I just lied to him.
I told him that I would start treatment. I didn't really mean it. Or did I? Did I actually truly mean that I would go through with it? Maybe I did.
I'm so unsure of what I feel when I'm around him. He makes me feel like I have something to live for. Someone to believe in; that would be there; the one to hold my hand and say that everything was going to be alright. I never had someone like that, if I did, I didn't care.
I was that person for Lettie, but now she's dead. I have no one.
Maybe, maybe this is my chance to finally believe in someone; let them be there for me. I think I did have someone there for me; maybe it was Bosco. But, I never really gave him the chance; I pushed him away and only was there just to use him; to manipulate him to be the one to take the fall for going after Buford if something went wrong; that his job would be on the line, not mine. I feel so guilty that I used him. He tried to be there for me but I wouldn't let him; I pushed him away.
Probably because every time I let someone in, something would happen; Lettie died, I shot Faith, and Monroe turned out to be the one after me; to put me in jail after I trusted her.
Maybe this is my second chance to let someone help me; to be there. I know that he wouldn't hurt me, but only deep down. The memories of everyone else that hurt me still there, fresh in my mind.
I, I should give him a chance; I should really start treatment. Because I finally know that I have nothing to be afraid of; only failing in my attempt to beat my cancer.
The worst thing that could happen was that treatment wouldn't work. I have to do this; I have to start treatment; I have to let Manny in so he can help me. Maybe we could help each other. Only if I give it a chance will we both know. Only time will tell.