The Oreo Incident

Madame Zephyrus

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

"What the actual fuck?" harry Potter yelled, storming into his London flat. "What does that?"

"Merlin Harry, I thought you left already. What are you doing back here; you're going to be late you know," Draco Malfoy chastised from the kitchen table.

"I did leave until I walked out to the street and see that someone has Ore-ed my car!" Positively fuming Harry paced restlessly down the hallway. "Who does that?" he repeated more to himself than his confused husband.

"Is that some kind of muggle reference I'm not familiar of? I know Oreos are biscuits right? But what do they have to do with your far?" Draco was positively perplexed at his partner's strange behavior – and with his life partner being the Harry Potter that was saying something.

"No it's not a muggle saying. Someone stuck Oreos all over my car. It's a fucking mess. There's bloody chocolate biscuits and cream filling everywhere!" Harry was tugging at his hair, even managing to pull a few strands out.

Noticing, Draco quickly got up and genteelly lowered Harry's hands down into his own. "Love, I don't see what the problem is. So you have some biscuits smeared on your car. Are you a wizard or not? Use you wand to clean it up and be on your way. It was probably some snot nosed children playing pranks on everyone who lives on the street." Draco never thought he would have to be the reasonable one in the relationship.

"You don't get it Draco," Harry balled up his fists in anger. "No one else's car was touched, with anything; no one else's doorways, steps, trees, post boxes or anything. Just our car. This is something personal, I can tell." He adopted a steely tone of voice and a hard glint in his eyes with his last statement.

"You're so untrusting and paranoid. We haven't done anything for ages, no one has any reason. Maybe they just got the wrong car. I told you we should have gone for a better color."

"Well you're being too damn naïve!" Harry exploded and snatched his hands back form Draco's. "There are still plenty of reasons: I'm the Boy Who Lived, you're an ex-Death Eater; we're both homosexuals; I'm a brunet, you're blond. They'll come up with anything!"

"Those are all very different situations. And who is this 'they' you keep talking about? Do you know something I don't?" Concerned, Draco stood impressively in front of Harry and made his emerald eyes meet his gray ones.

"No, nothing like that," Harry admitted. "I'm just always waiting for the day—" he looked down.

"What day?" Draco asked.

"The day when everyone stops being so damn understanding! I'm the Wizarding World's Savior, that's fine. I'm gay, that's fine. I fall in love with you, everyone is still fine! I even marry you, still fucking fine! It just – doesn't seem real – how tolerable everyone is after all the fighting and struggling." Harry didn't even realize this was the real problem churning in his mind until he put it all out there.

Draco took Harry's hands in his again, stroking his thumbs across the tops. "Harry, not every day is a fight anymore. I understand what you were expecting. I was expecting nothing less, but after everything I'm glad it's not so hard. We paid our dues, ten-fold even. So we deserve some good, and each other," he threw in smiling. "I still say this biscuit thing was random or the wrong car. Why don't you take the day off and we'll spend it together. Go ahead, firecall Weasley and let him know.

Harry smiled and kissed Draco deeply. "Thank you." He whispered before walking over to their magiked fireplace. He threw a hand full of Floo power in, called for Knight's Cottage and waiting for Ron to answer.

"Mornin' mate, I was just about to call you myself." Ron greeted him quickly but with a very perplexed expression on his face. (Personally, Draco didn't think this was out the norm, but Harry seemed to think it was.)

"Why, did something come up for work? I didn't hear anything. I've had kind of a weird morning…"

Ron nodded his shaggy head. "We've had a strange morning too. Nothing from work but Ginny did show up at five A.M. this morning. Luckily Luna doesn't sleep and was already awake because they were both downstairs having tea when I got up." Ron's puzzlement was showing more and more.

"Is something wrong with her?" Harry asked politely. Things between him and Ginny had become strained after Draco came into the picture. She wasn't exactly happy with them dating, or their engagement. Don't get anyone started on the wedding. You'd have thought all Hell had broken loose that day. They did manage to find one small paper that had a questioning report included.

"I'm not sure. Harry I think, I think Ginny's becoming a fattie."

Harry sighed heavily. "What does that even mean Ron? And that's really not a very nice thing to say, even if she is your sister." Now Harry was more than confused.

"No, no mate. Listen, she showed up here with biscuits. Loads and loads of biscuits which I thought were great. I love biscuits. But the packages were empty! She'd already eaten them all! There had to be like twenty-five packages thought! Plus her fingers were all stained brown from the chocolate and crumbs were everywhere. I don't know what to do mate. Should I tell our mum?" Clearly he was worried and unsure of what any of this mean. Harry was starting to have a little clue.

"Wait, what kind of biscuits?" harry asked. Draco quirked an eyebrow while standing above him.

"Oreos. Why? Does it even matter what kind they are? Oh Merlin, are there drugs in those? Is my sister addicted to biscuit crack?" Ron was becoming hysterical.

"Mate, calm down. Your sister is not addicted to any kind of muggle drug. How do you even know about those?"

Ron smiled sheepishly through the flames. "'Mione brought them up one time. Thought they wounded interesting so I looked up more—but that's not the point! How do you know?"

Harry sighed and shook his head. "She put them on my car Ron. Plastered the shite all over the place."

Pausing for a moment, Ron blinked once and asked, "You serious?" With Harry's confirmations, Ron promptly burst out laughing. He actually fell over from laughing so hard and disappeared from view.

"Why is everyone finding this so bloody funny? The woman stuck chocolate and cream biscuits all over my car! It's disgusting!" harry flapped his arms incredulously.

Draco was even smiling with mirth from where he stood next to a kneeling Harry. "Harry, come on. She's obviously just jealous and needed an outlet. At least she's not 'becoming a fattie' as her own brother put it so lovingly. And as I said earlier you can clean it up with a flick of your wand."

Meanwhile, Ron had finally composed himself enough to stick his head back in the fire place. "Oh mate, this is so much better than her becoming a fattie. I can't wait to tell mum. Don't worry, she won't be bothering you two again once she's done with her. Ginny will be in so much trouble. I can't wait!" And without another word, Ron quickly closed down his Floo connection.

"How old are we now and Weasley still finds glee in tattling on his sister?" Draco mused quietly, helping Harry to his feet. "You never got a chance to tell him you weren't coming in though."

Harry swept Draco into his arms, leading him into a dip. "Have I told you lately that I love you?" he asked.

Blushing, Draco cleared his throat. "Not since you were screaming it last night."

Laughing, Harry lowered his head to kiss Draco again. "I'm a little fuzzy on the details — let's go back to the bedroom so you can remind me." He added a saucy wink at the end.

Draco smiled coyly. "Of course but first, I'm really craving some Oreos and milk. What about you?" And Draco would be the first to tell you that that comment was worth the chase to their bedroom.