Hi. This is my first time writing for The Fosters. I have written before but not for this show. So this idea came to me after watching Girls Reunited. It was originally going to be a one shot, but I have decided to make it longer, if enough people are interested in it.
WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM
~Defygravity09
Callie had finally had enough. First everything with the Quinns, and now the cops are on her case about something she may have been involved it with Daphne. After all, she was the one to convince her to return Tasha to her foster family, so she shouldn't be in too much trouble, right? She didn't want to call her father but at the time, it was her only choice.
Sitting in her room one night alone, Mariana was staying the night with Tia to work on her dance routine, Callie thought back to the night she found Becka cutting at the Girl's United house and then talked her into getting help. Leaning back against her pillows, she closed her eyes, and tried to get rid of the bad thoughts in her head. The pressure was building in her chest. She couldn't handle it any more. She bolted from her bed and locked herself in the bathroom connected to their room. She searched everywhere before she finally found what she was looking for. She ripped open the fresh pack of blades for Marina's razor and broke it in half, exposing the new, sharp razor blade. She turned on the shower and stepped inside. Sitting on the floor with the warm water running over her, she placed the blade against the skin on her upper thigh. One cut. Two cuts. Three. Then more. They weren't very deep, just enough to draw small beads of blood to the surface.
A few moments later, Callie was out of the shower. She had cleaned up her wounds and bandaged them. She walked back into her room where Stef and Lena were sitting on her bed waiting for her to get out of the bathroom.
"Hi, Love." Stef said as Callie made her way to the bed. Then teen just smiled back. "We just wanted to check on you and see how things are going."
"They're fine." Callie lied through her teeth.
"Are you sure, honey?" Lena spoke up in her nurturing tone.
Callie nodded. "I was having trouble falling asleep and decided that a shower may help. Which it did. "
"Alright, well the boys are already asleep. Would you like one of us to stay with you until you fall asleep?" The blonde asked, getting up from the bed so Callie could get in. Callie shook her head and crawled into bed.
"I will be okay. Good night." Lena leaned in and placed a kiss on the young girl's head, followed by Stef.
"Good night, my baby. We love you." Stef said as she shut the door to the room. Callie laid there for a while before finally dozing off.
The next morning, Callie threw her legs over the side of the bed, and almost screamed out in pain. Tears rimmed her eyes. After locking both bathroom doors, she pulled her pajama pants down, removed the band-aids to check the cuts from the night before. They were red. Were they supposed to be this red? There is no way they got infected that quickly. She racked her brain trying to remember Becka's wounds the day after she caught her doing it. Yeah, they were red. What was it that Becka said? Think Callie. Oh yeah! Is there heat coming from them? Callie reached down and touched her leg. Nope not heat. So no infection. Callie cleaned them again before placing a couple of more band-aids on them and took her mess to the trash can in her room. It had a lid and Mariana never bothered taking out the trash so her evidence would be safe here. She got dressed for the day and went downstairs for breakfast. It was Sunday so she didn't have to deal with school today and she wasn't scheduled to be at work until Monday either.
Lena was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper.
"Hey baby. Breakfast is in the microwave. Stef took Jude over to Taylor's, Jesus is off with the current girl of the week and Brandon went to his dad's. So we have the house to ourselves until Mom gets back." Callie smiled over her shoulder at Lena. She was such a good mom. But Callie knew that in order to keep Brandon safe and Jude safe and protect Daphne, she had to do this.
"Lena, I need to talk to you and Stef some point today."
Lena's eyes filled with concern. "Is everything okay?"
"Uhm. Not really, but I would prefer to tell you and Stef together. If that is okay?"
"Sure, honey. She should be home soon." The rest of the time was spent in silence. Callie ate her breakfast, well picked at her breakfast. Her stomach was doing flips. She was dreading telling the two women who meant the world to her the news she was about to tell.
While doing her dishes from breakfast, Callie heard the door open. Stef walked in, placed a kiss on Callie's cheek and did the same to Lena.
"Hey, my loves. How was your morning?"
"It was quiet." Lena smiled a sad smile. "Callie needs to talk to us. You have a minute?" Instantly, Stef's whole body tensed. This didn't feel like it was going to go very well.
"Sure, let's go into the living room." The girls made their way into the living room, and took their usual seats, Callie on the couch and the moms in their chairs.
"What's wrong, Sweets?"
"I, uh, I have been thinking and I think that maybe, uh it would be best if I, um…" Callie could feel her throat tightening up as if she were going to cry. Just spit it out. "I feel that it would be best if I…I think I am going to move in with Robert." Callie looked down at her hands. She didn't want to see what the faces of the women she loved so much looked like after she just basically chose her birth father over them.
After a few moments of silence, Lena spoke first. "Are you sure, honey?" Callie nodded, still not looking up.
"Why? I mean, we are so close to finally adopting you. Why are you giving up on us, love?" Stef's voice began to crack. This caused Callie to look up.
She shook her head, causing the tears in her own eyes to spill over. "I…I am not giving up on you guys. I just feel that this is what the judge is going to do, so why stay here and become even more attached when I am just going to be taken away again. I am just so tired of fighting. I am done. I am sorry. You will always be my family. I just feel like this will get rid of some of the stress in our lives." At some during her speech, both Stef and Lena had moved to the couch and sat next to Callie. Stef pulled Callie into her side, while Lena held her hand.
The Moms took a moment to let it sink in. Stef spoke next, "And you are sure this is what you want?" Callie nodded. "Okay. Well do me a favor. Let's wait a couple of days. Don't mention your decision to Robert just yet, okay? Can you do that for me, Love?"
"Uhm. Sure." Callie was confused but decided that was the least she could do for these women who saved her little brother.
That night, Stef and Lena told the rest of the kids about the talk they had with Callie that morning. Everyone was extremely upset about Callie's decision but no one wanted to make her feel bad. Jesus and Mariana understood what it was like to have to deal with moving foster home to foster home. Jude knew that Callie was fed up with the system and just wanted to feel safe. He was promised that he would get to see his sister all the time. Brandon took the news pretty hard but then decided that maybe that is what they need, for Callie to be a part of another family. Maybe then they would have a chance of making it together.
"So if you all are up for it, could we possibly have a movie night? I know we have school but I just really want to spend time as a family before our lives become super busy this week." Mariana asked.
Lena looked over at her wife and shrugged her shoulder. It wasn't a bad idea at all.
"Sure, would you like to pick out the movie, Miss Thang?" Mariana nodded before getting up to find a movie. Stef motioned for Callie to follow her into the kitchen to start making popcorn. Once they were out of ear shot, Stef pulled Callie into a hug before pulling back but keeping Callie in her arms.
"Honey, this is the last time I am going to bring this up, I promise. I just need to know that you are sure. I know that you leaving does not mean that you are any less apart of this family, but it is going to be a big change. So are you sure, because mamma and I would fight for you until we were able to adopt you. We would never give up. You are our daughter. We love you, sweets."
Callie let a few tears fall, before hugging Stef again. "I know, but I can't risk being taken away again. So I am sure this is what I need. I love you both so much."
"Okay, Love." Stef grabbed the bowls of popcorn and walked back into the living room. She handed them out to everyone as Callie took a seat on the floor. As Stef walked back past her, she gave her shoulder a small squeeze. "So what did you decide on, Miss Thang?"
"What about Transformers?" No one objected, so Mariana put the movie in and took a seat next to Callie on the floor.
By the end of the movie, almost everyone was asleep. Brandon had gone up to his room half way through the movie, stating he couldn't keep his eyes opens anymore. Jesus was stretched out on the couch, fast asleep. Jude had curled up into a ball on the floor and Mariana was leaned up against Callie. Lena woke Jude up to go get in bed while Stef worked on Jesus. When Callie stood up, it woke Mariana up.
"Go get in bed, Mariana. I will be in there shortly." Callie said collecting the popcorn bowls and going to the kitchen.
Twenty minutes later, Stef and Lena came down the stairs in their pajamas to find Callie sitting on the couch staring off in space.
"Bug, are you okay?" Lena asked, quietly, so not to startle the girl.
"Yeah, just thinking."
"Wanna talk about it?" Stef asked as she approached her daughter.
"No. Not really. I need to go to bed. Good night. I love you." Callie gave each of her moms a hug before climbing the stairs.
She lay awake in bed, trying not to toss and turn disturbing her sister. She was thinking about living with Robert. She loved it here. Would it be such a bad thing to just tell Stef what happened? Would Stef even be able to help her? No. She would kick her out and that would kill her. She had come into this house expecting to only be here a few weeks and now this family had changed her life. She sat up and looked over at Mariana. She smiled thinking about how when she first got to the house, she and Mariana butted heads. The looks she would receive then compared to now were full of so much hatred and judgment. Now she loved the girl. She looked at her like a younger sister. Sure they had nothing in common, but she would be lost without her diva. Callie quietly crawled out of bed and walked into the hallway. She stopped at Brandon's door, which was cracked. She looked in on him for a moment. He was the first in the house to truly accept her. He helped her out; he risked his life to help her save Jude before he even really knew her. Then their on again off again relationship. She loved the boy, she can't help it. She has tried to get rid of those feelings but she just can't. You can't help who you love. She walked across the hall to Jude and Jesus' room. She never really had a chance to connect with Jesus. I mean sure he was her brother but he was always off with his girlfriend and now wrestling and dealing with Ana. He led a very busy life. Then there was her baby. Her Jude. He had been through so much and some of it was Callie's fault. He deserved to be happy and what she was being accused of would take so many people down and she couldn't do that to her baby. Yes, her moving to Robert's was the best thing for him. On her way to the bathroom, she peaked in on Stef and Lena. These two women meant more to her than anyone else in her life, besides Jude of course. They took her in, then her brother, and now they were trying to adopt her. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that anyone had wanted her. She didn't understand how people could care about her after all of the horrible things she had done. She stood there at the door for a minute before going into the bathroom.
Stef heard the bathroom door shut, even though Callie had done it quietly. She got up to check on her kids, as she had done every night if she woke up. Everyone was in bed, except Callie. She knocked on the door, lightly. No response. The noise she heard before knocking had stopped. Then she heard a few sniffles.
"Callie? Honey, is everything okay?"
No answer.
"Love, Please open the door."
No response. Stef became worried. She tried to turn the door handle and to her surprise it was unlocked. She opened the door and her heart stopped beating. Her baby was sitting on the toilet, with the lid down, her legs covered in blood. Stef's stomach lurched. She felt sick, be tried to hold it down so she could help Callie.
"Oh, Sweets." Stef squatted down in front of Callie. She took the blade from the now frozen girl. Looking up at her daughter, she saw a pale face and a blank stare. She pulled her into her arms on the floor. Callie didn't fight her; she went numb, allowing herself to be maneuvered. Stef grabbed the first aid kit from under the sink and began cleaning and bandaging Callie's leg. She saw where there were fresh wounds and cuts that had been done the night before. After cleaning everything up, Stef continued to sit on the bathroom floor, rocking Callie. She had no idea what to say, so she just held her baby tight, placing kisses along her temple.
After a while, she decided to move Callie into her room.
"No, I can sleep in my own bed." That was the first thing Callie had said.
"I don't think so, Love. Get in." Stef moved the blankets so that Callie could crawl into the bed. But she didn't move. "Callie. Get in. Now." Her voice was stern but loving as well. Callie gave in and climbed in next to Lena. When Stef got in the bed, she pulled Callie up against her, Callie's head on Stef's chest. They lay like that for a moment.
"I can hear your heart." Callie felt smaller than she was. The sound of Stef's heart was calming her down. She felt like a baby, needing her mother's heart beat to put her to sleep. Stef smiled down at the brunette.
"Listen to it, love. It beats for you and all of the other kids. You babies are my heart. Without you, it wouldn't beat." Stef knew that it would continue to beat, but she would have no reason to go on without her kids and to know that one of her babies was hurting so much that she felt the need to harm herself, broke her heart.
"I'm sorry, Stef. I messed up again." Callie began to cry.
"Not now, baby. We will talk in the morning. Get some rest." Callie continued to cry. Stef wrapped her arms around the girl and rubbed her back. Soon enough, Callie's breathing had evened out and she was asleep.
Lena woke up the next morning to find Callie still wrapped in her wife's arms. Confused as to why her daughter was in her bed, she gently shook Stef awake.
"Good morning, Love." Stef smiled, leaning over Callie to kiss her wife.
"Good morning. When did we get company?" Lena motioned to Callie.
"Last night. Let's go get coffee." Stef moved Callie off of her, and to her relief Callie cuddled into her pillow and fell back asleep.
In the kitchen, Lena poured the coffee and then sat down; waiting to see what Stef was going to tell her. She knew it wasn't good.
"I woke up last night and went to check on the kids. I found Callie in the bathroom, cutting." Stef's eyes filled with tears, thinking back on the scene she walked into. Lena gasped. She never thought one of her kids would ever do that. She knew something was bothering Callie but she didn't think it was bad enough to lead to this.
"Oh my god. So what are we going to do?" Lena asked tears brimming her own eyes.
"Well, I don't have to be at work until 4 today. So I am going to keep her home and we are going to talk, whether she wants to or not. It needs to happen. I need to find out what is going on with our baby."
"Maybe I should call out of work as well. I should be here for this." Lena grabbed her phone off the charger in the kitchen and called Monte.
"Monte, I need to take the day off. We have a family emergency of sorts.
No. I will not be in.
Fine. See you soon."
Stef raised an eyebrow at her wife.
"Monte said that we have a meeting with the school board to discuss grants and if I do not come today, then she can't promise I will still have my job tomorrow." Lena placed her head in her hands.
"Its okay, Love. I will stay with her until you get home and then maybe you and Callie can have a talk when I leave. It is okay."
Before Lena could respond, all of the kids came bouncing down the stairs into the kitchen with all of their school supplies, including Callie. After making their own breakfasts, they sat down and began to eat.
"You are spending the day with me." Stef announced to Callie. Her daughter's eyes got big. She didn't think that Stef was serious about talking today.
"I have a lot of work to do today, I really can't miss school." Callie said making up an excuse to not stay home.
"I will get it for you and bring it home." Lena said, gently, with a sad look on her face. Great, now Lena knows too.
"Fine." Callie cleared her plate and headed up the stairs.
"Not so fast, young lady." Stef said hoping that Callie picked up on the fact she was not going to be alone.
"I am just going to change out of my clothes into something more comfortable. Wanna come watch me?" Callie responded with an attitude. She hated the fact she had been caught. She hated the fact that she was even doing it. She just hated everything.
"No. And you need to adjust that attitude while you are changing as well, Love." With that, Callie went upstairs. Stef looked around at all of her other babies and saw that confused look on their faces. They had not heard Callie talk to someone with that tone of voice in a long time. They knew something was up.
"What's going on?" Jude was the first to speak.
"Callie just had a rough night. But I am going to stay home with her and see if we can figure some things out. Don't worry about it, Bud. She will be okay. Now finish up, or you will all be late." The kids began cleaning up their mess. Mariana pulled Lena aside.
"Does this have to do with the bloody tissue I found in our bedroom trash can?"
"Uhm. Maybe. I am not entirely sure what is going on myself, but don't mention that to anyone else, okay?" Mariana nodded. She felt bad for Callie. She thought she was doing so well. Why did she go back to cutting? Only Mariana knew about Callie's past with cutting, but it wasn't her place to tell anyone.
Lena pulled Stef into a hug and whispered what Mariana had told her before pulling back and placing a kiss on her wife's lips.
"If you need me, call me. I love you." Lena and the kids left.
Callie was sitting on the couch when Stef closed the front door. Running her hand through her hair and letting out a sigh, she decided that she needed to get this over with.
"Okay, Love. You need to talk to me and talk to me now, please."
"There is nothing to say." Callie was staring off into the distance. "You found me cutting. You cleaned it up. I didn't die. I didn't need stitches. I am fine. I don't understand why we need to have this talk."
"Because something is bothering you enough that you want to harm yourself and that is not okay. Nowhere near being okay. You are such a beautiful girl, Callie. You have so many people that love you, honey. There is no need to do this to yourself. You are not only hurting you but everyone around you. Lena and I care about you so much; I don't know what we need to do to prove it to you. We want you Callie, and there is nothing you can do or say to not make that true honey." Callie began to break down. Silently tears slipped out of her eyes and down her face. No one had cared before. But, still she didn't speak.
"I want to go upstairs and clean the cuts again. If they are healing okay. We have all day. I will be here all day. So whenever you are ready to talk, I will be here." The young girl nodded before going upstairs to have her wounds cleaned. When Stef took the gauze off, she had to choke back a sob. Her baby had done a number on herself last night. She got out the peroxide and began cleaning them. As she was doing so, she noticed that on Callie's calf there were some old scars. She couldn't hold back anymore. Tears began to stream down Stef's face. She leaned down and kissed the old scars on her baby's leg, before pulling her into a bone crushing hug.
"Oh, baby! How long has this been going on? Why didn't anyone put it in your file? How did we not know?"
"No one knows." She didn't want to tell her that Mariana knew and risk getting her in trouble for not telling her moms. "I kept it hidden. I usually use make up to cover the scarring when I wear shorts." Callie felt herself opening up. No one had ever cried over her pain before. She felt weird. Like she couldn't explain it. She felt loved but also exposed. Maybe that's what it was she felt exposed. "Stef. I want to talk."
"Okay, baby. I am not going to put anything on these right now, we need to let them air out some. Let's go to my bed and talk." She helped Callie up, not missing her wince as she stood. She knew that she was going to be sore for a few days.
Stef sat down on her side, while Callie took Lena's. Callie held Lena's pillow in her arms as a security, so she could feel like both of her moms were there. Stef sat there patiently waiting on Callie to start.
"When I was living with Liam and his family, that's when I started. It was after he raped me. I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't know how to deal with it. Uhm. It continued up until I went to Juvie. They don't allow you to have anything that could be used to self harm. When I got out I swore to myself that I was done. I would never do it again. Then I moved in here, things began to get better. The urges became less and less until there were days that I didn't think about cutting at all. Then all of this stuff with my adoption and Daph, I mean my dad. Uhm…it just I guess became too much." She stopped. She had almost spilled her secret.
"Baby, I am so sorry that things have not been easy for you. And I am glad that you were able to stop when you lived with us. But why did you start back up? You know that you can wake us up at any time of the night. We will always be here for you to talk to." Stef didn't miss the slip up; she was just going to take her time getting there.
"I know but I just figured that if you found out how messed up I really am, that you wouldn't want me anymore. I know that deep down inside that was a stupid thought but still, I just convinced myself of that."
"Callie. We will always want you. I swear. But you have to break down that wall and let us in. We can't help you if you won't let us. You are our daughter and that will never change, okay, love? Trust me." Callie laid her head and Stef's lap and let her play with her hair.
"I love you, Stef. And I am sorry."
"Its okay, Baby. We will help you. Just trust us." Callie nodded. They stayed like that for a while, and then Stef couldn't hold it in, anymore.
"What happened with Daphne?"