Love in War
I trust Severus Snape with my life. He could come raging into my office with talk of Muggle lawyers storming the castle and proclaiming magic to be the work of their Devil, and I'd believe him. So, when Severus told me that he loved me, I had no doubt that he had spoken truth.
It was during the final battle; Harry Potter had disappeared somewhere in the forest just after the Ministry's team had arrived - why Riddle had chosen Hogwarts to be the set for his twisted play, I can only guess. With the students hidden safely in the deep dungeons, the staff and the Aurors fiercely protected the castle walls and grounds. We were prepared for the Death Eaters' numbers - Severus had gotten to us in time.
I lost sight of him quickly, and was immediately concerned, there were more than a few Aurors who would see him dead just as readily as Riddle and his followers. It was hard to find anyone in the confusion and bedlam of the battle; the din of shouted curses and flashes of multicoloured light could easily overwhelm. Illegal curses were thrown frequently by those strong enough to control them, and occasionally by those unfortunate enough to fail.
I found Severus on the far side of the lake, laying frighteningly still. I did not recognize the curse. I knelt beside him and gathered him into my arms; he stirred.
"Albus."
Even then his voice betrayed little.
"Albus, I'm sorry."
Regret, that time. I held him closer. There were footsteps behind us, then a cold voice,
"Isn't that sweet? The traitor and the fool."
Lucius Malfoy. He had his wand out and trained on Severus. I was trapped, if I moved to protect my Potions Master, he'd surely kill us both. Perhaps, though, I could distract him. I opened my mouth to speak, but did not get the chance.
With a flash of green light, Lucius fell to the grass beside me. I looked up to see Minerva McGonagall spare me a short nod before transforming into her feline form, and racing away to help Flitwick with a handful of Death Eaters.
Severus was clinging to the front of my robes, seemingly oblivious to what just happened. "Headmaster," his voice was tired, drained.
I moved his head to rest against my shoulder and stroked gently down his back. He was shivering and sweating both, and I feared he might loose consciousness. He was too weak to fight me, and leaned into my touch. Whatever curse had hit him was sapping him of his strength at an alarming speed.
I spoke to Severus quietly, kept touching him to give him some anchor to the here and now. Rub down his back, his shoulders, arms, repeat. He told me to leave him, but I refused. Voldemort had gone in search of Potter - whether to settle some personal score, or to fulfill some ancient prophecy, it didn't matter; it was beyond my power to interfere with them now.
"Albus?"
I smiled to him and ran my hands along his thin arms, "Yes, Professor Snape?"
"Albus, I love you. I always have."
My heart clenched. Not because the sentiment was not returned - oh no, I had desired and loved Severus Snape since the first night he returned home to me from Riddle, bloodied, bruised, and marked, but still shining so brightly with a light none could see - but because of so much lost time. Severus was so afraid of being rejected, that he never planned on telling me... and now he planned to die.
Unable to speak, I lightly kissed his broken lips and damp forehead, hoping to convey my feelings. Though Severus expects to die, I will have none of that.
I spent the remainder of the surprisingly short-lived battle holding and protecting my Potions Master. When I finally found my voice, I assured him that I have not, not ever would reject him. I whisper nonsense to him, and continue to touch him soothingly; I will not have him slipping away. Eventually, an Auror scout team found us, and I insisted on caring for Severus myself, for I will trust no other.
Back in the castle, I had him tucked safely into my bed while I gave clean-up duty to the Ministry, put Minerva in charge of the school temporarily, and allowed Remus Lupin and Sirius Black to scour the forest for some sign from young Potter - who had not yet returned.
I commenced the walk back up to my rooms; Severus's curses have been dispelled, but he was still recovering slowly, and I planned to be there when he awakened. Severus expected to die - he did not.
***
I awoke to pain not unlike the after-effects of the Cruciatus, and as memories of the battle came flooding back to me, I realized that that was not at all unlikely. Cold glass was pressed to my lips and I drank the contents automatically. Some part of me reminded the rest that perhaps drinking strange potions was not the best thing to do, when for all I knew, I was chained in Lucius's basement. But no, the floor was too comfortable, and the potion tasted too familiar.
A wave of pleasant sleepiness washed over me, and I understood as well as I could in my current state. Light sleeping draught, absurdly sweetened, but sleeping draught nonetheless. I curled against the warmth that touched the side of my body and gave in to the potion - comprehension could wait.
When I woke again, I had strength enough to open my eyes. There was an annoying amount of light in the room, and I felt strangely safe. I was in a bed, a bed I did not recognize as my own, and dressed robes that definitely were not mine - blue. Deep blue, but still blue. I squinted against the light and realized something that I had missed in my first assessment: there was someone else in the bed, indeed, I was curled against the other's body. A spike of terror claimed me, and had I the strength in me to turn away, I would have. Instead, a strangled cry ripped itself from my torn throat, and a soft hand came to lay across my back.
"Shh, Severus."
I knew that voice... didn't I? The other lifted my chin off his chest and I relaxed considerably; I was looking into the worried face of Albus Dumbledore. Worried, because, I remembered, he rarely hid behind that twinkling mask of his for me - something I had been trying to do in kind... but why was I there, and more importantly at the moment, what had I told him?
His thumb brushed across my cheek and I closed my eyes, laying my head back on his chest. I cursed my throat for betraying me - I had to ask him... what had I said to bring him to allow me in his own bed, and not down in the infirmary where the others where?
His other hand rubbed slowly along the back of my shoulders, and I suppressed a shiver; this was not the time to indulge in my absurd fantasies.
"How are you feeling, Severus?"
Again, my throat refused to obey my command. Albus seemed to understand, and chose another vial from the stand beside the bed. It was red and translucent, and seemed to freeze my throat as I swallowed it. I started coughing violently, and Albus sat up with me and held me tightly against him. When it passed, he did not let go.
I let my head rest against his shoulder and whispered hoarsely, "Albus... what happened?"
I felt him smile against my temple, "Riddle's been defeated, and you have not."
"What of - what of Potter?"
A hand stroked through my hair, "We do not know, Severus. Remus and Sirius went to search... but I haven't left your side for two days, and for once in Hogwarts's history, news is slow to travel."
I nodded, but stopped abruptly, "You... stayed with me?"
He chuckled quietly, "Indeed."
"Wh- what did I tell you, Headmaster?"
He lifted my chin again and looked into my eyes. I fought every instinct I had, and did not tear my gaze away; Albus always made me feel that he could see further into me than I knew, and in all likelihood, he probably could. Then, he kissed me. Lightly, and quickly, but enough to let me know that my previous fears had been unfounded.
Albus laid back down into his ridiculously comfortably bed, and I followed suit, again curling against him. He seemed to like that, and wrapped an arm securely around me. It felt oddly comfortable to be laying in bed with Albus, like being wanted, and loved, and protected all at once. Something I had never felt before.
"Albus? May I... stay here?"
He laid a kiss on my forehead and spoke softly, "I was going to ask if you would, Severus. Every night... if you like."
I smiled, "I'd like that. Albus?"
"Yes, Professor?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too, Severus."
~ fin.
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