Hey all, I was bored one day and decided to try out Robot Chicken for Tales of Symphonia. As such, this is the little lovechild of the two. I hope you guys like this, and I'm sorry if this isn't regular story format. I find that I do humor best if I write it like so. Anyway, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the TOS characters, Robot Chicken, Sephiroth, or One Winged Angel. I also do not own anything else I might've missed that has a copyright in this piece.
(A Half-Elf scientist is carrying the dead body of Colette Brunel (recently killed on the field). He slams her onto an operation table and laughs, preparing to operate on her.)
(As the operation commences, various sounds of saws, scissors, hammers, and other tools are heard. Colette's body frequently twitches as she is being operated on. Before he finishes, only one item is shown by the scientist, a cybernetic eye that's red in color. He thrusts it downward and chuckles.)
(Finally, he moves away to another machine and presses a switch. Several beams of mana strike Colette and her body twitches and convulses about on the operation table. Her eyes open as the streams of mana enter her body)
Scientist: IT'S ALIVE!
(The scientist quickly kicks the table and sends it wheeling toward an open room. The table slams into the door posts and it turns 90 degrees, sending Colette flying into the dark room on her hands and knees. Before she can react, afterward, the scientist slams the door and locks her inside.)
(Colette looks to the door, her one cybernetic eye glowing red in the darkness. Suddenly, lights turn on throughout the entire room, disorienting her and causing her to stagger. Her single red eye gains an analytical reading of her surroundings, and when she sees a pedestal in the middle, the red eye suddenly reads 'OPTICAL SCANNER: LOCKED'.
Forcefully, Colette walks toward the pedestal and stops, her face just inches from it. The pedestal turns out to be a giant projector, and the green orb of light appears directly in front of her. She now stands there as if entranced, watching all the various images that pass by)
Created By:
M.Hunter Traubel Trainee
Written By:
M.Hunter Traubel Trainee
Inspired By:
Robot Chicken
(BZZZT)
Skit #1:
(Setting: VICTORY!)
Lloyd: Ah Alright! (Tosses swords in the air)
(Ends up cutting off both his arms)
AUGH! MY ARMS!
(BZZZT)
Skit #2:
Setting: In random Desian Ranch
Desian #1: INFERIOR…BEINGS!
Desian #2: Will you shut the up?! That's all you ever say!
Desian #1: …(Stabs Desian #2)
Desian #2: YOU MOTHER …(gets stabbed a second time, and killed) INFERIOR…BEINGS!
(BZZZT)
Skit #3:
Setting: Mithos Yggdrasil's room
(Mithos is dancing with the song 'One Winged Angel' blasting from the speakers)
(A blinding flash enters the room and a loud 'CLICK' is heard. Mithos suddenly stops dancing and has wide eyes)
Yuan: (Behind Mithos and holding a camera) Say 'Lawsuit'!
(SNAP SNAP)
(BZZZT)
Skit #4:
Setting: A commercial
(Lloyd and company are fighting off a rabbit and a hawk in the forest)
Announcer: Tired of all those second rate weapons you can buy at local "weapon" shops?
(Colette's chakrams break after hitting a rabbit's head)
Colette: Oh no! My chakrams broke!
Zelos: Those are Frisbees you stupid bitch!
Announcer: Want to get weapons that are actually worth the money you paid?
(Lloyd's swords make a loud 'squeaking' noise each time he hits a hawk)
Lloyd: Hell yeah.
Announcer: Then you should come shop at Luin, where everything is worth what you paid for!
Come see our paper fans, and for a limited time only, get them at the low low price of 40,000 G! (AUDIBLE GASP)!
Lloyd: (swings paper fans) WOW! These weapons are SO MUCH better than my wimpy swords!
Announcer: Use them to cut through any material.
(Lloyd swings his fans against a wooden log but it won't break. He swings once, twice, three times, five times, then finally gives up)
Genis: (laughing) Enjoying your fans Lloyd?
Announcer: Or use them to get revenge on your friends!
Lloyd: (angrily, Lloyd swipes at Genis with his fans) Ha! How's that?!
Genis: Um, all I got were paper cuts… (Lloyd kicks him in the nuts) Aaaah! Ow! Son of a bitch!
Lloyd: (Turns toward viewer) Thanks Luin, I never would've had great weapons without your store.
(Kicks Genis off screen while he screams in horrible pain)
Announcer: And, if you buy our fans in the next ten minutes, you'll get these authentic tambourines FREE!
See how effective they are against your enemies!
(Colette is just tapping the tambourine with a simple rhythm while a bunny is looking at her curiously.)
(HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT)
Zelos: You know, you're not doing anything…(Colette slams one tambourine into Zelos crotch) GAAAH! MY BABIES! (Falls over and twitches, all the while wailing loudly)
Colette: Thanks Luin! I never would've been able to beat Zelos without your help.
Announcer: No problem Colette.
Zelos: (still on the ground with his hands on his crotch) AUUGH! What man will want me now?! (Colette gives Zelos another smack with the tambourine)
Announcer: Their effectiveness approved. These weapons are 100 guaranteed to be more useful than those 2nd rate store-bought ones. Call now, and we will prepare reservations for you today! Even Presea loves our special "POW Hammer DX"!
Presea: …(Slams her hammer against the store at an eerie, slow pace. Each hit making a loud 'SQUEAK')
(SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK)
(She stares at the viewers with blank eyes)
I...like it…
Announcer: So what are you waiting for?! Call or come to Luin today!
Note: We do not take reservations and weapons may not actually work. We do not take refunds.
(BZZZT)
Skit #5:
(Setting: Mithos' room, again. 'One Winged Angel' is still blasting from the speakers, but it's moved on a little since last. It is now close to the instrumental beginning of the song. Mithos and Yuan are fighting over the camera)
Mithos: (wrestling Yuan for the camera) Give me that camera!
Yuan: No way! I'm going to get a lot of money off of this! (He wrestles it out of his hands and kicks Mithos across the room)
Mithos: Fine, I see how it is. (turns into Yggdrasil. He summons his Eternal Sword, and changes the shape so that it looks like a long Japanese Katana). If you won't give it to me, I'll take it by force.
Yuan: (chuckles), Oh it's on! (He summons his own weapon, but then changes the large two sided blade to make it a single sword with a large blade). I'd like to see you take this away from me. (He wraps the camera securely around his wrist, then grasps his buster sword)
Yggdrasil: Oh, you'll regret ever saying those words…(He raises his hands, and mana suddenly swirls around it similar to a helix.)
(The two fighters then dash and begin their fight.)
(Begin vocal track of 'One Winged Angel')
(BZZZT)
Skit #6:
Setting: Group is in the Gaaroachia Forest (However the hell you spell that name). Next to them is a strange creature that's a cross of Noishe and Corrine
Sheena: (walks up) Whoa whoa whoa! What the hell is this?! (Points at the strange creature)
Lloyd: It's a cat Sheena! It just…walked up to me while you were gone!
Sheena: Lloyd, tell me HOW exactly this thing got here?!
Lloyd: I just told you, it walked up here!
Corrine: He made his stupid creature (CESNORED) me!
Lloyd: For the last time, Noishe IS A DOG! And he was wrestling you! Not (CESNORED)ing you!
Sheena: Lloyd, get rid of that thing right now before I skin it open!
Lloyd: But Sheena, look! It's just so cute, c'mon look at its eyes and tell me that it has to go!
(Creature blows fire into Sheena's face. Sheena's face is now burned and she looks much angrier)
See? It likes you!
Noishe: (Bark) (Bark)
(BZZZT)
Skit #7:
(Setting: Yuan and Mithos (again). Now the room is completely trashed but the song is still playing full blast. Meanwhile, Yuan and Mithos are continually exchanging hits with each other)
(The song is now at the 'new part' that was exclusive to the 'Advent Children' remix of the song)
Yuan: (clash clash (SNAP) (He took another picture)) You know you're only making things worse!
Yggdrasil: (Grunts) Come here! Where'd you get that camera in the first place?!
Yuan: (SNAP SNAP) I'm not telling you!
(Fight continues)
(BZZZT)
Skit #8:
Setting: Gaaroachia Forest. The party meets Regal
Regal: A...Are you… (walks up to Presea) …No, I apologize, your chest isn't as flat as her's.
Genis!!! (Swipes at Regal) Get back you perv!
Presea: Genis, remove your hand from my chest.
Genis: …
Regal: We have no choice but to fight!
(BZZZT)
Skit #9:
Setting: Blank white screen. Colette is playing her tambourine while Presea is whacking her POW Hammer DX
(RING RING RING RING RING)
(SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK)
…
Lloyd: (suddenly pops up) WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED LUIN YET?!
(BZZZT)
Skit #10:
(Setting: Yggdrasil and Yuan (again again). The two are now exhausted but continue to fight. However, shortly after, Yuan is against the wall and Yggdrasil impales him with his long katan-shaped Eternal Sword
The song is now approaching the final chorus line
Yuan: Aaagh! Ugh (tries to wrench the sword out, then grabs for the camera)
Yggdrasil: (Steps on Yuan's camera hand) Give me that camera…(Yuan looks at him with a stare) Let's not end this so horribly….
Yuan: Aggh! (kicks Yggdrasil, causing the sword to be withdrawn) Like I'll do that…I can get a lot of money off of this, there's no way I'll give that up.
Yggdrasil: Hmph…Very well.
(He charges Yuan, the two once again exchange clashes. Finally, Yuan pushes Yggdrasil back with a kick causing him to fly into the air. As he is airborne, Yuan swings his weapon about several times, causing thunder and lightning to be generated from it)
Yuan: Haaaaaaaaaah! (He slams the weapon onto the ground and the lightning spreads out in a hexagon around Yggdrasil. The lightning stretches upward and Yggdrasil is now 'encased' with the lightning saturated crystal)
Yggdrasil: Huh…(looks about as he hangs in 'space') W…Wha…
Yuan: Haaaa! (Proceeds to use a variant of 'Omni-Slash' on Yggdrasil. With each slash, a bolt of lightning strikes afterward. He hits Yggdrasil once, twice, three times, and he is now preparing for the final hit. All the while, he has taken pictures of the entire 'Omni-Slash' and Yggdrasil's 'hanging in the air' Yuan flips through the air, he prepares for the final hit…He comes directly vertically on Yggdrasil when…)
(SMACK!)
Aaah! (Yuan is hit by Yggdrasil's fist. Just before Yuan could land the final hit, he ran directly into Yggdrasil's closed fist)
(The camera falls out of his hand as does his weapon. And the lightning backfires and strikes Yuan instead, who goes hurtling out of the window, screaming)
Yggdrasil: Hmph…Nice try…(He hovers down and looks at the camera, the lightning crystal now dissipating) But this victory… is mine!
SEPHIROTH! (Yes, he actually SHOUTS Sephiroth) (He stomps on the camera, breaking it into pieces) SEPHIROTH! (He drives his foot into it, crushing it even more so)
(He closes his eyes…Waits for the final word… He inhales…exhales…opens his eyes…Prepares for the final 'word')
SEPHI-OOF! (Yggdrasil is tackled by the real Sephiroth.)
(The song ends, and we now hear Sephiroth whaling on Yggdrasil off-screen as he screams about copyrights, lawsuits, and of course, rip off.)
(BZZZT)
fin...
Well, what'd you guys think? I certainly hope you enjoyed this little piece. If enough people liked this, I'll DEFINITELY add another chapter to this. So if you liked it, then review and tell me so! Otherwise this will be all!