Here I am again…holding onto that stupid doll I'd never let go of. I loved the doll; daddy gave it to me before he just left me in this place…
This dank, nasty place.
It was disgusting, people shared sinful touches that made me want to cry out and scream for them to stop. My eyes couldn't stop watering over as I turned, seeing people, people, strangers…
I didn't like it.
My cold hands held onto the Jack Skellington doll tightly, my hair tied back into a slight ponytail of what there was. Tears brimmed the edges of my eyes.
This was no place for a five year old to be, everyone knew that.
A hand grabbed onto me, a grubby one at that.
I screamed as loud as I could, tugging away from the person, slamming my eyes shut and tried to run away. Drunks, smokers, druggies…the gross, abandon-like people were here.
Women danced on poles with men laughing at the slutty motions. I was so disturbed…so afraid…
And daddy left me here, going off with some girl who was barely dressed.
…did mommy even know about this?
The hand grabbed onto me again, tugging me towards the man's body as tears streamed down my face. No…I didn't want this… The other hand had grabbed onto the top button to my polo, working it off as I shrieked, dropping Jack and smacking at the hand, slamming my fists down and kicking my feet.
"Shushhh, lil' boy, I'll give ya some candy…"
Alcohol swept past my nose and I scrunched it up, slapping him with my tiny hand.
"No!" I shouted, squirming and trying to keep this sicko's hands off my clothes as well.
"Ya'll love it, my dick inside ya, babe…"
Hearing this made my heart-rate slam on the gas, making me gasp in air, face turning red as I swallowed rapidly, eyes widening in horror as this drunk unclasped my pants, reaching inside –
"Daddy!!" I cried as high as I could, "Daddy, help me!!"
No one would save me, not even my bastard of a father…that useless man…
Arms were wrapped around me as I closed my eyes, just wanting it to end right then and there, my 'innocence' lost, taken by some stranger… Hearing a loud, brutal, thud to the floor had me open my eyes and saw the drunkard on his side.
"Ya 'lright, kid?"
I veered over my shoulder to see golden hues, they were soft…sober. Kind.
"U-Uh-huh…" I stammered, nodding and bringing my hands up to wipe my face. Setting me down on the table this white…teenager, I supposed, fixed up my clothes, re-buttoning them then reaching down and lifting my doll up.
"Ya like this stuff?" he asked, handing it over and grinning. "Yeah, tha' shit's pretty cool."
All I could do was stare and took the gothic-like figure back into my arms, looking up with cherry-chocolate pools.
"Thank you…" I said softly, fidgeting my feet and staring down on the sneakers.
Reaching a hand up the albino ruffled up my hair, "I'll be yer personal knight in shinin' armor when ya come 'ere, 'kay? Jus' look fer me."
Those were the only words I needed to not be afraid of this place anymore…
…and yet he couldn't save me that one day, when I was shoved off the building's rooftop by my drunk of a father. But…the albino was the last person I'd seen. Being a man then his eyes were wide and they stared down on me before holding onto me….
…so tightly.
If only I wasn't dying…it would've been nicer.
I had fallen for Mr. White and yet never found out his real name, never saw him again…
Silently I wondered how many years it had been since then. My eyes steadied out at the surroundings of Seireitei. Reaching a hand up I let it brush over my neck, the thing that had snapped that day.
My arms had twisted and the bone in my knee popped.
Sometimes I wondered how he felt when he saw me fall and die. I know my asshole of a father had been sentenced to jail since Mr. White had been a prime witness to my death.
But I'm in a better place now, though it didn't start out so well.
I leaned back into my chair and looked up at the ceiling.
When I saw Ichigo the first time I was so raged for two reasons. He'd taken Rukia's powers and……because if someone bleached his hair and skin, adding gold contacts, he would look so much like the man who had been so nice to me…
…it could've been the possibility that I fell in love with him.
Shrugging I looked up as Rukia ventured in, carrying a tray with some tea on it. "Renji…I thought you'd like some tea."
"Ah, arigato, Rukia," I grinned, reaching a hand out to take a cup once she handed it over and sat on a chair on the other side of the room. "How's yer brother?"
"He's still healing from Gin's last assault."
No surprise there I guess. But I'd healed faster than he had. "I hope he feels better soon,"
The raven before me nodded and sipped from her own cup then glanced up shyly. "Renji…Ichigo was wondering how you were doing."
Thinking back on the orange haired Kurosaki made my thoughts travel back farther and I felt the pain from my tragic death crawl and seep into my flesh once again. Lifting my right hand I placed it over my left eye and made sure to hide the tear about to fall.
"I'm doin' fine…I'll go visit him sometime or another." I muttered, looking away and gnawing on my lower lip.
Nodding she stood and waved as she headed out. "I'll see you later, I need to finish some things up."
I waved back slightly then looked back out at the bright blue sky. Endless…full of fluffy clouds.
Sighing I looked down on the paper before me with the lettering:
Dear Mr. White…
…fuck…