I was going to do this as a songfic, but I don't want to take the chance of it being deleted, so…here we go. Since Christmas was Finn's favorite holiday, Rachel is finding it hard to get through her first Christmas without Finn. She tries to put up a strong, happy front for her friends and family, but, they can see right through her.
Based on the song Not This Year by Aly and AJ. I do not own Glee. It belongs to Fox.
"Dear Quinn,
Happy holidays! Kurt, Santana, and I put up our tree two days after Thanksgiving, and Blamtina put up theirs last week. We're having a mini decoration-off, and they are winning! Yes, I actually admitted that. Sue me. Anyway, hope you have a good Christmas and a happy new year!
Love,
Rachel"
Rachel sighed inwardly and studied her card. When Kurt mentioned he and Blaine were going back to Lima to visit their families on Christmas Eve, it hit her that this would be their first Christmas without Finn. Their first Christmas they knew each other, they were friends and he was still getting over Quinn cheating on him. The following Christmas, he broke up with her. They only had one Christmas when they were together. Last year, they had an awkward phone conversation on Christmas Eve. Finn told her that Burt was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and he also complained about Kurt "blowing his family off" for New York.
Rachel's heart ached and tears threatened to fall from her eyes. Christmas is in two weeks, and her birthday is in one week. She's usually so excited for this time of year, because she gets so many presents- Hanukah, her birthday, and Christmas- but…this year, she wanted only one thing, and she's not going to get it.
She put the card in the envelope, addressed and stamped it, and stood up. She heard laughing outside the apartment, and the door swung open.
"Okay, seriously, he's your fiancé, not your child. You don't need to spoil him with more than one freaking present!" Santana was saying to Kurt, who had his arms full with bags.
"Oh, come on! You can't tell me you didn't buy Dani more than one gift!" Kurt exclaimed. "You bought me and Rachel more than one gift last year."
"I was on a post-breakup retail therapy! That doesn't count!"
Rachel left, unnoticed by her roommates. They were so happy right now. She didn't want to spoil it.
XXX
Snow fell lightly, but to Rachel, it was rain. She just couldn't find it in herself to be cheerful this time of year. She had dreams of spending Christmas in New York with Finn, more kisses under the mistletoe…
When she looked into the mirror, her eyes were bloodshot and heavy, and darkened with sadness. How do people who lost their loved ones deal? How do they get through their favorite holidays?
"Yo! Hobbit! Did you die in there?" Santana pounded on the door. "I need to poop!" Rachel sighed, opened the door, and walked out without a word. "Ah, finally!" Santana ran inside and shut the door.
Kurt chuckled at Santana, then sobered up when he saw Rachel. "Hey, you okay?"
Rachel cleared her throat, put on a smile, and nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine."
"No, you're not." Kurt said kindly. "Wanna talk about it?"
Rachel swallowed and sat down on a chair. "How do you do it? Both your mom and brother died. How do you go through their favorite holiday filled with joy?"
Kurt's heart went out to Rachel. He squeezed her hand comfortingly. "It's not that easy. I suppose I just put myself in their position. If I died, I would want my family and friends to be happy especially this time of year. Just because they can no longer celebrate, doesn't mean we can't."
Rachel smiled and nodded. "Okay, you have a point there." She sighed. "You know, I almost had a baby with Finn. I took a pregnancy test back in March, but it was a false alarm."
Kurt let out a low whistle. "Wow. Did Finn know?"
"No." Rachel shook her head. "I guess I'm relieved I wasn't pregnant. He or she would grow up without a father. Just like Finn."
"True, but he or she would have two awesome uncles and grandparents to fill the void." Kurt chuckled.
Rachel chuckled. "Yeah."
"Hey, you smiled." Kurt noticed. "I've missed your smile."
"Seriously? Was I that depressed?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah." Kurt nodded. "Not that I blame you. It took a long time for me to smile after my mom died."
"I don't know how you guys go through the holidays every year." Rachel shook her head slowly.
"Like this." Kurt squished his cheeks together with his hands and opened his mouth.
She sighed and stood up. "Okay, so I'm going to study. I have a final tomorrow, so…"
"Okay." Kurt stared after his friend in sadness. She's really taking this holiday hard, he noticed. What can he do to make this Christmas more joyful for her?
XXX
After she got done with her finals, Rachel hurried home as fast as she could to avoid all the Christmas decorations, music, and Santas at every corner ringing a bell and asking for donations. When she got home, she crawled under her covers and blasted non-Christmas music through her iPod. After about a couple of hours, she fell asleep until she felt two bodies plop down on the bed on either side of her. She groaned in dread, and someone ripped off her comforter and took out her earphones.
"Merry Christmas, Hobbit! Come on, up and at 'em!"
"I don't wanna." Rachel said dully.
"Rachel, you cannot go on like this." Kurt said. "You can't keep wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself. All our friends are here, and we want you to celebrate with us! We'll let you sing all night."
"Trust me, you don't want me to." Rachel said dryly. She put her pillow over her face.
"Okay, we're kidnapping you, then." Santana said simply. She took off the pillow, and Kurt carried her bridal-style out to the living room.
"Ku-urt!" Rachel whined. Santana held the curtain open. Kurt set her on the couch. Dani, Blaine, Tina, Artie, and Sam were all there. Sam and Dani had guitars, and Artie had a drum set. "What's going on?"
"Okay, so you know Blaine and I have always had a traditional duet every Christmas, right?" Kurt asked. Rachel nodded, and Kurt continued. "Well, this time, we're dedicating our duet to you." Kurt nodded to his friends and he and Blaine started singing Greatest Time of Year by Aly and AJ. They all danced around, and Rachel couldn't help but grin. Sam pulled her up and danced with her. By the end of the song, Rachel was laughing and smiling.
"Thanks, guys." Rachel said sincerely. "I'm sorry for being such a wet blanket lately."
"It's okay. We're all sad that Finn can no longer be with us." Kurt replied. "But, you gotta wonder- would he want us crying, or smiling?"
Rachel smiled and nodded. "Guess you're right."
"Aw. Group hug!" Blaine exclaimed. They all 'Awww'ed and hugged each other and laughed.
Well, I didn't know how else to end this, so…enjoy!