-1In the state of Texas, there was a town called Chainsawville. It was a lovely place filled with talking chainsaws. But Chainsawville was about to have a VERY unfriendly visitor…

"Hey Grandpa!" shouted Little Chainsaw "one of them mail just stopped in front of the house!"

Grandpa Chainsaw woke up from his nap and said "did they now? Wonder what they have for me."

The old chainsaw and his grandpa went to the front yard and saw a delivery man. The delivery man noticed them and pulled out a package.

"Here is your delivery sir" said the mailman as he gave the package to Grandpa Chainsaw.

The elder gave a confused looked and muttered "I reckon I never ordered anything. Ah well, let's what I got here."

He slowly opened up the box, and was sprayed in the face with acid. Grandpa screamed in pain as his face melted off.

"AHAHAHA!!!" the mailman laughed maniacally "THE POSTAL POSTAL WORKER STRIKES AGAIN!!!"

"You killed Gramps!" Little Chainsaw gasped in horror. "I reckon I better tell everyone in town."

The child ran as fast as a small chainsaw could. The murderer stopped laughing at his melting prey and went into his vehicle to pursue his next victim.

Little Chainsaw ran into Town Hall, where everyone was currently having a town meeting. The mayor of Chainsawville, Mayor Chainsaw, was in a middle of an important speech.

"…and with all the facts that have been given to us, I say we should allow Gay Chainsaw to move to Brokeback Mountain because… hey Little Chainsaw, what's wrong?"

"Grandpappy's been killed by a delivery man!" Little Chainsaw yelled.

The citizens of Chainsawville gasped.

"Not Grandpa Chainsaw!" sobbed Lady Chainsaw.

"There's a killer on the loose?" squeaked Bookworm Chainsaw.

"Oh snap, yo" said Gangsta Chainsaw.

Mayor Chainsaw shouted over the crowd "people! People! Calm down! Now I know all of you are scared, but there's no need to panic! Sheriff Chainsaw is a pro when it comes to psychopaths, and he'll take care of the situation easily."

"Where is Sheriff Chainsaw anyways?" asked Doctor Chainsaw.

A window broke as a dead chainsaw with a sheriff's hat crashed into the middle of the room. Everyone screamed, and screamed louder when they saw the mailman outside.

The postal man grinned, and said "special delivery!"

A bomb was thrown into the broken window. Everyone inside tried to get out, but it was too late as the bomb detonated and sent the Town Hall sky high. The only survivor was poor Little Chainsaw.

"You can't kill me" the weakened chainsaw coughed "its slaughter fest genre law that children are not allowed to be killed."

"True" the delivery man said "but that only applies to HUMAN children."

"Ah shucks."

The chainsaw child's throat was then slit by a very sharp envelope.

"My mission is complete!" said the postal postal worker "the entire population of Chainsawville is dead!"

"Not quite."

The mailman turned around and saw a living chainsaw with a cowboy hat. He was Mr. Chainsaw, who just came back from work (wherever that is).

Mr. Chainsaw said "I reckon you're a no-good varmint who hurts living tools for no reason. Well, I'm gonna put a stop to that."

"You're going to stop me?" scoffed the postal man "and what are you going to do? Chainsaw me to death?"

"Yup."

"……………FUCK!"

The mailman quickly became nothing more than shredded meat. Mr. Chainsaw cleaned up the remains and flushed them down a toilet.

"That's the fifteenth varmint that killed everyone this month" sighed the lone chainsaw. "Better go to the hardware store and buy more living chainsaws."