The knock on her door was sprightly and Cynthia stood up, brushing down her dark brown skirt. A dab of pale lipstick was the only make up she wore – never one for bringing attention to herself, but it was a token. It would save her the chitter-chatter of Trixie trying to persuade her that a scarlet would be a rather fitting try instead if she ever wanted to find herself a boyfriend.
Taking one last glance in the mirror and tucking her hair behind her ears, she opened her door to Trixie, together with Jenny. "No Chummy?" Cynthia asked, seeing her third friend missing.
"No" Jenny replied, sadly. "We tried, but she doesn't want to come".
Cynthia frowned as she stepped out of her room and closed the door behind her. "That's a shame. A night out might do her good". All three had witnessed just how sad their friend had been and had tried and tried to break down the walls, but it had all come to nothing.
"I think we should just drag her out" Trixie offered unhelpfully. "It will do her the world of good just to enjoy herself for a few hours and forget it all".
"I don't think Peter would appreciate you calling him 'it' Trixie", Jenny responded as the three turned down the top corridor and walked along, Chummy's room at the far end fading into the background. "She's upset. Everything she ever wanted has fallen flat on its face".
"That's why we need to cheer her up!" Trixie continued, shaking Jenny's arm. "Be her friends".
"She knows we're her friends" Cynthia offered, taking a glance back as she was sure she heard a door open. "She'll let us know when she wants us to help her".
"Cynthia's right", Jenny replied. "If we just force her, we'll drive her away and make her even more unhappy".
Trixie sighed loudly. "Yes, perhaps you're right", she replied, looking behind them again as she too was sure she heard the click of a door. "I just wish we could do something to make it all better".
The other two girls nodded with heavy hearts. How they all wished they could snap their fingers and make all the horribleness go away. "And do it quickly" Cynthia mused as they continued to walk away to the top of the stairs; still convinced she heard that click.
A door had indeed opened; just an inch or two, but it was just to make sure they'd gone.
Chummy felt terrible about it; sneaking around and checking up on her friends to make sure they were out of her way, but she really couldn't paint on a smile when her heart was shattered into a thousand pieces. Yes, it was of her doing. Yes, she should have dealt with things in such a more mature manner, but it was what it was and she could never turn back time no matter how hard she prayed for forgiveness.
At delivery after delivery she had brought forth healthy babies into the world, placed them in their mother's arms and seen the joy on the faces of the father's. He'd asked her to marry him. Clumsily; but all the same she'd had a proposal just like those woman and they were living their lives with husbands and babies yet all she could see was a black hole. They managed to say yes with far less at their disposal than she did but she couldn't even manage one word. No, two words. 'Sorry' and, if at all possible 'yes'.
She was stuck. Stuck in such a dark place and sinking as each day, night and delivery passed.
Go now or stay? She loved Nonnatus, loved the girls and as she shut the door again to retreat back to bed Chummy forced the lump of emotion in her throat away. She loved being here so much that it would be such a wrench to go but there may be that tipping point where circumstances took hold. Chummy was sure that it was nearly there.
As she sat on her dressing table stool again, Chummy picked up her hairbrush and smoothed it through her hair; intent on getting ready for bed. Perhaps if she put a dab of makeup on or a spot of perfume it might cheer her spirits. She sighed. Who was she kidding? Chummy Browne had to be coerced into wearing make-up at the best of times and the only perfume she had, she'd only bought because Peter said he liked it. Her concentration wouldn't hold for a book and she really wasn't in the mood for very much really except wallowing in self-pity it seemed.
It was only just past seven o'clock so far too early for bed, despite the fact that she just wanted to bury herself under the covers. Despite her long day tomorrow if she slept now she would be wide awake in a few hours if she slept at all.
Perhaps she should have gone out with the girls? They would be a distraction they would make sure of it. If she was not careful she could risk friendships as well as an engagement. That was the last thing she wanted, but surely still they would understand if she didn't?
Chummy signed again and took a glance in the mirror. Dark patches under her eyes clouded her attention and she knew she looked a state. Going to a dance looking like you have been dragged out of a cold corner and not slept in a week would do her no good. She sat up straight quickly. No, she had to do something and since when was she concerned about appearance?
Her head shot up as she thought she heard a squeak of a shoe outside her door and froze to her spot still in such a quandary.
Sister Bernadette had taken to bringing her an after-supper cup of tea this last week and she did appreciate it. She knew full well the Sister was only trying to be supportive but still though, maybe, perhaps tonight she might have to refuse?
Chummy took a deep breath, but there was a knock on the door. Yes, that would be the Sister, right on time. Plastering a smile on, she swung the door open…to be greeted by three people; not one.
"We know you said you didn't want to come out…" Jenny started. They had only got to the kitchen when there had been a change of heart and all three turned tail.
"But we couldn't leave you behind" Cynthia continued for her.
"So we decided to stay in instead…" Trixie finished with a smile. "With you".
"Oh!" Chummy exclaimed. She swallowed carefully. "One does appreciate it so very much but... if you don't mind...one would very much like to go to the dance after all". There it was.
Trixie's smile was wide and she held out her arm. "Come on then!" she announced, watching Chummy hesitantly pick up her coat and handbag and close her bedroom door behind her. Before they moved another inch however, she paused.
"One does appreciate it" Chummy repeated, not intending on walking anywhere before she got these words out. "You being my friends and all of that". That lump appeared in her throat again.
"And we always will be" Jenny replied, squeezing her arm. "Come rain or shine".
"Sierra Leone or not!" Cynthia interjected.
"And", being brave Trixie added, "Peter or no Peter…we'll always be here".
Chummy nodded quickly at the mention of his name. "I know… and me for you".
So the three walked; seeing Sister Bernadette at the kitchen table as they strolled past the kitchen. She exchanged a knowing smile that only Trixie saw and went back to her book. How by chance she had seen the three as she was armed with yet another cup of tea to take upstairs. How it didn't really take much persuading for them to try just once more even if it was a night in instead.
How pleased she was that it had worked.