Standard Disclaimer - Not Mine
If found this is the true story of
Harry James Potter
Boy-Who-Lived
Man-Who-Was-Betrayed
Killer-Who-Was-Trained
Or many other titles that was given to me throughout my life.
My story starts in the conventional way, as most stories do, with the writings on a blank piece of paper – not parchment or a scroll I hear you say. No, I am afraid that paper will be used. Why? Because, it is easier to write on than parchment. Cheaper than parchment and can be folded easier than a scroll.
This will not be date driven, as I can't remember all of the dates. This will be driven by events that occurred or to me, most memorable and in short this will be the abridged version. The longer more concise version is currently being penned as I write.
Well here goes :-
The air was oppressive in the Ministries holding cell, which now held the only non death eater prisoner. The smell from the other holding cells, where the death eaters were held was stagnant, even if the refreshing charms were in place this place just stank.
I sat alone on my bed looking at the four wall, one wall where the door should have been only appeared when they wanted to train me.
Train me – that was a laugh.
They were training me to take the fight to Voldemort. Trained by Aurors, hit wizards, spell crafters, battle masters and others of a similar nature. Wizards from the outer reaches of humanity were brought in to train The-Boy-Who-Lived.
It should have been apparent from the outset that something was amiss when Fudge and his cronies had turned up at Hogwarts to see Dumbledore. Something was not right in the way that Ron and Hermione had looked at me every time one of the ministry personnel walked by, their eyes flicking to my face and back down again just as quickly.
The call when it came just happened to be when there was a full contingent of Aurors at Hogwarts. It was McGonagall that issued the request, the Headmaster had wanted to see me. I could see that Hermione, Ron, Ginny and the others all had there heads down. Normally they would have asked questions about 'what was going on?' or 'what was happening?' or 'where are you going?', even 'do you need us to go with you?', but no. No one asked a question. No one bothered to find out what was happening?, going on?, or do you need us to come along? – Nothing.
Walking into the headmasters office was like walking back into the trial of fourth year, it seemed that a full committee had been formed and waiting in the office. Before I had even entered the office fully I was hit with a stunning spell, bound and placed in a chair opposite the headmaster.
Looking around, my eyes moving rapidly, I could see members of the Order of the Phoenix, members of the Ministry and members of the Hogwarts teaching staff. It appears that they had all conspired against me.
It was explained that I was to be taken into Ministry custody and trained to see that I fulfilled my birthright, the Prophecy and any number of other things that they had decided that I was to do.
To say that I was unhappy about this turn of events would have put it mildly, the backlash of accidental magic nearly destroyed the headmasters office, again. The only thing that stopped murder from taking place was the fact that I was hit with about a dozen stunners from various persons in the office, Snape being the one that I remembered the most. It seemed that he took great pleasure in releasing that stunner at me.
What occurred after that I could not tell you, being unconscious at the time. However there were a lot of people that were suddenly on 'my list' that had not been there before.
As to why I am in a Ministry holding cell, well after my little display of 'wandless' accidental magic, I had been placed in a Ministry holding cell. They had magic inhibitors placed around this area of the Ministry to prevent accidental magic and therefore that was the best place to hold me.
I had been informed that I was to be trained to perform my duty to the wizarding world. Me a sixteen year boy was to be trained to fight He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or in other words 'Lord Voldemort', 'Snake Face', 'Lizard Lips', and many other names that this stupid population of wizards couldn't say.
Training did not go exactly as planned. Why you may have asked? Well I had always requested extra training once I knew of the prophecy but being told that I was to have training was like I had no choice in the matter and this was exactly what was occurring. I rebelled, most teenagers would have. Doing something on my own would have been okay but 'telling' me that I had to kill did not leave me a choice and this left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.
I had attacked my trainers early on and had to be stunned time and time again to prevent me trying to escape. Now the wizarding world may be backward in its approach but it is not stupid. They found a 'charm', which would allow me to perform my duty without question, without complaint. It was a little known charm that was used on children to bow to the wishes of their parents. As I was a minor in the custody of the Ministry it was decided to use this charm on me. It is like a form of 'Imperious Curse', although this was used with the full consent and backing of the Wizengamot.
This 'charm' as they like to call it was placed on me with the full backing of the Wizengamot and in order to have it cast they called upon ten of that illustrious body to cast the 'charm', including Dumbledore.
I can tell you that it felt wonderful to be doing something so right, something that would benefit the whole of wizarding kind. However, at the back of my mind, my whole being screamed with the injustice of it. This was wrong, this was not the way it should be. This was my mind, this was my body and nothing would stop that. As you know I can fight the 'imperious curse' and throw it off with little thought, however this 'charm' was more compelling and considering that it was cast with ten wizards and not just one it was much more difficult to fight.
Training went extremely well, I trained, both physically and magically. My body grew into what could only be called a mans body. I was never one that bulked up, however the potions that were fed to me during my 'captivity' ensured that my body grew. Muscle replaced what was fat, not that I had much to begin with. I grew taller and my body hardened. Training my body to do things that I would have thought unthinkable soon became the norm. I could run for hours, I could have entered the 'Olympics' and won a gold medal with the gymnastics that I could do. Flipping, rolling, tumbling, spinning, I was an acrobat.
The magical training came to me with ease, the potions not only enhanced the body, but there were ones that would enhance the mind as well. Training came from a multitude of sources. The Ministry Aurors and hit wizards would come and train me. I could easily take down five of their best trained wizards without breaking a sweat.
Curses, charms, hexes, transfiguration, were easy and routine. Oh I lost many times but I never forgot what had 'taken me out' and therefore I knew to avoid being taken down in the same way twice.
Wizard robes were no longer worn as they restricted movement and these were replaced by the wizarding version of sweat pants and a top, although black was my colour as anything 'grey' happened to turn black with the amount of sweat I produced.
There is, unbelievably, a room similar to the room of requirements within the Ministry. I still cannot believe that Dumbledore didn't know about the room at Hogwarts. This room was used as the training centre for my skills. Different scenario's were produced in order for me to gain the skills necessary to defeat Voldemort. Different locations, different people placed in harms way would see how I reacted. Would I care enough to prevent an innocent from being maimed or killed or would I go through with my task.
I can't say that everything worked out as I have explained. My mind still rebelled against the curse placed upon me and it was regularly updated in order to ensure my complete submission. That was Dumbledore for you, he would regular come by with my 'so called friends' and would enquire after my health and wellbeing. It was during the first of so called friendly meetings that I started to break away from the 'charm' or as I called it the 'curse'. I had started to beg my friends that I didn't want to be held in an holding cell that I wanted to be free.
Well let me tell you how that went down, Dumbledore immediately stunned me and although conscious throughout, brought down an number of people from the Ministry and placed the charm on me again. It was with regret that Ron, Hermione and Ginny were all in attendance during this and did not lift a finger to help me. They knew what was happening and they completely ignored what was happening to me.
This happened on a number of occasions, each time the same thing, re-cursed! Now as I am a quick study of human nature I quickly learned that it would not be ideal to keep letting people know that I was able to break the 'charm'. Letting my inner 'Slytherin' out I learned to conceal the fact that I was able to break the 'charm'.
The knowledge gained during my captivity was amazing, they should really teach this stuff at Hogwarts, hang on, on second thoughts maybe they shouldn't. I learned to kill in a various ways, how to maim, how to do lots of things that should not be approved, at least by the Ministry.
As I sat alone in my holding cell, working through what had been taught during the day and the previous weeks I found that I wanted out.
Let me tell you that Occlumency is a fantastic tool for organising ones thoughts, did you know that you can see, in your minds eye, what has occurred to your mind if you become proficient enough at it.
Well, these random thoughts intruded into my mind about the future. What would happen to me after I had disposed of Voldemort? – if I disposed of Voldemort? Where would I go? What would I do? Would the Ministry let me get on with my life?
Now these questions didn't just come up poke me in the chest and demand that I make a list, no they just kept getting more and more frequent. Where would I go?
The more I thought about the more sure that I was going to be thrown to the 'wolves' after I had completed my task. Who in their right mind would want a trained killer on the loose without the bindings of a curse holding him in check? Would the Ministry throw me into Azkaban as soon as I had done the deed? Would they wipe my memory and leave me in the muggle world with no memory of my previous life? Would they forever keep me cursed and under control?
Let me tell you, fear is a great asset. It makes things easier to do, things happen, driven by fear and the one thing that I had was fear – No, don't be daft, not of Voldemort or his merry band of dysfunctional dickless misfits but of being trapped forever in the Ministry, only let out to do their bidding.
Fear is a motivator – well it was in my case.
My friends had abandoned me, my teachers had abandoned me, the Ministry didn't care what was happening to me. My relatives had not once asked what had happened to me – not that I expected them to, but it would have been nice. The only constant that had been in my life was that I had no control over what happened to me. Well this was going to come to an abrupt end and soon.
It was during my captivity that I had discovered that I had spent nearly a year and a bit under going 'training'. No birthday celebrated, no Christmas celebrated, nothing. Nothing was what was due to the Boy-Who-Lived or the Killer-Being-Trained.
I once caught a glimpse at that thing they call the 'Daily Prophet', that useless rag that they call a paper. Harry Potter was not mentioned, no queries to where he had gone, why he was missing. It seemed that the Ministry really does control what the Prophet prints even it is for their own good. Killings were still happening, Voldemort was keeping his regime of terror high and the general populous were doing nothing for themselves. Useless animals.
All the training that I had received had succeeded in producing a very well oil killing machine. I could have passed my OWL's and NEWT's without ever bothering to open a book. Not that they had given me any exams to sit. After all, I was to be discarded after I had performed my duty. Thrown out like yesterdays vegetables peelings.
Time no longer had any meaning, I kept up my training, brutally ensuring that those training me received some of the most exquisite curses and hexes known to wizard kind. Whether it was magical, armed or unarmed combat I would prevail. Those training me soon found out that it would be pointless to try to take me on individually anymore, only five wizards or greater would have any chance of subduing me now.
It makes you wonder about the human body, its resistance to curses and charms gradually wear off if you are subjected to them for long enough. Stunners would only irritate me now and other curses would be bothersome but not altogether problem causing.
It was with this thought that I knew that I would have my revenge. My hate of Voldemort had been superseded by my hate and loathing of the wizarding world in general. The people that I used to call friends and mentors now had a place right beside Voldemort, well maybe just one step below, but still right up there on my list.
The only thing that I had to do would be confront Voldemort and remove him from the landscape. Oh and remove myself from the Ministry before they had the chance to do anything to me. Which ever came first I would make my break. Oh don't get me wrong, I still wanted to take the pathetic excuse for a man, Voldemort, out of the picture. He was way up on my 'to remove' list, but if I could escape from the confines of the Ministry before then all well and good.
It was during one of the little trips up to the surface of the Ministry, as the detention cells are housed on level eight of the Ministry, to see my 'friends' that I discovered a very small but exploitable escape route. You see they would often take me by way of the back routes and as I was under the 'Charm' of least resistance I would always following like the 'good little puppy' that I am. The door leading to the stairs that I was taking had been briefly opened and I could see the entrance doors to the Ministry from where I was standing. There was very little distance between me and those entrance doors.
Now what should I do, escape now before I see Dumbledore and my friends or wait until after they had left. If I left now and didn't show up to meet my 'friends' then the alarm would be raised and the chase would be on before I had a chance to cover my tracks. If however I left afterwards I would probably have a few hours in which to get myself sorted and disappear into either the Wizarding world or the muggle world, well it was no choice I would attempt to escape after my meeting, – no let me rephrase that – I would escape after my little meeting.
The meeting went as well as could be expected, they talked I listened, they preached and I still listened, they informed my about things at Hogwarts and it held no interest for me what so ever but I listened. After they had left and my 'trainers' and I were making our way back to my holding cell, I decided to act.
Quickly putting them out of action occurred within the of a blink of an eye, they would have no idea what happened and probably wouldn't wake up until they were 'enervated' by which time those small broom closets that this ministry uses will be very smelly, cramped and full of Aurors.
I quickly cast a glamour at myself and proceed to walk towards to the entrance of the Ministry, knowing full well that should anybody raise the alarm then all hell would break loose, as I would not be taken without a fight this time – Oh and I had been trained for this very thing.
I easily made it to the entrance and quickly disappeared into muggle London. Now where did I get any money or lodgings, well being a trained killer does have some advantages. Mugging people at this stage was not beneath me and the two men who were arguing over some girl hardly knew what hit them by the time I had finished with them. Two hundred pounds richer I made my way towards a modest looking hotel and booked into a room. Of course the desk clerk wanted to take a swipe of my credit card but not having one they couldn't.
Entering my hotel room which consisted of a double bed, small desk, a TV with only 16 channels and one very cramped bathroom and toilet I took the chance to rest, leaning on my bed. I didn't have it in me to start thinking about what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be – I was free and I started to enjoy every bloody minute of it.
I ran the bath until it was nearly overflowing and got in and just luxuriated in the pleasant sense of the warm soppy water surrounding me. During my ablutions I checked to see how many tracking charms had been placed on me and guess what there were six, nice round number. This woke me up a bit and I went to the window, dripping water everywhere. Looking out of the window I quickly 'accioed' six pigeons, all of which came hurtling towards me, stunning each one I transferred the tracking charms onto them and waking them I threw them out of the window – so pleased to be free they all shot in different directions. Haa! Let the Ministry track those birds.
Settling back into the bath I nearly fell asleep but thought better of it and dried myself and went and laid down on the bed and put the TV on, watching nothing is better than sitting looking at four walls.
Now you may ask, what was I doing. Well at this point nothing, I was doing absolutely nothing, I wanted to have a nice meal in the hotel restaurant and feel as if I belonged. I would need a change of clothing and that would have to be first. I got dressed and transfigured my sweat pants and top into a different colour and walked out of the hotel. I soon found a clothing store and purchased my first muggle clothes.
The Army and Navy store does some 'really nice stuff', and comfortable – wow! And no it wasn't combats and I didn't look at if I had just left the Army.
I went back to the hotel and sat in the restaurant, ordered my meal and looked out of the window. I could see a wizard stalking pigeon on the roof of the building opposite – now that was just plain stupid! If he could see the tracking charm was attached to a bird why not stun the thing and then recover it – they would have stunned me if they could have caught up with me – really!
I finished my meal and went back to my room. I would need more money and soon, well robbing did seem to be my fortè.
Upon waking I decided that getting money would be a priority today, leave the wizarding world to itself today, I wanted to sort myself out first, the wizarding world and my revenge could wait for a few days or weeks.
Robbing people is really easy, you just find a dodgy looking back street and wait, all sorts of human refuse come down these alley ways and taking their money was a easy, if not easier, than taking candy from a baby. It really is that simple. A quick 'have you got the time mate' followed by a rapid punch to the face and quick kick in the stomach and most people would give up their first born.
Ten people down and roughly eight hundred pounds to my name. The crime rate might go up in this neighbourhood for a while but I don't think that the people I attacked will be reporting anything to the police any time soon. Pimps and drug dealers are just not all their cracked up, excuse the pun, to be.
Time did not seem to be a big issue for me. Oh I knew that the Ministry, the Order and Voldemort's little gang were all looking for me, but not entering the wizarding world would make it difficult for them to catch me. The muggle world had so much to offer. Drinks, girls, clothes, money and the hotels that I stayed in were better and better. It does seem that the more money you have the better class of hotel you could get. Oh, the drug dealers also were better class when you went up market. They had more cash and credit cards, one could obtain the pin numbers quickly enough, given enough beatings to the head and kidneys.
It was after a few weeks that I decided that I should see what was happening in the wizarding world. After casting a few glamour's on myself, I entered Diagon Alley. There really is a wealth of difference between the muggle world and the wizarding world. The smells and sounds are similar but the shops look like you have stepped into Victorian times, candles lighting shop fronts, dusty tomes row after row in the bookshops, live animals in the pharmacy – it just is plainly wrong. Why can't the wizarding world see how far behind it is.
I decided to get a drink at a small shop half way down the alley and take my refreshment on the shop front, looking out of the window. I obtained a copy of the Daily Lies, or in this place known as the Daily Prophet. I see Rita Skitter is still writing for this rag and that nothing has changed.
The Prophet reports that Voldemort is still on the rampage and that Harry Potter has escaped Ministry custody. So they knew that I was locked up and still no one did anything. There luck was about to change. I was being looked for by everyone it seemed and now that the Ministry was unsure of what I would do they had decided the alert the muggle authorities as well. They were to indicate that I was a wanted criminal, like my godfather and get the muggle police to look for me just in case I entered in muggle society.
Well there is pain and there is pain and what I felt would have curdled milk at a hundred yards. People seemed to flinch back from me in the shop with the anger that I felt flowing through my body. These people would pay and pay dearly for what they had done to me.
I had no formal education in the muggle world and I was deigned a magical education in the wizarding world. I was to be a parasite on society. With no education or formal qualifications to my name I could not get a job, I couldn't even buy a house. These people had deigned me my future and for that they would pay.
I left the small shop and entered the main street and walked my way down it looking at the people that I passed, not enough to warrant their attention but enough to see if I recognised any of them. I knew none of the passers by, but then again this was not the only place that wizards would come to shop.
I stayed in the alley only a little while longer, looking for a few things that would not be available in the muggle world. Advanced books on 'warding' and the like. It is always nice to have additional protection when one is on their own. It was something that I was trained for, stuck in the Ministry holding cells.
I saw a few Aurors entering the alley and decided that it was time that I left, I had things to do and one of them would be to meet up with the despicable low life scum called the Dursley's.
Oh I had plans, plans that would probably make Voldemort cringe and cry like a baby who had just lost his dummy or maybe I would just play with them for a while – I would see what took my fancy when I saw them.
Apparating to Surrey and then onto Little Whinging and then finally to Privet Drive. I slowing entered the street I could see number four just down the road, it looked ordinary enough, the neatly kept front garden, the clean white windows, the 'wards' that would indicate if a wizard was nearby or entered the property.
Nice thing with wards is that once you understand them, you can tell what they do and these were definitely not protection wards. These things just alerted someone to the fact that a person with a wizards aura was on the property. Whom they alerted was not my concern, as I was wanted by everybody now it didn't really matter.
I watched the house for a few minutes before deciding what my plan would be, it would be easy to get to Grunnings head office, where Vernon worked. Petunia would probably go to the shops at some point and Dudley, well Dudley would probably be at school. He would have to wait, although Piers Polkiss and the others of their little gang would soon know that I had returned and they would in turn inform Dudley.
Getting to Vernon wasn't a problem. He needed to eat and as usual the staff canteen would not be where he ate. He would always go over to the Ridgeway's Café a small 'greasy spoon', just a little way from the factory. Entering the café I waited for the 'extra' large man to show up.
He entered and started the friendly banter that one would have with knowing the staff for years. Taking his tea and waiting for his meal he sat down half way down the café. This was going to be too easy, my enjoyment was just starting. As Vernon started to pour the sugar from the sugar bottle, the top came off and flooded his cup and table with sugar. That is where it started, things just kept getting worse, gravy spilled down his shirt and on to his trousers. A bloke knocked into him as he was taking a bite of his meat pie and he stabbed himself in the mouth with his fork, he tripped up going to the loo and skidded on the wet floor banging into the counter.
His experience in the toilet is best left to your imagination, however to say that he smelt badly would be an understatement. The customers in the café all looked at him as he came out, especially with part of the toilet roll hanging out the back of his trousers. Things got gradually worse at work, as he lost his temper with his secretary and then went on to row with his boss about the latest shipping order. Things came to a head when his pushed one of the directors to the ground as he was leaving, he did not know that he did that as I had charmed the area around him with a quick 'notice me not' spell.
As I followed him home I could see the accident that he had with the traffic police, running into the side of the Land Rover whilst the police are parked is certainly not the ideal solution to put one in their good graces.
Petunia was even easier to get going, whilst she was out she forgot her purse and had to leave the entire contents of her shopping at the super market. She wasn't to know that making her purse invisible would be so inconvenient.
Making the lawn at Privet Drive look like a rugby team had played on it was entertaining, to say the least.
Oh, I had plans for these people which did not include killing or maiming them, inconvenient, embarrassing, utter humiliation yes! This would be more of a problem in the long run, their reputations in the upstanding neighbourhood would be tarnished, their invites to neighbours dinner parties would vanish. Killing them would be too easy. Suffering was what I was going for.
I cast a few spells that would not really be noticed by many wizards, the power of them being so low, however the long term effects would be amusing. I think that one of the best ones was the dirt attracting charm, it is the opposite of the dirt repelling charm, except the wand movements are reversed. This would attract dirt, dust, grime and all other words relating to 'dirt' onto the objects of my choosing. The car was the first as it was slowing coming down the road with a very 'purple' Vernon sitting at the wheel.
The clothes that they both wore, the carpets, the windows, the walls, the kitchen floor, all would soon be attracting the ever present dirt and dust. No matter how much washing , cleaning that was carried out, things would in the space of a few minutes be slightly more dirty than they were before and if left too long then you wouldn't be able to see the item for the mess surrounding it.
Oh, they would probably work it out in the end, but they would not contact the 'freaks' at the Ministry for fear of having 'freaks' come over to the house. Now this was entertainment. I would probably post them a card in the next few days just to say 'Hi'. I would love to see their faces when they got that one. Oh and I would have to return every few weeks just to renew the charms – didn't want them to wear of too soon now did I?
Now where was I, Ahh yes! As I was now wanted by the Ministry, The Order of the Phoenix and the Police, all on trumped up charges, it would be best to start removing everybody that I had on 'my list' from it.
No, just to remind you that I did not have a written list, what do you think I am – daft? I had my mental list, all those that had wronged me, all those that had thought that they knew what they could do to me, all of those that had willingly placed me in the care of the Dursley's and the Ministry.
Dumbledore might have thought that I would never go 'Dark', what a plank! You tell someone that they can't do something and then take away their rights to freedom – of course they will go bloody dark! What did the old man think, that I would love everyone once I had removed the snake face, no haired, reptilian skinned freak called Voldemort – Hah!
I knew who spoke loudest in reverence to Voldemort at Hogwarts and there would be the start, start with the people that professed to be in league with the Dark Dork!
Malfoy, Grabbe, Goyle, Parkinson, Greengrass, Knott, SNAPE. Well actually most of the House of Slytherin. Then there would be those 'Professors' that would soon know that it is wrong to take someone's freedom away, McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, they all knew what was happening and did nothing.
Question – Aren't teachers supposed to protect the right of the children in their care – in the wizarding world apparently not!
Getting to Hogwarts was easy, just apparate to Hogsmeade and walk up the path towards the school gates. Easy! Getting into the school would be the more difficult part of the plan, however as I have been trained by the best, disabling the Honeydukes owner and using the trap door in the floor would make my entry into the school so much easier. Did you know that a sharp blow to the back of the knees and then one to the head will knock a man out with ease, just thought that I would share that bit of information.
I suppose that it would have been around eleven o'clock when the classes would be changing when I finally entered the school. I quickly 'disillusioned' myself and made my way towards one of the main thoroughfares, where everyone would soon pass. I could then follow my selected quarry.
Well not to long into the wait, who happens to walk past, commenting on pure blood values, but one Draco Malfoy and half of the House of Slytherin. This was going to be so good. I did not know where they were going but it had to be to a class room, unless things had changed at Hogwarts and students were allowed to wander the corridors at will – You never know with Dumbledore.
Well as it turns out they did have a lesson – Potions. Why my luck just kept getting better and better. I would have the pleasure of seeing my favourite professor – Snape.
I wasn't to daft to remember where I was – I had thought about my fathers map, but I thought that they wouldn't have someone watching it twenty four hours a day just in case I turned up at school. There mistake!
I waited until the students were nicely settled and then looked through the door. I could see Snape berating some student about something. The instructions were clearly written on the board for the day potion – not that I could understand what that was about – I wasn't taught potions whilst being held by the Ministry and I was crap at potions anyway. Snape was never a very good teacher.
My plan was to enter the room stun everybody in it then do some damage – I might even leave my 'mark' although I didn't have one at the time. Well as you can guess I did exactly that. Still disillusioned I entered the class room threw a wide burst stunner, then stunned everyone again – just for the fun of it. I was sorry that the Hufflepuff's were present, but they knew what had happened to me as well.
Well things quickly got out of control, now there's a surprise!
Sticking Snape and his Slytherins to the wall of the class room was fun, but as they were unconscious it took away a bit of the fun of it. Breaking their legs and arms in two places, one above the knee and one below and one above the elbow and one below would have been more fun if I had woken them up, as it was, time was of the essence and my time was rapidly running out.
My thoughts were that this sort of spell casting would not go unnoticed for long. I conjured my 'mark' that of a wizard with a dagger running through the chest, quite nice even if I do say so myself and left it floating above the desk. It wasn't as good as Snake Face's dark mark, but it was the best that I could do given the amount of time that I had.
Spelling the words 'Traitor' on their foreheads would be my crowning glory, they wouldn't know who had done it – but I am sure that they would have a good guess. I quickly made my way out of the classroom and up towards the hospital wing. I didn't want Madam Pomfrey to treat these people, therefore I had to either take out the hospital wing or Madam Pomfrey herself. It was the latter that I was to do. I did not want the school without a hospital wing if one of the younger students required hospital attention.
Quickly entering I saw Madam Pomfrey walking towards her office. She did not see me and therefore would never know that I was the one that knocked her out. A quick stunning spell and then a major piece of Transfiguration later I had one Madam Pomfrey – the Hamster in my pocket. Well you can tell that she was pissed by the amount of trouble that she gave me whilst I was making my way back to Honeydukes. Bloody Hamsters can't 'alf bite and scratch when they want too – Bloody things,
I knew that the spell would wear off in a few hours and would have no lasting effects, other than being embarrassing for the person. I do believe that I dropped her off at the local menagerie, ensuring that the owner would place her in a cage on her own and then set here free a few hours later.
I could see the Ministry's Aurors making their way towards to school, running up the road, I knew what they would find. I also knew where they would send the occupants of the potion classroom – St Mungo's.
I still had my glamour on when I entered St Mungo's and entered the waiting room, most people came through at this point on there way to various rooms and departments. This would be an easy place to pick up the 'real' people that I wanted.
It wasn't too long before I saw Snape and his Slytherin's coming through the Floo, they were probably being taken to the ward for broken bones, or what ever they called it in the wizarding world.
I wasn't disappointed as not long after their mothers and fathers came through the floo making their way towards their children. This is where I would place the tracking charms on them, where did they live? What did they do? Where would they go? I didn't want to enter the Ministry – that was just asking for trouble, if I did that I might as well hang a sign around my neck – 'Here is Harry Potter – Come and get me!'
I soon had my tracking charms placed on various people and decided that it was time to leave. I didn't want to hang around forever and I was hungry.
I enjoyed a nice meal at the hotel that I was staying in. I had to rob another couple of people in order to get the money in the first place. It was at this time that I realised that I may have to move on. The muggle police were asking questions about the amount of robberies that were taking place, maybe some of those drug dealers and pimps were reporting to the police after all.
I went back to my room and slept the night, thinking about where I would be staying tomorrow.
After a few days I decided that another trip to the 'Alley' would be the order of the day, what had that rag published about the attack on Hogwarts. Well as you can guess it was attributed to Voldemort – I ask you, how can the wizarding world be so stupid. Why would the Dark Dork attack pure bloods – I ask you?
Oh, they were still looking for Harry Potter but the article was in small print on page five. I thought that I would be more popular than that. It seemed that everyone had made a full recovery and were back at Hogwarts, a little worse for wear, but what can you expect with eight bones broken, although they hadn't managed to dispel my 'Traitor' hex. They were still wondering about that.
I moved to Birmingham the following week, I had had enough of London and the hotels were cheaper in Birmingham, although not as nice. I had plenty of money, in cash, but that was starting to be a little bit of a problem, everyone was slightly perturbed when you paid for everything with vast amounts of cash. It made you a suspect straight away. I needed a credit card or a debit card.
Knowing the muggle banks like I did they would have checks in place to ensure that I was who I said I was – that would be difficult as I was wanted by everyone. Now not many people know that there are a number of wizarding streets throughout England, not a large as Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley but they are there. Birmingham had one such place, very small with only a few shops, potion suppliers, ingredients supplies, robe shops, not as comprehensive as the other two but wizarding shops all the same.
It was here in Birmingham that I discovered a small 'Gringotts', they get everywhere those Goblins. Well you can image my surprise when I went in only to discover that my glamour was removed the moment I passed the main front doors. Thank Merlin that I was the only one in at the time or there could have been a scene.
Did you know that the Goblins detest the wizarding world even more than I do!. Those Goblin rebellions weren't just for fun I'll have you know. As I walked up to the counter I could see a wanted poster of me – I really need to sit for a nice photo of me sometime, the one on the poster was just dreadful.
Well you can image my surprise when the Goblin at the tellers bench asked what did Harry Potter want? Not having a mirror with me, I'm not that vain, I was taken aback. What I found more amazing is that the Goblins weren't interested in giving me over to the Ministry and didn't really want anything to do with the Ministry. In fact they couldn't care less about wizards, they just wanted gold, the more gold the better.
Well it turns out that I had a small fortune in gold, sitting at Gringotts. No one had ever told me about the Potter Vaults, my inheritance from my parents or the Black fortune that was mine to have. Not that I could access any of it. The Goblins may not like wizards but they would not break the law on giving me anything that I was not entitled to and not being an adult I could not access the vaults, although I could still access my trust fund.
Bloody Goblins, I tell you, you think that you are onto a winner and then you are shot down in flames by the local guard dragon. The wizarding world is so far behind the muggle world it is like living in prehistoric times. There is no such thing a credit card or debit card in the wizarding world and they have nothing to do with the banking system in the muggle world either – Bloody Brilliant!.
Oh I had money, lots of money, with the conversion rate of three pounds to every galleon I no longer had to rob people in order to stay alive and out of the way, but still no credit card!
I looked at the sights in Birmingham, and anyone who has been to Birmingham can tell you – You can do that in half an hour!
I decided that I would see where those tracking charms that I placed people at St Mungo's would lead me. Well it is not surprising that most of them have houses in the most expensive parts of the country. Kent, Surrey, Somerset, Devon, Wales, etc. A few of them would disappear and then reappear from my map, this I was thinking was possibly due to the charms or wards that they may have had around their homes. It could also be that they had discovered the charms and cancelled them – just my luck!
Well as it turns out my 'mark' was starting to be seen around the UK, various houses were attacked and the occupants killed. Yes, they were killed by me and I am proud to say that I took removing them from society a pleasure. If you saw, what they did to achieve their wealth and place in society you would understand. They were not upstanding people, these people, Malfoy, Parkinson and others, were a plague that had to go, they could not be redeemed no matter how much time would be spent in counselling sessions.
Let the 'do-gooders' protect everyone they want. If they had been muggles then the death penalty would have been brought back. These people were the scum of the earth and they didn't deserve to be part of it. If the 'do-gooders' of this world want to save them it would nice to see the effects of having a raving sociopath being saved only to have your eyeballs burnt whist still attached to your head.
The wizarding world was once again in uproar. Someone was killing pure bloods – imagine that? Someone removing the worst of wizarding society from the worlds population.
Oh not everything went as flawlessly as I make out. I was nearly caught a few times, by both the Order and the Ministry. Voldemort couldn't have cared less, he didn't seem perturbed at all that he was loosing followers left, right and centre.
The Ministry caught up with me at the small Birmingham wizarding street, it appears that the Goblins may not have been so single minded in their 'the only thing that I want is more gold' after all. I could feel people looking at me as I entered the 'street' this was the start of that strange feeling you sometimes have. People didn't really notice me, because I made sure that my glamour wasn't all that rememberable or noticeable. People followed just a little too close for comfort. It was only went I made a break for it that I discovered the anti-apparation wards in effect.
I was trapped like a rat in a cage, well do you know what happens when you trap an animal, no matter how soft and cuddly it is, it gets mad, really mad. Well as you can imagine I was somewhat distraught over my inability to apparate and I made sure to impress upon my fellow witches and wizards my displeasure at this turn of events.
I don't think that I will be shopping at the small wizarding street in Birmingham in the future, well what is left of it anyway. Not that there is much left. Explosive hexes are absolutely brilliant when you want to make a scene and make a scene I did. Aurors want to protect the things around them, buildings, people, etc. I just felt like blowing everything up. It didn't really matter what blew up just as long as something did.
Legs and arms got mangled, clothes were shredded, buildings lost there glass from their window – well actually they lost the whole bloody front of their buildings. Did you know that when you take the front wall of any building away, such as by exploding it apart, then the top part of the building comes down to fill the void that has just been created. Absolutely bloody amazing!
Even if they could fix what I destroyed I doubt that people will want to shop there again in the near future. As I understand it no one was killed that day, however there will be people that will require medical attention for some time to come.
You may ask yourself – did I care? You bet your life I cared – I wouldn't be able to go shopping there again – I was well pissed off!
I decided that it was time to move on. My plans for payback were taking shape but I still had the problem of what I would do after I had killed Voldemort and arranged for payback on Dumbledore and his band of followers. Was I becoming another Dark Lord – Nah! I didn't see it that way. This was revenge pure and simple.
I paid another visit to my relatives in Surrey to renew their charms. Guess what? Vernon had lost weight, things must really be getting to him. Petunia looks even thinner than she did before – must be all that cleaning the she has to do. The place looked filthy, the car looked like it had just come from an RAC Rally, driven by the world's worst driver.
I made sporadic trips to Hogsmeade to see if I could catch Malfoy again, but alas, in the words of Dumbledore – he wasn't there. Well the 'greater good', my 'greater good' was working fine. I had both the Order running around like headless chickens and Voldemort taking the blame for most of my work – things were going great.
I decided that it was time for me to sort out my future life, where I would live and who I would be. I couldn't be Harry Potter in the future, I had done enough damage to the wizarding world to last a few life times in Azkaban. They might even find a way to bring me back from the dead so I could continue to serve my time.
I went back to London to see if I could find a lawyer who would be willing to help me with a few things. New name, new life, new place to live. Visiting a few of the more classy people that I had robbed I also robbed their minds for information. Even the best drug dealers have 'slightly misunderstood legal representatives' and it was one of these that I discovered about insurance and financial matters. What I could do with my money, investments, stocks and shares. Set myself up with a new identity.
This was easier said than done. I had to find a child, in the muggle world, that had died at birth, the same child would have to have no living relatives and then I could take their identity. Deciding to use the specialised skills of my lawyer I did just that. They found me a name and a date of birth close enough for me to use.
Setting up the accounts were not that difficult and obtaining 'dodgy' birth certificates and NHS numbers, national insurance numbers were no problem if you knew the right people. It seemed that the muggle world had a problem in keeping its citizens identities safe. Something to do with 'data protection' and their inability to keep it safe.
So now I had a new identity, one which would not be traced to Harry Potter. I also set up regular payments into a new bank account and I even managed, at last, to get hold of a debit card.
Now it had been a few months since I had escaped the Ministry's control. I had removed a number of people from Voldemort, although I still did not know where he was. I had a little revenge on some of the students of Hogwarts. I had even managed to enjoy myself visiting my relatives in Surrey, but now I wanted this to end. Oh I had had fun, in a revengeful sort of way, but I didn't want to continue on this path. The Ministry had made me the way I am, but I am also an individual and could think for myself. The Ministry would have made me do my job and then have disposed of me, I wanted more.
My birthday came and went. I celebrated it in style, trip on the Big Wheel opposite the House of Parliament. A trip on a water taxi up the Thames and then the best meal you could eat at the Ritz in London, although I must say it was disappointing, so much money for so little food – even if it was arranged in a very nice way.
It was during this time that I felt my 'core' expand as I reached the age of seventeen. The wizarding world may know a thing or to about magical cores, but I didn't and mine jumped. It felt as if it had doubled. Did this give me the same power as Voldemort? I don't know but I can tell you that casting spells became a whole lot easier.
Things were settling into a regular pattern, I would move around various hotels around Britain, ensuring that I never stayed too long in any one hotel. I took pleasure in removing various supporters of Voldemort out of the picture and if I was in their house at the time, robbing them blind. Some of the stuff these people belong in the London Dungeon – there are things that I robbed from the pure bloods that make what they have in the London Dungeon look like ornaments from Disney Land.
My list was getting shorter. Oh, I still has people on it – I don't think that they would all get their 'just deserts', but it was definitely getting smaller. I could no longer return to wizarding Britain because of my little attacks on people – but what did people think I was going to be trained to do? Pet kittens?
Voldemort, was still running around Britain doing his thing, but no matter who I got they could not tell me where the hell he was. His people must a sworn an oath of some kind to prevent them from repeating where he lived. No matter I would soon catch up with him. And when I did – Oh boy! – Was he in for a world of hurt!
September arrived, again, and I made my way to Euston Station and waited opposite platform nine and three quarters, watching people running through a solid column of bricks – now that just is funny. I could see an increase in the number of Aurors on duty, walking up and down the platform, whether they were here for Voldemort or me it made little difference. We were both wanted by the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix but I was also wanted by the muggle police as well – Nah, Nah, Na Nah, Nah!!
I could see the Weasley's enter the station and disappear along with Neville, Hermione, Luna, Dean and a number of others that I thought that I recognised, but I wasn't too sure. Although Luna did look straight at me sitting across from the entry point and smile – did she know that it was me watching the platform? That may be something to discuss with her at some stage.
I didn't see anyone that I really wanted. My thoughts on my previous friends still weighed heavily on my mind, but it could have been Dumbledore presence that caused them to act like they did. – Nah – they did that all by themselves.
I made my way to Hogsmeade a few weeks later, as I guessed when the Hogsmeade break would be. I had been lying low for the past few weeks, just keeping up with enough information to know what was happening but not doing anything that would arouse suspicion.
I made sure that my funds for my alternative identity were kept up. You know removing low-life really was nice, even the muggle streets where I was staying seemed brighter, people seemed happier.
It was during my walk around Hogsmeade that I was surprised when Luna Lovegood tapped my on the shoulder and decided to have a conversation with me – Shocked – You bet your arse I was. It seems that Luna can see through glamour's and she could see straight through mine. I can tell you that I was tempted to obliviate her there and then, but it is lonely being on your own all of the time and it was nice to have a decent conversation for once, without breaking bones and spilling blood everywhere, which is what most of my conversations ended up being.
Well, it seems that I am a the scourge of the wizarding world, according to Luna and if I am seen then I am to be given straight to Azkaban without trial, without questions. Well no surprise there!
It was nice to talk with her and learn a few things. It seemed that since my little escapade into Hogwarts, the Slytherins have been keeping themselves in check, with the loss of their parents they became a little more subdued and things appeared to be nicer in school than they have in a long while. Ron and Hermione now seem to be an item and Ginny and some bloke called Scott from Ravenclaw appear to be going steady. Luna is still Luna, slightly deranged but still a loverly girl.
It was during our conversation that Snake Face himself decided to show up, along with a few remaining deatheaters for the pleasant company of terrorising the citizens of Hogsmeade. Now normally I would just start blowing things up without thinking of the consequences but it was Luna you have to thank for me not destroying everything in sight that day. She clung to me like a limpet mine and wouldn't bloody let go. Can you imagine trying to get out of a shop with a eight stone girl wrapped around your middle – it is not easy – well to be totally honest – It was bloody impossible!
I stood in the front of the shop, from the inside, as I watched Voldemort throw killing curses around like a clown would throw sweets around at a party. This only stopped when the Aurors and a few Professors showed up to fight back. It was then that I threw a low powered tracking charm at him. I didn't want Luna to get hurt - now that is something that I will have to think about when I get time.
Well as this ended I got out my map and followed the tracking charm until it disappeared. Yep! – somewhere in the confines of the Vale of Glamorgan, Wales. Well you can guess the rest. I followed at a more sedate pace.
You see the thing with tracking charms and wards is that wards will cancel any tracking charm, however if you know the rough area of the wards then you can pin point then by casting low powered spells until they disappear. If you fire enough of them you can then plot where the area of the wards exist. You still won't know what is behind the wards but you know something is, whether it be a shed or a castle – there is something there.
Well I discovered the place Voldemort was using as his headquarters. I even got the Ordinance Survey Map of the area to find out what the muggles thought was in the area and guess what - nothing! Just empty farm land, supposedly filled with sheep – this being Wales and all!
It didn't take long to find the area of the wards, but I could still not see what was inside them, I knew the exact GPS points and the boundaries of the wards.
Well never one to admit defeat, I set about making my own notifying wards, around old Snake face's wards. These would alert me to anyone entering or leaving and therefore I could see at which point they would enter. Once that was established I could then work on breaking them – as long as they weren't to difficult.
Well it seemed that hours turned into days and still nothing happened. I didn't know if my notifying wards were crap or that Voldemort knew about them, I was sure that he wouldn't but you never know.
It was a few days later that the notifying ward went off, quickly apparating to that point I saw a few wizards move out into a path, shimmering as they appeared, then a small crack as they apparated to there destination – unknown.
I stayed where I was looking at the wards, I could now make out the tell tale signs of the beginning and ending of the ward seam, with a small tug you could separate them, make a large enough hole and squeeze through. Now I'm not that daft to think that there would not be other wards placed around the entrance to prevent that sort of thing, so I waited and waited and waited.
Did you know that waiting can be so boring. Well let me tell –it is boring. Boring. BORING, BORING!
The 'dark' wizards returned and entered in the same place as they had left, there was something else just inside the wards as far as I could tell that was not pleasant. Deciding that I had seen enough I made my way over to the army training grounds, in Salisbury and picked myself up a few pounds of high explosives. I knew that blowing things up appealed to me, but to do things the muggle way just had an edge of excitement that I didn't know existed.
I knew how far the wards surrounding this place went and they didn't go that far, well once you have a few tonnes of explosives you need to know where to place them and did I know where to place them. I planted them just a few yards from the edge of the wards and ensured that they could not be seen by wizards or muggles.
Interesting to note that according to the muggle press, it was middle eastern terrorists that had broken into the military base and stolen the entire stock of C4 plastic explosive and the entire London tube network, airports, train stations and well as all shipping ports were on high alert.
I waited for a nice bright, clear day. I really didn't want any muggle coming roaming all over the place just where I was about to blow up a few tonnes of explosives. If my memory served me right then who ever cast these wards was in for one hell of a shock. I was hoping Voldemort, in fact I was already to place a bet on him but the 'bookies' would probably just look at me blankly. Who ever cast the wards would feel them shatter and the more powerful the explosion the greater the pain would be felt as the wards would be tied into the person magical core. Oh Voldemort was in for a world of hurt!.
Well you could say the resulting explosion surpassed even my expectations, the crater left a hole in Wales that would take the muggle domestic waste for the nest ten years. No problem like solving where to stick muggle domestic waste – What are the muggles going on about Recycling?
Well as far away as I had stood the shock wave literally knocked me to my knees and the heat from the explosions gave me a nice health tan, I would not have wanted to be within the center of that explosion. If the place was covered by a Fidelius Charm then there was nothing left to hide, who or what ever was inside the hole that I had just made was now obliterated.
Not surprisingly I could see movement from within the hole in the ground and could see old Snake face himself rise out of the ashes of what must have been a large house, Pity that the explosion didn't kill him, but then again, I didn't think that it would.
This where you may disappointed in the outcome – Oh he didn't die there are things that are worse than death. There was no titanic battle, no spell casting to cause the heavens to weep, no colossal magic battle that would live forever in the annuals of history.
Nope, I simple apparated down into the hole in front of him. Do you know that he is quite a bit taller than me. Still being disorientated from the explosion, he wasn't aware of me until I hit him with a large studded club. Right across the knees. Well the noise he made was interesting – I wonder if you can hear yourself when you may have been made deaf from a very large explosion?
Well it sort of sounded like a mewing kitten mixed with a sort of gurgling sound. Well that ended with my club sinking into his teeth, straight through his jaw, now there is a sight for radio. The amount of blood is truly horrific that comes from the mouth – Eww! and ouch!
Well seeing as I now had a very vulnerable Voldemort I decided to do what I had planned all along I splinched him. What? I hear you ask. You did what??
Yep!, splinching someone is quite amazing, What you do is a forced apparation on them, but you make a slight mistake. Well I now had Voldemort in seven pieces, head, torso, two arms, one leg, an ear and his left foot. And guess what he was still alive but there wasn't a thing that he could do- Hah!.
Well that was good enough for me, both knees were still shattered, his face now looked like it had been hit with spiked club and I now had his wand (No not that wand you perverts)
I knew that the explosion the would have made even the strongest wizard prone to a little feed back in their warding. Now this type of explosion, although great, would have attracted attention from the muggles. You couldn't have tried to hid the amount of dirt that was blown into the air.
Did I say how much I love explosions!
Very soon I was able to hear sirens in the background and I'm sure a helicopter could be heard coming overhead. Well as I was wanted for destruction of farmland and possibly a large house, as well some made up fictional stuff from the wizarding world, I decided to make a run from it. I certainly did not want to be around to pick up the pieces and there were a hell of a lot of pieces that needed picking up. In the hole that I had just created.
I rather carelessly threw Voldemort into a burlap sack, I hope that the itching was driving him mad, and apparated to small isolated spot just off the coast of Sheppey. Well it was a lighthouse on the sand banks, but as it had been made fully automatic there would be no people around to see what I had planned.
To say Voldemort was sorry about what he had done to me and the rest of the wizarding world was just sad. He couldn't do a thing, being in seven pieces but he could still feel pain in any one of the extremities that I worked on and work on them I did.
I won't go into graphic details but it would have made professional torturers sick to the pits of their stomachs, I'm thinking that the CIA methods have nothing on what I can achieve. My aim was entertainment and by Merlin was Voldemort going to entertain me and entertain me he did.
After a few days of lying low with a burlap sack full of convulsing Voldemort I thought that I would deposit old Snake face at the Ministry with a small message from myself. As far as I was concerned I had had my fun and I think that Voldemort would have agreed with me – well he was in no position not too.
As you will already know, I found an intriguing muggle way of ensuring that Voldemort would be seen by the maximum number of people. You know how puppets are held together by string well imagine what I did – Yes you got it.
I attached Voldemort together with string, holding his arms, head and leg on all the while ensuring that they did not touch, I didn't want him bonding back together just yet. I did attach his ear and left foot with staples. I just stapled those back on with the largest staple gun that Office World could supply. I sure that it hurt him, but when you have no tongue it's always hard to tell what people are trying to say. Well his tongue was also stapled to his face.
Well at midnight I apparated into Diagon Alley , made my way over to the Ministry and ensured that all the doors would remain locked for the next few hours, I did not want to be disturbed putting up a puppet Voldemort outside the main entrance.
Well he looked nice, strung up like a puppet swaying in the wind, with a rather large sign from me indicating that I was not going to kill Voldemort and do the job of the Aurors. It was the Ministry's responsibility to do their job not mine. I had caught the Snake and now it was down to the Ministry to do their part – if they would.
Well the scenes that accompanied the finding of Voldemort were hysterical, people running all over the place – I mean just how stupid is the wizarding population. Here is the Dark Lord, swaying in the wind like a puppet outside the Ministry and people are screaming and running away what did they think he was going to do. A song and dance routine?
Well as per usual Dumbledore showed up and then that idiot of a Minister. Both looked concerned, here was something that they were not expecting – an alive Dark Lord Voldemort. One whom they would have to try in court and then send to Azkaban – I bet they did not see that coming.
My message was loud and clear for all to see. Basically it indicated that I held the wizarding world responsible for the rise of Voldemort and that I also held the wizarding world in contempt. If they didn't make the muggle police charges go away they would not like the consequences. As I had already evaded capture once and brought down an alive Dark Lord I hoped that they would see sense and remove the stupid wanted posters from everywhere or at least get a better picture of me. I might even send them one.
Well as you know it appears that Voldemort was found guilty of countless murders, deaths, torturers and the like and was sentenced to the dementors kiss, even in his splinched state – now that would have been worth seeing, but I didn't think that anyone would want to see my face in court – especially me!
What followed was a celebration the likes which have not been since last new years eve – Those muggles so know how to party!
The deatheaters were rounded up and either sent to Azkaban or given the kiss, well all those that I hadn't managed to get to first and the wizarding world went back to its normal self.
As you are aware my wanted posters never did get removed and I was placed on the Nations most wanted list. Of course that pissed me off what would you think about that. You did your job and then they want to silence you.
Now I know what your thinking – I went on the rampage and slaughtered the entire population of wizards and witches throughout Britain – Nope not me. This was a fight I really couldn't win and letting my 'inner' Slytherin take charge I went and left Britain under my assumed name.
Now let me tell you, starting with a clean sheet is a marvelous thing. You can walk down the street without having to look over your shoulder and walk into any shop that you want without fear. Well almost, I still look over my shoulder now and then, but mostly I don't.
I managed to get my muggle qualifications and even the job that I was cut out to do. Guess what I still love blowing this up and joining the Arms Distribution Business was right up my street, although starting in South America might not be everybody's cup of tea but hay, I was good at what I do.
I moved from country to country selling arms and demonstrating them to all buyers. What some of these things will do will make a small tactical nuke seem parochial by comparison.
Did I mention that I love blowing things up?
Well time ran on and as much as I like to talk about myself, I started to branch out. I had a few run ins with the wizarding police from Britain but on the whole they never knew what hit them and they certainly couldn't have told anybody who had done anything because there was nothing left to return to Britain – such a shame and such a waste.
I still kept an eye on wizarding Britain and returned every so often to see what was happening, everything seemed to move at a stately pace with no changes taking place – well no change there.
Oh I did pop in a destroy the Daily Prophet, well okay I blew the thing out of the ground and into space! There a lot to be said for explosions.
I am now the largest exporter of bombs and missiles this side of the Atlantic, the British Ministry of Defence love me and the American Defense Department want me on their books permanently, the Middle East want me to live with their daughters.
I am now married with children and only my wife knows what I was and who I became and she will never be believed, mores the pity. It is a joy to be married to Luna Lovegood and we even managed to keep the surname – well just about.
Harry Goodlove
Leading Expert in the field of Industrial Pyrotechnics.
Industrial Pyrotechnic Enterprises.
'You name it – We'll blow it'
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