Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: DMrockslikecupcakes

Spoilers: Yes, season 7 & early season 8

Feedback: sure, go ahead

Pairing: Xander & Andrew

Themes: LOve, Fantasy, slash, friendship

Author's Notes: Just a fantasy of mine. Andrew is such an interesting character, not to mention hilarious & so cute. This is my idea of what is on his mind when he's with Xander. Totally AU, but i always thought that this would be awesome

Summary: Andrew is Xander's human, shaped comfort blanket. Someone he can turn to when all hope seems lost. But what does this mean to Andrew? Does friendship really satisfy him? Or does he thirst for more?

Can This Sweet Forbidden Fruit ever give me anymore than just heartburn?

'Do you think they have money in heaven?' asked Xander failing to pull of trivial, with undertones of deep routed hope in the soil of his deep voice. That could only mean one thing; only one person could light up his heart like this with but a cameo appearance in his mind. Anya.

'I hope so, though I've always imagined heaven to be socialist & utopian, so maybe we should check with Buffy.' 'In my heaven people live in harmony with the animals & pretty, fluffy bunnies dance around your feet to greet you.' I said comfortingly, as I flashed a wide grin at Xander. God I'm getting so Willow, that's her trademark grin.

' Gosh, you great Lord Magneto of all baddies!' 'You would wish a utopian society on Anya, she needs the greed, and we all know how she feels about bunnies, she always made that quite clear'. Xander exclaimed jokingly with much more optimism in his voice. I had made him smile. Yeah. I know it was a small feet, but it made me glow like the almighty lava lamp in the old trio's lair.

Xander & I had grown close since the big battle. Following my graduation into the scobby gang, I'm good now & it's official! I aced all the tests, fighting evil, resisting the allure of the dark side & keeping Potential spirits soaring with humour & many a pop culture reference. Whilst Buffy was off globetrotting, in her search for potential slayers & Willow was enjoying a honeymoon period with Kennedy,( of which I'm not a bit jealous) I am fill in best friend for Xander, keeping the seat cosy & snug until Willow returns .Believe me, boy, Xander needed a best friend just now. I provide salvation from the pitfalls of depression Xander stubbles into now & again, and even though I can't bring his girl back, it felt nice to relieve him, no matter how temporarily from his despair.

My reward, of course, was that smile on his beautiful face, that bittersweet look in his perfect eye which told me he has the will to go on. It never failed to set that constant, ever burning tea light of my love for him in my heart ablaze into a colourful & romantic bonfire. I could feel the warmth now, it almost hurt to hold it inside without allowing even a droplet to escape my eye. The internal waterfall of tears wasn't because I was upset, quite the opposite, it was the overwhelming sensation of love. Yes, I had become quite the Lester to his gorgeous Angela. Wow, Xander in a bath of roses that's mm... Fresh baked goods, warm chewy cookies. The love had given my life such meaning & purpose, my words had the power to make him smile & make his overwhelming cross, that margin lighter.

A second later Xander held me firmly, his strong, steady masculine hands holding me still & keep me from shaking. It felt like he had put live pylon to the very tip of my nerve ending. 'Are you alright, Andrew?' a breezy smile quickly formed on my mouth, as I sighed breathlessly 'I'm great.'

My god, my great Gandalf the grey, sweet Spock of Star trek, holy William Shatner of nerddom, He cared. How could this be mutual? How could my luck have changed? I was just the loner boy. Guys like Xander didn't happen to losers like me. It wasn't the natural order of things. I had accepted my place in the great plan. I was here to have a mediocre life, maybe win some online gaming contest, but not to see my hearts truest desire, its fantasy & reason for beating materialize. Nerds have to settle, this broke all the rules the world had set for me, all my limitations, could Xander really see something in me? Me, how ironic, we used to be enemies. Guess you really can't beat the juice of forbidden fruit.

It might not be love, but it was care in his fear filled eyes. I mattered. That was more than I had expected, more than enough. Was I just greedy to hope it would evolve into love? Would it be wrong to try and catalyse this spark? I turned back to Xander,ignoring the textures of his moist, lonely lips, the deep hazelnuts & ambers in his iris that seemed to invite me into his tempting soul, painfuly yet effortlessly sliding into my poker face of the 'just friend'. My signature dish. I'd worn this mask for Warren before now, it was almost a part of me after all this time.

Who was I kidding I'm not capable of being anymore for him, even if there wasn't that penis shaped barrier, I'm just a nerd. Just Andrew...