twin brother Stanford, and I don't know where he is! If I can't find them, they both could be dead, and that would be sad. But if I can find them, I will help them fight that triangle monster, and that would be awesome!"

"Fight?" Chutzpar asked, clearly enthusiastic to fight! "I'm in!"

"Me, too!" said Celestabellebethabelle.

"And us as well!" cried the gnomes.

"Very well! A fight it is!" Stan declared. "There's an apocalypse underway, and my entire family is in danger, so until we stop the triangle demon, let us speak in military terms! I'll be sergeant, Chutzpar will be corporal, the gnomes will be privates, and Celesta… whatever her name is, will be my war horse. Got that?"

"Yes, sergeant!" shouted the others in unison.

And so Stanley, Chutzpar, Celestabellebethabelle, and the gnomes got themselves ready to find Dipper and Mabel and defeat Bill!