A/N: This chapter takes place following the events of The Dying Minutes. I am thinking of it as a deleted scene at the cabin before the final on camera moments where Kiera watches Alec and Emily walk away. I have a lot of ideas as to where this could lead, so I may post a few chapters and then the events of the season finale might make them completely irrelevant! So, it is canon for now, with the possibility of AU later.
They sat that way for a few minutes more, holding hands in silence, sitting on the steps of the cabin. Kiera could hear Alec and Emily inside, talking and laughing softly. They were so at ease with each other, Kiera almost envied their happiness. She realized that sitting here with Brad was the first few minutes of peace she had felt in a long time. She wasn't sure how to really feel about that, though.
Brad's thoughts were following a similar line. It seemed like most of his adult life was spent struggling. There were some moments, moments with his wife and daughter that had made his life worth living, but once they were gone, it seemed like all he had to live for was this mission. Now, he thought there might be a different way. There was nothing left for him to go back to. He wasn't interested in returning to his own time. His best hope is that they could somehow find a way to make his future better, maybe even save his family. But, he also knew he wouldn't be there to see it. He was a soldier, a survivor. He had a new mission now, he was going to make sure that Kiera was safe. They were in this together now.
Eventually, Kiera realized that the evening was wearing long and it might be time to go inside. She was reluctant to break the tentative connection she and Brad were sharing, but she was getting tired. As if her body wanted to manifest her tiredness, she yawned.
Brad picked up on it immediately, stood up, and held out a hand to help her up. "Tired?" he asked.
Kiera nodded, with a small smile. "Yes, she admitted." She took Brad's offered hand and stood up. They didn't speak as they went inside, with Brad holding the door to the cabin for her.
Inside, Emily had drifted off to sleep on the couch and Alec was just watching her, a look of contentment on his face. He looked like he wouldn't be moving anytime soon, and he motioned slightly for Kiera to use the little back bedroom where Emily had been sleeping. She nodded, not wanting to speak and wake Emily up. Kiera looked over at Brad, who was settling into the armchair on the other side of the room. He smiled at her, and she smiled back before she walked to the bedroom and closed the door.
Brad watched her walk away, and he realized that there was something there, a connection between the two of them. He just wasn't sure what to do about it. His gaze moved from the closed bedroom door to the couple on the couch. They were so young, but there was so much each of them had seen, so much they had done, but they still had the feeling that they could make it all alright if they were together. Brad hadn't felt hope like that in a long time, but when he was with Kiera, he almost felt a fragment of that hope. He closed his eyes, and thought about how nice it had been, just sitting on the porch watching the night sky, fingers laced through hers. After a few minutes, Brad drifted off, with Alec not far behind him.
Kiera laid down on the small, but comfortable bed. There was an old fashioned quilt on top that she pulled over herself. It was so soft, and Kiera was so tired, it only took a few seconds for her to fall asleep.
"Mommy?" called Sam. Kiera knew she was dreaming, but she didn't want to wake up. Her dreams were the only place she still saw him like this, not a recording from her CMR, but like he was really here with her. This time, though, she couldn't see him.
She was standing in a house with a long hallway. She could hear Sam's voice at the far end, so she started moving towards him. "I'm coming, baby," she yelled back.
"Mommy?" Sam's voice sounded plaintive, like he was a little scared.
Kiera started to run down the hallway, but no matter how far she ran, she didn't seem to get any closer, and then Sam's voice started getting fainter and fainter.
"Sam!" she yelled. "Sam, where are you?"
"Kiera," a voice said urgently. "Kiera, wake up!"
Kiera started to pull herself up out of the dream, but she still felt the panic of not finding Sam. She let out a sob, and felt someone's hands on her arms, drawing her close. "It's okay," the voice continued. "It was just a dream."
Kiera started to pull away, but as her groggy phase was fading, she realized it was Brad holding on to her. She took a deep breath to steady her trembling breathing and allowed herself to be pulled into his arms.
Brad settled down on the side of the bed and held her without speaking for a few minutes. He just wanted to make sure she was okay. After her breathing had returned to normal and she wasn't clinging to his arm so tightly, he asked "It was your son, right?"
Kiera nodded, in the dark, Brad couldn't see, but he could still feel the motion against his chest. "I could hear him, but I couldn't find him."
"Do you dream about him a lot?" Brad asked.
"Yes," Kiera replied. "But it usually isn't like that. I used to have a few nightmares when I first came though to this time, but usually my dreams of him are more like memories or imagining what he could be doing now."
"What do you think caused it this time?" Brad asked.
Kiera was quiet for a moment. "I think I'm losing him," she said softly. "I know now that my timeline is gone, replaced by yours, and I think I am just accepting that I might not be able to get it back."
Brad made a soft noise under his breath. "It's hitting you that your son might not be there anymore, even if you found your way back."
Kiera nodded again. "I don't know if I would be there if I found my way back. That's scary enough, but somehow the thought that my son isn't, that's more terrifying to me."
Brad shifted his weight in attempt to get a little more comfortable, and Kiera moved to give him a some room. He stretched out until they were both laying on the bed, Brad on his back and Kiera on her side up next to him. He still had his arm around her, and she tentatively laid her head on his chest.
Brad paused and considered his next words carefully before he spoke. "I haven't heard you talk about your husband in awhile."
"I know," Kiera said softly.
When she didn't continue, Brad was silent, giving her some time to think. He thought he might have pushed too far. He was beginning to realize that he was used to having her in his life, but he didn't want to do or say anything that might mess that up.
When she spoke, she was so quiet that Brad almost didn't hear her. "I used to wake up every day and the first thing I thought of was both of them. I would think about them almost every minute of the day. I would see their faces as I went to sleep at night."
She fell silent, but Brad just waited. After a few more minutes, Kiera continued. "As the days went on, sometimes they weren't the first thing that came to mind when I woke up. I still thought of Sam often, but I realized that obsessing about my family was going to drive me crazy." Her voice grew a little stronger as she continued. "I knew that if I was going to get back to them, I was going to have to focus on what was happening here, and put them away sometimes."
"I can understand that," Brad said. "I was so full of anger and pain when my family died, it was in control of everything I said and did. One day I realized that I had to get control back of myself if I was going to avenge them. Then when Kellogg decided to send me back, I knew that I might save them, or at least save them the pain of the world we lived in."
"You had to put them away, too," Kiera commented.
"Yes," Brad said, stroking her hair with his other hand.
"I think that my husband wouldn't want me to be upset and alone all the time," Kiera said, barely above a whisper.
"I don't want you to be upset or alone either," Brad admitted.
"How are we here?" Kiera wondered out loud.
"What do you mean?" Brad asked. "Here in this cabin, or here in this time?"
"I mean just here," Kiera said. "You were in a hospital for weeks, had amnesia, and this was after killing me. I don't understand how I can trust you, how I feel inside that I should trust you."
Brad closed his eyes. He regretted his actions in the lab so much, but he knew he would never be able to take them back. "I understand," he said as he shifted his weight to move off of the bed.
Kiera sat up quickly, "What are you doing?"
Brad was half facing the door, on his side, about to get out of the bed. He stopped his forward movement and turned back to Kiera. "I thought you might want me to go," he admitted.
Kiera laid her hand on his forearm. "I don't."
Brad rolled back over, reassuming the position he had just been in. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath until Kiera put her head back on his chest and snuggled into his side. "I think we're both a little overwhelmed and confused," he said.
"I think you are right," Kiera agreed. "We both have lost the ones we love, both been alone and are tired of it."
Brad decided to take a chance. "There is something that draws me to you, and I think you feel the same way." He paused, then continued, "But, we both feel guilty about it at the same time."
"Because part of us feels like we are betraying them, it would mean we are moving on, or giving up on being with them again," Kiera added. "So, what do we do?"
Brad reached over and continued to stroke her hair. He turned his head to the side and gently kissed the top of her hair. "For now, we sleep. I don't think we have to work everything out tonight."
Kiera yawned again at the mention of sleep. She thought about how she felt right now. She felt safe, she felt like she belonged here, with Brad. She nodded again, "Sounds good."
They both closed their eyes, and Kiera drifted off to sleep in just a few moments. She had been tired when this evening began, and after her nightmare, she was really exhausted.
Brad, however, didn't sleep right away. He couldn't. He had a beautiful woman in his arms, sleeping. He thought that for people like them, soldiers, her being able to sleep like this showed an absolute trust. He marveled at this, amazed at her ability to put aside the fact that he had killed the other her. He wanted to believe that she knew that he would never hurt her again. He didn't know the other her, didn't know that she was the one that would make him feel like a person again.
He didn't know what was coming for them in the next days, months, or however long they made it. He knew that if things didn't change, they would be living in hell in thirty years. He reached over and kissed her head again. She made a soft noise in her sleep. Brad smiled and settled in to sleep. His last thought before he drifted off was that they could make it alright, as long as they stayed together.