Falling in Love with Her is Like Dying

Rated T

A/N: So this idea just hit me and I needed to write it! It may be a little confusing but it's about Remy and how she is trying to figure herself out. This is the story of Remy Hadley's first love. Please review and enjoy!

Thirteen's POV

I know the five stages of death. They're more like the five stages of love. The five stages of Cali. She's made me afraid to fall in love again. At least that's what I thought.

Denial:
I can't be. She's a girl. I can't be in love with a girl, I'm not a lesbian. Then again, I'm not completely straight either. Guys are great but I always feel like whatever burning feelings I have for them fizzle out after a month of dating. There is always something missing.

But what do I know? I'm only fifteen after all.

She's so beautiful. Cali Storm. Her chestnut brown hair is so shiny and soft looking. She is everything. She's sophisticated, smart, funny and completely irresitable.

When she looks at me, I feel like a sock has been stuffed in my throat and I can't speak. But she just smiles and turns away.

Maybe it's because I'm a year younger than her. Maybe that's why she doesn't like me. Or, you know, it could be because she's not gay. But of course, neither am I.

Anger:
Why can't I be normal?! Cali isn't bisexual or gay or whatever I am, and look, her life is perfect. But my life on the other hand is consumed with thoughts of her, which isn't fun at all. Well sometimes it is...

Like when I'm bored in class and my mind wonders to her. I imagine us out for a run, talking about ubelievably personal things. I imagine us laying together in a hotel bed but when I think about what we must have done in that bed, I shy away from the thought and return to class.

It's just so frustrating. I want to be near her so bad. I want to touch her hair and feel how soft it really is. But she doesn't know any of this and she never will. I can't say any of it and I feel trapped in my head. Why does this have to happen to me?

Bargaining:
I soon found myself willing to give things or do things to have Cali with me forever. My thoughts about Cali soon got more vivid and more like fantasies.

I would think things like, "I would run a hundred miles to have Cali fall in love with me," or the even more brave, "I would stand up during an assembly in school and tell everyone that I'm bi and in love with Cali, if that ment she would make out with me in a secluded hallway afterwards."

I would do anything that would push me to my limits just for her. The only problem was that I had no chances to do so. There was no guarentee that she would kiss me after I professed my love for her and there was no promise that she would love me just because I killed myself running one hundred miles.

Depression:
I hate to say it, but she got the best of me. She stole my heart and is making no attept to give it back.

The only thing I have are my friends but are they really friends? They don't know this secret about me.

I don't know what to do. I come home and sit in darkness. My dad asks me what is wrong but I have nothing to say to him. I can't tell him I'm in love with another girl, I'd break his heart.

There's no one to talk to and nothing to do. I see her and everything freezes and my heart flutters with desire. She and I will never be, and that breaks my heart.

Acceptance:
I don't know how it happened but slowly I stopped thinking about Cali as much. She began to be a memory instead of an obsession. Maybe it was for the best.

It's true that you never forget your first true love. I've experienced that first hand.

It's better now. I'm twenty seven now and things have come together. After much thinking and discovering I've found out myself.

I traded in Cali's shiny chestnut hair for beautiful blonde locks.

I'm actually looking at them right now. I feel wonderful warmth against my body.

I feel Allison.

Falling in love with Cali Storm was like dying. But with Allison Cameron it's so different. She stole my heart and gave me hers.

Falling in love with Cali was a stormy ride- ha, no pun intended. Okay, there was pun intended.

It may have felt like I was dying when I fell in love with her but when I fell in love with Allison it felt like going to heaven, and I'm still there.

Please review!!! I really want to know what you guys think about this one!