C.H.U.D., Hooch and Ecstasy

Disclaimer: Don't own Riddick (unfortunately) or his creators. Nor do I own Shazza, Zeke, Jack, Imam and his boys, Fry or Johns.

Summary: My creations, CHUD, Hooch and Ecstasy are shoved into Pitch Black in the hopes that they can…
1) Tame the beast known as Riddick? Of course…NOT!
2) Be the sudden and unrealistic savior of everyone from the crash? Again, of course…NOT!
3) Annoy the living fuck out every single last one of them? HELLZ YEAH!

THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!

The name's Ecstasy, as in Ecstasy X. Real name too, not made up. Though sometimes I wish it was. Anywho, I'm stranded on some weird planet thingy with a bunch of crazy kids running around yelling something about a crash. Did I mention this planet had three suns? All of which were beating down on my ear length, boy styled blue, green and purple hair, my sensitive all black eyes and my pale ass skin? Seriously, if I got burned, I was going to kill my creator. Speaking of, you should meet her sometime. She'll drive you up a fuckin' wall.

So I'm standing in the center of this HUGE debris trail in my pink short shorts, my knee tall black with rainbow splatter Chuck All Stars, my blue tank top and my green, short sleeved button up, petting my beast of a pet (both of them) absently and wondering how the fuck I got here when some big bad ass mother fucker comes tearing my way. He's bald, wearing goggles, cargo pants and a wife beater and I'm thinking "She fucking sent me into her favorite movie. Typical of her really, but why this one? Why not the one when Jackie's all grown up and actually has tits?" So he's still grumbling about the cuffs around his wrists and trying to pick his way out of them and not even bothering to look up to see where he's going. And me, being Ecstasy and one stubborn bad ass mother fucker myself, doesn't move. Naturally he plows right into me. We both stagger backwards and my precious babies start snarling their little minds out at the fuck head.

Let me tell you something real quick: most people would wet themselves and go screaming for their fucking mommy if they caught an eyeful of my snarling babies. They're at least four feet tall, all black, slender and powerful. They're like a cross between a Great Dane and a Husky kind of but ten times more dangerous. And they've got mommy's temper. They don't like it when someone pops my bubble, they don't like it when someone looks at me wrong, and they definitely don't like it when B.A.M.F.'s such as Richard B. Riddick come plowing into me and then start glaring like the whole thing was my fucking fault. Which it isn't by the way. He should watch where he's going.

"Who the fuck are you?" He growls. Oh he's angry. That's never good. Well you know what? SO AM I!

"Who the fuck are you?" I counter. Oh, real smooth. He growls, he actually fucking growls and suddenly C.H.U.D. (cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller) and Hooch are in front of me and snarling their little minds out again. I pat them on the head and they settle down. Then I wonder why I asked him who he was because, let's face it, everyone knows Riddick. I roll my eyes at his lack of a response…or fear. "The name's Ecstasy." I say and his eyebrows shoot up. I scowl. "Shut up, no jokes please, no matter how wonderful and erotic my name is."

"I didn't see you on the ship," he says. Now I raise my eyebrows. What the fuck am I going to say to that?

"Yeah well…I didn't see you on the ship either." I counter and stick my tongue out at him. What can I say, my creator made me a bit stupid. I mean, who goes around and sticks their tongues out at a mass fucking murderer? Damn, I should probably start watching my fucking mouth. It's getting a little out of hand.

He scoffs, rolls his eyes behind those goggles of his and tries to walk around me. Hooch stops him, sniffing his boots, his legs, his…ahem. C.H.U.D. jumps in and sniffs at his arms and stomach and soon, Riddick's covered in dog slobber and little black hairs. He growls at them, glaring them in the eye like he thinks his amazing Alpha-ness is gonna get them to stop. Now I scoff. Please! No one can dominate my babies. Believe me…I've tried.

Once he gives up trying to glare them down, I step up and poke them on the nose. Their snarls fall, their ears prick up again, their tails wag and their panting like two happy little puppies stuck with their master, a serial killer, a crash site and ten survivors and a planet that's full of monsters that'll most likely kill every single one of us. Except in the movie, Jack, Riddick and Imam get away. Three out of ten. Make that four. I'm a natural survivor.

"You know," I call when he's a ways off. I snicker to myself. Screw you creator I'm gonna fuck up the story. "Johns knows you're going that way." He stops and turns his head just slightly to look at me. I roll my eyes and, like later in the movie, pat my thigh. "Come on boy!" I say too enthusiastically. He tenses and I can tell he's just dying to shiv me right now. Heh…that sounds so dirty.

What!? Don't look at me! My fucking name is Ecstasy what the fuck did you expect!?

"Well you just gonna stand there or are ya gonna follow me!?" I ask and he starts walking…the same direction he'd been going before. I roll my eyes and follow him, thinking how stupid this so called intelligent, mass murdering psychopath is.

THE CREATOR: Sorry it's such a short first chapter. I'm trying out a new approach on my stories. Usually I try to make them serious and what not…but I don't know…it might be the amount of pills I've taken today that's made me realize how amazing it would be if there was someone in Pitch Black that could relieve all of the tension and depression and darkness. HA! That was funny…

ECSTASY: If you set me up with Dicky-Boy over here I'm gonna…. –mumbles incoherently-

RIDDICK: I agree…

THE CREATOR: To what? All I heard was blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….You get the picture..anywho, review pleases!!!