A/N: This just...came to me. I had a weird mind-picture of Gaara getting high on ice-cream, and this was born. Written mostly around 2 to 3 am in the morning, actually. SORRY FOR OOC-NESS!! And the beginning and end was tacked on spontaneously, so...hehe. I'm sorry if the quality of my writing isn't up to scratch.
Warning: NejiGaara, ShikaTem, OOC-ness, fluff, CRACK
-----
How Ice Cream Started it All
"Ok, children," said Temari, tucking her two children in. "You wanna hear a bedtime story?"
Both her 4-year old son and 6-year old daughter nodded enthusiastically.
"Ok, then, this story is about your Uncle Neji and Uncle Gaara, hmm? Don't you love your Uncle Neji and Uncle Gaara?" More enthusiastic nods. "Good, then don't interrupt." She launched into her story with gusto.
"Gaara got caught onto ice cream in rather a strange way. It was right after Naruto had very gently dumped him for Sasuke – he was angsting, as to be expected – and Gaara was wondering why life was this unfair. He had liked Naruto for such a long time (ever since age 9, to be exact) and yet that Uchiha-bastard had always held Naruto's attention! The two of them had started going out last year, freshmen year, and Naruto had gotten his heart broken sometime during the summer (Gaara didn't know the details, but it had to have been horrendous to put Naruto off ramen for 4 months). Gaara had stepped in at this point, he had comforted Naruto, been a good friend, and to his joy, at the beginning of sophomore year, he and Naruto had begun dating.
"He had thought he made Naruto happy, because, well, the blonde did seem happy with Gaara. But there had always been that nagging voice inside of his head (his much more intelligent subconscious, probably) telling him that Naruto wasn't over the Uchiha yet, would never be over him. Gaara had dismissed the voice as paranoia, but now it seemed the voice had in fact been correct. Naruto hadn't gotten over the Uchiha at all.
"And so now Gaara was here. Single. Dumped. Whatever. He was sitting on his couch feeling sorry for himself at 7 pm on a Saturday evening. When he could be doing so much more than watching game show re-runs on TV. He sighed. It wasn't Naruto's fault, he supposed. The blonde had been quite kind, waiting until they were alone, breaking the news quickly because he knew Gaara would like it better that way. Yes, Naruto had dumped him in a gentle sort of fashion. Gaara sighed again, debating the unfairness of the world, because he was being portrayed as the "bad guy", for trying to take Naruto away from his true love. Meh. Sasuke just better not hurt the blonde again, or Gaara was going to punch his lights out.
"Gaara shifted his position on the couch so he could stare up at the ceiling. Was this a normal part of breaking up? Thinking all these self-pitying thoughts, like what the Uchiha-bastard had that he didn't? Gaara thought yes. And watching TV alone on a Saturday night was also probably part of the ritual. There seemed to be something missing though…
"Gaara thought back to that time (the only time) when Temari had been dumped in freshmen year, and the slump the whole house had been in for a whole week before Temari realized beating her ex-boyfriend up would be much more satisfying and make her much happier than watching soap opera re-runs while being sprawled on the couch with a box of tissues and a tub of ice cream…that was it! Ice cream! Gaara was missing ice cream! (Cause no matter how angsty or duped he felt, he was NOT going to watch soap operas like a little girl)
"Gaara sprang up from the couch, walking purposely towards the freezer. The redhead couldn't remember the last time he had tasted ice cream, which was probably somewhere around 5 years old. He had thought himself much too mature for the sweet after that age. But now was a fabulous time to try some again; after all, why go against the cliché? He opened the freezer door, spotted a tub of Edy's Grand Chocolate Fudge Sundae ice cream, and grabbed it along with a spoon before trudging back to the sofa. The game show host on the TV screen was still talking obnoxiously loud, and Gaara turned the volume to mute before cracking open the lid of the awaiting ice cream. The container was yet untouched by his siblings, to Gaara's delight, and ice cream filled it to the top. Gaara took his spoon and skimmed a little off the top before putting it in his mouth almost experimentally. Would he like this ice cream?
"Gaara's green eyes widened with surprise, inadvertently showing his bishie-ness to anyone who might've snuck a look into the Sabakus' living room at that moment. This ice cream was…heavenly. It was cold and sweet, melting in his mouth before he had a good chance of savoring its exquisite flavor. Gaara took a bigger spoonful, now separating the different tastes of the vanilla ice cream, the chocolate sauce, and the added flavor of the walnuts, which crunched in his mouth when he bit into them. Gaara sighed again, but this time with bliss. He definitely liked ice cream…
-----
"Sabaku Temari came home around 11:30 with a group of her friends trailing behind her, talking and giggling excitedly about the club they had just gone to and the boys they had met. They fell silent at the spectacle they saw in the Sabaku's living room. Temari's brother, 2 years her junior, was asleep on the couch, cradling something in his arms. The TV was still on, and a sugary sweet scent pervaded the air. Upon closer inspection, Gaara appeared to be holding a…container of ice cream…an EMPTY container of ice cream…
"Temari frowned – when did Gaara ever eat ice cream in the first place? And how was this much sugar going to affect his health? Because the last time she had checked that particular tub of ice cream had been FULL. But when Temari tried to pry the ice cream container and spoon from her brother's hands, Gaara stirred and opened his eyes, which seemed…wider than normal, and a vibrant green, filled with (and Temari almost fell over from shock) happiness. WHEN WAS THE GAARA THAT SHE KNEW EVER HAPPY??? She agreed that he had seemed to be in better spirits ever since he began dating that Naruto kid, but still, even that hyperactive blonde couldn't have affected her little brother THAT much.
"And now Gaara SMILED!! He smiled that smile that Temari hadn't seen for a very long time, the one where he seemed so much younger than he was! (And the one that inspired fangirl squeals from all girls within the vicinity of that smile, which her friends were doing right now…) Omg, was the world going to end in the next five seconds? Temari grabbed a camera out of nowhere and snapped 5 pictures in rapid succession. She was going to preserve this moment no matter what! (Because then she would have some happy memories to look at when Gaara reverted back to his somewhat creepy yet normal personality)
"Gaara blinked quite a lot from the rapid flashes blinding him, and so it took a moment for him to recover and ask his sister, 'What'd you do that for, Temari?'
"And then he pouted prettily. Several of Temari's friends fainted, and the blonde herself seemed to be choking on air. When she had resumed breathing normally, she gasped out, 'Cause you were smiling, little brother. And you're still being cute. What the hell happened?'
"Gaara pulled himself up to a sitting position on the sofa, finally letting go of ice cream container (after making sure it was empty) and spoon. Temari put them on the coffee table as Gaara stretched and yawned. 'Oh, not much.' he answered. 'Naruto dumped me for Uchiha Sasuke, I came home brimming with angst, then I found out that I love ice cream, and now I'm like this.' He flashed a bright smile as he paused. 'Do you think someone can get high on ice cream?'
"By now, Temari was ready to create a religion advocating the wonders of ice cream (after, of course, giving Uzumaki Naruto a stern talking to or more for dumping her poor little brother). This was a MIRACLE. 'You know Gaara, I think if anybody can get high on ice cream, you have achieved it.' And then another thought popped into Temari's mind. 'Does this mean you'll stay this happy as long as you have ice cream?'
"Gaara got off the couch and started walking to the stairs, nodding as he did. 'I think so. Say, Temari, can we get some more ice cream tomorrow? I ate all that we had in the freezer…'
"'Of course!' Temari would do just about anything to keep this Gaara out in the forefront, the one that didn't seem to want to kill everybody within a 2-mile radius. She watched her little brother plod up the stairs to his room, and saw the way her friends' eyes seemed to follow him too.
"Once he was out of earshot, the girl closest to her turned and asked, 'Temari, since he's single now, can I ask him out?' She (and the rest of Temari's friends) knew better than to go behind her back when it came to dating her brothers, since they knew about her (over)protectiveness of them.
"Temari sighed. This was going to be a huge let down. 'You know the person who dumped him? Naruto?'
"They all nodded, and the blonde heard a whispered, "Who would want to dump a piece of eye candy like him?", which she pointedly ignored.
"'Naruto's a guy.' Temari watched as the news sank in, as groans of disappointment and even some sobs came out of her friends' mouths.
-----
"The new, somewhat-addicted-to-the-glories-of-ice-cream Gaara, an ice-cream cone (strawberry this time) in his hands, a happy smile on his face, returned to school on Monday and scared the hell out of the rest of the school, excepting his siblings, who already knew about his…change of personality. DRASTIC change. Temari was still feeling ecstatic (she thought it was nice that Gaara was acting like a kid for the first time in his life) but Kankurou felt a bit unnerved. Because Gaara was not supposed to be like this. But whatever, because this was better than murderous Gaara. Now THAT was scary.
"Naruto noticed the change in his ex-boyfriend at lunch. Today he was sitting with Sasuke and his friends, just because he…well, he didn't want to feel guilty when he faced Gaara. He knew that Gaara had genuinely liked (maybe loved?) him, and that what he had done was sorta…cruel. The blonde tried to not dwell upon it. But what he had seen at lunch…well, it wasn't what he was expecting.
"Naruto poked Sasuke in the arm. 'Hey, Sasuke, look at Gaara.'
"The Uchiha frowned in annoyance. He had just gotten the blonde back and now Naruto was thinking of his ex-boyfriend? What could be so important? He sent an impatient glance at Gaara, who was sitting a few tables away, and then his jaw dropped. The Sabaku was eating an ice cream cone and…smiling? 'Hey Naruto, please tell me that Gaara's mind hasn't cracked.' The Uchiha didn't want to be responsible for medical costs if the Sabakus sued.
"'Um…' the blonde was hesitant. Had Gaara lost his mind? 'Let's go ask someone who knows, 'k Sasuke?' He grabbed the other boy's hand and pulled him up as he stood, looking around the cafeteria for a particular senior who wore her blonde hair in a unique hairstyle of four ponytails…
"As to be expected, Temari was sitting with her friends, and she stood up when she saw Naruto heading her way, towing behind him another guy that she vaguely remembered…maybe? Was that the Uchiha-bastard Gaara was always cursing? Likely.
"'What do you want, Naruto?' she asked pointedly before the sophomore had a chance to open his mouth. What? He wasn't dating Gaara anymore; therefore, Temari had no obligation to be nice to him anymore.
"Naruto shifted uncomfortably under Temari's semi-glare (the senior was SCARY) and stuttered out, 'Temari-sempai, you know I'm sorry about Gaara and all…' he breathed a sigh of relief when Temari's glare lifted a little, '…but I've gotta ask, has Gaara um, lost his mind?'
"Temari and Naruto, along with Sasuke and the whole table full of Temari's friends (who were listening, because they wanted to know what sort of person would actually dump Temari-chan's cute lil brother) turned to look at Gaara in the awkward silence after this question. The redhead had finished his ice cream cone and was licking the excess ice cream from his fingers, his eyes curved in adorable happiness. Fangirl squeals and fits of fainting erupted from Temari's friends (who cared if he was unavailable? He was still bishie-full) and Temari herself smiled.
"'No, he hasn't lost his mind. He's just discovered the joys of ice cream.'
"'Um, what?' Naruto asked, question marks floating around his head.
"'Oh,' Temari clarified breezily, 'after you dumped him yesterday for…him, I'm guessing,' She was looking at Sasuke weirdly, cause he was swerving around trying to avoid the question marks floating around Naruto's head, 'I think he went really angsty and was trying out the cliché of girls, you know, who get dumped? Soap operas, crying, ice cream, the whole deal. But then he tried the ice cream and, uh, sorta, fell in love again. With ice cream. So now he's happy.'
"'Err…that's a bit strange, don't you think?'
"Sasuke, who had stopped swerving cause he had found out that the question marks burst on impact and dissipated into nothingness, snorted in disbelief. 'Naruto, don't be a hypocrite, because your obsession with ramen is just as strong as Gaara's with ice cream.'
"Naruto grinned nervously as he scratched the back of his head. 'Oh, right…but, well, we've established that his mind hasn't cracked?'
"'His mind has definitely not cracked.'
"'Oh, good…and when you receive an anonymous shipment of a full year's supply of ice cream, know it's from me, k? Even though I dumped him I still want him to be happy.'
"Temari blinked. A FULL YEAR'S supply of ice cream? Woah. 'Thanks! We were wondering how to keep him ice-cream stocked for longer than a few days! He eats fast!'
"Naruto grinned happily and moved back to his own table, Sasuke walking behind him. They sat down, and Naruto was about to resume eating his lunch (freshly made cup ramen from the school vending machines, yes, they sold ramen!!) when Sasuke asked, 'You aren't going to go back to him, right? Even though he's all cute and happy and non-angsty now.'
"Naruto turned to his boyfriend, shocked. 'Why would I do that when I've got you?' It just didn't make sense…
"Sasuke saw the utterly confused look and held back the urge to laugh. Naruto was sometimes way too adorable for his own good. 'No reason, I guess.' And then he really did laugh, while giving the dobe a soft kiss to the cheek. 'You're so lovable, you know that?'
"Meanwhile, sitting across from them was one Hyuuga Neji, staring raptly at Naruto's ex-boyfriend, yep, Gaara. Now, let me tell you a little bit about Hyuuga Neji. Five feet eight inches, long black hair cascading down his back in a low ponytail, silvery-white eyes. Yes, he looked like a girl, but anybody who called him one would die, slowly and painfully. Who cared if he just really liked his hair?
"Hyuuga Neji had endured a small crush on a certain redhead for a long time, though he knew that he had basically no chance, since said redhead was very much in love with Naruto. The Hyuuga didn't begrudge Naruto for the redhead's affections, since Naruto really was very lovable, and resigned himself to waiting until Gaara had gotten over the blonde, because that was also inevitable. You see, Neji also knew another interesting tidbit. Uchiha Sasuke had also been in love with Naruto, and Naruto (not-so) secretly liked him back. Their break-up last year was just a misunderstanding (because, after all, they had started out as rivals and enemies and really needed to stop communicating in the form of arguments and death threats, lest they be taken seriously), and Neji had hoped that they would get back together quickly. No such luck. He sighed at Naruto's stubbornness and Sasuke's pride, and reflected on Naruto's relationship with Gaara.
"Neji had been jealous, he admitted to himself. Gaara seemed so content with Naruto, and the blonde seemed to reciprocate his feelings. Their relationship had been so…fluffy! So cute and affectionate that it scared Neji. Would Naruto still want to go back to Sasuke? But Neji's fears had been for nothing. Naruto and Sasuke did get back together, and Gaara was single again (yay! cheered his inner self), though…different. Not bad in the least, but still…different.
"Neji glanced at Gaara once more, noticing that he had finished his ice-cream cone and was getting up, probably to get some more ice-cream. The school had an ice-cream vending machine, though the sweet treats cost a lot, and also a ramen-vending machine, because they had figured that they could leech money off of Naruto if they had one. The vending machine only sold uncooked cup ramen, but the administration had installed a microwave and sink next to the machine. They had calculated the cost against the money Naruto would spend on buying ramen everyday, and had agreed that it was worth it.
"'Hey, Nej', get me some more ramen, will ya?' Neji watched amusedly as Naruto squirmed while sitting in Sasuke's lap, nodding in answer to the question. He rather liked Naruto today. The blonde was the reason Gaara was single, after all, and Neji was very grateful. Though it also seemed that his thinking was very addled today…
"He got up from the lunch table and walked toward the ramen machine, which, incidentally, was just across the hall from the ice cream machine. Neji unconsciously watched Gaara from the corner of his eye, taking in the redhead's adorable smile as he inserted change into the machine in exchange for ice cream.
"In a sort of daze, Neji paid for Naruto's ramen and prepared it, microwaving the cup ramen for 3 minutes as he watches Gaara stare at the ice-cream machine expectantly. When the vending machine failed to deliver the promised ice-cream, Gaara frowned, before punching the buttons once again. It didn't work. He frowned even more, and got more violent with the machine. He started to kick it, and Neji winced as dents appeared in the metal. After a few minutes more of the manic kicking, the ice-cream machine broke down and released all of its refrigerated goodies into Gaara's waiting hands.
"The cute redhead smiled again, immediately sitting down and opening some of the sweet ice-cream sandwiches, since he obviously couldn't take all of them back to his seat. Neji smiled as he waits for the ramen to cook. Even when the ramen finished microwaving Neji didn't move, happy to watch Gaara inhale his ice-cream. He only moved when he remembered Naruto, who was waiting for his ramen, and even then Neji moved reluctantly. And perhaps because he was still staring at Gaara while walking, Neji didn't see the lone ice-cream sandwich that he was about to step on. And step on it he did.
"The boiling ramen went flying into a wall as Neji slipped and tumbled, his arms flailing. Gaara didn't seem to notice the in-trouble Hyuuga in front of him, continuing on with his sweet snack. Well, he didn't notice until Neji fell with a splat onto a pile of the redhead's ice-cream. The impact apparently broke through the wrappers on the ice-cream, and when Neji sat up, his face and neck (along with some of his hair and his shirt) was covered with ice-cream. Gaara had finished his current ice-cream sandwich and was surveying the mess disapprovingly, glaring at Neji for ruining so much precious ice-cream, because whatever was not on Neji's face was on the floor.
"Neji stared up into the SabakuDeathGlare™ and gulped. This looked like the old Gaara. Not to say that was bad, but still, the old Gaara was SCARY when he was mad. He tried to crawl away slowly, but Gaara's arm shot out and grabbed his own. Neji closed his eyes to prepare for his imminent death, when…
"He felt something warm on his face. Something warm and wet. Neji tentatively opened his eyes again, to see…Gaara. In front of him. Licking him. Or, really, licking the ice cream that was coating his face without abandon. Not that Neji was really complaining, of course. It felt…nice. Sorta. Nice wasn't the word to describe it, Neji supposed. It surprised him how happy he was to be treated like a cat being washed by its mother. A contented hum made its way out of Neji's throat, abruptly followed by a gasp as Gaara finished with his face and moved down his neck. He realized suddenly that he needed to take advantage of this situation that the gods had bestowed upon him. Who knew if something like this would ever happen again?
"Neji grasped Gaara's chin gently, tilting the redhead's face up to meet his own. And then he leaned down slowly, meeting Gaara's lips with his own.
"And that, my children," Temari concluded, "was how your Uncle Neji and Uncle Gaara got together. Wasn't it cute?"
Her kids nodded again, though this time much more sleepily, and dove into their covers once more. "Goodnight, Obaa-san," they called as Temari turned off the light.
"Goodnight," she replied, before being startled in the hallway by Shikamaru, who wrapped his arms around her lovingly.
"I find it exceedingly troublesome that you tell our kids those kinds of bedtime stories, you know."
Temari swatted at his head. "You find everything troublesome." she teased. "And besides, this is much more realistic than fairy tales."
Shikamaru smiled. "I know. Now come to bed, Tem-chan. Sleep is waiting."
.:High on sugar, low on common sense:.