If you're not the one
Disclaimer: I don't have a J or K and definitely not a Rowling in my name. I don't own anything to do with the song If you're not the one either.
Note: This is a songfic. 'If you're not the one' is by Daniel Bedingfield. It's quite an old song but trust me, it's an amazing song so please do check it out. Set around when Ginny is 24 and Gabrielle is only 2 years younger so she's 22. Comments are welcome, thanks.
***
My doorbell rings. I know it's you outside my apartment. In fact I can almost see you standing outside my door holding a single rose behind your back. Just like you always do when you take me on a date. It's no wonder why my house is filled with so many different coloured roses.
"I'm coming, I'm coming" I shout whilst doing a final check in the mirror to see if I look okay. When I am happy with myself I unlock and open the door. I look up with a smile to meet your eyes. My smile slips as I notice something's wrong.
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
Instead of being filled with happiness to see me, your eyes are cold, expressionless. You opened your mouth to say three words that shook me from head to toe. No, it wasn't "I love you".
"It's over Gabi" I don't say or do anything. It's like I'm in a trance. I don't believe it.
Once I snap out of it, I force myself to laugh. If you could it even call it a laugh.
"Very funny Gin. Come on in, it's freezing out here" I give another attempt to smile but one look from you and I immediately stop.
"Do I look like I'm joking? I mean it. We're finished." You're lying. I know you are. You must be. I don't look at you because I don't want to see you're empty eyes. In fact, I close my eyes all together. Maybe if I wait long enough, you will give up on your joke.
"Are you even listening Gabi? Or do I need to speak French? Nous sommes finis."
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
Strange. I don't even feel upset or angry. In fact, I don't feel anything at all. My emotions must have not caught up with this new information yet.
"Why" It wasn't even a question. It was more like a demand. I have to know why.
"I can't do this anymore, Gabi, I-"A flash of sadness in your eyes. As quick as it came, it went again. Only to be replaced by that cold, blank look again.
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
"Look Gabi, I said it's over and that's that." Finally my emotions are catching up now. I feel...anger.
"What? Fuck it Ginny. We've been together for nearly a year. You come over; I'm ready to go to the date that we had said. I open the door and you tell me it's over and I don't even get an explanation? What sort of fucking sense is that?" I was ready to yell some more but you dragged me into my apartment and practically threw me onto the sofa. You lock the door and sits across me in the armchair in a very business-like type of position.
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
"Look, Gabi. I'm not going to lie to you because you deserve more than that. I either will tell you the whole truth or not tell you anything. I'm not going to leave anything out or make it easier for you to handle." I look into the fireplace but I can still see you in the corner of my sight. You haven't moved from your position and I realise neither have I. I slowly sit up properly so I'm not sprawled across your sofa. I feel... calm. Not proper calm. But the calm like in the eye of a storm. Despite feeling better, I still can't trust myself to open my mouth and not start yelling. I opt to nod instead.
"Okay, well," You take a deep breath, whilst I mentally prepare myself for what you are going to say. "I've been having second thoughts on our relationship. It just doesn't seem right anymore." I give you a funny look and you correct what you said. "I don't mean as in I think I'm straight again. I meant as in, when we were younger, I didn't care what other people thought about us. What our family could think." I still don't get it. I decide to voice some questions.
"What about the family, Gin? We already are family." You surprise me by standing up suddenly. Fists clenched in a frustrated manner.
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
"That's exactly my point! We can't be together because we are family. Why can't you understand it's just wrong?" I follow you by standing up too.
"That's because it isn't wrong. Times has changed, Gin, no one cares if we are family anyways. Besides it's not like we are sisters." You roll your eyes.
"Knock off the '–in law' bit and we are sisters! It's just not right anymore being with someone so... close." You wrap your arms around yourself and face the fireplace, your back to me.
The calmness within me has passed. Now I feel like...crying. I feel ready to beg and plea you to take everything back and just carry on as before. Something inside me, probably my pride, is screaming at me not to be weak. Not to beg. But my heart is arguing against it. My heart wants you back and it doesn't care what the process is as long as the result is me back in your arms. I follow my heart.
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
"Please Gin. Don't do this to me. You know we are meant to be. We're perfect together, nothing else matters. I don't care what anyone else says. I know I've never said this yet but I love you. You're the one for me, I know it." I step forward a couple of steps to wrap my arms around you from behind. You relax into my arms and I'm starting to have hope again. I want to kiss you so badly but I don't. I'm scared if I move; you might snap out of it and leave me, so we stay motionless. You turn so your face is in the crook of my neck and you're hugging me back. More minutes have passed and I think it's okay to speak again so I try my luck.
"Ginny..." Bad idea. You immediately freeze up at the mention of your name and leap out of my arms. You look like you are totally confused as to how come we were embracing. You try to put on the cold face again but you're failing. I want to try and comfort you somehow but I can't. I feel...numb. I'm surprised I'm actually still standing since I can't really feel anything mentally and physically.
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
"Look Gabi, don't make this any harder than it is. I'm not the one for you. You think I am and you think you're in love with me but you will fall out of love with me. There will be a more suitable person that comes along in your life. By then, you would have forgotten about me. We'll not totally, 'cause we are going to see each other at the family weekends or something." You shake your head to stop yourself from babbling. I can hear every single syllable you're saying but I'm not listening. I don't look at you. I want to remember our months together by all the happy times, not this. I want to remember our relationship when you are smiling and laughing besides me, not this.
You start taking steps away from me to the door. With each step, I feel the numbness go a little. When you're nearly at the door, you stop. You bend down to pick up a rose you must have dropped. You don't take any steps back but you stretch a little to place the rose on top of my table. You've reached the front door and your hand is on the handle. Without turning around you speak to me.
"Gabi...I'll see you around" With that you push the handle and leave. By the time the door has closed, I feel...empty. I'm not upset or angry or anything at all. I think about what you said ...I'm not the one for you...you'll fall out of love with me... I smile weakly. You'll never know how wrong you are.
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?