Disclaimer: I dont own Torchwood, unfortunately.
Be Quiet!
By: the darkness revealed
Jack cleared his throat, expecting Gwen, Tosh and Owen to stop what they were doing and listen to him. Instead, Gwen carried on her conversation with Tosh, and Owen continued to swear loudly as he dissected a random alien.
Jack tried a different tactic: he coughed. But he failed again to get his team's attention. Undeterred, he tried again: "Excuse me!" he said loudly. But still his team continued to ignore him.
Frustrated, he yelled, "Dammit, look at me! Shut up!" Still, there was no reaction.
Suddenly he noticed Ianto standing by his shoulder.
Ianto smiled calmly at Jack. "Allow me," he said. Jack shrugged and stood off to the side, watching skeptically.
Ianto stepped forward and said loudly, "I'm pregnant!"
Immediately, Gwen, Owen and Tosh stopped talking and turned to stare at Ianto.
"…"
"Oh my G-d!" Gwen shrieked. "We're going to have a mini-Jack-or-Ianto!"
"Oh, Ianto!" Tosh cried. "I'll help you with morning sickness and all your cravings!"
"How is this even POSSIBLE?" demanded Owen, staring disbelievingly at Ianto. "Let me check you over!"
"If it's a boy we'll name him Rhys!" Gwen squealed. "If it's a girl we'll name her Gwen!"
"Are you sure you'll be able to handle it?" Tosh asked, concerned. "Are you sure Jack will be able to handle it?"
"It might not be Jack's child," Owen said. "You might have been infected by an alien…"
Ianto held up his hand and they all quieted. "Relax," he said reassuringly. "I'm not pregnant. I just needed to get your attention. Now, Jack needs to speak to you." He stepped back and let Jack talk.
He smiled inwardly at the looks on his teammates' faces: Gwen, disappointment, Tosh, relief and disappointment, Owen, annoyance and relief, and Jack, amazement at how quickly he had managed to get their attention. He hadn't actually thought they would believe him; after all men couldn't get pregnant, right?
Right…?
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