Testing, testing.. 1,2,3.. testing.. Ok so, this is me trying to "live dangerously" and taking a shot at a one-shot.. mmhmmm, that was fun wasn't it?.. ok , so , this goes out to my sweet ladies who have given me the power and confidence to go ahead and write something for FF…. RequiemAeternam, Wolfgirlatheart, Leah Meraz, F4life
Disclaimer: I only own the poem. I don't own anything Twilight related. If I did I would've written the entire series on the Wolf pack, no Isabella, no Edward and the title would've been , corny enough, Full Moon. So, basically even if I owned It, I wouldn't own Twilight, cause I'd own a completely different book. And yes, I made this long disclaimer in hopes that you procrastinate and take your time before embarrassing myself with this...
WAIT!... .. STOP!... Hammer Time…. SORRY, I had to… Ok go ahead…
Just like every Friday, before they went to the bonfires, the guys were fooling around and jumping off the cliff. Yes, the guys, I, the only girl was sitting under a tree, enjoying the little "alone time" I had. I sat there, watching them, watching HIM and enjoying how much fun they had. My lips would smile at the fact that my little brother was laughing so hard that he was grabbing his stomach. My eyes kept rolling with every annoying, yet funny joke Embry would pull on Quil. My throat swallowed in peace, knowing that I had finally gotten rid of the bitter taste I got every time I would look at Sam. My trigger happy hand would flip its middle finger at Paul whenever he would say a snide comment, and let me tell you, as hot as this guy was, he could say some really hurtful things, so I would often have to switch between flipping him my right middle finger and my left middle finger. Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat; He'd climbed back up after jumping off the cliff just minutes ago. I shifted in my seat and pretended I was really into my writing.
Yes, you heard right, I write. I've been writing poetry ever since the day Samuel Uley told me we couldn't be together anymore and I realized he was with Emily. When I finally phased and the guys could hear my thoughts all they got was the pain, the bitterness and the hate. My little notebook on the other hand, got the fear, the heartache, the despair, the loneliness, and more often than not, the round little marks that were left as tears hit the ink on the page.
But all that had changed, the guys didn't hear any of those things anymore and I was no longer "the She-wolf", I was simply, and gratefully, Leah. Sometimes, on very few, beautiful occasions, to Him I was "Lee-lah".
I could give you three reasons as to why I wasn't considered a "bitter bitch" anymore. One of them is because I wasn't in Samuel's pack anymore so those boys didn't hear me at all. The second one is because I was Jake's Beta and was getting along with all of our pack members.
At first I wasn't keen on being anyone's "second", I very humbly asked them if we could change the title to "ALPHA FEMALE", I guess I don't have to tell you how that went, but just for fun I will. Jake snorted, Embry laughed really loud, Quil gagged and Seth, well Seth didn't do anything, I think it was out of fear I wouldn't be preparing him any dinner later. After those reactions I decided I wasn't gonna make the next suggestion I had in mind, it really wasn't ridiculous or anything like that. I was simply going to order them to bow down to me every time I came in sight. UGGH! That would've been so much fun! But I wanted to stay in their good graces; I had actually become very fond of them, specially of Him. Jacob Black.
That brings me to the third reason I wasn't the "she-wolf" anymore. Jacob had a special talent for making my heart beat at a different rhythm than anyone else's. I can hear you saying "aawww", but it's not all fun and games, let me tell you. The first time it happened I thought I was having a heart attack, I had never felt my heart beating so fast and then skipping beats and then beating fast again. What the hell was going on? It dawned on me one day that It was Him, his eyes that looked like chocolate, his "award winning" smile, his strong yet gentle features and his huge, kind heart.
But most of all, the one act that opened my eyes, my soul and my heart to this new feeling towards Jake was found in a conversation we had a while back. I honestly don't even remember what I was stressing over, because I can only make room for the important parts…
"Sure, sure. Come on Lee-lah, stop worrying so much. You know I'll always be here. I'm your Alpha and you're my Beta, we're meant to be toge- I mean, we're in the same pack and we will always look out for each other. We phase together, we fight together right? I wouldn't change you for the world. IT. I wouldn't change IT for the world. Ohh boy! How time flies… I gotta bounce, the guys are waiting for me at the cliffs"
"What? The boys are down stairs with Seth."
" Of course they are! I meant, they are waiting for me so we can go to the cliffs", he stood up gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and ran out of my room.
Yes, he gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. He had never done that, not ever. I know he knows that I caught the little slips he made when he was comforting me and that's why he ran out, and I know that he was embarrassed but wanted to make sure I knew he cared so he gave me a kiss on the cheek. That little detail and those little slips made my mind spin and caused my confusing "heart attack".
Later that day, when they returned, I cornered him in the kitchen; I kissed him full on the lips and said "I know, me too". I looked deep in his eyes, smiled and walked away. I sat on the couch, stole the x-box control Quil was holding and sneaked a peek through my left to see Jake still frozen in the spot where I'd left him. I think he hadn't blinked or taken a breath since the moment my lips touched his. For a moment I though " Oh dear, he has gone into shock! I've left him catatonic! Dammit! What will happen now? Are we gonna have to go back to Sam's pack?" I started getting nervous before it hit me " NO WAY! I'm gonna be Alpha!.. YES! I would be the leader and THEN this bitches would actually have to call me their Alpha female! WHOOT WHOOT!" he walked back into the living room, and sat the farthest away from me, avoiding all type of eye contact. My "power- high" vanished.
I know I should feel guilty for feeling a little joy at the thought of Jake being in a "catatonic state" but come on, having Quil actually throw up in his mouth a little every time he addressed me as his Alpha is completely worth having Jake in a small comma. Ok maybe I am really losing it, hell I think I lost it when I decided to make that crazy move in the kitchen and on top of losing it; IT ran away and hid somewhere across the border when I kissed Jake.
After that day Jacob was still himself, he was still kind and goofy when relaxed, focused and alert when being in Alpha mode, but it seemed like he was trying hard not to be alone with me.
Right now, as I was sitting alone under the tree I was writing a poem for him, well, not "for him for him" but about him. I don't think I would ever muster the courage to tell him before he told me anything. I know, I kill vampires and let disgusting teenage boys who, I'm pretty sure only take a bath once a week , go inside my house, how can I be scared of love.. Well, you already know my story so; it shouldn't come as a shock. Besides, I would really appreciate it if he was the one brave enough to grab everything that's holding him back, everything that's standing in the middle and put it in a bag and throw THAT off the cliff, just like he is throwing Embry right now. I just wish he would be honest with himself and with me and just KISS me already.
Ugh! What am I saying!
Ooohh trusty Notebook, and my dear friend Pen, I shall write a poem for you someday and tell the world how you have helped me cope with all my feelings, but for now you will help me write this..
Listen to your heart and the words it has to say,
I promise you Ill never walk away,
Think really hard on what you're going to do,
'Cause you know very well that you love me too.
You need to be honest, you need to be real,
Stop being afraid and accept what you feel.
I know I said "I'll stop loving" but it was a lie,
I really, really love you, this I can't deny,
You don't have to decide, you don't have to choose,
It's placing a bet in which you won't lose.
Put your heart and mind finally to rest,
Say that you love me, get it off your chest,
Say it if you know in your heart, that it's true,
I swear on my life I'll never stop loving you,
You gave me a reason to stop crying at night,
We belong together and you know I'm right,
Our friendship was, is and always will be,
You already know how much you mean to me,
I'm not letting go till you tell me the truth,
You won't hurt our friendship, its bullet proof.
Stop fooling yourself, stop breaking my heart,
Stop putting up walls that keep us apart,
Stare deep in my eyes and try to walk away,
You can't. Why? Your love is making you stay,
You know that you love me, so seal it with a kiss,
Shoot straight to my heart, I swear you won't miss,
Hurry up and stop wasting time,
Because I also want to tell you, that I want you to be mine.
"And what is this we have here Lee-lah?" Jacob said out of the blue. I jumped so fast I ripped the entire page off the notebook. "What the hell Jake? Ever heard of a thing called "privacy"?" I scolded. " Pppssshhhh," he said, making a funny face, " Privacy shmivacy. That was thrown out the window the very second we started reading each other's mind and I started enjoying the sight of your naked bo….dy." In that very same second Jake turned around and started walking away fully embarrassed over what he'd confessed.
I, on the other hand, was grounded to the floor, my heart started dancing again and for SURE this time I was gonna have a seizure. Fortunately I snapped back, out of the pure sheer of wanting to get this over with so that I could be the one enjoying the sight of his na... well you get the point.
"Jake! Enough already! Stop it! Stop running away and start being honest!"
"UUUGGGHHH! I knew I shouldn't have been alone with you! Dammit! Stupid, stupid emotions!" he grunted
" Dude! Well, if you're gonna get this upset about it then forget it.." My heart stopped dancing and it started collapsing. I felt horrible, I wasn't scared anymore of having a heart attack, I was scared of my heart having a cardiac arrest and having it never beat again.
I guess he noticed me decomposing because he walked closer to me and I cupped my face, " Come on Lee-lah. Look at me." He lifted my chin and locked his caramel gaze into my eyes ,"I wasn't trying to be mean or rude. I'm just scared. But, it's ok; I'll be honest with you. But can I ask you something first?" I felt his hand move gently down to my right shoulder "Sure, ask away" I said softly. "Anything?" his gentle touch traveled down my arm and he leaned closer to me "mmhhhmm" was all I could say as I closed my eyes. "What is THIS?" that simple bastard yanked the page I forgot I was holding on my hand and ran.!
" SONOVA.. JAKE! I will murder you!"
"Not if you can't catch me!"
I hadn't noticed he had been reading it while I was chasing him and he suddenly stopped. He turned around and he walked towards me. He looked determined; it made me a little nervous. He got closer and his eyes became softer. I tried reaching for my poem but he lift it over his head, stupid giant. I started jumping pointlessly until he held me still.
He chuckled and said "Lee-lah, stop it already. Just, tell me."
"Tell you what?"
"what it says in here"
"Oh I'm sorry; I was under the false pretense that you learned how to read in elementary school."
"You're sexy when your being sarcastic did you know that" .. My knees quivered. The idiot was right when he damned those emotions.
"Come on Jake if you can't tell ME, then why should I tell YOU?" HA! Take that you "projecting" idiot!
"Well, actually you sort of already did, in the poem, I just wanted to hear it from those beautiful lips of yours" he got really close, close enough that I would feel his muscles moving through his body. What the hell? You tell a guy that you love him and all of a sudden they break out of the shell and he starts seducing you? I should've told him ages ago! Must be strong…MUST. BE. STRONG.
"Quit it! " I said pulling away from the evil hotness that was Jake.
"Ok.. Fine. Come here. I'm done hiding anyway." He pulled me back to him, FINALLY, Jeez, it was time to man up!
"I.. I.. uhmm.. I, I love you." He let out a strong breath and his shoulders relaxed, he returned my poem and held my face in his hands, once again. "I love you Lee-lah, I love your sarcasm and your uplifting words. I love when you flip Paul off and when you kiss Seth's forehead before he goes to sleep. I love how you cry when you're sad and how you cry when you're happy. It confuses the guys and they never know how to react, but I love how I'm the only one that can tell, and I love how, because of this I'm the only one that can comfort you when those tears are shed out of sadness. As I know that right now, those tears streaming down you face are tears of joy. But most of all, I love the fact that I can do this, and have the security that you won't pull apart… or rip my head out for that matter".. I smacked his arm and he pressed his lips to mine…
Today, we both learned two valuable lessons. I, Leah Clearwater, learned, that I don't mind being Jake's "second", as long as I'm number one in his heart; and Jacob Black learned that Honesty really is the best policy.
OOookey Dokey.. that's all folks!
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GabyCaldeMeraz