Hey, this is my second iCarly fic. Hope you like it.

Note: This fic is now a series of oneshots as some of you wonderful reviewers thought it should be! So thanks alot. Though I can't promise lots of chapters or quick updates because I have, like, no insperation!

Disclaimer: If I owned it would I be writing at fan fic?

I've never understood my two best friends. Especially their relationship. It is so complicated. Part of me is glad I don't get it 'cause I think it would highly disturb me if I did. I don't even know when they made the transition from being two people who vaguely knew and disliked one another to close friends who hated each other. All I know is Sam seems to enjoy hurting Freddie and Freddie seems to like being hurt because he's always pushing Sam's buttons. It's like the only way they want to be is constantly arguing, so I can't imagine them ever not. I've grown used to their constant jibes and fights. And I guess it hasn't been all bad. Sam seems to have toughened Freddie up a bit. Ok not much but at least he can insult her back now. And after Sam took it too far she understands now what the limits are. You would think she would have eased up even just a little but then this is Sam we're talking about. I don't think they'll ever be properly nice to one another; it'd be far too weird. I really can't picture them being civil let alone acting like friends. I'm just so used to their fights.

It's common place for me to come home and find them in my apartment, uninvited I might add, destroying some piece of innocent furniture or defacing a wall with food as they beat the living daylights out of each other. Or rather Sam beats the living daylights out of Freddie. So you can see why going home can sometimes be a nerve wracking experience for me.

Like yesterday. I was two floors below my apartment when I started to hear odd noises. Well they would have been odd but as I have heard Freddie's moans of pain before they weren't really all that strange to me. I got to the door and unlocked it quickly but stopped to take a deep breath before I opened it. Mentally preparing myself for whatever I might find.

I pushed the door open gently just in case Freddie's head happened to be right behind it. I was sure Sam was doing him enough brain damage without my help. She was in fact probably doing his neck and back more damage than his head I discovered on entering the room. Neither of them noticed me, either that or they ignored me, coming in. But I'm not sure Freddie would have been able to acknowledge me had he wanted to. Sam had him in a rather weird headlock which involved him lying on his stomach while she sat on his back one arm wrapped tightly round his neck and the other bending one of his legs into an awkward position. Freddie's arms flailed uselessly at his sides and every time one came into close contact with Sam she would attempt to bite his hands.

I scanned the apartment. Nothing looked broken or out of place. I spun round to check the wall behind me. I still haven't forgotten the day I came in to find Sam lazing on the couch watching TV and Freddie telling her they really had to sort something out as he used the dish cloth to wipe his pants and shirt. I had then closed the door and was about to ask what was going on when I realized that the wall behind me was coated in vanilla pudding with an unusual Freddie shaped void in the middle. After I got rather angry and made them clean it up Freddie left saying he was going home to change his pants which I thought was unnecessary as he had managed to wipe the pudding off of them, and I told him so. His reply made me glad I never asked about or found out what really went on that day.

"I know there's no pudding on my pants Carly... but there's plenty in them."

This time I was glad to find the wall pudding free. And I really hoped Freddie's pants were the same.

I considered trying to separate Sam and Freddie but they were having a remarkably still fight and I thought breaking it up might cause more damage than allowing it to continue. They hadn't switched positions they were both still on the floor and Sam was still on top of Freddie but he was now on his back and she was violently pulling his arms across his chest. It still surprises me that Sam can have the upper hand in their fights as Freddie has grown a lot in the past year.

"Sam! Saammm! Get off. Get off of me!" Freddie whined trying to retrieve his arms from Sam's vice like grip and attempting to sit up.

"You get off of me Frederly!"

"I'm not on you Sam! You're sitting on my chest!"

"Am not"

"Are too"

"Am not"

"Are t- oh Sam just get off!" Suddenly Freddie rolled over sending Sam flopping off of him and causing her to hit her head on the coffee table.

"Ohhhh... you will pay for that Benson," Sam warned as she sat up, bringing her hand to her head, before launched herself towards Freddie. Freddie was ready for her though and grasped her shoulders as she came, pushing her backwards and reversing their previous positions. I was impressed. Freddie might actually win this one. But of course Sam had the perfect come back.

"I thought I told you to get off Fredward!"

Nope, Sam was still winning even if she should have been losing.

"Sam, give over!" Freddie exclaimed clearly fed up but as Sam struggled to move from beneath him a smile formed on his face. "Not so tough now, eh?" he laughed as she pounded her fists on his back. He pulled his hands from her shoulders and gripped her wrists pinning them to the floor.

"That's it Dipwad!" Sam shrieked raising her head from the floor and snapping at his nose.

"Right," I thought, "If she's attempting to bite his nose, I think this has gone far enough."

I was just about to retrieve the spray bottle and put a stop to it when Sam appeared to give up, "Urrrgggh! Freddork!" She dropped her head back to the floor with a defeated thump. Freddie started laughing.

"The Great Sam! Finally defeated. And by her "nerd tech producer"!"

"Too right you are!" Sam drove her head upwards in an attempt to headbutt him and Freddie did the same. Not the wisest of ideas. I winced as their heads banged together. That's something I've always wanted to do but it looked and sounded so sore I'm glad I never have. They both groaned and pulled back matching red marks appearing on their foreheads.

"Oww! Sam that was sore!"

"Yeah and it was so comfortable for me. Freddork, what kind of an idiot are you?! Who moves towards someone who is trying to headbutt them?!"

Then to my surprise they both burst out laughing. Then they stopped as abruptly as they started. They locked eyes for a moment. I wished they would snap out of it and actually realise I was in the room. Then their heads moved towards each other rapidly again but, instead of their foreheads crashing together, this time it was there their mouths.

For a moment I thought I was seeing things but as their kiss deepened I realised this was just another aspect of their relationship I was never going to understand. Freddie released Sam's arms and she wrapped them round his neck as he twined one of his hands into her hair, pulling her closer. I wasn't sure how much more if this I could take and I didn't think it was in anyone's best interest to let to let their kiss to go any further.

I moved quickly across the room and up the stairs. I returned seconds later, spray bottle in hand. They hadn't moved but I really couldn't see how they had yet to notice I was there. Sam shifted under Freddie and moved one of her hands to his back, reaching up under his t- shirt.

That was it. It was time to cool the situation down.

I leaned down and aimed the bottle in their faces. Squirt. Two in one. I'd never hit them both at once before. I have to admit that it's more fun to squirt more than once. So I did it again for extra measure. They broke apart spluttering.

"What the...? Carly, necessary?" Sam questioned as Freddie turned beetroot red. It would all have been rather funny if it hadn't been so creepy to watch Sam and Freddie makeout on my living room floor. Then while Freddie was distracted by the sudden realization that there was someone else in the room Sam pushed up on his chest and shoved him off her and he thumped onto the ground. Hard. "Ha. And you thought you won Fredward. You should know that I. Never. Lose!" She got up and flopped down on the couch picking up the remote and turning the TV on.

Freddie got up too rubbing his forehead, "Sam! For goodness sake I really..." I walked up the stairs to go take a shower. It seemed they had forgotten I was there and I didn't really want to listen to any more arguing. Not that the rushing of the water did much to drown out Sam's fog horn of a voice. Nor did the water wash away the images that were burned into my eyes.

No, yesterday was a confusing day that furthers my belief that my friends are beyond weird. And that I really don't get them.

Okay, so please review and tell me what you thought. And point out any mistakes. (Spelling!!)