That moment when you open your eyes and see nothing- not even a single glimpse of reality- and you panic. You panic and panic until you realize you never really opened your eyes, or it's 2:30 P.M and it's pitch black. That one fleeting moment... Except for me, it's not fleeting.

Welcome to my nightmare- filled with overly loud sounds, overly complicated smells- when you're blind, everything is overly complicated. Except seeing- that's as simple and nonexistent as ever. Just black- you can't see anything, no colors, no shapes, no people... No nothing.

So when you remember sight, when you remember seeing, it's almost torture.

But when you dream about seeing...

It's like perfection.

I'm sorry- I haven't introduced myself. That's the nice and proper way to do it, isn't it?

Hello, I'm Iggy-turned-Jeff-whose-name-is-actually-James-but-stuck-with-Iggy. 14 years old. And I'm completely blind in both eyes.

I have been since I was... Gee, how old was I? I honestly don't know- 3? 4? 5? Maybe older? But it's been a long time- almost my entire life. This is all do to being a special child and being taken to experiment on by the hounds of hell inside the prison called the School.

Yeah, I had a great childhood.

But long story short, I'm here with Max, Fang, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel now. I don't know what they look like- other than general colors and stuff. I can feel colors, by the way. It's not as cool as being able to see while staring at pure white though.

I wish I could have seen her though- the one girl who'd actually somewhat liked me for who I am, who didn't think it was weird for being blind and as much of a bomb genius as I am. The one girl that I'd probably had somewhat of a shot with.

And now she's dead.

And it's like no one cares.

I want to scream- I want to scream for hours and hours until my voice dies because I can't take it anymore. Ella Martinez is dead. It doesn't even seem like Max cares- Max was her sister. Her sister! It seems like I'm the only one going through it- and no one can help me because no one else cares.

It feels like it's slowly eating away at me from inside. It hurts so much. It hurts and hurts and hurts- like it did when I first loss my vision. And no one understood either- because everyone else could see. No one else was blind. They were all sympathetic, and all 'Oh-I'm-so-sorry-for-you-Iggy' and 'It'll-only-get-better-from-here-Iggy'. But guess what? It didn't.

And so far, neither is this.

Opening my eyes and seeing nothing, I sat up. It felt empty- I couldn't sense where anything was, because there was barely anything around me. Except a bunch of leaves, tree branches, and my other flock members. All of them were asleep- except Max. She was still awake- keeping watch, no doubt.

"Iggy?" She called softly. She sounded tired.

I blinked a few times- as if I were trying to clear my vision- and turned my head in her general direction, hoping my eyes were looking in her somewhat direction. I slowly nodded.

"You feeling okay?" She asked.

"Yeah...?" I asked hesitantly, not daring to complain about what I was going through- although every single fiber of me told me to shout and scream. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Iggy, I can see it." She said softly. "Something's wrong."

"You have bigger things to worry about than me." I said softly. Even though I wanted to talk about... about Ella, I didn't think I could without breaking down. Plus, Max had a very big problem on her hands- she was prego. with her and Fang's baby, so she shouldn't be worrying about me and my problems.

I know she's going too- because she's Max- but she honestly shouldn't.

"Iggy..." She sighed. "What's wrong?"

I turned my head away from her as a breeze went by. It seemed to brush against my face like a soft hand. I pulled my blue and black jacket closer around my shoulders as the breeze flew by again. I wanted to fly- to just take off and not have to answer Max's question. For a little while anyways. But that'd probably just make it worse...

"Ig." Max's voice was soft. "Come on, talk to me."

I shut my eyes- although it didn't do anything to black my vision further. If it somehow had, I think I would have gone insane. From what I'd gather about Ella... All the facts... It went together, forming a picture in my mind. And I guess I just kind of snapped at Max.

"Talk to you? Where were you when I needed you earlier- when it first happened? Where was anyone? No one tried to talk to me, no one... No one freaking cared! It's like when Fang died, everyone was all upset- believe me, I was too! But why was no one upset when she died?! Why did no one care!" I could hear my own voice cracking with emotion and I knew Max was seconds away from crying- baby hormones and all that gross health-class stuff-, but I didn't want to stop. It felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders- like I could fly freely for once. "No one seemed to care that they were dead, and no one thought it was worth while to see how it effected the people like me- who always get forgotten!"

I could hear Max's uneven breathing and almost immediately felt guilty. I know I'd gone too far- but... I'm sorry to say it felt good.

Sorry not sorry.

"Iggy-" Max took another shaky breath and I could tell she was crying now. I could just sense it. I was standing now, my feet carefully placed on the branch I had been sleeping on. It didn't even bow under my weight- impressive for a 15-almost-16 year old boy, I know. Then again, it's not- thanks to the School.

How that place ever made it past the health department, I'll never know.

I felt the breeze fly by again, its soft and cold hand stroking my face. I felt cold tears running down my face- tears I hadn't been able to shed for what seemed like forever. And it felt good- I'm sorry to say that this entire thing felt good and bad at the same time.

"Iggy, why didn't you-" Max took another shaky breath, cursing under her breath. "Damn it, hormonal tears..."

I turned my head in her general direction. "No one got it." I didn't say it harshly, or in a sad tone... Or really any tone at all. I sounded completely monotone and calm- even to myself. It surprised me.

"I get it-"

"No." I cut her off, a slight touch of anger faded into my tone. "You don't get it. You might think you get it, but you got him back." I gestured to where Fang was laying beside her. "Ella is never coming back- not now, not ever. I'm never going to see her again-"

I cut off when I realized what I'd said.

"Iggy-" Max started again.

"Save it." I said softly before turning towards the open trees and took off.

I didn't want to deal with it- not again. Even Max didn't understand- and she was her sister.

I finally realized it- I was on my own.