Title: Chaos and Weasleys
Summary: As far as Ron was concerned, Blackberries and Apples were just fruits.
Written for the "Funny Little Lines Competition" by Black Rose Blue.
"If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something."
It was eight in the morning and the Weasley household was already in absolute chaos. A half-naked Hugo was running around the sitting room drenched in bathwater while his mother, who was clutching a bowl filled with cake batter on one hand and a towel in the other, attempted to catch him. This was the sight that greeted Ron Weasley as he descended the stairs slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Something heavenly was brewing in the kitchen.
Hermione's gazed locked on him and he resisted the urge to retreat. "Took you long enough! Can you please bring the kids over to Ginny's? She promised she'd look after the kids while I get everything ready here." She had finally caught Hugo and was dressing him with her wand. "And I need you to pick up a few things from the market."
"All right, where's -?"
A mass of curly red hair came careening towards him at full speed. "Daddyyyy!"
"Well if it isn't the birthday girl!" Ron said with a smile, sweeping his firstborn into his arms. He could not believe that Rosie was already seven! "Are you ready to go?"
She nodded excitedly.
"I need you to get some carrots, potatoes, milk -" Hermione began to enumerate before she was interrupted by a the smell of something burning. Her eyes widened in sheer panic. "Oh no! The pie!" She scrambled towards the kitchen.
Hugo, now released from the grasp of his mother, made a beeline towards the couch where he proceeded to jump up and down, giggling madly. Rosie was tugging on his sleeve. "Can we go now please?"
"Hugo! Stop that! We need to leave. 'Mione, was that all you needed?"
"I need some apples, blueberries, and some brown sugar! That's about it. I'll just send you a text message or give you a ring if I've forgotten anything. You have figured out how to operate your mobile now, have you?" She yelled from the kitchen. The smoke had died down somewhat minimally.
"Of course I have!" Ron replied, a bit miffed that his own wife was underestimating him. His ego was still a bit bruised when Hermione had discovered him one morning shouting into the mobile phone. She had been laughing all day. "There's no need to shout, Ronald." She had admonished him through her tears.
"And can you please grab Hugo! He might fall off!"
"Yes dear!" Ron rolled his eyes before grabbing his son and taking his daughter's hand. It was a well-known fact that his wife went absolutely mental on 4 days of the year, Christma, his birthday, Hugo's birthday, and Rosie's. He ran through the list of things that Hermione had asked him to buy in his head. He knew it would be a nightmare if he missed anything. Carrots, potatoes, milk, apples, brown sugar, and blueberries. Upon reaching that last item, he realized something: "Accio Blackberry!"
There. All set.
"Have a great day kids! And Ron! Don't forget anything or I swear, I will kill you!" Hermione hollered before they disappeared into the fireplace.
Upon arriving at the Potter household, Ron was welcomed by shrill high-pitched screaming. Apparently, chaos seemed to be a staple that day. Or maybe, it just happened to be a staple in any family where Weasley blood existed.
"JAMESSSSS!"
It belonged to tiny Lily Potter who was bawling her eyes out at the bottom of the staircase. Apparently, the eldest Potter child had accidentally stepped on her doll and had manage to completely sever its head. James hastily tried to calm her down - "Shhhh! It's okay Lils, I'll fix it for you! Can you please stop wailing? Mum will have my head!"
"Nooooo! You broke her!"
- without much success.
"What is going on here?" Ginny Weasley, now Potter, walked into the room with both hands on her hips. Lily pointed at James, her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath. Her cheeks were streaked with tears.
"It was an accident Mum! I swear! Please don't ground me!"
"Rosie!"
A seven-year-old boy with jet-black hair bounded down the stairs, pushing Lily out of the way to get to his destination. This prompted the little girl to erupt into another crying fit.
"Albus!" Ginny reprimanded sternly.
"Sorry Mum! Sorry Lils! But the birthday girl is here!" Albus hugged Rose with a laugh. "Happy birthday Rosie! Heya Uncle Ron!" He managed to squeeze out before grabbing Rose by the wrist and half-dragging her towards the direction of the back door. They were already planning their activities for the day. Hugo ran after them, desperate not to be left out.
"What's all this ruckus here?" Harry Potter looked confused as he surveyed the room. "Lily? Are you okay sweetheart?"
Ginny sighed. "Never mind. I'll take care of it. Harry, Ron's going over to the market. Would you be a dear and just do this week's grocery?"
Harry smiled. "Anything for you, my love." He kissed her on the forehead.
"Get a room!" James hollered.
Harry rolled his eyes at his eldest son. "You'll be doing that one day too, you know."
"And getting them naked?" He muttered under his breath, sounding almost cross. He proceeded to mumble about being scarred for life, which caused his parents' eyes to simultaneously grow wide. Ron bit his lip to keep from laughing.
"What - what makes you - where did you -" Harry spluttered.
"James Sirius Potter, where on earth did you learn that?" Ginny asked through narrowed eyes. Even Lily had stopped crying and was listening to the conversation in rapt attention.
"No one. I just happened to see Teddy -" He winced before clapping a hand over his mouth, looking momentarily panicked. "You didn't hear that!" He squeaked before turning on his heel and dashing up the stairs.
Ron burst out laughing. "Oh wait till Bill hears about this!"
They decided to head to the market near the Potter's residence. Ron grabbed a basket and began his hunt for Hermione's much-needed items. Several women paused their shopping when they caught sight of the male portion of the Golden Trio going grocery shopping. Realizing that they had an audience, Harry slung an arm around his shoulder and planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "Don't forget the potatoes, sweetie pie!"
Jaws dropped around them before they hurried away. Ron rubbed his cheek furiously. "Are you out of your blood mind? That will be all over the Prophet tomorrow morning!"
Harry graced him with a shit-eating grin. "Aww come on, mate. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that?"
"As much as I would enjoy licking Filch's ass." Ron grumbled as he grabbed the potatoes.
Harry guffawed loudly. "I didn't know Filch was your type."
"Uch. I can't believe I actually said that."
"I think you just scarred me for life with that mental visage."
"Well...you already are scarred for life. Ha ha."
Harry raised an eyebrow.
"That was pathetic, wasn't it?"
Harry nodded .
Ron glanced at his basket. Carrots, potatoes, milk, apples, brown sugar, and blueberries. "That's about everything."
"Are you sure you didn't forget anything?"
"Blimey, you sound like Hermione! Of course I didn't! Why does everybody expect that of me!"
Harry raised an eyebrow again.
"All right, all right. So my memory isn't that sharp anymore."
"Neither is your wit." Harry quipped cheerfully, patting him on the back.
Ron shot him a look. "Hermione didn't even call, which only means one thing: She trusts me with the food."
"No one ever trusts you with the food, Ron." Harry pointed out with a snort. "You know, if everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something. The last time she sent you grocery shopping, she called you almost every 5 minutes. This, my dear friend, is not normal." As if on cue, Harry's mobile began to ring. He squinted at the screen and gave Ron a look that clearly said 'I told you so.'
It was Hermione calling. Why was she calling and Harry and not her own husband?
"Put her on speaker phone." Ron orded, feeling knowledgeable that he knew several features of the phone.
Harry pressed a button and motioned him to come closer. They immediately regretted doing so.
"Harry! Is Ron there?"
They exchanged a glance. "Yes, he is."
"Can you please tell him to answer his bloody phone?!"
Ron frowned. His phone didn't even ring. "'Mione, you didn't call me."
That was obviously the wrong thing to say because she exploded. It was almost like that time during his Hogwarts years when he received a Howler from his mother. Let the staring and yelling commence. "Didn't call? DIDN'T CALL? I LEFT YOU FIVE BLOODY MESSAGES RONALD WEASLEY! YOU DID NOT REPLY TO A SINGLE ONE OF THEM!" A deep breath, and then in a calmer tone. "I need a bottle of vinegar." And the line went dead.
"Maybe you've put it on silent." Harry suggested.
Ron checked his pockets and frowned. Where was it? Did he drop it? He suddenly came across something small and round, and he felt his heart plummet. He pulled it out of his pocket and groaned. He had been in such a hurry that morning and the last thing that was on his mind were...fruits.
"I think I summoned the wrong Blackberry."
Harry shook his head, his green eyes sparkling with mirth. "Oh Ron, you never change. Always thinking about food."
Rosie's birthday party turned out to be quite the success. The entire Weasley clan was in full attendance and the birthday girl was supremely satisfied with the mountain of presents that she had received. She was especially ecstatic about Uncle George's gift. Ron had yet to give it his approval because if there was one thing he learned growing up, never accept anything from the Weasley twins.
Harry had decided to take it upon himself to share Ron's slight mixup that morning to every single attendee. That lasted only for a quick moment, to Ron's immense relief, as the spotlight fell on one James Sirius Potter who was currently running across the lawn in an attempt to escape a furious Teddy Lupin, hair flaming red in anger. "I'm sorry Ted! I swear! It just slipped out! I didn't even tell them that what you were actually doing!"
"Why, what were they doing?" Bill Weasley exclaimed, looking up from his plate of roast beef. Victoire Weasley was turning an interesting shade of pink. Fleur watched in silent amusement at the scene that began to unfold. "Teddy Lupin! You come back here this instant!"
"Daddy!" Victoire cried out in embarrassment. "We were just snogging!"
"Snogging without any -" James began.
"SILENCIO!" Teddy shouted just in time.
But Bill had already gotten the gist of it and had joined in the chase.
Hermione shook her head with a small smile as she approached her husband. "I'm sorry for being snappish at you today. I was just stressed, with the party and all."
Ron returned her smile and wrapped and arm around her shoulder. "Quite all right. It was my fault, really. Not paying attention. Next time I don't answer my phone though, just send a Patronus, will you?"
Hermione grinned. "I'll remember that."
"Looks like today was a success." Ron murmured watching his family enjoy themselves.
"Even if you forgot everything I asked for, I doubt anything can ruin a Weasley gathering." Hermione said with a laugh, leaning onto his shoulder. Chaos may be a staple in every Weasley gathering, but so was pure unadulterated happiness, and that was all that really mattered.
-END-
A/N: There you go! My first Ron/Hermione fic! How was it? Let me know, yeah?