lol, this is a oneshot I decided to do while laying in bed, unable to sleep. And it's just in time for the hoidays! I hope you enjoy it!
Summary: It's Christmas eve, and at the WWE headquarters, a large christmas tree is set up. Underneath it are brightly wrapped presents. One person disagrees with this idea. Why would you waste time getting gifts for these people, when all they care about is recieving one? Hell, he probably won't even get one!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the wrestlers mentioned, but I own the teenager at the counter! He's mine!
You may not be on the same page as me. Me? I hate clowns. But something I hate worse then clowns? Christmas.
Really, who invented it? It's a bunch of idiots going around buying stuff for their friends, when really, all they're looking to get is some free stuff, or maybe to impress someone.Who knows what they're intentions are.
Oh my god! It's so exciting! Santa's coming with his sleigh and eight(nine?) little reigndeer, and bringing me presents!
Grow up kids. Santa's not real. It's your deranged parents, posing as fat boy himself. It's sick. It's twisted.
Believe me, I learned the hard way. It's really not coincidence that Santa & mom's hand writing is exactly the same. Useless propaganda. That's all it is. Propaganda. A load of crap.
Why am I ranting like this? Simple.
Our boss, Vince McMahon, thought it would be cool for all of us to give eachother presents for Christmas. Ugh. What a pouf. Not like anyone's going to think of me when they're out buying stuff for their friends. Not like I'd mind. I wouldn't even know what I would want. Well, maybe I do.
Heavy sedatives and a 24 pack of beer to keep those stupid Christmas songs out of my head.
Well, there you have it. Another thing I hate about Christmas. Christmas music. So stupid. So pointless. So...so damn catchy.
Rudolph? Please. More like Rudolph the genentically altered nuclear exposed reigndeer.
I shot a reigndeer once. Great venison. Huntings fun. Christmas is not.
Right now? I'm staring at the ten foot monster.
The Christmas tree.
Really, you should see this thing! It's wider and taller then any Christmas tree I've ever seen!
And the presents! They take up all the room under the tree, and then some! And when I say some, I mean about one extra meter stretching away from the tree! It's insane! So many people buying so much stuff! Ugh... it gives me a headache...
So...it's about 12:30 right now... I have an idea. I'm going to deface the christmas tree. No, I'm not gonna piss on it. I'll just...mess it up a bit...
I stepped forward, and kicked a shiny red box out of my way. It was light...probably a tie or some shit like that.
I picked up a wrapped box. Would you guess, what was on the wrapping paper? SANTA CLAUS was on the wrapping paper. Holy jumping Jesus this is not cool.
I read the label. Merry Chrsitmas Dad, Shane. I hurled the box at the tree, smashing at least two ornaments. I grinned inwardly.
That sounded good.
I sifted through a couple more.
Merry Christmas Jeff! -Matt... ugh.
Merry Christmas Matt!- Jeff...ugh! What the hell? They're so god damn weird...if you're going to be a Holiday's pouf, at least have some originality, kids.
Have a great Christmas, Maria! - Ashley... Great... probably some perfume.. like celeb fragrances... Do we count as celebs? I should have a fragrance... hah!
I looked through a couple more...crap, crap...worse crap...creepy crap.
Not a one for me. See? People don't think of me when they look for shit. I don't mind.
I think Edge still believes in Santa...
Speaking of Edgy boy, heres a gift for him from...surprise surprise, Amy!
I whipped that at the tree as well. I didn't like those two... Show and Holly... Test and Sabu...who knew? Everyone goes insane at Christmas, buying stuff for eachother.
I don't waste my time.
I kicked through a couple more, then stopped at one. It was black with a barbed wire design. Must be for someone in ECW, no doubt. But something caught my eye...
Happy Holidays 'Sandman', we wouldn't have a show without you. Merry Christmas- Tommy Dreamer.
I dropped the gift in shock, the scooped it back up again. For me???
I picked up another one.
Have a killer Christmas Sandman!!!- The Miz! HOOHRAH!
Merry Christmas Sandman! - Tazz
Have a great holiday and a happy new year!- Paul
Hey Sandman, hope you have a great Christmas!- Jeff & Matt
I kept finding them- more and more! I can't believe it...
Oh my god I'm a selfish prick.
This whole time, I've been thinking on one cared...yet...
Dear god I haven't done anything for anyone yet! I didn't get ANY gifts! And all these people got me all this...
I found myself running towards the grocery store. I could've drove, but, hey, it seemed more fitting to run there.
"Please be open...please be open..." I muttered as I stopped in front of the automatic doors. They slid open.
Hell yes!
I grabbed a cart, and wandered past the bored looking teenager who worked there. I was going to make a remark, but I stopped myself. Leave the poor kid alone! He has to work minimum wages, on Christmas eve...And I was at work this late to mess up Christmas for everyone else...What a jerk...
I wandered into the "Holiday" section. I looked around, and grabbed about five boxes of chocolate, and put them in the cart.
Hey, it's not a change of heart! I still hate Christmas, and I still think it's stupid, but, these people deserve it!
I also grabbed other stuff... Christmassy (is that even a word??? Geez, Striker does NOT aprove...haha...) food. If I have any idea what it is.
I found some holidayish (Wow, you can tell I'M good with my words) decorations. Banners. Ribbons. Bows. Two packs of beer and a Red Bull to keep me going/
I brought the stuff up to the teenager, who looked like he was ready to fall asleep, and I layed it out on the counter.
He looked up from underneath his blond bangs, and grinned at me.
"Left it a little late, huh?" He chuckled, passing the items over that creepy little thing that flashes red and beeps. You know how annoying those get, when you're in a grocery store, and there's about fifteen registers, and all you hear, is thousands upon thousands of BEEPS!
"Yeah, I guess. You shouldn't even be working right now kid. You should be at home. It's not really fair you have to stay this late, is it?" I asked him. I really felt for the guy.
"Yeah, well, I need the money. Though it isn't much. What are you doing this late?" He then asked me.
"Well...I really don't know." I honestly replied. I wasn't tired. Hell, I could proabably keep going, and going... like one of those damn Energizer batteries. Haha, that rabbit... Rabbit's are popular mascots, it seems.
Better then clowns.
The teenager laughed, as he glanced at the clock.
"Five more minutes, I can go have a smoke." He goaned. I couldn't help but look shocked.
"You're over nineteen?" I asked in awe. He nodded, and laughed .
"I get that alot. So, what about you, do you work on Christmas?"
"Who knows. Vince is a very fickle man. One day you could be not working holidays, next thing you know, you have to come in." I explained.
"Hm. Sounds like my boss. Anyways, that's a total of $73.57." He sighed, as he put the bags on the counter closest to the door.
My automatic response? Reach for my credit card. Even if the kids really nice, he could be as dumb as a post... or some people just can't deal with change.
My automatic reply. My credit card isn't there. I swore quietly, and pulled the bills out of my pocket. (I don't trust my wallet)
Along with the bills, out came two cans of beer. I slapped myself on the head, wondering how I forgot those there. I looked sheepishly up at the kid, who was...grinning.
"You're not...surprised?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nope. I was kinda expecting it." He grinned, as I laughed.
"Ah...you must watch ECW then..." I sighed, picking them up off the ground. He laughed again.
"Yeah. You guys could do without some of the weird gimmicks...mostly Striker." He's quite annoying. I laughed again. I agree.
I placed two fifty dollar bills onto the counter, as he grimaced at it. I laughed.
"Hey, kid. Keep the change." I told him. Not because I was too impatient or anything. I was just in a really good mood. Plus, I liked this kid. He grinned.
"Thanks. I'm, uh, coming to ECW next Tuesday," he told me "I'll be holding up a Sandman sign. In the front row."
I smiled. "Thanks kid. I'll look for you. I'll make sure I'm right in front of you in the barrier." I assured him, with all intentions to do so.
"Seeya then, kid." I smiled, and turned to walk out.
"Uh, hey?" He called behind me. I turned around.
"Maybe, could you do that thing with the beer can?" He asked me. I knew what he meant. I looked at him.
"Come on outside. It's been about five minutes hasn't it?" I chuckled, as he hopped the counter, and walked behind me to the parking lot, where I took out one of the beer cans. I shook it up good first.
I held it out, and opened it, already spraying the contents everywhere. I began rapidly whacking it against my head.
Honestly, it only hurt a bit. I'm used to it by now. I find it quite fun.
Well you know the ritual. I poured what was left of the can into my mouth and spat it back out into the air. Woohoo.
The kid laughed, and applauded. I grinned, and looked at my watch. Holy shit. 1:00 already...
"Well, I gotta go. I'll seeya around." I told him.
"Yeah, seeya."
I grinned at him, and tossed him the remaining beer can. He caught it, and nodded.
"Thanks!" He called. I nodded, and turned to walk away, but stopped, and turned, one last time.
"Hey kid? Merry Christmas."
I can tell you, everyone got a surprise when they arrived in the morning. They should be, after I worked my ass of all night to prepare all of this. Yeah, we all had a great time, opening up presents. Oh, the suspense.
One gift mystified me though. I swore I never even said that outloud...
-24 pack of beer and some heavy sedatives for you. To help keep those pesky Christmas music at bay. Merry Christmas Sandman, -Santa.
...That's... just odd.
A/N Well, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing! Leave your thoughts guys!
I mean, I liked it!
Merry Christmas!
-emma lea