FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING
She was in Booth's apartment like he had said, she had said that it was fine to sleep on the couch and had made her own bed and now she was thinking. She wasn't going to get much sleep that night.
Brennan was upset, she didn't cry a lot usually, it was something strange for her. But Vincent was a nice guy, she thought, he had died for no reason, Booth was supposed to die instead of him.
At that thought something in her head happened, like a switch she begun to think about losing him. She was his partner and friend, they had kissed, she loved him.
Wait, what was that thought? She loved him? Well, of course she did, they were friends after all. Something in her was saying that it was not all but she ignored it.
She needed to hug him. It was a strange need. She had never felt the particular need to hug someone, to feel the touch of another human being like that.
It was weird but she needed it, she was crying and she was so afraid of losing him, it couldn't happen, she had to be close to him. She needed him.
That thought was irrational but at that moment she didn't care. It could be irrational but she felt like she had to go to his room and hug him so she got up.
She was there, at his door, tears in her eyes, wearing his oversized jumper. Suddenly she had no idea what to say and she begun to remember her previous thoughts, she was there because of Vincent's death, that was why she was upset. His words had upset her.
She got in the room and he woke up, suddenly grabbing the gun. Obviously he was tense. She let him calm down.
"Do you want me to put the gun away?" he asked sleepily when he recognized her, but still worried.
She nodded lightly. "Yes"
"Ok, what's wrong?"
"He kept saying 'don't make me go'"
He looked at her really confused. "What?"
"Vincent - he was looking at me and he was saying 'Don't make me leave' He said that he - he loved being there. Why would he think that I'm the one making him leave? What kind of person am I?"
His face looked horrified by her misunderstanding. "No, come here. No no no no Bones, you've got that all wrong, alright? You've got it all wrong" He took her hand and made her seat by him on the bed.
"No I heard him. You did too. 'Don't make me leave'. That's what he said" She tried to convince him with teary eyes.
"He wasn't talking to you"
That was an illogic affirmation. "I was the only one there. And you. He wasn't - he wasn't talking to you"
Booth shook his head lightly still holding her hand. "He was talking to God. He didn't want to die"
That was not possible. "No, Vincent was like me, Booth. He was an atheist"
"Ok. Then he was talking to the universe, then. He didn't want to go. He wasn't ready Bones, he wanted to stay"
"Well if there was a God then he would have let Vincent stay here with us" She was sure of that but he looked at her with pain. She didn't understand but, for once, it didn't matter.
"That's not how it works" Then how? She wanted to ask but she knew now, that it wasn't her fault, she still needed his hug though.
"Can you just -" She couldn't continue, tears in her eyes and a sob coming uncontrollable from her throat. He opened his arms automatically and she flied between them. He
hugged her close, she cried on his shoulder, his T-shirt was going to get wet but he seemed not to care.
"Yeah, that's why I'm here. I'm right here" They stood there hugging each other, it felt good, it was what she needed. No. She needed more.
She lifted her head and kissed him lightly, just a brush on his lips and he froze in surprise. She thought she had to explain the reason for her action but found none. So she said the only thing that came to her mind.
"I keep thinking, it could have been you. It was supposed to be you. I couldn't bear that. If it was-" She couldn't go on, another sob came from her lips at the mere thought.
She had never felt so vulnerable but she didn't care, she was with Booth. Yes, Booth, she had forgot that he was there for a second. She looked at him with teary eyes. He was looking at her.
His eyes were wide in surprise? She had not many patience to read his face like he had taught her to do, facial emotions were so difficult to understand. She was relieved when he hugged her again even closer. "I'm right here Bones, I'll always be here"
It was the truth, he was always there. He was her best friend, the person she relied in most. No, wait. That was supposed to be Angela. Then what was him to her?
He was like a brother. No, he wasn't. He was her partner and also friend. Was it just that? They were not lovers, they had just kissed a pair of times, that was all. No sexual intercourse means the word had no sense for them so it couldn't describe their relationship.
It could. It was a weird thought. Did she want that? It was definitely going to be pleasurable, yes, that was what she needed. He had said he was in love with her once, he wasn't going to complain.
She kissed him again, licking his lips, tasting him like it was the first time she had kissed him. He opened up to her kiss almost immediately so she begun to pull up his T-shirt. When he stopped her and stopped the kiss panting lightly, she made the gesture to take off her jumper instead. He held her hands. "What the hell are you doing?" He managed to say.
"I'm trying to undress you, that implies removing your clothes and get you naked. Then I was going to take off my own clothes so we could have sex" He looked at her with wide eyes and shook his head.
She had thought that she had been obvious, maybe he didn't love her anymore? She had rejected him after all. She sat on in front of him again, new tears in her eyes at his rejection. "I'm sorry" she managed to say. She thought that the best thing to do was to leave so she got up.
Suddenly he grabbed her hand. She turned to face him and noticed pain in his eyes. Why was that?
"You can't just say something like that and leave Bones" she looked at him confused.
"Sorry, I thought you was rejecting me. It's ok if you don't want me anymore. I just hoped that you was still desiring me. You did say you loved me some time ago"
"That's exactly the problem Bones"
She wasn't expecting an answer like that. She looked at him wanting to understand. "What do you mean?"
He seemed really sad and in pain when he finally answered. "The problem is that I still love you and it will hurt me when in the morning you'll wake up and realize you did a mistake and we'll lose our friendship. I don't want that. Never! You are so important to me that you can't understand. If you just want a shag because you feel sad and want to forget then… go somewhere else"
He turned his back to her and said nothing more.
She looked at him. He had misunderstood. She was in love with him too. No, wait. She didn't believe in love, it was something abstract, just a feeling. Then, how could she describe her feelings for him? She had tried but LOVE was the only word that fitted. She thought about what other people had described that feeling to her.
Angela had said that feeling in love was when you can't think about being with anyone else. The thought of sleeping with someone that wasn't Booth was unbearable though she had done it a lot of times before. She wanted just him.
In the loads of romance books that her friend had made her read, the hero said that just the view of the beloved made the heart race faster. Well, that was a normal physical reaction to the closeness of someone that you find attractive, it was just chemic, a physical answer to determinates substances the body released. Well of course she was attracted to Booth, he was very handsome.
Hodgins once had said that love was just a feeling like friendship and it's uncontrollable. When it happens you can't do anything to stop it. He had said that for how much he had tried he was unable to stop loving Angela. Brennan had tried to hide this irrational feeling for so long. She was worried to get hurt and lose her friendship with him without thinking about how much it could hurt for both of them. Now she understood what love was.
She was in love with Booth and it was something deeper than the words of her friends. It was a feeling, it was irrational, it was abstract, but it was there, more clear than everything she could touch and see. She reached for him and forced him to look at her. She was suddenly serious and pushed back the tears. She was completely aware of what she was doing and there was no going back now but she didn't care.
"Maybe it's irrational, maybe I don't understand it like anyone else would" She cleared her throat.
"Maybe I've never been in love before or I've never been loved. I know that you love me Booth. That is what I need. I need to be with you. I don't want a quick shag because I am sad. I want you to make love to me. I need to know that you care about me. I need to know you are safe, that you will be safe with me. I realized that I can't leave without you. I realized this when you faked your death all that time ago. I didn't want to lose our friendship but I do now" He looked at her confused by that last sentence but she continued.
"I want to make love with you. I've never understood this sentence before. Make love. How can you make love? It's just a physical relationship it can't produce a feeling. It's pleasurable. I've done it loads of times" He tried to say something but she shut him with a finger on his lips.
"I haven't finished. I was saying that that was what I thought. Now I understand. It's not about making a feeling but about sharing it. That's what I want to do. I want to share my love with you" There was something else she had to said but she didn't remember, lost in his dark eyes. His pupils were wide and full of lust like probably her own but she had to say something before letting him do what she had asked for.
"I love you Booth. I've loved you for a long time now-" He didn't let her continue. He batted her hand away and cupped his hands around her face. He pulled her close to him and kissed her forcefully. His tongue licked her lips begging for an access that she granted immediately parting her lips. She answered leaning on his body, her legs one on either side of his body she could feel the cotton of the jumper rubbing against her breasts when they pressed against his chest.
He was very well built indeed. She had seen him without a T-shirt more than once but feeling his body against hers like that was completely different. His hands found the naked skin under the jumper he had lent her and she stopped the kiss. She sat on his belly, her legs both side of his body, and removed it quickly. She was wearing no bra under it so she was now sitting on him with just her pink knickers on, her naked breasts lifting up and down. He seemed hypnotized by the movement of her chest. She suddenly felt a little self conscious. She had seen him in his boxers before but he had never seen her naked.
He seemed to appreciate though, he moved his hands so he was now cupping her breasts and she moaned. She moved a bit on his chest needing friction on her now hot and aching core. "Please" She begged without knowing what she exactly wanted. He seemed to know though because he turned them, pressing her back to the bed and topping her. She clasped her legs around his lower body arching into him. She moaned at the friction between her soaked panties and his joggers. He kissed her again before getting rid of his T-shirt.
Suddenly he was on her again, his mouth found her right nipple and begun to suck on it eagerly. She had never liked to play with her nipples, it was not exciting, it didn't feel good. She had never let a man play with her nipples either but when his lips and his tongue begun to work on them she felt a wave of pleasure through her spine and moaned loudly arching her back. He smiled smugly at her reaction. She didn't mind. He left her nipple only when it was fully hard and he begun the same process on the other one. When he was finished she found herself panting, almost over the edge just from his manipulation.
She didn't realize he had begun to kiss his way down her body, she was still trying to regain her breath when she felt her panties being removed. The cool air against her wet cunt sent a rush of adrenaline through her body. She looked at him with desire, lust and love. "Please- Booth!" He leaned in and sucked on her clit without warning, tasting her tentatively. He lift his head for a second giving her an hungry look before sinking down between her legs once more.
She felt his tongue inside her, his nose rubbing against her clit, it was almost so much but she didn't want to come yet, she wanted him to continue. "Oh- Oh- Booth! Don't stop!" She was almost screaming but she didn't care. His fingers found her entrance and he pushed two inside of her curling them and hitting just the right spot to make her moan. When he added his mouth, sucking greedily on her clit while moving his fingers, she came undone. Screaming "Booth!" and "I love you" all over again and again.
He licked at her through the orgasm until the aftershocks finished and she just laid there panting. He took of his joggers and boxers then. At the sight of his naked body she felt the urge to have him in her. He was rock hard. It must be painful, she thought. She pushed him down on the mattress now. She kissed him, licked his face, cleaning him from her juices and tasting herself on him. She smiled when she was finished and begun to kiss her way down to his cock. She had never liked to give hand jobs or blow jobs before but with Booth everything was different and so maybe it would feel good to give him a blowjob.
She looked at his hard cock, the tip almost reaching his belly button. He was big and it had been a while for her. She looked forward to have him inside her. She begun sucking the tip of him. He was soaked just from eating her up, she licked at the precum on the head. It didn't taste bad, it was like metal and salt and honey at the same time. She begun to suck him harder then. She swallowed his length as far as she could and begun to bob her head. He moaned loudly. "Bones!" She hummed in appreciation. She had never liked him to call her that but now, it felt like something new. He only called her that, no one else would. It almost sent her to the edge again. She sucked him harder and he moaned loudly.
She tried to find some relief for her aching pussy on his leg but it wasn't enough. Without thinking she stopped to suck him. He moaned at the loss, he was very close and she knew that but she couldn't wait anymore. She lined his cock with her cunt and sank on him. His eyes widened. She hadn't even bothered with a condom. She didn't care. He tried to complain but she shut him down kissing him and beginning to move up and down his length. They both moaned in each others mouths. "Bones-" He panted.
"Booth! Almost there-" He nodded and bucked his hips against her, his pelvic bone rubbing her clit and sending her over the edge. She stopped on top of him but he needed to continue. He turned them and begun to pound inside of her still sensitive cunt. Without letting her really coming down from her second orgasm.
He pounded inside of her, his mouth nipping at her neck and down until he could suck her nipple again. She arched under him and the third orgasm hit her unexpected sending both of them over the edge at the same time. Screaming each other names. He collapsed on top of her, his breath irregular and his heart beating crazily fast. She could hear his heartbeats on her own. She felt his body pressed against him. He was still inside her and the position was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He was crushing her with his body but she didn't care. She just wanted to feel him close.
They stood like that, cuddling each other for a while until he realized she must be feeling uncomfortable and relieved her from his weight, pulling out from her and kissing her hair cuddling her from her side. Her arms sneaked down his body and she hugged him close resting her head on his chest. After a bit, when both their breaths were back to normal, he tensed under her. "Fuck!" Brennan looked at him worried, what was that for? Was he regretting the sex now? He seemed to read her expression because he felt the need to explain. "We didn't use the condom"
She relaxed a bit, he wasn't sorry for having sex with her then. "I love you. I know you have no disease and I have none too. It's ok" He looked at her surprised.
"What? What if you get pregnant?" She had thought about that possibility.
"You had already accepted to give me your sperm to have a baby. What's the problem?" He looked at her with his mouth open. "Don't you want to have a baby with me?"
"What- of course I would love to have a baby with you Bones! I love you!"
She smiled at him happily. "Then there is no problem" She cuddled him again and closed her eyes, she was tired and pleasingly sore. She was almost asleep when she remembered what Angela and Hodgins had said about love. They were wrong. It wasn't as easy as they had said. "I'll have to tell Angela she was wrong"
"About what?" He asked tiredly.
"About love" She whispered. "It's much more beautiful than a mere physical reaction to another human being. It's impossible to describe even for me. It's just there, it can be shared like we did tonight but it's just amazing. I love you Booth"
He chuckled at that. "What?" She asked a bit hurt.
He smiled. "You have called me by my surname all the time. It has never happened to me in bed before" She smiled.
"You called me Bones" he looked like he was going to say he was sorry but she continued. "I like it. It's just you. No one else can call me that. You are mine" She was still sad for Vincent but she couldn't hold her happiness when he answered.
"And you are mine Bones. I love you. Always"
"Always" She whispered before falling asleep.