Day 1 :
Things are…
Fuzzy.
There's a lot of action around you
Voices
Not really recognizable.
God, whatever they are
These drugs are goooood.
More motion
The air
Around you flutters against…
Maybe your face
You can't tell.
Something's not right….
Day 2:
Consciousness comes, unbidden
The jolt runs lines of fire up your…
It's some part of your body but
Something's not right.
"Hey! Somebody! I think… I think she's waking up!"
Not worth it
Your eyes twitch,
But it's
Whatever it is
It's not worth this pain.
Day 3:
"Emily, can you hear me?"
Nope.
Day 4:
Something's not right.
"Get the Fuck out of here you asshole!"
"Leah, I can't-"
"It's your fault she's like this you lousy so-and-so!"
"God Lee-Lee, I am so sorry, you know that I didn't-"
"Didn't what, you fucker? Didn't mean to fall in love with my cousin? Or didn't mean to nearly get her killed?"
"Please just-"
"No. You get out of this room before I shove something sharp so far up your ass it comes out your nostrils."
You want to laugh but God
The fuzz is back.
It's coating
Everything.
Day 5:
The first thing you realize is that you can't see at all out of your right eye. It's as if the entire right side of your body no longer exists.
You can't feel it at all…
God.
The next thing you notice is that Leah is curled up on the couch.
She looks like she hasn't showered in weeks.
Maybe she'd be able to find the missing half of your body.
If she weren't stone-cold out.
There are flowers in the plastic garbage bin by the door, stuffed in violently as if…
They don't look like they're all from the same bouquet.
Lots of flowers have been violently stuffed into the bin.
Now you hear voices in the hall. Arguing. You strain to hear what's being said, but
"Look sir, I don't make the visiting hour rules. It's really not up to me whether or not you can go see your friend."
"Please Lady-"
That voice
God.
You know that voice.
Remember that voice. Wasn't it Him who?
Yes
You remember.
Loud voices.
You're both so angry
"WHY NOT?" He roars
"WHY WON'T YOU EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN!"
"Because she is my sister in every way that counts and you are nothing, will never be ANYTHING-"
Yes
You remember
How could you forget
The snap of bone (snap of teeth)
The ripping of skin (rippling of fur)
Screams of pain (snarls of agony)
People come running the moment the screaming starts. (Not then, nobody heard your screams in the kitchen of your own home) But now, nurses and doctors and Leah and Him all come running at the screams.
Your screams.
Day 6:
Leah has to go home for a shower and a change of clothes. She protests fiercely when you tell her to go home
"Leah you look disgusting"
"I can shower here, wear clothes from the lost and found"
"No, you can't. That's foul"
but finally she leaves.
Before she goes she holds your left hand, laying her head on your breast.
"I'm so sorry Emily"
"Why Leah?"
"Because if I had never dated him then-"
"Not your fault Lee."
…
"I don't want to leave you."
"And I don't want you to go. But you smell. Like hobo ass."
The warmth from her seeps down into your bones. So far, she's the only one who's not afraid to touch you. She's the only one who has no trouble navigating around the tubes and bandages and stiches and needles.
She glances back at you before she leaves.
"Please, just don't tell me if He comes… to visit you."
You nod.
"I don't – I can't… I don't want to know. If He comes, what he says. I just don't want to know."
You nod again. What else can you do?
Day 7:
You see Him hesitate at the doorframe. He's spotted the garbage bin full of flowers and is obviously re-thinking His plan to come to you during the only time of the day that you're alone.
But you can't let Him do that.
Because you need closure (says the shrink the hospital hired to talk about your face)
Because you honestly want to know what the hell is wrong with Him (a lot , obviously. He dumped your best friend and cousin, more like sister, after suddenly falling in love with you. He turns into a massive hairy beast when He gets too angry. A lot is wrong with Sam Uley.)
Because he looks like a puppy who's been kicked, and because he looks so miserable and just so sorry. (Because something within you calls out to something within him and you can see the string that connects your you with His Him …
Maybe that last thing is the drugs.
You're really not sure.
But you know that he really can't leave.
"Stay." Your voice is horse and you're not entirely sure you want to see him ever again (You really want to tell him to take a flying leap off of a cliff or a bridge, but you're almost positive that he'd actually do it, and then what would you do?)
but you know that something inside of you wants him to stay.
Something inside of you wants to get to know this ManBoyMonster that destroyed your face. Maybe… maybe it's just some sick twisted instinct that is telling you that you need to know this ManBoyMonster in order to survive.
He starts the conversation off exactly the way you don't want him to. "Emily, I am so sorry."
"Shut up"
He flinches. You sigh. You hate this ManBoyMonster with every fiber of your being, every fiber except foe the one that tells you that you need him…
He needs you. Obviously. "What can I say?" He asks, and his voice sounds like sandpaper.
"Nothing." You hear yourself say. "You can't say a damn thing. Not a damn thing that will make this better. And if you try I'll sic Leah on you." But that sounds awfully mean. He flinches first at your words. Then he flinches at the mention of Leah's name. Sam Uley sags, and has never looked smaller.
"God…" He doesn't know how to follow that.
You've found yourself saying that same thing an awful lot lately.
God.
"My name is Emily Young."
"What?"
"Just play along okay? My name is Emily Young."
"Oh. Okay. My name's Sam Uley. It's nice to … meet you?"
"Pleasure's all yours. What's your favorite cuss?"
"What?"
"Oh come on, as if anyone's actually ever gotten to know any other person by learning their favorite color! Now tell me your favorite cuss word."
"Goddamn, I guess. What's yours?"
"Cunt. Because it's such a beautiful word, and I'll never be able to say it out loud."
"Oh."
It is the stupidest thing you've ever done in your life, talk to the ManBoyMonster as if he's just another co-ed and not the thing that has forever ruined your life.
It is the stupidest thing you've ever done, but it's the only thing that makes sense out of all this mess.
By the end of visiting hours, you want less to throw him off of a high-rise.
Really you just want to shake him hard, and scream at him a bit.
The nurse comes to dispense more drugs, and tells him that he's got to leave, now. He's got the saddest look on his face ever. You want to beat it off with a stick, because what the hell has he got to be sad about?
You tell him exactly that, exactly what you think.
He looks at you, and then says, "You don't actually want to know me."
And then he walks away from you.
And you watch the string that connects you stretch without breaking.
Day 8:
Leah comes by early in the morning to see you.
"I know I told you that I didn't want to know if He ever came by again… and I still don't. Want to know, that is. It's just that I know you. And I know him. You're too understanding, and he's too much of a romantic, and together…"
She leans over to kiss your left eyelid.
"I'm not going to come around for a while, okay? And it's not because I hate you or anything. It's not because I'm mad at you. I am mad, but I'm more mad at Him, and at the universe and Jeezus, I don't even know what all else.
"And I think that you need some time. And I need some time. Emily, I can't bear to see him so close to you after all the shit… And I really hate that you're even talking to him at all. So I'm just not going to come around for a while."
You watch her leave, and you know that somehow Leah can see the thread that connects you and Sam Uley as well. And you know that that thread is what's killing her. That thread is why she left.
Later, much later
Sam Uley comes by again.
Without flowers.
ManBoyMonster, he destroyed my face, broke my sister's heart refuses to let me go refuses to tell the truth but cannot tell me a lie with big sharp teeth and big sharp claws rips out with one fell swoop roughly half of my body and all I want is to throw him off a roof and beat the ever loving tar out of him and ask him what's wrong why's he so sad why does he care why can't he leave me alone broke my sister's heart and all he has to say for it is that the earth shifted when he saw me. The thread between us both is going to rip Leah in half and god this ManBoyMonster is…
"Hello Sam."
"Hello Emily."
"So tell me Sam, what is your least favorite coffee flavor?"
Because who the hell ever heard of anyone actually getting to know another person based on their favorite movie?