Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and make no money from the writing of this fic.
Summary: Just one more time Sesshoumaru's cruel words broke Inuyasha's heart. And the one time Inuyasha should have realized that it wasn't cruel at all. Canon
without time
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"Sesshoumaru!"
He didn't stop. The demon clad in white silk neither slowed down nor sped up, as usual. Fangs ground against each other, and white bangs lowered over dirty-gold eyes. Inuyasha's hands curled into fists, and he even though his hands shook, he remained standing there, because this was important.
"Brother," he choked out, and this time, the demon stopped.
There was the shuffling of bare feet on grass, and Inuyasha moved closer to him – but not too close.
The self-exiled prince of the Western lands, Sesshoumaru heard the half-demon come to a hesitant stop, heard his quickened, anxious breathing, and turned around languidly.
All Sesshoumaru did was glance at him, but Inuyasha felt all the stress of an interrogation. It knew. That glance knew there was something Inuyasha was trying to say, but his courage was failing him. That Inuyasha was terrified and confused and desolate. That Inuyasha would say it anyway.
That glance made something twist in Inuyasha's stomach, something sick, and bitter, and for a moment, the breath was knocked out of his chest.
But he forced himself to breathe because if he took too long, Sesshoumaru would leave.
"She… wants me to become human," Inuyasha said.
They both knew that there was no confusion regarding who she was. There had only ever been one woman in Inuyasha's life – the priestess Kikyou.
"You know, with the shikon no tama," Inuyasha continued, and to his own ears, his voice sounded horribly, falsely casual that Sesshoumaru would no doubt see through in a heart-beat.
Inuyasha had been wracked with worry over what Sesshoumaru will think of this. He thought he had thought of every possible reaction – that he may be furious that Inuyasha would even consider a human woman's desires, disgusted that he would consider turning human himself, scornful at his weakness. He had prepared himself for being laughed at or beaten up or worse.
What he hadn't thought of was for Sesshoumaru to blink, and wait for him to continue.
"I told her I want to become a full demon," Inuyasha continued blindly. "But then she won't give me the shikon no tama."
He hesitated, and in that moment of hesitation, the heavy, suffocating silence of the entire forest beat down on him, and his words tripped out without his permission.
"But I'll- I'll figure something out. I would – I would only become a full demon."
Sesshoumaru is still looking at him, and Inuyasha is clenching an unclenching is hands in an attempt to keep from blurting out more stupid stuff.
"You would want to be a full demon?" Sesshoumaru asks quietly.
Inuyasha is sick to his stomach at how just the sound of his voice can make his muscles relax involuntarily, and make him feel relief and happiness like never else. But it's the words that he has to focus on now, and it's hard because it's a difficult question.
He blinks rapidly at the demon prince, frowning. "Wh-what do you mean?" he stammers.
Sesshoumaru doesn't help him stall, doesn't repeat himself. Just waits for the answer he knows the half-demon will try his best to give.
"Of course I do," he replies finally, and he's thought and thought, a mile a minute, and he can't find anything wrong with that answer, but for something is causing an icy pit to open up inside his chest.
Sesshoumaru turns away, signalling the end of the conversation as always, and Inuyasha feels the world ending.
"I'll finally remove the stain on our family," he almost shouts. "I won't be a half-breed anymore."
Sesshoumaru doesn't walk away, but he doesn't turn around either.
Inuyasha feels tears gathering in his eyes and he blinks them away rapidly because he knows the other will smell them.
"You want that, right?" he finally screams, even though Sesshoumaru is only a few feet away and the forest is dead silent. "That's what you want, isn't it?"
Sesshoumaru does turn around then, to raise one eyebrow at him. "Why would you think that, Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha can feel his heart breaking now, every time he hears his name in that voice. But that's not what's important right now.
"Because that's all you've said to me since I was born," he screams. "Half-demon. Half-breed. Stain on the family."
"That was done with your very birth," Sesshoumaru replies. "And even the shikon no tama cannot undo the past."
The sob comes on like a wave from the very depths of Inuyasha's being and he can't take it, can't bear it, because he hadn't known that it was possible that after everything, Sesshoumaru could still make him cry.
"So you would be fine if I were to become human?" he demands.
Derision flashes in Sesshoumaru's eyes, like Inuyasha knew it would, but it doesn't enter his words. "Is that what you want?" he asks neutrally.
There is a lump in Inuyasha's throat the size of a mountain, and he can't talk. All he can do is stare at his unperturbed, unconcerned aristocratic half-brother, and wait for his vision to stop wavering.
"What do you want me to do?" Inuyasha asks when he can finally speak.
Scorn, the demon prince's cruel, merciless taunts, even a beating don't sound like such a bad thing, at this point.
Sesshoumaru gives him a considering once-over, and then replies, "I don't care either way."
Inuyasha vaults over a small rock to run away as fast as he can before the words are even properly out, because the tears won't be held back now, and he's not going to cry in front of Sesshoumaru.
The next day, he tells Kikyou he would like to become a full human.
It wouldn't be until many years later, when Kagome tells him that she wants him to remain a hanyou, that he realizes that all those years ago, what he should have wanted, if he was wise enough at the time, was "I don't care either way."
But then, he'd never been wise when it came to Sesshoumaru.
A/N: Please review.